Jo-Ma , Ed makes a great point . To put all your Finances on the table , as soon as you can or need to . As most chinese Women still think we are made of Money . I put that out to my Wife , before I ever seen her Face to Face . She didn't mind and we moved on , otherwise it would have stopped right there .
As I see it from Xu-Le side , she might still feel this way about you or she does not know or care to be frugal especially in this Economy .
1st , who is saying your Money to the Parent's is not enough ? Them or Her ?
2nd, a chinese wedding not need to be expensive ( compared to here )
3rd, what does she need a Car for ?
From your side , I think you are now realizing that this relationship is going to cost alot more then you have bargained for . A second or third Job might help with the Money part , but it will not help your relationship any . Bring her here and you working say ... 16 hour day's , while she is at Home ? No .. that is not going to work .
If she can not except you as you are my Friend , as much as you and I hate to hear it , it's like you said ... dead in the Water .
Remember , you alway's have us here to get you through this .