How Long Must I deal with translator?

[Skip]

Here is a recent letter I received from Alice.  I am curious and cautious.  I suggested QQ.  What are your thoughts about the response?  Is it translator driven?

"Hello Skip,

.....You are learning to use QQ? Oh, you are so fashionable!~ ^_^ but as i told you before, i have no access to internet and i have no QQ either. You may think i'm out fashionable, right~ ^_^ maybe in the future, you can teach me?? ^_^....

You will go to see me on Christmas of this year??!!! Oh, good news to me today but at the same time, a little bit disappointed because it is still too long time!! :O(  anyway, excited to wait for you here~~~ ^_^

Well, close for now.

Take good care and don't make yourself so tired!

Thinking of you"

 I have several letters from her that seem authentic and personal.  However I don't recall her telling me she had "no internet access".  I have trashed a couple of the original letters, so I can't be sure.

My skepticism:  When I introduce "alternate" means of communication, the translator, for selfish reasons, quashes it.  Call me a cynic.  Maybe I am.  I would like your input.

[Arnold]

Skip , in my case it took little less than four month's , before moving to Yahoo messenger with my Wife . But remember , she knew English enough to communicate well that way . At the beginning , our Translator ( which is a good friend of our's ) was so amazed how our relationship procressed , that she had no reason to put herself into our writing's . She even convinced us , to go via E-Mail , to save me the Chnlove EMF fee's . Now , up to this Day , I have not hear'd of anybody else here or on the other Forums , being told by the Translator to do that .
As with one of my Sister's , the Translator still put himself into the letter's , I can see it and I have learned to know the difference . Another thing I have noticed from Translator's , when you have many Credit's and not written to anybody for some time , they will write for the Lady themselves ( the whole letter ) but it is a dead giveaway . I don't get upset about this , even though it cost's me a Credit , it just remind's me that I have not written this wonderful Sister for a long time . So it's like a reminder that cost me a little money , I find nothing wrong wiith that , since they don't over do it . I'm not made out of Money , so I do watch carefully , that they not taking me for a ride . My second Sister , also knew that it cost me money to write to her , so she told me to use E- Mail instead and gave me her Address .
To answer your question , how long before moving to direct E-Mailing , that is of course up to the Lady , having or not having a Computer . These People are not as Rich or able to affort such Item's like we do , so do not tale it personal as a way to keep getting money from you through EMF's . True in some cases . but mostly not .

[Tiztom]

There are internet cafe's everywhere, I'd be asking for a pic of her holding a sign with your name on it but no doubt she won't have access to a camera either. I'm sure 6 more months of EMF's till Xmas will make the agency/interpreter much wealthier than you having private access to someone who may or may not be real.

[Arnold]

Tiztom , who ever told you that ALL the Lady's even know HOW to use a Computer ? I made three Trip's and seen many of my Wife's friend's and when it came up how we met , it was many times .. I do not know how to use a Computer , so it would not be for me . You think everybody here in the States know's how ? You be surprised how many don't . I guess you would call them all Dumb ?

[Ed W]

For my wife and I, we spent a month and half doing EMF's and then switched to writing directly through the translator. They both used an email account they had access to so there wasn't the lagtime of getting email back n forth between them. This went on for another 3 months. The weird part, and I don't know the real answer yet, but my wife said she paid for the translations at that point. I know I didn't but I may be paying for them now. HAHA.

I suggested writing through the agency directly to save money and she came up with that idea. Now that we're married she seems to be able to accept making mistakes with me. I guess it's cause Im now her husband and the courting is over. It's a done deal so to speak.

That's a pretty short letter for the cost we pay. Does she know how much you pay per letter? I asked for longer letters since short letters were a waste of money. My wife seemed to understand that I don't want to waste money so her letters got longer and more detailed.

Keep in mind, her english could suck really bad, like my wifes. She's learning but she's nowhere near ready to carry a conversation with me, and my chinese sucks even worse. Now that we're married she accepts the bad translation through google translate while we're on QQ but we do fairly well at carrying on conversations in text and we'll work on her english at the same time. It's clunky but kinda fun at the same time. We get plenty of laughs. You may have a harder time selling certain ideas to her since she's not your wife yet. I know it sounds rediculous but until she's married she will be quite causious not to embarrass herself or lose face. Now that she's my wife, she's not nearly as reserved as she was while corrosponding.

[Skip]

Thanks Arnold for the reply and your thoughts.  My concern is that I am getting the real story.  Though the EMFs are costly, they are not a deal killer.  In fact, I wouldn't mind buying her a laptop and sending it to her if she could get access via internet cafes etc.  It seems that with QQ or Google translator, conversation is readily available.  I may be naive about that, so again I would like comments from the brothers.

I am, however reluctant to get hundreds of dollars down the road only to find out the messages have been largely of product of a creative translator and not from Alice.

I have a couple of questions that I would like additional input from you and others:

1.  How much access if available?  She lives in Zhanjiang.  
2.  How would you suppose she gets the letters I write?  Via phone or does she see them at the agency?

Skip

There are internet cafe's everywhere, I'd be asking for a pic of her holding a sign with your name on it but no doubt she won't have access to a camera either. I'm sure 6 more months of EMF's till Xmas will make the agency/interpreter much wealthier than you having private access to someone who may or may not be real.

Thanks Tiztom.  I thought I would be the resident cynic here.  But I don't think I can hold a candle to you..:icon_cheesygrin:That's a pretty short letter for the cost we pay. Does she know how much you pay per letter? I asked for longer letters since short letters were a waste of money. My wife seemed to understand that I don't want to waste money so her letters got longer and more detailed.

Ed, the letter was much longer.  I edited the sugary stuff out.  Only because the question was about communication.  

From your response, I get the impression QQ and Google seem to be heavy lifting.  True?  They make is seem so easy.  I guess I should have known it couldn't be that simple.  Well, one can hope for the future.  Experts say 90-95% of language is non verbal. hehe....

[Neil]

My suggestion would be to let her know you have concerns.  Be reasonable but be honest.  If she's serious and real, she'll understand and tell you so.  Also ask her how she gets her letters or deals with the agency, it will show your interest and caring.  

Tiztom's suggestion of a pic of her holding your name has been mentioned before as something the lady could take offense to. Proteus's post

[Arnold]

 2.  How would you suppose she gets the letters I write?  Via phone or does she see them at the agency?

Skip , again ... in my case ... my Wife is from Shanghai and her Agency was in Guangzhou . You see it would be impossible to go to the Agency for her . So the Translator called her every time I wrote . She answer the Letter right there on the Phone with her , or she had the Translator send it to her via E-Mail ( because she had a Computer and Knew how to use one ) and this way she wrote her reply and send it to the Agency , which send it to me .
So remember , if the reply's are done over a Phone , that they will be shorter of course . Unless your Lady has all day from work to make it a Max. charater letter . Remember also . some work 12 if not more hour Day's and come home to a Child as well . So put yourself into her shoes , how much time would that leave you to write ? So shorter letter's at the beginning are not that unusual . As your relationship grow's so will the letter's , because she will make time then , more so .

I know some Man here are VERY selfish ... as they say " They want it all for the Buck " . Too bad ... since LOVE don't come with a pricetag for them .

[Vince G]

A pic of her holding your name? Never made sense to me. I mean they could do all kinds of things with that. Pic of the sign and you can't see her face? Some girl that looks like her? Out of focus? Not proof to me. I know my ladies letters, her words, how she thinks and talks. Her emails are the same wording. On the phone again the same. I call her tomorrow for another few hours of fun talk and laughs. Oh yeah she learned a new sentence in english, "Sorry you dialed the wrong number" which she said she will use next time I call? :icon_cheesygrin:

[Peter]

We used the translator at the agency until we meet in April, almost 4,5 months. We are still using her but have changed to private mail instead of the agency. Even if we have webcam with QQ we use her for important things that we write in our mails. I think that we will need her until my lady comes to live in Sweden.. There is so many think that could be misunderstood..

[Chong]

Skip,

As much as I hate to say it ... EMFs are a necessary coponent of the process. In my case, the lady and I went off EMFs after only 9 letters between us. That led to our downfall. I went from long detail substance letters to 2-3 sentences private emails. She never got to know me nor I her. I ASSUMED that everything was the way this was supposed to go ... and proposed and she accepted ... but then she changed her mind.

If I had to do it all over again ... I would use private email / QQ for short "Hellos" but use EMFs for long detail letters to take advantage of the translator's services ... maybe 2-3 times max. a week.

Get to know your translator's name and write short appreciation notes to her also. Ask her politely not to inject her own words into the letters ..... because you want to read only what's in Alice's mind and heart.

[Darius]

Skip,

I dont know how long you are talking to your lady. But dont try to push a relationship any faster just because you want it. It is from lady to lady entirely different and from agency to agency. First off think about it she could have her doubts about you as long as she is not sure you are real and what you want really from her. Some of these ladies have had bad experiences with us too. Dont act on the basis of self made prejudices because you dont know what´s going on, if you are not looking for a free and easy relationship.

Second some agency dont want to lose control of the communications. There is tons of good materials in this forum and facebook written from our experienced netizens of this brotherhood. Every time i had my doubts i read them. Ask them so often you need and when you are down or dying of boredom, i have never seen in any other forums such nice guys who are ready to help.

First thing try to set a webcam session through the agency. Tell her you need to see her face and hear her voice, write a note to the translator to help you and your lady with the session. Translators play a key role to the whole thing. The ladies trust them more than you think. I saw it how close they were to each other. It was so funny as the both ladies were laughing and giggling no matter what i said. I asked them why the hell you are laughing they said just different customs and kept on laughing.

Once i wanted to set a webcam meeting with her. She told me she had no webcam but would try to go to an internet-cafe. So far so good. But she didnt show up and nothing mentioned about it! Next time we tried through the agency. That was a hit. She asked me a lot of questions and i saw she knew a lot about me, perhaps she didnt write all the letters but she must have seen a great deal of mine.

Try to get her phone number, i dont know why but from my own experience they are more willing to give you their phones than their QQ-ids. Perhaps having a phone is cheaper than a PC. But as chong said use EMFs for long detail letters. Building trust step by step is that important and you will see the difference. Get down to work.

[Vince G]

Darius nicely said, couldn't have said it better. Now I can go take a nap. :icon_biggrin:

[Ed W]

I gotta go with Peter on this one. There's just so much that can be misunderstood. Suggest perhaps writing through the agency instead and not through chnlove. Maybe you can get a break in the price of translations.

In January, I told her I had translation software that I felt was pretty good and she agreed to try. After my first letter she said it was hard to understand and she found it frustrating. So.... we went back to EMF's.  My budget was/is quite tight so it was frustrating to me for not giving it much chance.

In hindsight, it all makes more sense. Well, kinda....   Although many of us worry about being scammed from our hard-earned dollars, she's more worried about the commitment and finding Mr. Right. I understand this now since when they commit, they truely commit, and I mean with 1000% percent of their heart and soul. At least this is how my wife is. It's kinda hard to explain but after the marriage the complacency sets in. At that point, she's all yours and nothing will change this so she no longer worries about the courting issues/misunderstandings. New misunderstandings come up though. A couple weeks after i returned home we got really mixed up in translation while I was trying to get an answer about some money she borrowed from her mother, but she was afraid I was going to divorce her. NO FREAKIN WAY would I, but she was genuinely afraid I would. I think back to when I told her in EMF"s how I was childsupported/alimony'd to the eyeballs and she said my problem were her problems and we'd overcome them together. How could this be any different? We're married now! Her problems are mine too and we'll overcome them together. That makes sense right? Well, she's all about keeping herself from being a burden to me and all too often tries to protect me like that. She's not used to the equallity in relationships. Tit for Tat and such. This part of our relationship, post marriage, seems to take more effort, but has more rewards too.
I guess what I'm saying is the EMF's give her the secure feeling she wont lose you over a bad translation. I know to my wife, this was a big fear to her. The relationship is that important to her. We do still hear of bad translations and believe me, she'll be all over the translator like white on rice if a large mistake is made. In my wife's case, it was her future the translator holds in her finger tips. She may be gentile as a butterfly but she's also as ferocous as a tiger. Make no mistake about the commitment of a chinese lady.

[Irishman]

She may be gentile as a butterfly but she's also as ferocous as a tiger. Make no mistake about the commitment of a chinese lady.

I just got off webcam with my lady, 1.5 hours in heaven!
It was great and of course i wished more and more to hold her in my arms with every passing minute..but i digress haha
She was teaching me some Chinese sentences, and wow, she tests my feeble mind haha, she made sure i got them just right before starting a new one I better practice 'em for the next time!
Her English seems to improve by the day, no doubt she is laser like focused on bettering it. We are so lucky to to have these women, I sure as heck feel lucky to have met my Ling.
By the way Ed, hows the head after the night before? :angel: