All About China > Share your love story
Just when........
LP:
I too will stay out of the religious aspect of all of this and remind all of you to remember what happen to JOHN1964 and his wife..I too have had some problems with my soon to be wife and I have done what Maxx has said about the needing a intervention.And I know she will probably get it from her family when she goes back to China.My soon to be mother in-law helps me out on the problems I have with Sammy...I am a black man on the forum and the problem I have with some Chinese people is that they tend to believe all the things they are told without checking it out them self. Try this For Example all black are violent people and drug dealer,they are not good English teachers etc etc.They see this on TV and movies and think we all are the same.Sammy have hear this from day one of us being together.Yes we have heard stories of the lady being told things behind her husband's back that aren't true, usually by some other broken Chinese woman.The thing I love about Sammy is if some Chinese person tell her something bad about me she come and tell me everything that was said and boy she is every mad at that person and want to do something about it.I remember one time she hear a women in the supermarket call me the N word in Chinese, she stop what she was doing and said to me this woman call you the N word.She was going to fight her right there.I said to her let it go, it's not worth it.David you have religious,people are using to take the two of you apart I have being black...How can we guard against something like these? Is there any answer?Yes!!!talk,talk, and more talking to them.From what I hear you are one of the more highly educated ones on this forum..This should be a cake walk for you...
Pineau:
I really want to jump in here and give your lady a good verbal lashing. But because I am super sensitive over what a woman can do to a man I don't think I could control myself. She may profess to love you until the end of time but it is really until the end of the marriage is in sight. And if she is listening to her friends now just wait until they start advising her about divorce settlements. Maybe you think I am sill and cold hearted about this but I have watched a good wife of 10 years turn into a vampire at the mention of divorce.
You are way to old to start over and be sentimental. This marriage has been slowly disintegrating for the past few months. Sorry pal but protect yourself. I hope I am all wrong/.
fivetrout:
David, I'm on the fence with this one. Usually I'm a hardliner and will put up with no crap, thanks to previous manipulating women in my life. Life's lessons well learned and scars earned. Hong would cite culture and traditions to make her points. I would counter with reason and sensibility as most of the world functions. But you have 3 years invested, and you should know each other very well by now. Sure some of Hong's friends are feeding her garbage, but she trusts her husband, fueled by love. So far she has always stood by me. Your wife's bizarre behavior is of great concern. How's does one counter punch when left flat footed? She is your wife, friend, and intimate partner...and you get dumbfounded this way? You should be close enough to talk about anything.
David E:
Hi Guys
Thanks for all the words of consolation and advice...all have been taken on-board ;) ;)
I guess part of the problem centres around her dilemma (compounded by difficulty in verbalising such a complex issue with still-limited language resource) in trying to contemplate religious debates with an Aethiest !!!!....I do empathise with her on that point, but I have never interferred with her Buddhist practices because it is a very benevolent path to follow, in fact before she had her license I would drive her to her Temple every week and wait for her to do what she needed to do. It never was an issue for me. In fact, she would not even use fly spray for flies and mossies, I had to do all that, even take the snails from the garden and release them in the local Park !!!!
And it is not difficult to imagine that the powerful skills of these Born again nutters, intensely schooled by the Church Principals, wreaking poweful and evocative emotions in a fellow Chinese person. To her, the issue quickly became an "us or them", and "black or white". Possibly if I was say a Protestant, or even an Agnostic she would have found it easier to get me involved much more early in the "Brainwashing"...with a better chance of gently getting common sense to prevail.
I have calmly and gently advised her on the REAL consequences of her decision....facts which were never canvassed by the scaleys.
Her Son is scheduled to come to Aus to do University as a Foreign Student...which costs a squillion...that now goes out the window, because she can only get a low paid job in her own right. So he will be condemmed to a low quality life for evermore....also, how can she continue to provide the money that I send to him every month so he can continue his schooling in China...his Bio-father wants nothing to do with him, he is too busy with his new Child-Bride !!!........she went very pale when THAT subject came up in our discussion !!!!!!
The Australian Family law provides for my protection as there are no biological children involved and she has made no financial contribution to the assets and cash flow in the Legally short marriage...quite the contrary. So she cant have 50% of my assets to continue the good life.....she will just get a nominal lump sum for "companionship and household duties" ...and whatever this sum is assessed at, I will fight it in the Courts with vigour...as is my right. Probably take at least 5 years to resolve. Meanwhile she has to get an apartment...not cheap, a job, not easy, other than the most menial and low paid stuff that no Aussie will do...as most of the Scaleys have found out already.
Pineau, I dont know if our basic mariage has been disintegrating for a while...at least I did not get this view. But maybe you are right, but it alters little about the scenario as it exists today.
Let me just say that in my experience (shared evidently by some of the comments here ) jealousy is alive and rampant amongst Chinese people, maybe the scaleys were uber-jealous and this is their way of bringing her down to their level on the fraudulent promise of a wonderful life in the hereafter, compared to eternal hell fire if she stays with me ????
Her flight leaves Perth on Tuesday at 1.05 am......we will see what transpires between now and then.
Cheers...David
Martin:
It's none of my business really, and if you don't want to answer, I respect that, but if she goes to China, and realizes the error of her ways, would you be willing to take her back?
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