Feelings

[Sylvain D]

Well..
as I know that my situation with Ting is really really "difficult" to understand (even for me, now), I would anyway have some comments...
Before going there, Ting said me she loved me, I was really smart and so on...
Ok it was nice from her to say it to me, and I was really happy...

Once there, in fact, Sirui (the translator) said me that in fact, there was a big difference between virtuality and reality.. Just because before, I was behind my computer, and that ,once in Chongqing, I was "face to face"... Ting seemed to be "upset" or "embarrassed".. Well.. I thought she didn't like me at all, in fact... :icon_confused:
I became really confused...

After one or two days, we took some pictures together.. we were really "closer" and most of the pictures taken showed she was smiling and seemed happy to be with me...

But when I talked to her about feelings, she showed nothing... just some smiles, just some "views" at me, but no "I like you", "i love you", "i miss you", "good flight" and so on...
:icon_arrow: is it chinese feelings :huh:

Once I left Chongqing, she said again that she missed me too much, she likes me...
but WTF??
I'm a bit sad because sometimes, I like hearing those words... and most of the time, I was thinking that, for sure, I may did something that didn't please her and that could be a reason for her to not say me anything about her feelings...

I just remember, one night, before going eating, she gave me her hand (I then thought about kissing her hand, and then said myself that, no, she maybe just would have liked to "shake" my hand.. nothing else...)
I told her that, for us, in western countries (or most of it in fact), when we liked someone (or loved), we could hug that person in our arms... she then came and hugged me, and I was happy...

Believe it or not, but right now, I still don't know if she liked it...
One thing is sure : I was washed when I hugged her...

So, how can we really "understand" their feelings, if they don't show many of them? nor saying it?

[Oiler1]

When I read your post I felt for you. I think when a person really likes you the body language says it all. From reading your post, it seems like Ting can't make up her mind and is sort of on the fence. For us to make a long and expensive journey to see one woman things cannot happen at the usual pace. These are unusual circumstances and you really want an answer after being with her. Most people can't afford to keep coming to China year after year based on iffy hopes.

I hate to say this but I think you should have backup ladies or move on. That's what I would do but I don't know your full situation so good luck!

Donald

[Sylvain D]

In fact I posted that thread just to have any comments for how to understand...
For sure I won't move over there without any "secure feelings"...
and about moving on for other ladies, that's almost done. just sent any letters but that is not really linked to that thread

[Josh Markley]

I havent met Xu Le in person yet so i don't know how or if she will open up to me.  I know she says she does not know how to express her feelings for me.  She told me she does not know what love is.   So maybe she is fearful of telling her true feelings.

[Bob]

Salut Sylvain, Ca va bien en France?


I can feel your confusion about all of this, i understand you completely. Many Chinese women do not show much emotions or feelings at first, they tend to step-back and observe the situation. Some will not show any feelings towards you if she feels you are not interested in long term relationship or do not have plans to one day marry. I am not saying she think you will marry her, but is she thinks you are the type of man seeking marriage and a commitment, then perhaps she will show more interest and show more feelings. Most Chinese females are not interested in males that do not have or show interest in marriage, at least in my experience. On average a Chinese women will not engage in any intimate or sexual behavior is there is no hope or possibility of marriage. I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS YOU OR YOUR SITUATION. I am simply trying to explain there way of thinking. I am now married to a Chinese women a believe me I still am learning about there way of thinking, and I do have some difficulties from time to time even now after almost a year of marriage, it is not easy. Like many marriages there are some bumps in the road along the way.

Everyday is a new discovery, sometimes good, sometimes not so good. curious, how long have you known this lady? has she ever mentioned the word marriage before? or you?  Also I do not want to be the bearer of bad news, but the fact is some of these agencies write the EMF's letters, and not actually the ladies. She may have only received a few letters from you, so perhaps she really does not know that much about you to know what her feelings are at this point. The question is, how do you feel about her? does she seem to be the type of lady you like or want to be with? do you have things in common?

Long distance relationships are never easy, and yes, when you meet face to face it is totally different, I wish you all the best. My two cents.

[Arnold]

[attachment=298][attachment=299][attachment=300]Jo-Ma , that makes two of us . Somebody in Baoding loves me too . Min is her name and is one of my " Sister's " . Here is a Photo of her . If you happen to run into her , tell her I said Hello .

[Sylvain D]

Bob, t'es français?? sinon ça va bien en France, oui, hormis le temps bof mais bon ^^
(translation :Bob, you frenchie?? so,yes, in France, i'm fine, except the weather, not so good, but well... ^^

So...
I knew her in fact in January, 2008, I sent a cupid notes, she replied, and we talked together. Via EMF's.
She sent me many months later her QQ Id'. So we could talk a bit over there.
We have always talked about marriage, and even face to face with Ying (her "sister"), we talked again about it on Friday, the day before I had to leave Chongqing, to come back home...
It is difficult in fact to admit if yes or no she loves me "fully"... because it is not at all like in France and maybe as in other countries... no way to touch her because of respect and many other things, but she really seemed to like me... but she wasn't good in english and most of the time we used a translator, human one and not.
Well... in fact, she's beautiful, I'm sure that if I was better in chinese, I could make her laughing and so on, and it would also be a good thing. I'm not looking for wedding just to say "I'm married"! and divorcing a few weeks after.
But because of the situation of the chinese guy who's with her ... (I'd like to make some headshot, please give me a watermelon, I promise to not fail ), it's really difficult... she says by letter she misses me and so on... but when I was there...i didn't hear those words.... that's why I am confused.

[victor-hills]

Wow arnold she looks fab.

[Bob]

Sylvain, Oui je parler Français, je suis moité Français, moité Anglais. ( Ma mére est Française, mon pére  Anglais) Je habit a Montreal, Quebec. Oui, je le sais,,,, cèst ne pas le vrai français, ha ha. maudit Quebecois! :icon_cheesygrin: Excuse mes erreurs en ecriture. Je parle beaucoups mieux que je ecrire.  


So, do you have any plans of returning to China in the near future? There is a Chinese guy with her!!!? a boyfriend?  Christ un balle dans sa tête, ha ha.:icon_biggrin:  joke.

 When did you visit China? and how long did you visit with her? Do you still communicate with each other?

Please keep us updated, A la prochaine, Salut.

[Sylvain D]

Bob, in fact it's a long story, that you can read at "Operation Chongqing". I was there in June, only one week. It's only there that I have heard about that ... chinese guy.. well, I'll moderate my words but I don't even think worthless about him.. (is my sentence correct?)
And yes, we still communicate with each other, but because of that situation, it seems too that recently, her mother forced her to marry the guy, and well.. it's not really good.. because the lady (Ting) didn't want but because of traditional parents, she couldn't do anything else..
Well, I've tried many things, as a letter, recently, for her mother... I'll more some news maybe tomorrow, I'll see..
And yes I plan to move in China again in September, for 2 weeks

Oh, you're from Quebec? nice ! and what about U? will U move in China?

[Arnold]

Wow arnold she looks fab.

As I speak , she is still available (41 year's old ) If you or know anybody , I give you her ID # and also know our Translator's E-Mail . So it's all real . Very sweet Woman , never been Married and no kids .

[victor-hills]

I would love to but i still find my self out of work its starting to do my head in grrrrrrr.Her eyes are like dark pools of water could get lost in them.

[Sylvain D]

Victor, why not going in China and look over there for any work, in fact?
except if you have any main point here that can not let you fly away...

[victor-hills]

Sly no real chance there mate used what saveings i hade just to survive being out of work  since end of jan really bad over in the uk at the mo.

[Sylvain D]

Well.. the same in France... most of us don't want to end their work or to leave it, just because no sure to find any other workjob quickly...