My One Regret

[Willy The Londoner]

My one regret with living in China is that since my last trip back to the UK I lost the sister who was five years older than me. She is not dead as yet just dead to the rest of the family with Alzeimers!

I normally telephoned her and her husband every other day and noticed of late that if I asked what she had done yesterday or even that morning she would need to ask her husband!

A few months ago we knew that she had been diagnosed with Alzeimers but we thought that was going to be ok but our thoughts that it was being control with the medication were completely dispelled this past weekend.

On Sunday there was a get together of my four sisters and that evening they all went their ways and although it was obvious to them that she did not really know who the hell my other three sisters were she appeared to be ok.

Then in the night things really kicked off. My sister physically attacked her husband and in absolute delusion she accused him of murdering our mother and of smashing our eldest sister against the wall until blood poured out from her.  He did try to restrain her but at 85 there was only so much that he could do and she kicked him and hit him with anything she could lay her hands on.

A neighbour heard the commotion and the police attended and later an ambulance arrived which took them both to hospital. He had stitches and his arms and legs were black and blue with bruises. Up until then he was, after 55 years of marriage, convinced he could look after her but that was the turning point.  By the time the ambulance arrived she had no memory of what happened and was asking people how he had hurt himself!

He was able to contact our youngest sister and she did all the arranging for different people and organisations to become involved.  She was the one who lived the closest and had more dealings with them both but when she arrived my sister asked her if she was a doctor or nurse as she did not need treatment.

The upsurge is that the Social Services have taken into care and although her husband goes to visit her she has no idea who he is.

The experts say she may settle down a little with medication but she will never improve and the best anyone will see her now will always have been yesterday as day by day a little more of her brain will become inactive.

So in the short time since my last visit she had gone from us all forever. Taken by this wicked disease and it is one time when I wished I had been closer than several thousand miles away.

To grieve over a death is one thing but with this it is a living death for all concerned except the person with it!  Unlike any other fatal illness they do not remember that they have it.

Willy

[Philip]

Sorry to hear your news, Willy. That's one of my worst nightmares for myself and my loved ones. Physical infirmity is bad enough, but nothing compared to the loss of memory and loss of self. If you lose your mind, what is left. You have my sympathy.

[Willy The Londoner]

Sorry to hear your news, Willy. That's one of my worst nightmares for myself and my loved ones. Physical infirmity is bad enough, but nothing compared to the loss of memory and loss of self. If you lose your mind, what is left. You have my sympathy.

Thanks A.

Since the weekend my mind has been planning as to what I would do in that situation until I fully realised that there was no point in planning as you would not remember what you planned.  We are all just hoping it is not something that runs in families but there again neither of our parents had it.

Willy

[Pineau]

So sorry Willy. 

I have an Uncle that just died in the care home. He he died alone because he did not recognize any of us. I too hope it does not run in the family. I worry every time I can't find my car keys or enter a room and cant remember why I am there.

It must be a concern for you too.  Plan now and write it down.

[Willy The Londoner]

So sorry Willy. 

I have an Uncle that just died in the care home. He he died alone because he did not recognize any of us. I too hope it does not run in the family. I worry every time I can't find my car keys or enter a room and cant remember why I am there.

It must be a concern for you too.  Plan now and write it down.

Writing it down will not help when a person suffers from this. I used to book up my trip back to UK and every week I would tell my sister when I was arriving. She would write it down. The following and every week she would write it down and when I said 'you said that last week' she would say 'probably but I cannot remember where I put it.'

In the past week I have learned so much about this illness the main part is she cannot remember that she has it! As far as she is concerned she is as right as she ever was. She has no idea at all of the effect this is having on others close to her. This will eventually kill her with her brain failing to send messages to her vital organs but in the meantime others suffer as well.

As a family we know she has gone from us and it is her husband who needs the support from us all.

Willy

[JohnB]

Willy,
so sorry to read about your family situation. When things happen to other people most figure that they are
simply passive observers. I would think that maybe your message should give others a reason to pause. Life is
fragile. Sooner or later the realities of life do not discriminate anyone.

I was reading somewhere that learning a second language helps keep the sharp mind.

[Willy The Londoner]

I was reading somewhere that learning a second language helps keep the sharp mind.

But then you get to an age, such as mine, when that does not happen

Willy