Operation Chongqing

[Chad]

For what it is worth this is my opinion. When I came back from my first trip to China in 11/08 I came back broken hearted and asked for advice from the guys here. Of course I did not really like what they had to say but I listened anyway and eventually broke it off with the girl I went to see. We had a great time together but she lied to me and could not make a commitment to me that she would keep. So as hard as it was I let go. And guess what I survived to meet another girl. That is indeed another story. The main thing that I am trying to say is that truth and communication is all we have. We (I) sometimes think that she is the only one for us (me). Well that is not true. You are the only one that can make up your mind. It just seems to me that this is going to put you in the nut house as much as it is haunting you.

But you asked a question on how long does it take to get divorced. As much as I hate to say it I may be the only guy here that can actually answer that question. The second time I went to China in May I actaully got married and believe it or not I got divorced as well. The marriage took about 20 minutes and then four days later the divorce took only ten minutes. There is no waiting time for either one.

As hard as that expierance was I am finally able to talk about it. And I have started writing to another woman or maybe two. Life does go on. It is just very hard to make the very first step to walk away and to do what you know deep in your heart is right. As in my case sometimes life just makes those crazy twists and turns and all you can do is to hang on and survive the ride.

No matter what you do just follow your heart.

[Danny]

For what it is worth this is my opinion. When I came back from my first trip to China in 11/08 I came back broken hearted and asked for advice from the guys here. Of course I did not really like what they had to say but I listened anyway and eventually broke it off with the girl I went to see.

Chad, I really value the advice I've received here.

When I had a really difficult time with my woman, most of the advice I received was "break it off". I think the main reason is they're soft hearted people here and they don't want brothers to continue to bang their heads against a brick wall.

I think Maxx was the only dissenting opinion and as an aside, if it doesn't work out, Maxx, I am going to have some harsh words for you *laughs*

You never know for sure what's going to happen, so sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and to live the dream.

There comes a time for just making a compromise with reality, and the way things are in actuality. But sometimes, you just hope for something impossible and it works out. You never know.

You never know how Sylvain's relationship is going to end up. Maybe if he persists with it, she will just divorce the Chinese man, and run away with him to Paris.

As a friend I would advise him to just forget about it. But who can blame him if he just lets his madness take over him for a time, and see how it ends up.

This is the glorious life!

[Vince G]

Sylvain I am as confused as you. It read like she got married but the rest of the letter ? She was asking you to continue? (send the letter?). BUT through it all if this was me I would say goodbye just for the roller coaster ride given. To much drama and to much confusion. Move on.

[Ed W]

ok. I'd like to contribute to this but I'm thuroughly confused. None of Sylvains posts make any sense. Who's writing who? Mother said what? Sister told who..what?

anyone who can follow this one, more power to ya but I'm unable to follow it.

[Tiztom]

You guys have got to stop giving this guy....and others false hope, it's what he's looking for, any minute bit of positive reaction & he's off in dream land again, it's nice to be all cuddly and warm to everyone but I think a lot of you with your nice positive words are doing more harm than good, I tried to tell it how it was about a week ago & got shot down, now some of you have woken up to the fact it's not going to happen you're starting to give a bit of advise to let her go, but sometimes you have to be harsh to get the message through & if some of you had had the sense to say what you really thought when it was happening instead trying to be Mr Nice Guy all the time you may have actually saved this man a bit of heartache or at least made him realize IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AND YOU'VE BEEN TAKEN FOR A RIDE. It's bloody obvious that she has dropped him enough hints FFS

[RobertBfrom aust]

ok. I'd like to contribute to this but I'm thuroughly confused. None of Sylvains posts make any sense. Who's writing who? Mother said what? Sister told who..what?

anyone who can follow this one, more power to ya but I'm unable to follow it.

Ed , I am with you , my suggestion was in post 85 , way back when , and I have not changed my thoughts since then , it has been the same circle ever since , regards Robert .

[Ed W]

I gotta agree with Tiz on this one. This is nutz!!

[Danny]

You guys have got to stop giving this guy....and others false hope, it's what he's looking for, any minute bit of positive reaction & he's off in dream land again, it's nice to be all cuddly and warm to everyone but I think a lot of you with your nice positive words are doing more harm than good

In my humble opinion, when you're caught up in a situation like Sylvain is in at the moment, nothing you're going to say, whether positive or negative is going to have much of an impression. In situations like this it's enough to listen to what he has to say and to support him as much as we are able. Sylvain is a good fellow, he will work this out just fine. I have no doubt about it.

[Sylvain D]

I'd like to know why you seem to be so "angry", Tiz', even if that word seems to not be "good enough"...
WTF?
As I can remember, Ting said she disliked that man and that she liked me... Well, maybe is she really married to the chinese man, ... because her parents forced her to do it. But I can just remember too that she didn't want to do it... she quarelled her parents about me, she wrote me that she did not really have any other choice than listening to her parents and to be with that man... but her sister went talking to her mother yesterday once again and (I said it seemed) that she then became confused...
Tell me what's wrong about that? Traditional parents don't have to change they must follow what their mind says,whatever would happen? are you trying to say me in fact that they just like some any robots, they just say "no", "no", "no", "marry that man", and that's all??? (kidding)
As I want to say, too, for sure, my trip over there was really like a rollercoaster and I really agree with it... Ok, 5 days were short to be really good for many things to live, but I had an experience over there... did Ting choose anyway to be with that man? It seems like "no".
Maybe is she finding any other way to move from China and that I'm a rabbit who could be like "an EXIT's door" and who could help her to move from China, maybe isn't it the case... i just know that anyway, if she would had to move from China, there would be any contract about wedding and so on...
I know, I guess I can be a bit "crazy" to still believe in something...
how to say? sometimes I just live with a few things... and that sounds good to me. I don't need so many things to be happy.

Well...
If Ting is also married and that she wants to divorce, WTF with that? maybe that her mother would have understood that Ting and her sister tried the best they could, to show her that Ting really likes me but because her mother is traditional, she refused to listen "easily" Ting about all of it...

As I said, I have nothing to lose by waiting now anything new from Ting..
anyway and for sure, I wouldn't send any money if she would ask me to help for divorce or anything else.. until I would meet her parents if it WOULD HAVE TO HAPPEN...

What do U want me to say else...
seeing that Ting keeps me updated about that, I just let it be to see where it will lead..

And since a few days, I'm in contact with many other ladies because of my next trip.
So, now...

I think the best thing to do is that I will forget that topic, because if most of you are also helpful with good advices and so on, I have to admit that it's becoming like a free "debate"  about "should I leave, or should I stay"...and the "atmosphere" just become a bit "pesante"... I just feel it.
Then, I won't post anymore over that topic...

If any moderator wants to "close" it, I'm ok with it.
It won't change anyway that I will go on talking about my next trip, without giving any more news from Ting, so everybody shall be happy like that.

Thanks for understanding.

[Tiztom]

Mate, I'm not angry with you, I'm annoyed at the situation you have been put in. Had she loved you as much as she obviously told you by EMF etc, she would have made every effort to meet you at the airport, she would have made every effort to spend as much time as possible with you, instead you were fobbed off onto her sister, you were never told about the other man, you were never told her parents were against her leaving the country, ALL of this could have been discussed before you wasted your time going there. "TAKE A HINT" she is not coming to France, she is not getting a divorce next week, her parents do NOT want to meet you & you MUST stop wasting time and money on her. Move on like you are trying to do & forget Chongqing ever happened or you'll end up in an asylum.

[victor-hills]

Guys i think we should just let sly get on with it no matter who says what he will do it his way.

[David5o]

At last, some has had the bulls to tell it how it is, instead of pussy footing around. Does everyone realise, ....it's taken 33 pages, and over 300 postings  and over 5,300 viewings to get this far!!!!!!!

It's true What Tiztom has stated, instead of posting what you really thought, you've been sending him candy floss, that's just feed his obsession. If we really want to support each other here, we have to Tell It How It Is, and not Gloss over, what can be plainly obvious to everyone else, except the guy that's involved.

I hope that this has been a lesson to all of us, Don't Feed Candy Floss to guys that are digging bloody big holes for themselves. It does the guy involved and the rest of us, absolutly no good what-so-ever, and probably does more harm.....

David......

[Chong]

David & Tom,

You're not the only ones to give dissenting opinions or 'tell-it-like-it-is', others choose to do it by private email instead [ very early on this thread ].

In the end, he probably get 65/35 % - Pro/Con opinions, it's his decision ultimately to succeed or learn a costly life lesson.

[Tiztom]

Chong....................This is what a public forum is all about or everyone would stick to MSN, emails, or the phone.......... if you put your dirty washing on the line-expect people to see and comment on it, not hide the facts.
I can understand personal abuse being a problem but a personal opinion seems to get one half in tears and the rest living in denial. I'm sure if Sylvian had so many private posts he may have woken up by now but as they are hidden he can also ignore them, cold hard in your face facts are sometimes the only things that get through to people, but there is too much pissing in peoples pockets on here.

[Vince G]

when you're caught up in a situation nothing you're going to say, whether positive or negative is going to have much of an impression. In situations like this it's enough to listen to what he has to say and to support him as much as we are able.

Danny says it all here. He had learned it from being in a similar situation.

Sylvain believe it or not, has it under control. He's not blind to it. He is posting all of it not asking for help as in what should I do? but more of what do you think?