Love Hunters

[Willy The Londoner]

I have just been watching an interesting TV program on the new businesses in China - Love Hunters.  These are agencies set up to take advantage of the fact that there are tens of million of Chinese men between the ages of 22 and 50 who have no chance of finding a wife.

Mainly due to the one child policy and where female fetus were regularly aborted to ensure that the more wanted son was their one child.  Although authorities are saying the policy is being relaxed due to one child having to care for both parents and possibly two sets of grand parents the reason behind the lifting is the fear of social unrest with possibly tens of millions not being able to find a mate.

Even million and billionaires are not exempt from the process and they are paying 'Love Hunter' agencies a large down payment and huge bonuses going into tens of thousands US Dollars for successful meetings.  The agencies employ people in cities throughout China, all working on a commission only basis to scour the streets to find very attractive and educated women for their clients. 

Although some look to Vietnam, Thailand and other countries the vast majority of Chinese men really want a Chinese wife. 

Lower down the financial standings are other agencies that are looking to find woman for men and these men pay thousands of RMB to join the agencies and pay more to go to massive speed dating sessions with literally hundreds of young women seated at tables with thousands of potential husbands eager to pay large sums on gifts to get the woman's attention and hopefully just a telephone number is considered a success for the men.

The amounts the men spend is absolutely staggering at times and then you think of the way us foreigners complain about spending a hundred dollars on emfs.  You single fellows have a lot of competition out there now.

 Willy

[yvictor]

Divorced women are not high on the 'love hunters' list though, isn't that true Willy?
And that seems to be the largest pool of candidates for Western men.

[Willy The Londoner]

Your right there.  Divorced women are what are left for us foreigners. But is is tit for tat as most foreigners looking for an Asian wife are usually those who have been divorced at least once previously.

I of course am one of the exceptions. 

Willy

[Robertt S]

Divorced women are not high on the 'love hunters' list though, isn't that true Willy?
And that seems to be the largest pool of candidates for Western men.

Yes, some Chinese men considers the divorced woman damaged goods and the divorced woman with a child totally destroyed goods. I personally think that the only part of the woman that is damaged by some Chinese men is their mind and trust of men. The rest of their body usually just has small wear at shallow depths, if you search a little deeper you will often find virgin territory that has never been explored before!

[Robertt S]

I have just been watching an interesting TV program on the new businesses in China - Love Hunters.  These are agencies set up to take advantage of the fact that there are tens of million of Chinese men between the ages of 22 and 50 who have no chance of finding a wife.

Mainly due to the one child policy and where female fetus were regularly aborted to ensure that the more wanted son was their one child.  Although authorities are saying the policy is being relaxed due to one child having to care for both parents and possibly two sets of grand parents the reason behind the lifting is the fear of social unrest with possibly tens of millions not being able to find a mate.

Even million and billionaires are not exempt from the process and they are paying 'Love Hunter' agencies a large down payment and huge bonuses going into tens of thousands US Dollars for successful meetings.  The agencies employ people in cities throughout China, all working on a commission only basis to scour the streets to find very attractive and educated women for their clients. 

Although some look to Vietnam, Thailand and other countries the vast majority of Chinese men really want a Chinese wife. 

Lower down the financial standings are other agencies that are looking to find woman for men and these men pay thousands of RMB to join the agencies and pay more to go to massive speed dating sessions with literally hundreds of young women seated at tables with thousands of potential husbands eager to pay large sums on gifts to get the woman's attention and hopefully just a telephone number is considered a success for the men.

The amounts the men spend is absolutely staggering at times and then you think of the way us foreigners complain about spending a hundred dollars on emfs.  You single fellows have a lot of competition out there now.

 Willy

And then there is the other option for poor Chinese men.
Chinese Men Buy Kidnapped Women As Wives

[fivetrout]

"The rest of their body usually just has small wear at shallow depths, if you search a little deeper you will often find virgin territory that has never been explored before!"

Did you really just say that Robert?    Well that does explain a lot, but I won't go into it with any depth.

[Robertt S]

"The rest of their body usually just has small wear at shallow depths, if you search a little deeper you will often find virgin territory that has never been explored before!"

Did you really just say that Robert?    Well that does explain a lot, but I won't go into it with any depth.

Bad choice of words? I meant just superficial wear that comes from a stressful marriage!!!!

[JustJim]

But the story has not changed... The Chinese men still want young females who will bear sons for them...  therefore the older divorced woman who has a child goes wanting...

Along comes a western man, who has been married, already has had children, and is tired of the ways of western women.  He finds a bevy of women who are attractive, and most of the time younger than him, and he thinks he has walked into a candy shop.

It is really about the attitude, isn't it?  The western man is looking for love but the Chinese man is still trying to appease his parents, or his heritage.  At the least he needs an heir, and not just any heir, his child has to be a son.  If he doesn't get a son then he will divorce and find a new wife.

Which explains, in part, why it seems like there are so many divorced Chinese women, who are raising daughters on their own, with no help from the father.

[2hip]

yup, many articles on the official chinese government term.."Left over women".  These are officially women who are not married by the age of 28.  Even with a ratio of 5 men to every woman in China there are many of these left over women who struggle to even get a date, let a lone a husband.  Many of these women worked on their education and/or careers before seeking a husband.  Now they are tainted as too old, too aggressive, too assertive, too strong willed, and the like.  Saw a Youtube article the other night and this one lady was in her mid 30's, quite attractive, and said she can not even get a date.  Go figure.

[David E]

My wife has a son from her previous marriage to a Chinese Man. Naturally she would dearly love her Son to come to Aus and have a better quality of life etc etc etc.

Up to now, the impediment has been the refusal of her Ex to sign authority for her Son to migrate...even though he has no part in the Son's life and provides no financial or emotional support to him, I provide for the Son's accomodation, schooling fees, food, clothes etc !!!!!

Under Chinese Law, there is nothing we can do...the Ex has the say in this matter.

Surprise, surprise...the Ex has just had another Son with his "new" wife..........and the authority to migrate has been signed and delivered,,,,

Now Ming is walking about 3 feet off the ground and is beside herself with joy.............I have some dark thoughts about how we will cope with this scenario once he arrives......but I guess we will see . But he sure aint gonna get treated like a Chinese "Little Emperor" in my home 

[2hip]

Mate, be careful with that one.  There is a saying..and i am sure it is true in every culture.."blood is thicker than...."  There is a reason that is said.  I have experienced it and some of my friends experienced it also when they married a foreign woman with child.  I had two women in western china swear their eternal love for me within weeks of correspondence and QQ.  They wanted to marry me 17 seconds after i would step foot in their home town.  I knew they had children but was too naive to understand the dynamics.  When i told them i could not marry a woman just days after meeting her....they dropped me like a hot potato.  I kid you not.  From the greatest thing like Dunkin Donuts to... won't even answer a letter type of scenario.  Both of their kids were in their late teens or 20.  When i talked to a chinese immigration attorney he told me what was happening.  They have to have the child on American soil by their 21st birthday or they can not do a K-2 visa.  Then it can take 7-10 years, if i understood it correctly, before they could come to USA.

How old is the child?  I do not know Australian immigration rules.  But you must sit down with your wife and discuss things carefully with her about costs, expectations, dynamics in the family...be frank and open.  One of my friends, is a Brit, and he married a Russian girl.  She brought her teenage son and it was bloody hell between the two men.  Her son resented the relationship between his mother and the Brit.  My friend resented the teenager because he wouldn't lift his finger to help with chores or outside work.  Resented that his mother always took her son's side when the Brit would try to get her son to help and earn his keep.  It almost destroyed the husband and wife relationship.  Now the woman left him for a younger man and they are divorced.  It can be a delicate situation.

Also, what are the expectations of his college education?  How will this be financed?  Is it something you have the financial ability to do?  These are rhetorical questions.  In America you can easily go through 100K to get a kid through college...and it is no guarantee of anything.  So, that is another thorny apple.

Some kids immigrate and integrate well.  Some kids really like that someone is in love with their mother.  They see you as a Godsend to their family and treat you with tenderness and respect.  I understand your reservations.  Start preparing your wife for how things need to be.  Tell her your worries and what alliance you can form between you so that no wedge is driven between you two.  Tell her what you do not want to happen and what that will do to you if the dynamics are wrong.  It would probably be wise to get him on QQ and chat with him also about how the dynamics need to be when he arrives.  It is your home ...not his.  He will only live with you for some years then be off to school and work.  Sometimes we worry about things that are silly to worry about.  But trust me, this is something that needs to be careful addressed and nurtured in her mind.  Never underestimate the blood ties between a woman and her child.  Many a man has claw marks from not respecting it and understanding it...

[Willy The Londoner]

I think that you will find that the financial aspects are not something that David E has to be unduly concerned with as he stated he has been financing everything for the boy.

He is one of the wisest on here.

If he says something will happen then David E will make it happen.  Dealing with a Chinese youth will not be a walk in the park but then I think that he is the ideal man to deal with such a situation.

Willy
 

[Pineau]

I could rant and rave and wave the red flag but I wont. I've already done that in another post.  I will just say this. Bringing Jing's son here was one of the worst decisions I have ever made and I still regret it to this day.

[David E]

Thanks for your thoughts and advice Gents.

I am very aware that her Son coming to Aus could well present some problems.

However, I am an old-fashioned sort of cuss and he will have to get up very early in the morning to outwit me....I am not averse to a session "behind the woodshed" if he gets too far out of line.

Neither would I hesitate to abandoning him AND his Mother if I felt the situation got terminal !!!! He will be subject to all the rules and disciplines that my own kids were, and he will like it or lump it.

He has visited Aus on a Tourist Visa and spent 3 weeks with us last year, there was minimal friction, in fact we all enjoyed the experience....but  admittedly, 3 weeks holiday is very different from a permanent stay.

The Aus Immigration Dept welcomes applications for family reunion, a permanent visa for him would be a given....and financially, Ming is determined to qualify and get a job as a Teacher because she feels the need to contribute to his schooling etc...even though she doesn't need to do this.

Willy, your kind words make me blush.........