Ladies first time home

[Neil]

I would love to hear about what it was like for the ladies first time to their new home.  I guess Maxx is the only one who has experienced this so far that posts here.

[maxx]

Neil it took my wife along time to adjust to New Mexico,And America.The food was wrong the altitude was wrong the restraunts smelled funny.She spent the first 2 days in bed asleep.Jet lag really messed her up.

It was a long flight.She had never flew that far before.We switch planes 3 times to get close to the house.Then it is a hour drive threw the country side.We had to run threw DIA in Denver because the plane was late out of San fransisco.And we had to catch the next plane to Durango..Missed the Durango plane so we had to wate a couple of hours for the next plane.

My wife seen 2 Rabbits setting out side the Durango Airport.SHe thought that was a good sign.She is a rabbit in Chinese Horoscope.Before I took her home.I took her 2 my office so she could call her mom they talked about the rabbits.Then I took her home.She slept for 2 days and had a Head ache from the altitude here.(It ussually takes about a weak to adjust to the altitude.Everything was new and scary for her.She had never seen a Mexican or a Indian before.So she thought the Indians were some off shoot of Chinese.(She will still see some indians and ask me if they are Chinese).

I took her to a American restraunt her first day and the smell in the restraunt made her sick.We left that restraunt and went to a Chinese  Buffet restraunt.That was much better.She could get the food she knew and speak Chinese to the waiter.( It was also bad the waiter was suggesting to my wife maybe I brought her here to America to sell her.He also told her that I had brought her to America to be my slave).It took me a couple of weaks to reassure her that I wasn't going to sell her.And that she wasn't a slave.

Now when we fly back and forth to China she has only a little jet lag.She is friends with the people who own the restraunt.We eat ther every saturday or Sunday.I bought another computer put it in the house just for her.It is set up  in Chinese.I have to Change it back if I need to use it.She talks to her mon every Monday night for 2 hours.

If I had to do this again I would be more prepared.

#1 let her sleep as much as she wants for the first couple of days.If she is up jumping around the next day that is fine.Take it slow.No big parties or get togethers.

#2 find out where the Asian market is Don't wate a month before you find it.

 # 3 Your lady is going to get homesick.Have a computer or some other means so she can talk to her family and friends.

# 4 Just because the restraunt you take her to is your favorite.Dont expect it to be her favorite.

The biggest thing is to go slow.This is all new and exciting to them.And unlike us.They know that they are not going home in a couple of weaks or  a couple of months.

In the states when you adjust your wifes status it takes about 3 months to get the permission to travel outside the United States.So be prepared for that if she wants to go back to China before then.

Neil if you have a specific question about this.I could probably give you a better Answer.I do know that it is still a learning experience for my wife.After her being in the states for over 2 years.

[Vince G]

Maxx, you could tell her the Indians are chinese. DNA tests have been taken and they do have chinese blood in them. Same for most South Americans.

I have already established that we can go back to China ASAP after she is here. Planned is the calls or emails she cares to send. I also made sure in several letters I don't want a slave. The waiter was trying to steal her away. :@

Most likely we'll fly into NY and see family there before coming home since that's the way the flight goes. Jet Lang? We'll see how that goes?

If I remain in the area? I already know of 6 chinese markets and a dozen restaurants. Also other Asian places.

She rather cook then go out to eat. Her words. But I think I'll be able to drag her out to some places. :s

I will be asking her many questions to make sure she understands all of this and more before we marry. :icon_cool:

I've been prepared for months. Did I miss anything? :huh:

[Irishman]

Maxx, that's a really great post, thank you, honestly I'm learning so much from guys like you sharing your experiences.
I was thinking that I would have friends over for getogethers when she arrives and now realise that's probably the wrong thing to do initially, a slow and steady approach seems to be good advice from what you are saying - lesson the culture shock as much as possible.
Its a salient point that when we go to China the whole culture shock thing is part of the thrill and adventure - but then again - we know we are going back home shortly , something our new wives cannot do so we must do our utmost to help them adjust at a pace that doesn't freak them out.
The brotherhood is truly lucky to have so much knowledge going into this unlike in the past when you had to fly blind.

[maxx]

Vince it sounds like you thought of everything.Just be prepared to go to all six Asian markets.Till she finds the onese she likes the best.I have told my wife  about the Indians being Chinese.That still doesn't stop her from asking.

Irishman yes little steps just watch your lady.There will be little clues on how she feels and what she thinks.And yes it is a whole different experience when you can go home whenever you want to.

Irishman yes this forum is great.When Me and my wife did this there was nothing like this out there.You had to just guess.If you were wrong you were wrong.And you had to fix it on your own.I think that is why the failure rate in the beggining was so high.There was nobody who knew anything.And if they did they were keeping the information hid like it was the holly grail.

Good luck guys.

Maxx

[Arnold]

Thanks Maxx , that is going to help me a lot also . I will be asking many :huh:question:huh: in the future about this from you , so don't be surprised .:s

[Neil]

Thank you so much Maxx.  That was a great post and I feel for your wife in her first few weeks, it must have been very stressful.  Xin is starting to worry about what life will be like for her once she comes to Canada and I'm trying to comfort her as much as possible.  I told her we'll take our time coming home, I live about 8 hours inland from the coast, like you, pretty high in the mountains.  It is a beautiful drive and I have family all along the way that we can stop and visit and relax, spend a day or two seeing sights and taking as many pictures as possible to send home - she thought that was a wonderful idea.  Now I'm thinking it might not be so wonderful to throw a ton of strangers at her in her first few days.  Of course we'll play it by ear and adjust accordingly.

I know I'm jumping the gun a bit; we haven't even met face to face yet, just webcam.  She's about ready to explode she's so excited and I still have 2 months to go before I get there.  I'm damn near ready to explode myself now that I think about it.

[Neil]

Haha.  That's awesome Mike.  I'm so happy for all of us.  It's a beautiful journey and I'm enjoying it so much.  Obviously.  :heart:

Where are you going again Mike?  I'm heading to Zhongshan on the 18th of August for 10 days though I think we may do a little traveling to visit her parents somewhere in Guangxi.

[JimB]

Neil, i will be in Beijing from August 12th thru october 10th.  With a week in Wuhan and 2 weeks in Hainan Sanyo.  I will be checking the site and e mail if anyone wants to meet up and have a dinner or lunch.  Also willing to check out the agencies and ladies if anyone wants.  i will be a married man so do not worry about me trying to steal your beautiful lady, lol. (Like i could anyway).  Just offering whatever I can do for the Brothas.Max great post, thank you. I appreciate it.

[Ed W]

Although I feel everyones wife will be reactive differently, there's some points Maxx makes that should be paramount.

Let her rest!; In my wifes case I know she has never experienced jetlag before and will be diffecult and frustrating to say the least.

Don't force her!; She's in a new world. you know this as well as she does since when you were in China, you saw the difference, and it's now her burden to adjust. Give her time to adjust.

Create the avenue for her to communicate with home.; She's going to be missing everything that is normal to her. Go out of your way to enable her to contact family/friends back home. She'll be missing the dialog she's so used to each and every day, as you were when you were in China.

Be Flexible; Let her call the shots for a while. Let her express her desires of things to do, sights to see, places to eat. If she wishes to get out and venture, be supportive and try to guage what it is she's interested to see but don't go overboard and subject her to something too intense. She'l need time to gradually adjust and accept all those differences we've seen when we were in her country.

Now don't misunderstand me since my wife isnt even here yet but this seems to be a common sense thread. The simple way to figure it all out is "How would I feel if?......."

Put yourself in her position. If you were in her shoes, in a foreign country, a new husband, a new home, surrounded by a new way of doing things.... How would you feel? Don't stop asking yourself that question when she arrives or I feel you'll do nothing more than frieghten her with too many changes too quickly.

If I were to make a suggestion, and this is my plan already, is to let her set the pace. Encouraging her is fine but don't push. Give her options and encouragement. Knowing my wife and how she is, her own curiousity and desire to learn will be her motivation.

[Arnold]

Put yourself in HER position , I think is the upfront most important one of them all . On that bases , I'm already working on it , to not be stressed out before even getting here . Knowing like I do Qing , I know how she feels , even as much as she loves me , it almost makes me sorry for doing this to her . She will be in good hand's . I told her already too , to leave her laptop behind and we're going to teach her Parent's how to use it with a Webcam and Microphone , so she can communicate whenever she wants or needs to . It's like Qing's Uncle from Beijing told her ones , it's easy to fall in Love , but harder ones you are together . That is true Locally and only more so for a couple from different Countries . As time procressed , I realize what he meant by that more and more . He knew , before it even crossed both our Minds . :-/