divorce in China

[Neil]

Is there anything special I need to know?  I guess I'll just go talk to a lawyer in town. 

[Pineau]

You cant just blurt that out and say nothing else. Whats going on?

[Willy The Londoner]

Not nosiness on our part.  But maybe someone here will have an answer for you not just on your basic question but on other concerns.

I know that if both parties are in agreement and both are in China it is not difficult to get divorced.  My wife, after 14 years apart from her ex husband, went back to her home province. Her ex signed the papers and four days later she was back here with  her divorce papers.

I know that if one of the parties is outside of China and will not or cannot sign the papers then it is a longer process as others on here will know from their past experiences.

If your talking about your relationship Neil then we are here.  Even as a bunch of 'virtual buddies' we come together when one has a problem.

Willy

[ChinaBound]

         Neil,

 Having gone thru it I would tell you my experience and what I had to do to obtain my divorce. But I will do it via personal message to message as I don't want to put it on the open forum!! Currently is behind me but I would help someone with what I did personally if it would help them.

   But I will say MAKE SURE it is what you want. As it is a very tough and hurtful, painful decision to all involved in the divorce.  Took me 3 months to decide
   When she came back from Beijing I tried to talk with her before I left. Just wasn't made to be. But everything has worked out
we have a good life and we are happy.

Sometimes you need to stumble and fall to get were your going!!  Best of luck and by the way I did mine outside of China in the USA. And all the paperwork was acceptable for this marriage.

 Ted

[Neil]

I'm done.  I've thrown in the towel.  I don't have any more strength to do this.  I put my life on hold for 3 years.  My wife can't come home, and I can't move to China.  It's the most difficult and painful decision I've ever made, and I'm tired.  It's time to get on with my life. 

[Willy The Londoner]

I'm done.  I've thrown in the towel.  I don't have any more strength to do this.  I put my life on hold for 3 years.  My wife can't come home, and I can't move to China.  It's the most difficult and painful decision I've ever made, and I'm tired.  It's time to get on with my life.

I am sure that every one else will join with me and say just how sorry we are to hear this latest jaw dropping news.

I could come down hard on you but I guess your beating yourself up enough over this.  But to put it bluntly your last sentence is one that I think has been made in a fit of anger and I am sure that it was not intended to sound as selfish as it comes across.

 I know for some of you that it is hard to get your wife's back to your own countries but are there not any other alternatives or other options? 

 I am sure that neither of you really wants this and presumably neither has done anything that can be grounds for a divorce!

Maybe I will back off and listen to what others have to say.

However my thoughts are with you and especially your wife.

Willy

[Pineau]

Neil,
Its real.....I don't know what to say. I am sad to hear this.  . I have followed you from the very beginning and I was pulling for you all along. Knowing that you were struggling and fighting the same bureaucratic machine gave me strength to continue my own fight.  I used you as a sort of measure of how well I was doing.  I am sorry for both you and your wife. You were such a sweet looking couple.  I wish there was something I could have done to affect the outcome.

Good luck to you and don't become discouraged.  you have a great bunch of supporters here.   

 And remember ...nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. 

[LP]

I'm sorry to hear this Neil but I think you should take some time off and think this through.I do agree with Wiily,neither you or your wife really wants this and presumably neither has done anything that can be grounds for a divorce!When we all first got into marrying a Chinese woman, we all knew it was going to be a long process{for some yes and for others no}but we all knew what we were getting into.I was supposed to marry Sammy last year  but I lost my job and everything was put on hold.For one year I couldn't go see her,my plans was put on hold but my life isn't. Neil you say[My wife can't come home, and I can't move to China.]I think of many Chinese man or woman who  put my life on hold for more than 3 years for the one they love.Some  members on this site have met a few of they.There are other alternatives or other options if you can't bring her to you country...By the way my plan isn't on hold anymore,Summy and I will marry as soon as I get my visa Monday or Tuesday and off to China I go. 

[shaun]

Neil, I'm sorry to hear this but I do understand.

I am not about to speak for Neil in anyway but most of you on this site have no idea how it is when things go bad with our government's refusal to let a spouse into their country.   You really begin to find out exactly how much freedom you have.  None.  The government has to do NOTHING for you.  They don't have to say ANYTHING to you.  They don't owe you and explanation, they can pretend you do not exist.  They do it very well too.

For the people; by the people are only words that have no meaning.   It hasn't been and never will be about you and the citizenship you possess.

This kind of treatment wears on a couple.  It is destructive to their relationship.  It either drives them apart or closer together.

Your spouse wonders what is wrong with you that they cannot get into your country.  They ask you what you did.  They will question your every move.   They will quietly wonder if you are stupid.   It causes bad arguments.  It breeds mistrust.  And while all of this goes on, YOUR government could care less.     Not a lot of fun.   Fortunately I have a good woman as I am sure Neil does.   This isn't the road for a weak person.

I'm not saying Neil is weak.  Three years is a long time.

Hear Hear for the Red - White - and Blue.

[JohnB]

Neil,
3 years of faithful commitment is a lot to flush down the toilet and there are no guarantees
of successes the 2nd go around if you decide that is what you want to do.
you have to have a little Fred Astaire in you...be a little quick on your feet and not stuck in the muck.

another way to slay the beast would be for you to emigrate to another country. I think you mentioned
this as a possibility sometime ago, and as I recall, your  profession is as an electrician. Am I correct?
I think if I were you, I would look into a country that has the best opportunity for you to work and the same said
country with an immigration policy more user friendly for your wife. 
I would venture a guess that in a couple years or more, the opportunity to return to Canada with your wife in tow,
would be much easier.

That is once you are in cohabitation for a period of time.
I wish you well in your choices in life.

[Willy The Londoner]

I have expressed my sorry previously, so now I have had a good nights sleep on your sad news I can see things more clearly and I hope that you can do. Giving up, throwing in your hand, or a more English saying, 'bottling it'.  That is what you are proposing.

I just recall a phrase that people use in both situations and songs. 'I will go to the end of the Earth to be with my love'. 

As JohnB says you mentioned the possibility of moving to another country yourself.  Is that no longer an option? Or is it a fact that you do not want to leave the good life you have built for yourself in Canada. 

Many do not have the opportunity or the where with all that I had that enabled me to uproot from what was a fairly comfortable life in Britain to live in China but by doing that I was with the women I love.  I have met others here who have arrived here with only their wits and have set up businesses and are doing very well.  My wife and our daughter have set up an online business and are selling ladies clothes in the UK. That is doing well now from starting with just about nothing. I myself have three on line businesses. 

Think long and hard before you make any final decision, not only for you're sake you but more important your your wife. She is relying on it being the right one. 

Just what does she say about this? Is she all for you saying a permanent good bye. Does she get a say in this?

One big question is does she only want to be with you if it is in Canada?

Willy

[LP]

Think long and hard before you make any final decision, not only for you're sake but more important  your wife. She is relying on it being the right one. 

Just what does she say about this? Is she all for you saying a permanent good bye. Does she get a say in this?

One big question is does she only want to be with you if it is in Canada?

Willy

....My thinking is if she's not the problem, you don't let her go.She has been by your side three years and counting.. I agree with what Willy said ''Just what does she say about this? Is she all for you saying a permanent good bye. Does she get a say in this? "

[Rhonald]

A couple gets married to show to the community their commitment to each other. Usually they live together sharing their lives together. If Neil wanted to join in marriage with a woman from a distant government, he like other Canadians, do not have a choice to see if she first qualifies to move to Canada. In order to start the imigration process, he needs to marry her first, apply second. The Government denied him the first time, he apealed and a second time got denied.

 I am sorry to disagree, in my eyes, a real marriage is one where both parties will be giving an opprotunity to be with each other. Even with one party in jail, serving prison time, a end date is realised. For Neil, he does not know if ever he can bring her to his homeland. He does have a life established in Canada, and he has a child living here as well.

I am sure that Neil, and Martin, as well as myself, whishes we could have had at least a 6 month( I think 1 year better) fiance visa for our wifes first before needing a commitment. The Canadian Government would have better information on the seriousness of the realtionship. But instead, we need to roll the dice.

Words like flushing down the toliet, giving up, not sticking in does not have the realisation what 3 years of doubt, hope, and frustration entails.

I support you Neil and say I am sorry for your misfortunes.

[David E]

I would imagine that like all Government Immigration Departments, the Canadian version refuses a visa on some reason or other that the applicants have failed to prove that their relationship is genuine , or in fact one or both of the applicants have something "murky" that would preclude the granting of a visa.

After 3 years of persistence, you would have thought that the genuiness of the relationship was not in question ??

My point is...Neil , can you think of ANY logical reason that the Govt could call into question your committment to each other ?? I know that no Immigration Dept need to or will give you any reasons for rejection, but in your case you have persisted through the appeal process for a long, long time. Is there an avenue for you to give it one more go, can you appeal the appeal.

Nobody here can question your decision to stay or to run from your relationship, I am sure you will make a decision based on the facts and on your own future and I wish you all the best.

[Martin]

Tho ale, I could not agree with you more.