All About China > Understanding Chinese Women

Little Emperors - Mk 11

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David E:
Well.....I have just got through my first 3 months with the "Little Emperor" living with us.

I suspect my life expectancy has halved in this period, I notice my hair is greying rapidly and I get irrational feelings like murder, torture and throwing things, far more frequently !!!!!!!!!!

I begin to see the real ugly face of Male Chinese children, I begin to understand the vast cultural gulf that exists between me and him. But more importantly, I begin to understand that I cannot in any way rely on his Mother (my wife) to get involved in any issues that challenge his arrogance, that attempt to change some of his worst habits or that seek to impose on him any normal standards from my culture...she is just too culturally imprinted to go up against him.

Ming rushes round after him 24/7, she is visibly losing weight, is irritable and just plain overworked...but she cant/wont stop !!

Some specific issues that have caused friction...

He WONT eat any Western food...she therefore cooks 2 complete sets of meals every day.

He is used to a squat toilet and has no concept of toilet hygene and his toilet is always awash with urine all over the floor...she cleans it several times each day.

He demands she drives him everywhere...he does not have an Australian driving License....she can make 4 or 5 trips a day ferrying him around to his friends/school etc.

We were out in the Yard last Sunday...I was cleaning the Pool and I handed him a yard brush and told him to sweep the patio.....He bolted indoors and Mum came out and swept the patio...she told me that the yard brush was too hard on his hands and he wont do it !!!!!!!!

I also notice that in his bathroom he has 5 different hand creams, 4 different shampoos and more cosmetics than his Mum........ :-\ :-\..including hair spray, hair gel, laquer and many other junk I dont recognise.

He has told Mum that he wants to finish with English lessons...its too cold outside to go to school....and he wants her to buy a mountain of camera gear for him so he can start a photography Business. He also wants my daughter to make him a website for this Business (for free of course)...when he announced this at a family dinner the other day, my daughter just looked at him and said calmly..."get stuffed"...so you can see that he has already made a mighty impression on my family !!!!!!!

OK..that's the rant over...and thgat is only a few of the issues we have faced with this arrogant, bad-mannered little prick.......now what to do ????

My only way out of this is to set him up independantly from us...which means a huge expense for me...which I really dont feel inclined to spend, or to insist he goes back to China,(where I would have to support him anyway)

I guess that divorce is now looming as the only realistic outcome, because I feel that when push comes to shove, Ming will back him over me....as she has done so many times in the past 3 months

What a balls-up  >:( >:( >:(

Willy The Londoner:
I sympathise entirely with you David.  When my stepson was living with us for 5 months that was the most trying period of my relationship with my wife AND she was backing me up all the way not him! 

In the end I gave up with him and he gave up with my when it ended with me pinning him to the wall by the throat. So look what you could be heading for in one or two months time.  He had no social interaction skills whatsoever and most times I never know whether he was in the house or not. He would come and go in silence.  He was even sacked from our Nieces manufacturing business because of his attitude.

Even his Grandfather who was also staying with us at that time, moved upstairs to our nieces apartment to get away from him!  So for family members to treat him like that you can imagine just how bad he was.

He was 21 at that time and when he moved out to Shanghai that was at least far enough for him to no longer be a problem anymore. In the ensuing four years he has visited us on a couple of occasions and for short three or five day trips we got by. His basic attitude has probably never changed but he seems to be able to control it a lot more now.  But even so, his mother says he will never again live with us.

His elder sister who now lives with us is a completely different person.  She is a delight to have around the place. Ok you know just how attentive a Chinese wife is, well just consider the attention I get with two adult women in the house. When she went to London with me for two weeks everyone loved her.

I do think that anyone taking on a wife with a son approaching his teen age years or already in them really has to understand that how he is at that time will probably be how he will be for all times.  Younger kids they can be trained with effort.   Older sons well!!!

My wife looks after our nieces two children on a regular basis. The girl when she was 2 - 3 had one or two tantrums where she lay on the floor screaming for a moment or two but apart from that she is never a problem.  The boy who is now 30 months is more physical and if he is annoyed about something he will physically attack the other person.  As well as hitting out I have seen his teeth marks on his grandmothers arm and they let him get away with it!

He is heading to be just another Little Emperor. The only good things is that at my age the chances of seeing him reach his full obnoxious behaviour ratings as he reaches marriageable age are diminished.

My advice is to keep sons as far away as possible.

Willy

Pineau:
David,
Been there, done that, hated it and wish i had killed him when I first met him.

I suffered through years of what you are going through right now. I have ranted about Jason before so I wont do it here. But suffice to say that after Jing and I got divorced it was a relief. A strange calm came over me and the daily urge to kill someone or jump from a tall building was gone.

If it were me (and it is not) I would take Ming aside and tell her straight out. She WILL support me in my discipline and authority over the little prick or...get the hell out and take him with you. Honestly this is what I wished I had done with the asshole that ruined my household.  You don't deserve this after everything you have done for her and him.  You are the master of you house, you make the decisions, she is there because of your kind heart and she should respect what ever decisions you make.  If she does not then she doesn't deserve you and she doesn't deserve to stay.


Oh yes, it has been years now and he is still a major fuck up. He is 22 years and still sucking on mom's tit and still causing trouble and grief for everyone around him. Works as a bus boy in a restaurant, lives at home with mom and just found out he knocked up his girlfriend.  what a looser. good riddance. 

David, you deserve better than what you got.

shaun:
David,

I won't offer any advice because I've never had to deal with an issue quite like that and I am woefully deficient when it comes to the Chinese male.  My son and I had our differences and at 24 I still scare the piss out of him though he wont admit it.

On fathers day he said, "I got pissed... I mean I got very angry with..."  Of course I called him out because he changed his wording to not get me angry.  I just laughed at him and told him that he still needed to grow a couple.  Hehehe   He said he found better wording and changed it.  Yea right.

What I will do is keep you in my thought and prayers and hope that somehow you are able to resolve and re-mend the relationship with your wife.   You've gone to far with her for the relation ship to go down the tube.

Good luck friend.

Shaun

maxx:
David I forgot how old is the kid? Have you thought about Military school? You have to much time into this to let the little schmuck wreck this for you.

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