Marrying a Chinese woman

[mracn]

I'm from Montreal, Canada. We have been chatting for several months. She is 45 and lives with her parents. Divorced with a son who is 24 and does not live with her. We have become very attached in the past week after spending many hours on QQ every day. The question I have here and hopefully a Canadian who has gone through this can help me out. Just over 3 years ago, I was scammed by a woman from Thailand by one of the most elaborate setups I have ever seen and it cost me a bundle so I always have doubts in long distance relationships. Getting back to my sweetheart Rose, I will not be sending anything in advance to protect myself. Since I am now living on my government pensions, I want to know the process I have to go through and the simplest and most inexpensive way to get married as well as a honeymoon just after. I could use all the info for those whu gone through this before me,

Thanks,
George

[Pineau]

I am not Canadian but I do know little bit about Chinese ladies and scams.  Consider going to China to see her before setting the marriage date. Give yourself a escape route if you decide  you're not compatible. She certain is lovely and looks to be worth the trip.  But you cant be absolutely sure until you have spent time with her. Do you have a back up plan? 

[mracn]

My only plan tos to get all the information first before I decide to make this trip.I have medical issues which she already knows about. She is going to tell her parents about me this weekend so I'll see how that goes. I also plan many more months of spending time with her on QQ to get to know her much better. it will also allow me time ton start putting away the money I'll need to cover all my expenses back and forth including the wedding if that will be the end result. I have to know all the steps to take so that I don't screw up the whole process. I know if and when all is done, ot will take time for her to receive the Canadian Visa to come and join me permanently. Thanks for the information, I look forward to getting as much information as possible in the coming months.
-George-

[kenny]

Have you thought about her coming here with a finance visa? This is what we did and it went fairly smoothly. I am not sure about Canada either but Neil had allot of problems after he was married and trying to bring his wife to over.

[RobertBfrom aust]

George , correct me if I am wrong , but it would seem like you have been working on this idea for over 4 years now , very few of the ladies would wait for even 6-8 months for you to visit as it would seem that you have not visited the Middle Kingdom in all that time .
The women will very quickly see you as someone who wants to chat , but not commit to a visit also you could also look at the Philippines as they have a ridiculous number of 40 to 50 age group eligible ladies due to their Catholic upbringing and most have very passable English , regards Sujuan and Robert .
   

[Willy The Londoner]

Like Gerry says, you need to get over to China as soon as possible to meet up face to face. 

There is no way you should consider marrying before you do that.   Hopefully it will all go well.  Over the years I have known several men who have spent several months 'talking' on QQ etc, arrive here in China on the first visit and get married within two or three days and soon find they have made a mistake.

She is 45 and you are drawing a pension which means that there are 20 plus years difference.  I know that can make a difference as there is 20 years between my wife and myself.    I have been receiving a pension for 8 years and I know that 'my sell by date' in the bedroom is approaching, probably faster than I would like, but my wife understands and accepts this.  That side of our relationship does not play a big part so much nowadays but I still think we have a fairly strong relationship.

As you may have gathered I have lived in China since early part of 2009. That being so I was able to meet, date and eventually marry my wife and have been happy ever since.   In that time I have had a few medical issues that have been dealt with in local medical centres but I know that if something more serious occurs I am just a short journey from Hong Kong with English speaking and the better trained doctors are. 

My pensions provide us with a good middle class life here.  As a pensioner you should consider this.

My wife has children from her previous marriage all are over 21 now and it is only the eldest who lives with us when she has a day or two off work.
These three are not reliant on us, which would appear to be the same with her son.  The only thing that I found is that a previous son can be a bit of a thorn in the side on occasions as others have experienced on here.

The other thing you need to consider is whether her parents have become reliant on her!  They are obviously retired and if she is an only child it is'her duty' to look after them in their old age. sometimes that will mean financially as well because a government pension is very small here.  Taking her away from China may cause problems within the family.

With my wife that is not a problem as she has three elder sisters and her father, who is a widower, spends three months a year at each of his daughters homes, including ours.  He is 90 now and is probably fitter than me and is not problem.  But the parents are to be considered in any relationship.  Daughters and sons living with their mothers can be a problem.

If you have any concerns about the aging process that you feel that you do not want to put out publicly then send me a private message.

Willy

[Willy The Londoner]

One other thing - I forgot to answer your direct question.

I cannot see any reason for you to have anything more than the basic marriage in a marriage office and then maybe dinner with the closest family members.


Willy

[mracn]

As of now, we are both trying to get to know each other over time. Having crohn's does not allow me just to hop on a plane and take a quick trip. Several years ago, I met a nice Chinese woman, made plans to travel there and in the last minute, she called it off because the agency she was involved with, one from China Love, informed her if she wanted to marry a western man she met through the agency, she would have to pay a "fee". I told not to pay but she felt obligated and decided it was not worth making it happen. Ya, I lost money helping her get a nose job so that she felt she would look better for me. A lesson well learned. This young lady is willing to wait which is a positive sign.

[Pineau]

crohn's sucks. I hope you have it under control. I have celiac, another inflammatory digestive disorder. Although not as severe as crohn's I suffered greatly until I got diagnosed and got it under control.  Going gluten free helped a lot but I also take turmeric to control inflammation because there are other triggers besides gluten. Blueberries and raspberries in a protein shake every day. I started this about a year ago and I dont have the pain at all. 

A year ago I was afraid to get more than 50 miles from my gastro doctor, but today I would hop on a plane at the drop of a hat and run off to someplace in asia I have never been.

I take the berries for the antioxidants but it is the turmeric that controls the inflammation.  You should try it for six months. I think you will see a difference. Then run off to see your lady....I get mine on amazon.com

[fivetrout]

George. I'll toss in my two cents here. When I first started my quest for a Chinese wife...there were big monetary numbers thrown out  there as to the kind of money required to pull this off. I am of modest means myself. Yes, I was one of those who married 10 hours off the plane too! But we both had gotten to know each other very well after 2 years...there was no doubts.  It did take a few years for her to come to terms that not all Americans are rich though. My wife being newly retired at 50 had very little pension and I was informed that my husband's duties included being responsible for her living costs as well as her debts. There is always some emergency, medical or otherwise which was something I didn't factor in at the start. But when you love someone you will always find a way! You will have to deal with her insecurities as they will surface here and there. My wife found a friend, a sister as she calls her in one of our member's wife who has walked the journey and can help separate the truths from the horror stories. Willy made really strong points about family obligations. The Chinese family are a really close knit group. When you marry you become part of that and will need to uphold your commitment to all.

To date, it has taken longer and a lot more resources that I would have imagined. Would I do it again? HELL YES! I have found my treasure and a great family.

Follow the advise here to smooth out the ride, but also adhere to advice given with an open mind.

Good luck!

[JohnB]

George,
she is indeed worth the effort. after all, the rapport with her is encouraging and I think
you need to not worry about 'what was' Thailand or 'what is' your health issue.

history is just history. we learn from it. hopefully.
aging issues do bring forth self imposed infirmaries in all of us older guys. but if you think
you are going to be around for a long time, then go for it!

your post reads as if you have not traveled. don't get saddled with doubt about whatever and
in the least make a basic travel plan.
getting from Montreal to Toronto is easy. there are direct flights Toronto to Beijing for less than
a thou$US if you 'play' travel dates. 
assuming you have your passport, all that is required is a visa & your air ticket to visit with her.