Alex, the happy fool

[David5o]

I am inclined to agree to the advice that David provided. I think that it's good not to rush into these things. But there are ways of saying things, and whether or not it was intentional or not, it came across pretty aggressively.

While in my own situation I have acted cautiously and slowly, I am not sure whether it might have been better in my own situation to have acted a little more recklessly and carelessly.

I am wondering whether sometimes it is better to throw caution to the wind and go with your heart - sometimes two people are just ready to marry, and there's no point in just holding back for years and years.

There's a saying, marry at haste, repent at leisure. But I've also heard the opposite, marry at leisure, repent at haste. There's no assurance that taking years and years to get to know someone is going to provide you with any indication about how your marriage is going to go.

Sometimes when you don't take a relationship all the way, when you both are ready to take it there, to be married, you miss the boat, and the opportunity is lost.

If a good man marries a good woman, sometimes you get to know each other as you go along in the marriage.

A lot of cultures have arranged marriages (eg Indians). These arranged marriages don't work on the basis of you knowing each other very well. They work because the people involved in them are committed to the marriage and know how to behave in the marriage.

I have met some women who wished to meet someone and get married almost straightaway. I sometimes think about these women now and then. I once doubted their sincerity. I now doubt by doubt. Now I am in a relationship with a woman who in my opinion isn't really serious about getting married to me, or anyone else for that matter, and so I wonder to myself as I sleep alone month after month, what might have happened if I had taken the chance with one of the women who were ready to settle down.

........................................................................................................
Thanks for the support,  .....And no it wasn't intentional, in fact i still can't see all this aggression those here are talking about. I was quite blunt and spoke my mind sure, but i can't see where people see aggression ..... As for the reply to Arnold ...the banter at the bottom was more of a bit of humour than anything else.... because he always comes back to have a stab at whoever disagrees with him ... and that's good too, i have no problem with that at all.

David......

[Arnold]

David , you calling my experience all based on Luck ? The ONLY luck I had was being the first to write to my Wife now . That's it !!!
The REST is " NO " luck at all . It's called communication .. not commonsence or anything else .

[David5o]

Scottish Rob,

What attack are you talking about here?? If you mean pointing out some observations,... that is not an attack on him. Don't twist things to suit your understanding. I have a good respect for Arnold and the advise he hands down to others here. The only strong disagreement i have with him, is his encouragement of  quick, quick falling in love on what is basically an internet site.

As for always mentioning his wife, that's also an observation, and no, i have no beef with that!! I was just pointing out that it was mainly whenever he posted anything about what was up for disussion today, namely this quick, quick falling in love thing. I think his wrong and i told him so.  Is that wrong too Rob??

As for seeing other posts that i have made elsewhere, that you call derisory, that again is only your opinion. Everyone here has an opinion, if you disagree with a postings opinion make your own known , that's what these forums are for, and what your doing now.  We are all, i take it grown men here, all i'm asking is that you take everyones opinion /point of view  for what it is..... It seems as if, if one of the gang takes offence you all have to jump in an gang-up on the guy ......after all , he must be wrong, look at all these postings saying so!!  

David....

[Arnold]

David , I'm not upset with anything . Just wanted you to know , that I have never incouraged anybody to move " FAST " . I alway's recommented at least six month's of writing before ever going to visit . I did not move fast in my case either , it took six month's before I went to see her . Yes . I like to incourage our Guy's to stay positive and fight for their Lady , or whatever the problem is , but not do it at all cost's .
I appreciate your Post's as everybody else , so I see what your saying . I'm far from Perfect , I know that and sure hope everybody here know's that too .
Let's all stay calm .

[David5o]

Arnold,

I had just finished replying to you, and lost the lot somehow. hahaha!!  It's late here now, so I'll reply tomorrow now....
Arnold, I'm not upset with you either, i really haven't any beef with you at all. But i think your gang thinks i have!! Hahaha,  To me, all here are discussions, just a shame really why some take offence!!

Anyway will get back to you tomorrow sometime..... I'm off to bed! ...ha ha!!  .nite, nite....

David.....

[raymond-]

Love and relationships are not based on science.  Once emotions and
behaviors enter into the mix, logic can run divergent paths.  I have no
problem with folks disagreeing or offering diferences in opinion or
in their approach, as long as it is done respectfully and with the over-
arching goal of helping.  Suggesting that folks exercise caution or
to examine things from different angles, second guessing etc are all
part of the equation.  They all have merit.  Because one approach
worked successfully with one person's relationship doesn' t mean it
must work for another.

I value the experiences of the collective.  Be well.

[metooap]

Alex,

We all want to be cautious; we all want to be helpful!

The title of your post implies to me that you know exactly what you are doing.

Sometimes you just have to go for it! Or as Nike say - Just Do it!

Have fun - and keep us posted!

[Tiztom]

David50, looks like you and I are in the same boat, we say it as we see it & some members seem a little over sensitive.
I think Alex needs to remember one thing.......There is a HUGE difference between "falling in Love" and "Love",
I could fall in love in 5 minutes on a drunken night at the pub talking to a cute girl or when I see that Ferrari 599 drive past, even when I see a cute puppy, but if I never see them again it's not going to affect my life too much.
"Love" is something that takes time to grow & if you can really say you love someone you have never spent time with I think you need to take a good long hard look at your emotions, you love your kids, your parents, your partner even the dog you've had for 8 years but I find it hard to see how you could "love" someone at the end of a cable/satellite with whom you wouldn't know if you walked past in a busy shopping center.
No doubt I'll be shot down again but I'm a thick skinned Aussie so bring it on boys:icon_cheesygrin:

[RobertBfrom aust]

Alex , being one of the first to offer suggestions when you had a minor hiccup originally , and now you know the lay of the land in Changsha , I say go for it , all the Changsha ladies are lovely , almost as lovely as those in Chongqing , regards Robert .

[Vince G]

David Lets not play games. I am more straight forward then anyone here in my opinion. I posted "To each there own" and you replied with "and only FOOLS rush in where angels fear to tread" The "Fool" capitalized. Indicating someone here is a fool. Then you went on to MOCK Arnold even saying "You can get angry all you like Arnold, you asked Say's Who??" That is aggression. Trying to start a fight. "I know your going to be mad, and come back flaming, but I'm ready to counter any and all accusations you want to fire my way." Making it a challenge. Daring him to reply.

Continuing with "we'll just have to wait and see what his defence will be"  

Then I posted "I'm letting you know before the name calling starts" Key word is "Before" I did not say you did. I also did not say your opinion wasn't valid. In fact I did not give mention to an opinion at all.

You then went on to mocking the forum. "If all the forum is for, is to pat each other on the back"

To remind you of what you posted to me. "What are you saying here, that no-ones allowed to give an opinion, for fear of being ganged up on?? What name calling are you on about, have i called anyone names here, ..... i don't think so!!" Did you have your hands on your hips when you said this?

This is how I'm reading it. Maybe you didn't mean to sound this way? Each of us has their own personality. We all are different in ways. But something we all share including you is you can't change someone's mind or thoughts by given an opinion. It's up to them to take it or not. Alex is infatuated with a new woman. Let him enjoy it. If he decides to jump on the next plane to get married then we will slow him down and give him a chance to think it over. I'm sure he would do this anyway.

[stuart barlow]

This is the second post that has ruined by other people's bickering,first was Chong and China having a dig at each other,now this,should we open another forum and call it the "childish section"come guys grow up.We are  being far to sensative with eachother to be any help to anybody.The forum is getting bigger and there is going to be a lot more differences in opinions,SO GROW UP GUYS.

[Chet Sams]

Vince Stop this.

After reading this post and watching it turn from alex the happy fool to lets bicker and whine over ones posting.

Another mod fails to keep his golden rules.

Stuart I do remember this one the most from the Chong days long ago.

1. If two people have some severe disagreement. Take it to private email. And what do i see. Sure aint private.
2. This should be included. If a person post a generalize the idea. A flame war. Shouldnt the Mod either delete the post or modify the post with a mod explaination on the bottom of the post. Before a flame war is to commense.

Now from what saw. David did not really start nothing to cause an issue. If the comments were read correctly. This shouldnt have happened.
So it begins. The david/arnold session. Both sides calmed down.
Then david/danny issue. Washed there hands of that.
Then best of all Vince/David eps. Hence rule #1 never enforced. Vince is a mod. Assume select people only have to go by enforced rule.

So if anything that needs to be done is Vince cool off a bit. Then come back as a mod again.

Now my comment for Alex.

Since this is his post. I am sorry i posted mainly about the bickering. But it makes me sick to see a 2 page post wasted on nothing that pertained to the original post. But my opinion on what you wish to do is simple. Go where you thoughts may guide you. Just think of it as a vacation. If you find the lady you believe has the true love for you. It will be the best added bonus you will ever have in your life. Best of luck.

Danny does have alot of good points. Wise man.
Arnold. He will always include his wife in anything. Just get use to it. Its the crazy california lifestyle living.
Vince. If he wishes to delete my post. Go ahead. It will just prove rule #1 even more.
And to the others. There was no need to gang up on david at all. Jumping on the bandwagon just adds more fuel to the fire.

[Scottish_Rob]

Ok... David I apologise, I should not have said what I did and hope 'we' can all start again as  brothers and not adversories, and put our 'opinions' into each and every post if we want to reply to them....

[Chong]

Stuart & Chet ... First of all, Mike and I have known each other on this Forum and FaceBook for over a year. We both speak our minds in favour and not in favour of each other. Regarding our latest ... if you read ... I did apologize to him publicly because I was wrong.  And it was only FOUR posts written so it didn't drag throughout the thread. You saw it as a "severe disagreement" or "flame war" which it wasn't IMO. In the end, Mike and I both have a mutual respect for each other. It's like arguing with a family member.

Private emails are for matters between TWO members concerning issues ONLY involving them and no other member. However, in that thread, it involved Shaun also. And following posts led to valid points being made to further the discussion. In the end, it was just that ... a discussion. And if I'm wrong, I'll admit it publicly.

Chet ... you just wrote ... "So if anything that needs to be done is Vince cool off a bit. Then come back as a mod again." ... Should that have been in private email ... or written publicly as you did because you wanted everybody to read it and offer their opinions.

David has made some vaild points about the 'love issue' but not about Arnold IMHO. And I agreed totally with tiztom's post. This is an open Forum where positive and negative viewpoints / opinions are allowed. It's always good to hear different sides.

[raymond-]

i would opine that PM is appropriate even for multiple recipients