It's been a long time since I have been posting regularly on this site, but after a conversation with Robert S, it seems likeI should be posting here once again. Years ago, I dated and married a girl in China. Many of you will remember this...and I'm sure there are lots of posts here in the archives to attest to this. For one reason or another, this relationship didn't work out. I am not going to lay blame to either her or I. There were difficulties right off the get go. Cultural differences, language barrier (not to be underestimated), and some other issues, made it an extremely difficult situation. It didn't work out. Sometime afterwards, I was talking to one of the members here...for those that remember him, this would be Ed. His marriage had also fell apart, for different reasons. He had since met a girl in the Philippines. On one particular phone call, Ed had asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend's neighbour. Not wanting to repeat the problems I had, I told him "no!". I didn't want to go through the language and cultural barriers again. I can meet a girl in Canada, or, just stay single. Another phone call, another day, he again asked me if I wanted to meet his girlfriend's neighbour. Again, I said no. The third phone call went the same way as well. On the fourth phone call, I was feeling a little annoyed that he wasn't accepting my answer, and hatched a plan in my head to get him to stop asking me. I told him that I would add this girl to my Facebook, with the understanding that it would be "friends only". My plan, was to send a couple of emails back and forth, check out her pictures, then after a few months of no communication, I would quietly un-friend her. That was the plan. The reality was somewhat different. Instead of unfriending her after a few months, I found myself on a plane 5 months later, headed to southern Philippines, heading to a city called Davao. As luck would have it, Ed also went to the Philippines at the same time. We met each other at the Manila Airport, and travelled the last leg of the journey together.
Heading to the Philippines, I didn't know a whole lot of what I was headed for. I hadn't done the research like I had done, before going to China. I was fairly prepared heading to China for the first time. This time around, not so much. Maybe I was tired from all the research I had done going to China. Or maybe it was more, throwing caution to the wind, and letting the chips fall where they may. But whatever the reason, I knew almost nothing about the Philippines. I knew the capital city is Manila, and I knew that the former Presidents wife owned a lot of shoes. That was my knowledge. To be honest, I am kind of glad I hadn't done a lot of research into where I was going. Everything was new to me. I had no expectations. What greeted me was amazing. A tropical paradise, with friendly people...kind of an east meets west, where there are old traditions, but not stuck in the old ways mentality. A modern approach to life.
So, I went there to see if this girl I had been chatting to on Skype was the same as the person she seemed to be online. She spoke English (although there were times that I struggled with her accent when on Skype), she was beautiful, she was kind and thoughtful, and she seemed....real. But online, and real life are two different things. And I was about to find that out. This girl I had been dating online...she was far more beautiful in person...why would she want to date a shlub like me? Turns out she kind of liked me. She was kind, honest, caring, loving, attentive, and fun to be with. There was almost no language barrier. The odd time, she would struggle to find a word...but not very often.And culturally, there was no issues. The Philippine people are very understanding that I came from a different country, and were happy to explain why they do things the way they do them. While English isn't the first...or even second language there, enough people can speak even basic English, so that someone like me can get by. They use the same alphabet as us, so reading signs, menus, or anything was made easy.
That's not to say that everything was perfect all the time. We have had ups and downs. More...many more ups, than downs. The biggest down that I struggled with in the beginning, was something called "Tampo". And if you are with a Filipina, you probably already know what tampo is. It's basically the silent treatment when she is upset. This can go on for hours...and sometimes even days. If you are new to this, it can feel pretty devastating. I was pretty sure the first time that I experienced this, that we were done. But once she gets past whatever was bothering her, it's done, and she returns to her regular loving self.
I could not see myself dating this girl forever. It was inevitable that something had to change. After about a year and a half of dating her, I had to make her my ex-girlfreind. She just wasn't right for me as a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, she is an incredible woman. Just not girlfriend material. Fortunately for me, my exgirlfriend has been my wife for the past almost 13 years. We are happily married, and live together in Canada, with two of her children. They are both young adults now, and working on college and university respectively. Adding this girl to my Facebook as a friend was the best thing I had ever done.
I have rambled on long enough. I can write another post later with more details of my first trip. If anyone has questions about anything, feel free to ask. I can help people with visa questions (entry in to the Philippines tourist visa), how to get married on the Philippines (that is a process), or whatever you want to know.
Thanks for reading
Martin
