I'm confused! Please help - thanks! :)

[pr1969]

Hi everyone from Cape Town, South Africa

Have just signed up and would be most grateful if experienced Chnlove members out there could answer a few of my queries:

1. After being on Chnlove.com for just over a year (off and on) now, I'm confused! At first, I decided to write to one lady at a time to try building a serious relationship that way. But, each time I have done that, I've been badly burnt. My question is, can we take it as a given that the girl we are communicating with is communicating with others, regardless of what she says or what we believe?

2. After being burnt so many times, I have now adopted the policy of communicating with 2 or 3 girls at a time instead, building 2 or 3 serious and meaningful friendships first, before meeting in person. The girls don't know about each other - should I be telling them or not? The reason I have not is that, for all I know, they are all doing the exact same thing (i.e. communicating with several men at one time), so why should I tell them if they're not telling me.

3. I've written to Chnlove several times about the agencies refreshing girls profiles at will, most often knowing that several of the girls have already built up serious relationships on Chnlove, and that refreshing the girls profiles could wreck those carefully built up relationships. What can be done here and how do you all feel about this?

4. What do you do when a girl who says she is crazy about you, says she will only be able to meet you during the day when you visit? Should I say something or just take it that this is a traditional Chinese lady, who may be a bit nervous being alone with a Western man in her city at night, for numerous understandable reasons?

My sincere thanks in advance for all your help!

Best wishes from South Africa Peter

PS I will be in China at the end of this month to begin my teaching job & meet my Lady! Would anyone like to meet me while I’m there?

[Brian Mc]

Greetings,
As MPo4747 says, having a relationship with multiple women at the same time is a decision for you alone to make, but once you find the one, you are honour bound to tell the rest and it is going to hurt both you and them.  You will likely find that chinese women are unlike any others around the world as they will take your rejection and quite probably tell you they are happy you found someone and offer to be your friend.  Try that with western women and you sign a death sentence lol.

Personally I would keep the length of multiple relationships as short as possible.  No sense in causing pain to these ladies who are seriously looking for their future happiness and love here and quite often paying large sums of money to do so.  The more we as western men hurt them in this process the worse it is for them.  Treat them with the honour and love and respect that they deserve for they are beautiful loving women who deserve our very best.

Anyway you must decide how to approach this, just know that while you may get varied answers from the brotherhood we all look out for each other.  All advice is valid it just depends on which pieces you choose to act on.

Regards

Brian Mc

[Arnold]

#(&%"}_$+@*8*$#!^+;>+
now take that and smoke it .

After the Smokes clear's , I think Mike and Brian ... pretty much sum'd it up for you Peter .

Anyway's , Welcome to the Forum ... which by the way HAS a return . So whenever you feel like asking or throwing your three cent's into a Thread please do so .

[Danny]

3. I've written to Chnlove several times about the agencies refreshing girls profiles at will, most often knowing that several of the girls have already built up serious relationships on Chnlove, and that refreshing the girls profiles could wreck those carefully built up relationships. What can be done here and how do you all feel about this?

PS I will be in China at the end of this month to begin my teaching job & meet my Lady! Would anyone like to meet me while I’m there?

There are a lot of questions, so I will respond to just one of them.

Refreshing profiles is a subject that has been discussed over and over here. A refreshed profile may be mean that your fine woman is not satisfied with you or anyone else she is corresponding with at the moment, and is inviting interest from whoever else is out there. On the other hand, it might have been done on the initiative of your woman's agency - the agency may have refreshed the profile so that it can drum up a little extra emf mail business. There's no conclusive way of knowing the truth of the matter.

As a general rule it's a good thing if your woman does not refresh her profile regularly, but if she does, and she's someone you feel some affection for, it might be something you may wish to discuss with her.

Even if she doesn't refresh her profile regularly, it really doesn't count for a lot. She might already be corresponding with men on this and other websites. She may already have men in her home town who are interested in her.

The situation for men and women on chnlove is like the situation anywhere. If you're a good catch, it's for certain you already have alternatives to the men and women on chnlove.

Go and watch those nature documentaries, with all those seals and walruses messing about on the beach. That's life as a single and a married person. It's a disorganised mess. There are always unattached males about:



A refreshed profile sometimes sends guys into a spin and hence the establishment of a 24 hour rule. That is the best bit of advice you will ever get here. Whenever you feel like losing it, wait before acting on that impulse and talk about it with people you trust.

[David5o]

You will find, that it is mainly the agencies that are refreshing ladies profiles, without the ladies knowledge!!
That is more often the case when you are corresponding via the agency translation email address ( the one you pay 2 credits for) where you don't pay for the translation. This is the agency trying to drum up business in the form of EMF's

One way you can stop these refreshments, is to ask your lady to hide her profile, They generally won't refresh if the profile is hidden, for obvious reasons!!  hahaha!!

David....

[Neil]

#1) Communication and trust.  If there is any question about whether she's talking with other men, ask her.  You have every right and she will either take it as a sign of respect and strength or mistrust and disrespect - either way, you will learn much more about the lady you are courting and can make a better decision about whether to continue.

#3) Easy one, honor dictates one woman at a time but only once you and her have progressed to a point that you should know when you are honor bound.  Everyone's a grown up here, we all (men and women) understand we're playing the field.  

#3) I'd like to recommend my girl's agency as a reputable one since she has never once refreshed her profile.  That leads me to believe either she is a strong woman that has expressed to her agency that she will not stand for her profile being fussed with or the agency is honest enough to not refresh a profile just for more EMF traffic.  Don't take my word for it til I'm on the ground with her though.  2 weeks to go!

#4) Respect.  She has rules of engagement, if she lays 'em down, you follow them.  Or, you lay down rules of engagement and see if she'll follow them.  Just never pressure her to do something she's not comfortable doing.  

Sorry you've struck out a few times.  Change your stance, choke up on the bat and take another swing, which is exactly what you're doing by being here.  

Good luck Peter.

Neil

[China Shark]

Pr1969, the guys summed it up pretty well so I'm going to refrain from my usual 1,000 word monologue ome brother don't be a stranger, post to let us know how you're doing. Where are you going to be teaching at, I've been teaching in and around Shenzhen for the last 5 months. Great job, love my new home and life here. It's a numbers and percentages games sometimes. I've been through at least 5 - 6 serious contenders before I realized it is simply much simpler to just find a woman in the city you will be residing in the future. I would have went home like a scalded dog if it wasn't for my contingency plan. Protect your own interests first. I've dated a few here and there is a lot of crap here like there is back home. After almost seven months here I've found the one and we are definitely planning on marrying in the not too distant future. Sometimes patience and perserverence are the most important key elements to the equation. If you live here you will meet someone I assure. If you are teaching you will meet so many eligible good women in your classes.
Yes, guys I know you shouldn't mix pleasure with business, it just happened so I'm following her and my heart. It will happen bro. If you are around Shenzhen or possibly Guangzhou maybe we could meet up.
China Shark Mike

[pr1969]

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for all your insightful comments - they have been of great help to me.

China Shark, would be great to meet up with you in China! Will contact you about this soon...

Best wishes to y'all Peter