What to expect after marriage

[Martin]

I thought I would make this thread, since I am one of the newly married guys, and see where things are at, and let others know where I am at.

I am absolutely thrilled at being married to a wonderful woman.  I did not expect to ever get married again, and yet here I am.  I had many months of emails, MSN/QQ chats, both on and off web cam.  So when I went at the end of March, I knew I wanted to marry this woman.

There are however, cultural differences that sometimes challenge my brain.  One of the biggest things I have noticed, is that I am never privy to big decisions that she is making about her life.  I have talked to her about this, and the reply I get is...My life is boring.  I replied that her life was anything but boring.  But still, I am often kept in the dark about her day to day life...particularly when it comes to big decisions.

I have reasoned that this may be because she has been single for all her life, and is not used to discussing things with another person.  Or, it could be because she feels I need not be burdened with things such as this.  Either way, it does get a little frustrating at times.

It seems that now we are married, the flow of information to me has slowed down.  Don't get me wrong, we still communicate everyday.  MSN/QQ, and phone calls daily.  But its the important parts of life that get left out.

Does anyone else have similar experiences?

[Ed W]

You know it. It's funny how before marriage they're somewhat doubtful, as if to protect themselves from the bubble bursting. Now, after the marriage, she's kinda complacient, as if she no longer needs to worry.

It's funny how to many western women, it's just a ring. To them it's a bond.

I guess the only thing that baffles me is the occasional 2-3 day dissapearing act. I know she spends much time with the family, helping the parents but she won't bother saying a word before hand but figures it's not necessary to burden me by saying something. She's coming around and realizes it bothers me but I realize it's not necessarliy her fault. she's just doing what she believes she's supposed to.

OH, and get used to the missed questions you ask. sometimes it gets overlooked or something but you can end up asking 3-4 times before she'll answer it. it can be quite frustrating but I think we westerners are more inquisitive than chinese men.

[Vince G]

I'm not a big fan of zodiac signs but she and I are both Aquarian. we have tendency of helping friends at any time. When I called last weekend she was at the market at 7 AM? If it was another woman I would have been pissed off knowing I am calling China and calling her at that time and she can't talk because she went out? Later in a letter she said she got some bargains. I had to ask what she bought? Just shows they don't talk or give information out freely. She and I talked of this and she did say if I ask she will answer? But why should I have to ask? I can only guess it's their way? They don't tell in-depth things in there life.

[Ed W]

my chinese student neighbor were talking a few months ago when I was still dating my wife. We were talkin about when a chinese man is dating a chinese lady how he will treat her nicely and buy her the occasional gift but points out that after the marriage, it all stops. I ran into him the other day and mentioned even chinese ladys do this too since it seems that now she's married, she doesnt need to worry about the courting stuff but it's a done deal and she's married for life. He coudn't help but start laughing histerically and agreed. It comes with a whole new set of frustrations.

[MLM]

Martin and Ed, this may help you, now that you are married your wives think that you should already know this stuff ( even though you don't ) it's expected of her husband, you are supposed to know when she goes to her parents house or you are to know the answer to those questions, and yes Ed the ring is more of a bond to them then it is to western ( most )  women, You are not there right now to help her make these decisions and so she will not burden you with them and so doing not give you worry, guys, you will notice that when you are with her she will do things ( with out asking you ) that she thinks are good for your health, she will do little things like, take something off your plate and replace it with something esle that she thinks is better for you, Example: Zhou will make me breakfast of congee :icon_biggrin:, a lunch of veggie's :s , and at dinner she will use 1/2 pound of meat for 4 people, that is all the meat she says we need in one day, now you will notice that your lady seems to have stoped caring for the things that made a differance when you were dating, thats because now you are married she will not show you she loves you with big things now because they don't matter anymore, now she will show you with many small things, things that are importent to you and her life and to make your life as long as she can to insure that she will have a future with you, this is her way of letting you see how much she loves you.:blush:
Good luck guys with the wait.
Oh yeah, you think it's bad now, wait until she is here :icon_cheesygrin:, you won't be the boss in the house anymore, in the Chinese family, she runs the house, when you are out and about, please remember to treat her with respect at all times, because even if she does not agree with something you do, she will not say anything in public to make you loss face, but brother when you are behind closed doors at home you better believe you WILL hear about it and all this she will do because she is showing you she loves you.
Dang, I said to myself I was not going to rant and here I am doing it anyway, sorry guys.

[Irishman]

I'm taking notes, this tread is a goldmine of useful information, thanks guys.

[MLM]

Anytime I can help Ronan:icon_biggrin:

[Shawn1973]

Yes this is a great thread. My Sisi has her k-1 interview on June 29th so this all very helpful information for me.  The differences are sometimes hard to deal with or even understand. But I do know that family is sacred in China and it is the most important to them. When we were dating she was always very vague about her family. I mean i knew who they were and what they did but not too much more than that. Often I would ask more specific questions just so I could learn more about them but still would get a vague response. Finally I asked her about this. She told me until I am officially family it is not really any of my business. Once when we were having dinner together I was even asked to leave the room because they had some family business to discuss. When they finished she came and got me and told me everything is fine when I asked her about it. Then I read somewhere that her family is always going to take priority and it is something to just get used to. Now as time has passed she has opened up more about them because according to her parents I am now family. I have been acepted. So if something is wrong I will know about it. If something great happens I will know about it.

As for the showing of love they just go about it in a different way than we do. It took some time to get used to but I have. And to be honest I actually like it more. I am an affectionate man but I do not need a girl hanging all over me all kissy kissy to know how she feels. I like and prefer the small things she does for me. They come from the heart and show that she really cares.

This is new for all of us and I think we are enjoying the ride.

Anyone going to be in Zhuhai or Guangzhou during the beginning of July? I am going on the 26th so that I can be there for her interview and will be staying until July 8th when hopefully, fingers crossed, she will be coming to the US with me. This will be my 7th trip and to be honest I don't even mind the plane ride anymore. Ha!

[MLM]

I wish I was going back to China to visit but to soon since the last time, but good luck and best wishes for a good interview and hope you get PINK.

[Arnold]

What to expect after Marriage ?
Great Love-Making ! I know you all thought about this , but were afraid to say it . :icon_cheesygrin:

This Woman , deserves everything possible ... to make and keep her happy and feeling Loved . I will bend and twist , but she will alway's straighten me back out .
 
:heart: + :heart: = goes a long way .

[Peter]

This is a very good thread :icon_cheesygrin:
I noticed that my lady, soon wife, sometimes ask me about my opinion in different things. She even asked me about a thing with her parents. I gave her my thoughts but all I could say was just some different ways to think about this matter and my own opinion. I think that it will be more of asking about my opinion in the future. A lot of the decisions is made without asking me but in the big things she ask me

[Sylvain D]

What to expect after marriage?

====> a baby?
=====> two babies?
======>a honeymoon?
=======>the sexiest woman we have ever dreamed of?



I don't know what to expect after marriage because in my personal case, I have never been married. No way to discuss against me, I am like the only one to decide on everything in my relations (when it must end or not)... and up to now, I've missed one marriage and I regret a part of it.. Because I had all to make that very wonderful.... but I ended to all of it... So, after many months, after asking me some questions and being father without being married but just separated from my daughter's mother, I just know that I won't marry until the lady I will marry wil be The Really Only One. I don't want to marry just for a few hours/weeks/months.
However, it is a "outro" from the initial topic ^^

As says Irish', that topic is very rich in informations, I'll take some notes
Thanks for it

[Vince G]

"What to expect after marriage" or What DO you expect after marriage? There is a difference between the two. I was reminded talking with some guys yesterday and today of my last marriage and how what I thought it would be, was completely different then it was. At this point all I want is the two of us Happy.

[Scottish_Rob]

This is a really good thread, the only thing I expect after we're married is too have a happy, harmonious life together, and also have a beautiful wife by my side.

[MLM]

Okay, this coming from one that is married, this is just what I have seen in my marriage yours may be different, not much has changed except, 1) she has become very pushy as far as my health, to be expected because she says she wants me around a very long time, 2) she has taken over all house hold spending, in otherwords, she runs the bank account, 3) she and I are on the same page as far as education and she is a teacher, no problems here, 4) okay lets get this out of the way, I have talked with other men with Chinese wives and we all agree, they run in cycles, after thier Moon time, about 2 to 3 days after you will likely never leave the bedroom for about a week then, it will slack off to 2 or 3 or 4 times a week for a week, then nothin, 5) she pushes me to be better then what I am at work, to provide a better life for our family, and by the way you thought she was thrifty before you married her, HA!, you aint seen sh*t yet, this is the only woman I have ever seen haggle with walmart and win, really, I couldn't belive my ears when the store manager told her okay to the price she wanted to spend, ( after about 20 minutes of haggling ), and as far as what goes on out side the home she will not say anything if she thinks I made the wrong choice but will wait until we are behind closed doors at home and not in front of our kids, she is typicaly what we Americans think of as respectful and demure outside the home but never forget, she has her own thoughts and you better treat her with respect or else, besides, you should both be treating each other with respect and the love will grow bigger then the two of you.
Look all I can say is, you got to live life for the two of you, not for every one around you, so enjoy, good luck and best wishes.

also don't forget that if you forget to treat her with respect she Will give you a mop slap. Hahahaha!!!