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Marrying a Chinese woman
Willy The Londoner:
Like Gerry says, you need to get over to China as soon as possible to meet up face to face.
There is no way you should consider marrying before you do that. Hopefully it will all go well. Over the years I have known several men who have spent several months 'talking' on QQ etc, arrive here in China on the first visit and get married within two or three days and soon find they have made a mistake.
She is 45 and you are drawing a pension which means that there are 20 plus years difference. I know that can make a difference as there is 20 years between my wife and myself. I have been receiving a pension for 8 years and I know that 'my sell by date' in the bedroom is approaching, probably faster than I would like, :'( but my wife understands and accepts this. That side of our relationship does not play a big part so much nowadays but I still think we have a fairly strong relationship.
As you may have gathered I have lived in China since early part of 2009. That being so I was able to meet, date and eventually marry my wife and have been happy ever since. In that time I have had a few medical issues that have been dealt with in local medical centres but I know that if something more serious occurs I am just a short journey from Hong Kong with English speaking and the better trained doctors are.
My pensions provide us with a good middle class life here. As a pensioner you should consider this.
My wife has children from her previous marriage all are over 21 now and it is only the eldest who lives with us when she has a day or two off work.
These three are not reliant on us, which would appear to be the same with her son. The only thing that I found is that a previous son can be a bit of a thorn in the side on occasions as others have experienced on here.
The other thing you need to consider is whether her parents have become reliant on her! They are obviously retired and if she is an only child it is'her duty' to look after them in their old age. sometimes that will mean financially as well because a government pension is very small here. Taking her away from China may cause problems within the family.
With my wife that is not a problem as she has three elder sisters and her father, who is a widower, spends three months a year at each of his daughters homes, including ours. He is 90 now and is probably fitter than me and is not problem. But the parents are to be considered in any relationship. Daughters and sons living with their mothers can be a problem.
If you have any concerns about the aging process that you feel that you do not want to put out publicly then send me a private message.
Willy
Willy The Londoner:
One other thing - I forgot to answer your direct question.
I cannot see any reason for you to have anything more than the basic marriage in a marriage office and then maybe dinner with the closest family members.
Willy
mracn:
As of now, we are both trying to get to know each other over time. Having crohn's does not allow me just to hop on a plane and take a quick trip. Several years ago, I met a nice Chinese woman, made plans to travel there and in the last minute, she called it off because the agency she was involved with, one from China Love, informed her if she wanted to marry a western man she met through the agency, she would have to pay a "fee". I told not to pay but she felt obligated and decided it was not worth making it happen. Ya, I lost money helping her get a nose job so that she felt she would look better for me. A lesson well learned. This young lady is willing to wait which is a positive sign.
Pineau:
crohn's sucks. I hope you have it under control. I have celiac, another inflammatory digestive disorder. Although not as severe as crohn's I suffered greatly until I got diagnosed and got it under control. Going gluten free helped a lot but I also take turmeric to control inflammation because there are other triggers besides gluten. Blueberries and raspberries in a protein shake every day. I started this about a year ago and I dont have the pain at all.
A year ago I was afraid to get more than 50 miles from my gastro doctor, but today I would hop on a plane at the drop of a hat and run off to someplace in asia I have never been.
I take the berries for the antioxidants but it is the turmeric that controls the inflammation. You should try it for six months. I think you will see a difference. Then run off to see your lady....I get mine on amazon.com
fivetrout:
George. I'll toss in my two cents here. When I first started my quest for a Chinese wife...there were big monetary numbers thrown out there as to the kind of money required to pull this off. I am of modest means myself. Yes, I was one of those who married 10 hours off the plane too! But we both had gotten to know each other very well after 2 years...there was no doubts. It did take a few years for her to come to terms that not all Americans are rich though. My wife being newly retired at 50 had very little pension and I was informed that my husband's duties included being responsible for her living costs as well as her debts. There is always some emergency, medical or otherwise which was something I didn't factor in at the start. But when you love someone you will always find a way! You will have to deal with her insecurities as they will surface here and there. My wife found a friend, a sister as she calls her in one of our member's wife who has walked the journey and can help separate the truths from the horror stories. Willy made really strong points about family obligations. The Chinese family are a really close knit group. When you marry you become part of that and will need to uphold your commitment to all.
To date, it has taken longer and a lot more resources that I would have imagined. Would I do it again? HELL YES! I have found my treasure and a great family.
Follow the advise here to smooth out the ride, but also adhere to advice given with an open mind.
Good luck!
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