Operation Chongqing

[Chong]

Tom,

You're right, Sly chose to air his dirty laundry publicly so he has to accept pro and con opinions.

He did get cold hard facts EARLY on telling him to abandon. Like you mentioned, it's post # 331 with over 5,000+ viewings, so obviously it hasn't got to him yet. Whether, it's by private or public posts ... as long as he reads it, it's his decision to continue or not.

Tom ... At some point, you WILL need advice. Judging by your personal privacy, you WILL 'PM" your closest & trustworthy friend on this site ... I guarantee it.  At the beginning of my trip, I had a very important life altering decision and I email two senior Forum members for advice ... instead of starting a public thread. Well I got their two opinions but I disagreed with them. They suggested that I contact the lady again, I refused. Ultimately, it's my decision. I didn't need to read 100+ opinions.

The reason I replied to your post was that you're trying to sound like a Holy Crusader. Like I mentioned, you're not the only one to 'tell-it-like-it-is". You don't need to constantly post that guys need to hear 'Cold Hard Facts' & spare them from pain. We heard this from you several times already.

[David5o]

Chong,

I can see and understand what you have said here, and also pleased that some have posted Pm's/emails  to Sly.
But don't you think, before it had got this far down the line, that some of those people posting PMs or e-mails, should have made there feelings known on the Forum?? I can tell you this much, from this thread, the pros and con's by far, favour the candy floss approach.... and any posts that started going against that approach started to appear far too late in the day to be of any real use.  If it wasn't possible to support Sly by being basically straight with him, at least it can help others in the future

As i stated above, the guys on here have to start telling it as they really see it, and not just join in, to add their little bit of Floss.... That's not support in my book!!!!
 If i was in a similar position, or making foolhardy decisions that i just couldn't see. I'd rather have someone post on here and tell me just that. At least i would have another prospective to look at, and to look further, into what, i probably hadn't earlier even considered.

I still think this has been a useful lesson to the forum, on just what can happen, when your not Straight with fellow members.  Only Fluff and candy floss doesn't work!!!
Look at it again Chong , ....33 post pages, over 300 postings,  and 5,300 Viewings.
Doesn't that tell everyone here anything?....

David......

[Danny]

As I can remember, Ting said she disliked that man and that she liked me... Well, maybe is she really married to the chinese man, ... because her parents forced her to do it. But I can just remember too that she didn't want to do it... she quarelled her parents about me, she wrote me that she did not really have any other choice than listening to her parents and to be with that man... but her sister went talking to her mother yesterday once again and (I said it seemed) that she then became confused...
Tell me what's wrong about that? Traditional parents don't have to change they must follow what their mind says,whatever would happen? are you trying to say me in fact that they just like some any robots, they just say "no", "no", "no", "marry that man", and that's all??? (kidding)

Sylvain, here is what one of my dearest of friends wrote about your situation when I explained it to her - while I might not agree with every suggestion, I think it has value for showing that other people consider that the way you have dealt with it is not unreasonable:

I am so pity for there is more a tragedy marriage produced.  
 
I think firstly, she is very young to strike and against her happiness with her parents. without enough courage and brave.
 
secondly, her parents very domineering and overbearing for their daughter's marriage. like the BaoYu's mother and his grandmother.
 
Thirdly, your friend should be earlier write a letter, such as like a guarantee to let his gril's parents take it easy for transnational -marriage, and he should be fly to be around the girl and do his best to get married with his girl.because the girl instead of  his girl's parents would marry him.  
 
Only one letter to the gril's parents now, maybe is too late but, could make them reflect on and discovered their errors.
 
Fouthly, I would leave my parents and try to work on your friend's country or find another job at another area if i would be the girl.

I personally wish you all the best and hope that you don't feel your tender feelings are being mocked.

I have a great deal of sympathy for your situation and hope that over the coming days it is resolved to your satisfaction.

[Chong]

David,

Sly's problems started on page 8 post # 77. Right away, Maxx, myself, Irish and Alex advised him to start looking for another lady ( post # 78 to 88 ) ... isn't that telling it like it is right off the bat That wasn't candy flossing, was it .  We all advised him from our personal experiences. Our feelings were posted early on the Forum. "Look at it again" ... in your own words !!!

Sly chose to continue to follow his heart and look where it ended up ... 330+ postings 5,300 viewings. If he took our advice then, perhaps the thread would have ended right there.

Right or wrong, it's his decision.

[David5o]

Chong,

I've just gone and looked at those posts mentioned above. Yes they weren't the normal candy floss, But you weren't actually telling him straight either, ....More agreeing with some of the comments he was coming out with in his posts, and bits of advice to do with the contacting the agency in the whole. Then, ... later on everyone you mention is back on the candy floss merry-go-round...

My main point on my posting here, is Not particuarly that about Sly, but in a general outlook over the Forum. We have to tell it how it is, and not follow the happy smiley fuzzy posts, if we see something that isn't right, and is in our view being overlooked by the majority.
The one thing that should have been learnt from This thread, is that once it's known that the guy is just not listening to anyone, .... then you refrain from feeding the obsessive thought patten.... Now i'm sure you will agree with that, at very least Chong?

I'm sure what's in the back of your mind, is not allowing the Forum to become a ''free for all'  nasty bash em, and run type place. And i agree with you 110%, That's not what I, or anyone else wants here. But we have to be at least, a little more up-front and honest with each other too. Candy Floss is fine at the right time and place, but can be non-productive in other instances.

No-ones knocking Sly now, as they won't be with others when they feel they have to tell it, as it is, to others in the future. The important thing is that we Support each other the best we can, without going round the bushes to do it......

David ......

[Chong]

David,

Telling him to start looking for another woman early on in the Forum ... What's not straight about that advice  Some of us just know to bail out that that point and advised him. So again, wasn't that straight to the point

Regarding supporting him afterwards ... let's use an analogy. If you advised a family member but he/she went against your judgement, you would still support his/her decision wouldn't you ... even if you think he/she's wrong. Again, it's not your decision. Even if you bash Sly's brains with your opinions, it's not your decision to make.

You mentioned that you should say something if it's overlooked by the 'majority' ... well if the majority overlooked it, who's to say that you're right

I totally agree with you about ... "if the guy's not listening and has an one track mind after hearing all opinions, shouldn't the obsessiveness be stopped" ... but we have over 170+ members, most will still feel to offer their opinions ... just like you, tiztom and I are doing ... even at this late stage of the thread.

You and tiztom have an one track mind set that members aren't upfront and honest with each other. I disagree ... we have many guys that tell-it-like-it-is ... but remember, we're a support group [ like you wroted ] ... in good times and in bad times. You and tiztom have every right to let your personal opinions be known ...  just write dissenting opinions in a clean form reply. Then use all the swear words you want to write in a private email ... that'll get your point across publicly & privately, right

In the end, our opinions are neither right or wrong. It's not our decision to make.

In reality, we're all here expressing our opinions and staking our 15 minutes of Internet Fame .... because nobody else will listen to us ...... hahahahahaha  !!!!!!!!

[Sylvain D]

Well, please don't fight for me please, 'coz I don't have any bunny girl just to make you smile

So...
For sure, I had some PM's from some members here, and I do think that it's the same for other brothers with different topics... each one choose to PM who he wants and to give any advices and anything else.

I have nothing to say about that, except that I really appreciate.
A thread must be "constructive"... for sure, I was said several times that I'd better look for another lady, but eh... when I think I got something to do, I prefer doing it instead than doing nothing...

Danny, I really appreciate what your friend says, and in fact, many points have been done...
I just can say "again" that Ting seems to be "scared" to leave her family, but I said her that I'd do all I could for her to go and visit her parents if she would live in France... I never said "she will"...
The "problem" is that Ying is not really Ting's sister but just her cousin, but she is considered as her sister. So, Ying does not live with Ting's parents and can't talk to them everyday... she told me she would help and so on...Just tell me what's wrong with all the mails she sent me, saying that she would do anything to help and so on? Her latest mail said "maybe some changes for us", and that she would keep me updated on Monday, and that I didn't have to be angry nor sad.
I know that Ting didn't tell me clearly about the chinese man, it is also something I will have to better understand from her.
As I showed many pictures with her, I was said that she seemed very happy with me...
So, yes, I did not see her often in Chongqing, I would have liked... she said me that because of her parents, she was forced to see the man, 4 times a week...and that she didn't see him after work and at night...just for lunching time. What can I say about it?? except that she may be honest with me...
Ok, in real she didn't say she loved me, and she didn't say "I will miss you" when we said each other goodbye...but in 5 days, anyway, isn't it a bit short to say to someone, known from Internet and maybe the 1st foreigner we can see coming for us, "I love you"?
I don't really remember all other topics related to your trips in China, but I can remember that, for some of you, you had to wait more than one week just to have like a french kiss ...
Now, the thing that I don't understand is that, if Ting is married, if she needs my letter, it would be to give to Ying, so she could then translate it for Ting's mother... just in hope to divorce and being with me?
If so, I would then ask a copy of Ting's status, saying she's really divorced and that her parents really are ok to see me.
BUT !!!!
as I say, actually, i'm not angry nor anxious about that...I just let it be...
If nothing has evolved in the next week, I'll move and close that situation with Ting, ... just because there's nothing more to do...
I think I've used all the things I had near me, to "believe" in the relation with Ting, and for sure, I'm not a magician. Even if I did all I could, now, I have nothing more to regret.. Shall it stop or go on, that just makes my trip an experience, and next time I will move, I'll ask about the parents, if they are traditional ones or not...
By the way, I have also asked Ting about her father, 'coz,for sure, she didn't mention him in her mail...
Most of you guys are right, anyway, to give me any advices, to comment and so on.
For sure, the "ultimate" decision is mine... but don't think I would sink... ^^
I'm just thinking more and more about Beijing & Shangaï for my next travel... Right now, Chongqing isn't mentionned...

[Chong]

The "problem" is that Ying is not really Ting's sister but just her cousin, but she is considered as her sister. So, Ying does not live with Ting's parents and can't talk to them everyday...

NOW ... you tell us !!!!!!!!!!!!  It makes a huge difference.  :@

[Sylvain D]

Errr.. I thought I had already told it?
And what about the "huge" difference? If the cousin can still give any opinion, and as she is 37 years old and wil marry an US guy and will live with him in USA?

[David5o]

Chong,

It seems that you will never see the point or points  i was making, so it becomes a pointless exercise explaining more.

What was very interesting though, i have had discussions with Tom off line on email, and we did wonder if PMs were being monitored by you Mods. So we decided to try it out, and be as outrageous as we could,  just to see if any comments from the set-up PMs were made public.... And now you have confirmed to me, that you are indeed monitoring them. So much for your members privacy. Perhaps you should change the title from Private Messages to Personal Messages, either way, ....Guess who won't be using the PMs anymore Chong!!!

David.....

[Ed W]

Chong,

It seems that you will never see the point or points  i was making, so it becomes a pointless exercise explaining more.

What was very interesting though, i have had discussions with Tom off line on email, and we did wonder if PMs were being monitored by you Mods. So we decided to try it out, and be as outrageous as we could,  just to see if any comments from the set-up PMs were made public.... And now you have confirmed to me, that you are indeed monitoring them. So much for your members privacy. Perhaps you should change the title from Private Messages to Personal Messages, either way, ....Guess who won't be using the PMs anymore Chong!!!

David.....

Sounds like another conspiracy theory to me.

[victor-hills]

I have to ask is this so about the pm,s ?

[Irishman]

Chong,

It seems that you will never see the point or points  i was making, so it becomes a pointless exercise explaining more.

What was very interesting though, i have had discussions with Tom off line on email, and we did wonder if PMs were being monitored by you Mods. So we decided to try it out, and be as outrageous as we could,  just to see if any comments from the set-up PMs were made public.... And now you have confirmed to me, that you are indeed monitoring them. So much for your members privacy. Perhaps you should change the title from Private Messages to Personal Messages, either way, ....Guess who won't be using the PMs anymore Chong!!!

David.....

David and paranoid (Tiztom) friends, maybe you should take this paranoid tenancy further and not post at all here,  we all seem to be able to read your cynical thoughts on-line for some strange reason.

Nobody here is going to shed a tear if you and Tiztom move off to Pfishy where i supsect you'll both feel more welcome and at home with the other paranoid Walter Mittys,  good riddance and good bye.Tiztom if you want to start spreading unsubstantiated crap like David I'll ban you too, if you want to act like an adult and offer balanced advice and opinion here rather than paranoid unsubstantiated rumours than you are welcome here.

[maxx]

Victor if you post a PM to somebody I don't recieve any notification that you sent a PM and I cant read your messages.Ihave no Idea what David is talking about.

[Vince G]

I leave for a few hours and meet with some clients to come back to this? Nobody told me I could read PM's? How's this possible? BS!?
I wish I knew what the proof was?