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Just when........

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David E:

--- Quote from: JohnB on November 07, 2013, 08:57:18 pm ---[DavidE, I look at this strictly as a gender issue. No more than that. Your answer should have been YES. It does not matter the situation,
it is just that will you be there for her in times of distress, danger, or whatever threatening event. You are her husband!
Or, you can just avoid the rocky shoreline & the pounding waves. Running away to find help proves problematical (fatal) unless she is standing on a rock waiting for help.

 The thing is, just file your lie in the file with the rest of everything else. Let it meld in time with all the good things.

--- End quote ---

John B:

Cant undo what I said....I said I would not jump in !!!....and I was truthful about it.

Besides, at some point in time a sound and healthy relationship should not need to proceed with a slow drip of lies to keep the peace....been there, done that !!!....dont like it.
I have demonstrated with DEEDS, not only WORDS that I would and have done everything within my power to give us both a good life...happy to do so, we are a mature married couple and dont want to go through this all again.

I feel sure that the article in question was the subject of much discussion between her and her mates BEFORE she broached the question with me....hence the possible loss of face issue.

I cant for the life of me understand why it has reached such a terminal situation in her mind...menopause is one consideration (good point)

I have done nothing to inflame or change the current situation....just sitting here waiting for her to do something which is TOTALLY against my inclinations  >:( >:( >:(

Just had a phone request from my Bank to approve a Credit Card transaction.....air fare to China.....

If she goes....I wont let her come back !!!!

JohnB:
sorry Dave, I did modify a few words in that post of mine.

it is a delicate situation you have. I fully understand the QQ mentality that is pervasive with our Chinese wives. Still, I think it (QQ) works both ways.
Maybe the situation of "re- direction" presents well now. A "surprise"! I read your feelings. I do not know Ming's, other than she is pissed royal.
I think best you present calmness, buy her flowers, take her out to a nice quiet dinner somewhere. Just get off the subject of this torment. It is not a healthy
situation to pursue.

maxx:
Ok you guys are making some good points.Menopause the lose of face.Giving her time to figure this out.All great ideas. I think her going to China by herself is a good idea.

Lets skip over that for now.And lets look at what started this.David wouldn't jump in the water.To try to save his best friend.Even though David can't swim.David was thinking about running down the beach and getting some help.Which is the right answear.But it is not the answear that David's wife wants to hear.She wants to hear that David would jump in the water.Giving up his life to save her life.What David's wife was after was To know. If David loved her enough to make that sacrifice.To know that someone loved her enough to trade there life for hers.

David is probably one of the smartest guys I know.He has twice the education that I do.And he dam sure writes better then I do.But that means nothing when it comes to something like this.it has nothing to do with brains or brawn.It is a simple matter of a affair of the heart.For his wife.She was looking for reassurance that she had made the right choice.For her sole mate.She was looking for reassurance that her man would do anything for her.

Try to look at it this way.Your wife walks up to you.And says hey do these jeans make my bum look to big.If you don't want to sleep with the dog.You had better tell her.That those jeans make her bum look very nice.

maxx:
Sorry my computer was trying to eat my post again.Anyway I don't know what they call it in Aussie land.But here in the states.We just call it being tactfull.Is it a lie technically yes.Doe's it keep the peace yes.Does anybody get hurt by it? No.As men we tell each other what we think of each other.Dam the bad feelings or the repercussions.Girls are the same with other girls.They say what they want. It is a totally different deal when it is a man and a women.whoever is asking the question is  looking to see if there partners answear matches theres.If it doe's it's all the better.If not then there is going to be hell to pay.

FACE.did David wife loose some some face when she told her so called friends what David said.Yes she brought it on herself.And that probably made her madder.Because the so called  friends were telling her what a bad choice she made when she married David.They are telling her that Because they don't have it as good as David's wife doe's.So they are jealous.And if they are miserable everybody else around them needs to be miserable.

David's wife needs a intervention.And she will probably get it from her family when she goes back to China.She needs to be reminded how it used to be for her in China.Last time David's wife went off the rails.A uncle or brother stepped in and told her.How bad she was about to mess this up.this kind of thinking is nothing unusual for a Chinese woman.For the first year of me and my wife's marriage.I used my mother in law to give my wife a intervention.At least a couple of times.

maxx:
After getting ripped a couple of times by her own mother.My wife would slow down and start to think about what she was doing our how she was acting.

Anyway let her go to China.But leave the dam door open.She will want to come back in a couple of weeks or months.And everything will be back to normal.If you close that door.It is allot harder to get it opened again.

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