Could use some advice...

[Andy]

This is my first post here so I just want to say a quick "Hello" to everyone. I also have certain questions and concerns that might be answered by the more experienced members. I have joined Chnlove about seven months ago and it did not worked out with me and my first choice. I am currently corresponding with an other lady for two months now. She sent me lot of pictures both studio and regular pictures without makeup and enhancements. She also gave me her cell phone number without me even asking for it   and I call her at least twice a week. She speaks very little English or she just not sure about her English skills. I speak to her mandarin, but my skills are very basic too, but she always happy when I call her.

 I had written about my concerns about other men having terrible experiences finding out that their lady is in fact was not real. She assured me that she is sincerely looking for a man for marriage and that she does not understand why would the Chinese ladies do these terrible things to the men. I have asked her about a web-cam chat twice, the second time she seemed a bit upset that I "always" asking about the web-cam meeting and after sending all this pictures why I still want to use the web-cam.  My brothers, do you think it is perhaps too early to ask for a web-cam date?

I read a very useful post about leaving notes to the translator. My lady introduced her to me before and even sent me a picture together with her. I think she knows my girl better then me so I was thinking asking about the web-cam thing and see if she can help me. I feel reluctant about writing to the translator, because I feel that asking about my lady might upset my girl as she might think that I am trying something behind her back. As right now I took a leap of faith and trust the system and I believe the lady I am talking to be real, but talking with her over web-cam would make me one happy camper. Should I have some doubts about her? Should I try to contact her translator and ask for advice?
Thank you for any reply!

[Andy]

It's all how you approach the webcam idea. If you gave her the idea of the webcam to see if  she's real? Then she may be reluctant about it. With good reason. But giving a reason for wanting to see her smile and hear her laugh changes the situation. It's all in the delivery. Add on if she doesn't want to you understand and it's not a problem.

I have asked her about the web-cam before I told about the guys having some bad experiences and that time I really just want it to see her smile. My delivery was pretty much the way you wrote it, Vince. By refusing the web-cam idea what is giving me some suspicion, but I do not know how to bring it up again without getting her upset.

[MLM]

Andy, if she wont do it then maybe you should let it be for now, after all she sounds real, nonchnlove photos and you have and have used her phone number.
I would wait for a month or two and then ask her if she would give you a webcam date so you could see and hear her sweet face and voice, so you can dream of her this night.
Do it this way or some way like this and she will most likely do it for you and in that time frame she will get to know you as a person, right now you are letters and a voice, give her time and don't push to hard or you may lose her, of course this is just my opinion.
Good luck and best wishes

[maxx]

Andy go with what Michael is telling you.Just give it some time I'm sure it will work it self out.

[Andy]

Thank you for the advice, I will wait a month and try again. I need to practice some patience. I am still new at this forum and I was trying to look for a post that outlines all the red flags that we should look for. I think it would be a good idea since the new guys like me can read about all the warning signs. Well, anyway this forum is great and I am sure I learn tons new stuff  here.

[David5o]

Andy,

You didn't say if or not she has access to a computer? Maybe your using the email address that is shown on her profile. If you are, that email address is controlled by the agency and goes via the translator in the normal way. It's not a private/personal address, just means your not paying for EMF's. (now that's not a bad thing is it lol!!)  Obviously, there's no messenger or webcam facility with that address either, but a webcam meeting can be arranged via the translator, for a predetermined day and time.

Apart from what I've written above, your best to follow others who have given tactical advice to you above.

David.....

[maxx]

Andy thats great your going into this with your head up and your eyes wide open.Sometimes people read to much into thoose kind of posts.And then it gets into your head that this is all bad.Then it steam rolls because your looking for the red flags In the relationship.You won't trust yourself you won't trust the lady.Pretty soon it is all bad and this is all one big scam.Because you and the lady couldn't work it out.


Don't get me wrong you do need to go at this with your eyes open and your head up.But you need to also go at this with a open mind.Your lady is not from the West.She Knows very little of your customs and your culture.Just as you know very little about her customs and culture.

If you can remember a couple of simple rules.This will be alot more easier for you.

Rule #1 Different country different customs.Just because you are from where your from. And you do it that way in your country.Does not make it right.And that may not be how they do it in China.

Rule #2 is called the 24 hour rule.Very very important.Learn it live it love it.Get it tattoed on your arm if it helps you remember.The 24 hour rule says that you wate 24 hours to reply to your lady.About what ever she said that you don't understand.Or whatever has made you suspicios.Or she has done something that makes no sence to you.

Post your question here give the members 24 hours to respond.It gives you time to think and gives the members here time to discuss your problem or question.And reply to you.

9 out of 10 times.You have missunderstood what your lady was trying to tell you.Or she is following what she knows about Chinese customs.And you won't know that Chines custom.The 24 hour rule is a valuable tool but only if you use it.

Good luck
Maxx

[Jimmy]

Several of us have been scammed ect but what you wrote about how this girl did you right off the bat sounds like you have a keeper brother she took away most of the "what does she have to hide" right off .
They are alot like us to in the sense they misunderstand stuff due to language So like Maxx said never forget that 24 hr rule.

Good luck man sounds like you got it goin on with this girl we should all be so lucky.
Myself I have my own rule about I never write to more than 1 girl at a time and it seems to be taking me a little longer to find the right one because of it I think. Im a sucker for a pretty face and try real hard not to hurt anyones feelings so end up writing to a girl for longer than I should sometimes

[Andy]

I feel what you saying Jimmy, I am one lady guy also. I have tried to write to more then one, but it did not felt right with me. It is kind of silly really. Kind of felt like dating with two girls.

[David E]

Andy

I got stung before...and I just about gave it all away on the basis that CHNLove was a scammers nest !!
One real benefit I am getting from reading all the words from the Bro's is that my confidence that scammers may well be a minority in Chinese Ladies is rising.

Before, I was all negative and almost pre-judged every woman who contacted me as a potential scammer.

Now I got somewaht more relaxed and begin to look more under the surface (so to speak) !!

From my own (very real) experience, I did not get 10% of the apparent honesty you are getting from your "lovely".......so I reckon that "softly, softly...catchee mousee "....I am sure she will get more relaxed about web-cam when she, in turn gets more confidence in your intentions. I am sure that there are also bad dudes that make these Women a bit cautious.

My two cents worth...good luck, hang in there

[Willy The Londoner]

As many of you know I am now living in Zhuhai and what I found is that most of the girls are not computer literate although it seems most 'foreign' men think they are.

The lady I originally came to see was a Doctor and the time on my first weekend here was spent at the hospital where she tried to work out how a computer, that was replacing her pen and ink in her office, worked.

She was able to speak some English but had never mastered the computer.  Any email she had sent me was in fact sent by the translator.

Do not make the mistake that every lady is up to no good if she does not match up to your technical expertise.  
I have a video cam fitted to my laptop that I took to China with me.  I have no idea how it works even though I run an internet based business.  Does that make me some sort of suspect?

I have lived in the scammers capital of the world, Lagos Nigeria, there even your neighbour will try to scam you for a dollar.  But come on, David E is right -treat everyone as a scammer and you might as well pack up and stop thinking about China.  Keep you wits about you but lets not be paranoid.

The average women on the sites are genuine. The first lady had paid a deposit of 5000 CNY and the agency want another 3000 for the meeting with me that ended in us parting our ways.  My lastest Girl paid 5000CNY which is three months of her wages just to get listed.  They want another 5000 cny now she has met me with a further 15000 if we marry.  

One other thing Andy - have you listed your girls details on the Brotherhood page?

Willy the Londoner

[Andy]

Willy, I have listed her on the brotherhood post yes. I am not paranoid, but still very cautious after reading about the bad experiences others had. I also reading all the wonderful stories too and it is very encouraging and help me balance out the other posts. She does not have a computer, but I read other members arranging a web-cam meeting through the agency translator. Right now I think she is just too shy and might be too early for her to talk to me face to face. I will try later again and I be patient. Those poor ladies spend so much on this agencies that is unbelievable. It show quite the commitment from they side.