Author Topic: My Blog  (Read 24950 times)

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Offline Ed W

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #105 on: August 01, 2009, 09:28:33 am »
I suppose you could read this situation a couple of different ways. I'll take a really simple approach to this.

How much does she expect you to send each month?
    My wife makes 1000 rmb per month and survives just fine. She's a very frugal lady and makes ends meet just fine. You know the exchange rate so it's only about $150. Most could part with that fairly easily since it's a fraction of even a car payment. I'd offer her that and see her reaction.
   Wifee works 6 days per week, 9 hrs per day and still meets me nearly everyday on QQ. I'll get up early, 6am and we'll only get to talk for about 45mintues to an hour. It's 9pm for her there but she gladly stays up late for our call. If i stay up late till 9pm my time, occasionally she'll come home for lunch and we'll talk for maybe 20 mintues or so. It's not much but she and I are always glad to have even 15 minutes if that's all we can squeeze out of that call.
  I think you need to move carefully on this and examine her reactions. Just don't get upset if she gives you some bonehead answer that makes no sense. (24hr rule). I doubt you'll work this all out in one QQ session. Give it time and patience.
Alright earthlings, what form do you want me to take?....How about a taco, ....that craps icecream?  My trip to china

Offline maxx

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #106 on: August 01, 2009, 01:36:52 pm »
Josh Buddy what the hell are you thinking.You didn't just take this girls face you took it and stomped a hole in it.If you haven't crashed this relationship.I would be real suprised

I'll write this again so that you can pay attention this time.

Rule # 1 Different country different customs.Just because you do something that way in your country doesn't mean that is the way they do it in China.And because you do it that way in your country doesn't make it right.

Rule # 2 24 hour rule.Learn it live it love it.24 hour rule says that if your lady says something our does something that you don't understand.Or ask you a question that you don't understand.You wait 24 hours befor you reply or comment on it.Post it here give the members a chance to disscuss it and post a reply.The tool is here you just need to pull your head and use it.

The dress and the makeup the shave.Wearing  little clothes or provacitive clothesThat was for you buddy.It wasn't for anybody else.She was showing you face trying to make you happy.And your thinking about sticking it back in her face.

If you guys are talking about her shaving her private parts.That means you probably got lucky right?
This girl is from China she is from some city that is about 20 years behind the rest of the world.As far as values and what you do and don't Do.If she gave you some she is thinking that you are the one for her.Most Chinese girls don't sleep around or just give it to anyone off the streat.

Yes there is girls like that all over China. that give it to anybody.But they are few and far between.The reason they don't do that.Is what will there family and friends think.They actually give a shit what the rest of China says about them.And thinks of them.(DIFFERENT COUNTRY DIFFERENT CUSTOMS)

Yes I have heard the stories about westerners picking up Chinese girls in bars.They may even be true.But did you think about this there could of ben alot of alchol involved.Another thing that was pointed out to me by another member.Is yes you can meet a Chinese women on the street or any place and have a date with her.And yes she mite stay the nite with you.But ussually it isn't going to happen that way.Most of the time it is a commited relationship

Money money money It does make the world go around.You told this girl that you would take care of her.What did you think that she would not beleave you? If you told her that you would send her money.You had better start sending her money.DO NOT UNDER ANY CURCUMSTANCES.Promise a Chinese lady something and not really want to or be able to fullfill the promise.She is nieve enough to beleave in you.If your promise turns out to be a lie you have just taken her face.And now she has to face her family and friends.Where she has lost more face because she believed in you.

It is Chinese custom for the man to make the money and the wife to take care of the house.To make sure that the man is happy and comfortable.Showing afffection in public talking about your feelings in public or private is ussually not the Chinese way.A look a touch a smile goes a long way in China.You are just suppossed to know theese things

 Josh I know this sounds really harsh.But it needs to be .SO that you will learn.You are mixing 2 culture 2 different customs together.Your lady is just going by what she knows.What she has sean from other Chinese couples.SHe knows very little about are ways and are way of doing things.The only thing she knows about are customs and culture is what she has seen on the tv.

What do you know about your lady and her customs and culture? Maybe what little you read here or seen on the tv.or a movie.It is a two way path with 2 very different people.Trying to work out one of the most important descisions in there lives.

Josh this can be saved but you are going to have to do some seriose crawling.And get the money to her.Tell her that you are still learning and that she is still learning and that you just make a mistake and that you are really sorry.

Good luck
Maxx
« Last Edit: August 01, 2009, 06:57:06 pm by maxx »

David5o

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #107 on: August 01, 2009, 04:34:36 pm »
Maxx,

Not taking anything away from what your saying to Josh here, but i think you'll find that Chinese women are not quite as pure as your suggesting here, not from my experience anyway. I'm not saying that they are anything like as liberated as our western women, but they will exercise their own mind these days....

China, and it's population has moved tremendous strides in the last 15 to 20 years. So it's not just the alcohol that is changing attitudes amongst it's women. I dare say, that the biggest changes are going to be in the bigger cities, ...slowly but surely those changes are spreading out of those cities and into the outlying suburbs and beyond.

During my unattached years in China, i really didn't have that much trouble finding female companionship, and i didn't find them in bars. In fact I rarely drink, ...when i do it's normally a just a small lager with a dash of lime. I would say that most of the ladies i met, didn't drink either. Looking back, i met these ladies mostly in cafes and other non-alcoholic places of leisure. I will definitely agree with you, in that these women DO give a shit what others think about them. So nothing is ever seen in public as a general rule, but it is a different story, when doors to the outside world are closed behind you....

Another thing worth mentioning here, I'm not talking about one night stands, I'm talking about normal everyday relationships, they may have been of a short term nature but, these women always demanded respect from male companions, you rarely succeeded in any sort of relationship without having that respect.

I'm sure if you ask others amongst us here on the Forum, that are now resident in China, they will give you a similar picture of what i've outlined above too....

David....

Offline maxx

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #108 on: August 01, 2009, 06:40:27 pm »
David I understand  what your saying.I don't think I painted to pure of a picture of a Chinese women.But I did do a little rewrite.I mentioned in there what you said to me because I thought you did make a good point.

David thank you for your imput.
Maxx
« Last Edit: August 01, 2009, 07:01:09 pm by maxx »

David5o

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #109 on: August 01, 2009, 08:29:56 pm »
Maxx,

My experiences, date back maybe 3 years ago now, so i would expect that the experiences i had with Chinese ladies would in general terms be more common now.  I will also point out that i was never interested in the younger ladies, i would of had nothing in common with them. So I'm talking about middle aged women, in the age range of between say 42ish to around 48/49. Now if that mindset has reached that age group, things are a lot more advanced than we give credit too.

As i said before, my experiences were not one night stands, they were short term relationships, maybe lasting anything between 6 weeks to 3 months. China's a very big country, so I'm not trying to say that my experiences relate to the whole country, but i would expect them to relate to the majority of the major and larger cities..... The main difference between The modern Chinese woman, and say that of the western stereotype, is that they still hold a respect for themselves and demand respect from the men that they are in a relationship with. Your right, when you say, they are committed to the man they are with, that doesn't necessarily now only mean the man they intend to marry....  I think i should point out that these women I'm talking about, are decent everyday type lady's, they are no different, than any other lady you would meet on Chnlove, or anywhere else.... just that they are becoming more liberated in themselves!!

Things, they are a changing!!

David....
« Last Edit: August 01, 2009, 08:54:10 pm by David5o »

Offline maxx

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #110 on: August 02, 2009, 12:51:53 am »
David I agree they are becoming more liberated.And things are changing there really fast.But like both of us said.They do stick with the man there commited to.That is what I wrote to Josh.ANd hopefully he does read both your posts and my posts and does use the information that we have written.

Offline China Shark

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #111 on: August 02, 2009, 05:46:45 am »
In my post I mentioned being intimate with 3 Chinese women over the course of 15 years. One was my wife, other fiancee and ex, and the third my new fiancee. Chinese girls are women just like women from any other part of the world. Yes, they will not just jump into bed with anyone reguardless of how handsome or charming. Maxx you paint an inaccurate picture of the women here. To be totally blunt I've met my share of money grubbers and girls that are just plain looking to be taken care. Maxx, your view of the women here is very limited, mainly due to the fact you don't reside here, your wife's friends are probably the nice sweet traditional types. Until you've lived here long term like David has, you will only have the smallest glimpses of women's thought processes here. Yes, I know about how many times you visited, not the same. I've seen more things here because anymore I blend in because I am yesterdays news. Josh, sorry I have to repost, send your girl and her mother flowers after you send the money you promised. Losing face is very tough for Chinese women. You might have to do a little groveling because of the face issue though. Ultimately the ball I would say is in your court as to how things will go. We're all behind you and wish you both well.
China Shark Mike
« Last Edit: August 02, 2009, 08:50:51 am by maxx »
Living life the way it should be. Following the path less traveled!!!!!!!!!

Offline Darius

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #112 on: August 02, 2009, 08:53:54 am »
Josh ... where are you buddy? How´s it going? We hear nothing from you. Speak with us. The comments were a bit harsh but didnt mean to be. What do you think about all these? Your silence is a bit worrying. Please make a short statement to know your going well.

Offline China Shark

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #113 on: August 02, 2009, 09:41:00 am »
Darius, sorry you're right sometimes we get sidetracked and only think of ourselves.
China Shark Mike

PS Josh we're all behind of this one. Maybe a little space is all she needs. All hope is not lost, did my share of making girls lose face in China. Ultimately the majority of the times they come around, we're just country bumpkins so they give us another chance.
Living life the way it should be. Following the path less traveled!!!!!!!!!

Offline Josh Markley

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #114 on: August 02, 2009, 06:33:00 pm »
Hey guys yeah sorry late reply.  I had to help a buddy move the past couple days.  I do not think you guys were being harsh at all.  Its always good to be able to make mistakes and people how care give the constructive critisism.  

I know I was wrong to call her out.  I am still learning here guys.  But the outcome of the situation was okay.   She explained more of her culture to me.  I finally understood.  I was never worried about sending the money.  I welcome the challange of taking care of her.  We did discuss this matter with her and her parents.  Her mother told me she quit her job so she could see me everyday.  She explained that her mother and father have paid for her since we started on msn.  She asked me if i would like her to return to work, or if we could meet everyday.  We discussed the ups and downs of both.  She explained how it would look in her parents eyes if I was to send money to take care of her.  She explained it would lessen there worries about moving abroad and bein taken care of.  So I think she kept bringing up the issue for me to have face with her parents.  So I may have lost face with her but I think things are getting better.  I also talked to this to my mother.  She gave me some real insight.  She told me if I dated and felt this way about a female here in the states, this girl would be living with me by now.  I would be supporting this girl in some way shape or form.  because we want to show this girls parents we are man enough to take care of business.  I will as I promised take care of business guys.  This girl will not do without.  

It also lead into other matters of the heart.  Just last night she said she had something to tell me.  She started out by telling me she loved me.  But in her culture it is not always said.  It is something that is there but not verbalized.  She said if we were togther I would see and feel her love.  I should have known.  When we were together we did not hold hands for a long period of time but she would grab my hand.  When it was hot outside she would fan me or she would pull the back of my shirt up.  At times she would sing in english I Love You, You Love me.  And they way she would look and smile at me.  Maxx I needed the 24 hour rule.  I believe in it now.  Now that I stepped back and have read your post I see all the small things.  

This Morning when she came online she said she had been at dinner with her family.  The same hotpot restaraunt her parents took me to.  This was a big family dinner for them the parents and Xu Le to tell the rest of the family her intentions to marry me.  She said they were very happy.  They think I am handsome(Dont be a smartass maxx haha), and they were intrigued with my eyes.  haha.  They look forward for our next meeting.  I then told Xu Le I cant wait to come back to see them and that I enjoyed her family very much.  She said thank you.  And I told her that I love her eyes.  She was cute she said she loved my eyes.  They were wide and so full of life.  She also said they were as clear as the sea and how much she loves the sea.  

This morning we talked she said she wants to explain more about her culture.  She said she will tell me slowly because she wanted me to understand it all.  So The first little nugget she gave me was  that we needed to be best friends so our lives will never be boring together.  She said by msn and our first meeting we are very good together, we have the same understanding on many things.  She said we are good friends and will have to work hard to have happy lives.  

About the other things I brought up I was just out of line.  Again I needed to take a step back and look at the big picture.  Xu Le did not bring alot of clothes to beijing.  And we were out during the day sight seeing.  Who dresses up for that?  Not me.  And when we were in baoding we were with family so no need to dress up.  when we did go out she did put something nice on.  So I have over reacted.  And I do compliment her when she looks nice.  

She may still be angry with me, but i have seen my mistakes.  So I hope I can keep it together.  Flowers are a great idea.  So I will do that and continue to show her i am sorry for being a jerk.
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Offline Rhonald

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #115 on: August 02, 2009, 06:39:05 pm »
Sometimes wisdom comes too late and at a price. And sometimes, we have to make the mistake before we are willing to learn from it. It seems that you are recovering well from you mistake Josh and have gleamed knowledge from it. I wish the best for you and your girl.
« Last Edit: August 02, 2009, 06:41:03 pm by Rhonald »
Life....It's all about finding the Chicks and Balances

Arnold

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #116 on: August 02, 2009, 06:51:00 pm »
Jo-Ma , looks like your on the right Track now , my Friend . Keep it going this way and you'll have yourself a pretty nice Lady for a Wife . Haha
When you go back , make sure it's through LA again and I'll keep the Corona's cold for you .

Offline victor-hills

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #117 on: August 02, 2009, 07:09:23 pm »
Josh hade my fingers crossed for you mate nice one ;).
Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.

Offline Josh Markley

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #118 on: August 02, 2009, 08:04:49 pm »
Well if everything goes well I will be returning at the end of the year or beginning of next year.  So I know ill be waiting for the coronas for sure.  I think I have got myself back on track.  I am not sure I am out of trouble yet but I am working on it.  With out you guys I would be going insane.  I honestly have lost so much sleep since i have returned.  I thought alot had changed since I returned from my trip.  Everything is in my head.  So if i can run on your guys advice I will have myself a great woman.
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Arnold

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RE: My Blog
« Reply #119 on: August 02, 2009, 08:13:31 pm »
Yeah , but if it's too Cold in the Winter , we need to switch from a Cold one to Hot Tea instead . But why not , got to get you started on that too . Haha