Daily life of a married man

[Ed W]

my wife and I did quite a bit of shopping in China but she never informed me of any racial stuff of any kind. It might have occured but she never said anything. Where I live in california I highly doubt anyone will notice besides her challenge with the language.

I give my wife much credit to fend off racial remarks since knowing her as I do, she'd likely not tell me ever anyway.

[Arnold]

I don't think, that LA is going to be a problem with Interracial Couple's at all for two reasons;
1st: this here is a melting pot of all nationalities
2nd: most of the Folk here are too drunk or stoned to realize anything out of the ordinary

[Bob]

I asked this question to my wife yesterday, she said that no one has ever said anything to her about us being together, no one has ever made any bad or negative remarks to her. I asked her twice, "are you sure",,"yes, I never had any bad remarks" she replied. I guess it depends on the area you are in,,some places will accept it better then others.

[Brian Mc]

I asked this question to my wife yesterday, she said that no one has ever said anything to her about us being together, no one has ever made any bad or negative remarks to her. I asked her twice, "are you sure",,"yes, I never had any bad remarks" she replied. I guess it depends on the area you are in,,some places will accept it better then others.

Yea Bob I think you are correct.  Before I started this search for my Chinese lady, I never really noticed mixed couples much unless other things made them stand out.  Now I work in  retail outlet and just this weekend alone I have noticed 6 or 8 whiteguy/asian woman couples.  Maybe its because this is now what I am looking for, maybe they were always there and I just didnt notice, but I sure notice now lol.  For me its nice because at least its reassuring to me that when my lady comes here she will be accepted.

Regards

Brian

[maxx]

Guys I'm really glad to here that none of you have experienced this kind of Situation.The reason I made this post is so that the members are aware that It can happen.The world is a much smaller place now.But you still do run into people with small minds.

How you deal with these kind of people is up to you and your wife.

Maxx

[Ed W]

You're absolutly right Maxx. My brother married a japanese woman probably 20+ yrs ago in college. She stopped her education at masters in physics but my brother continued onto gradutate school with the PHD in optical physics. After graduation his only job offer was in Bozeman, MT. After 3 yrs living there he was ready to kill them all since they were, in his words, "the most racist SOB's he'd ever encountered". I'm sure it has much to do with the region you live in but there's no doubt it does exist.

[maxx]

Ed yes your right.It has alot to do with the area where you live.In New Mexico.It is all fine.But as you said in Montana it could be a problem.

[Rhonald]

Here in Calgary we have about 7 to 10% Asian population. Many mixed marriages so not too much problems. However last year a couple of skin heads jumped an asian woman. We also have a big Sik population. It seems that a white guy with a Sik or Pakastan woman draws the biggest racial problem. The girl will be harrased by her own culture's male members.

As for wondering off while in China, on my first visit in December my wife had a Sunday music class to teach. She left me in a book store for an hour while she went to teach. I was left with a Cappuccino to nurse while I waited. I never found an English section and soon finished my coffe. Feeling bold I went back to the coffe store with the cup in hand and using my best Chinese and pointing to the cup, I tried to order another coffe. Good thing there was an English speaking customer near by to solve the clerks puzzled look. I still felt frustrated since I can speak some Spanish and the sound of coffe in Chinese is near the same as in Spanish. I believe I said " Ching gay Wa Kaffe"

Oh well, when my Yan returned, she was impressed that I ordered another cup by myself, but I had to confide in her that I had help.

[maxx]

Homesick

My wife was in the states for probably 3 months.The first time she got homesick.I had done all that I could to make this feel like home to her.I got her a job.bought her a computer told her she could do what she wanted to do with it.She changed the launguge to Chinese.Down loaded QQ, Skype,It has a Chinese home page.We also go to eat Chinese at least once a week and go to the Asian market about once a month.There is Chinese wall hangings,Chinese calanders,Chinese newspapers,Rice cookers.Pretty much everything a Chinese women would need to feel at home in the states.

It wasn't enough she was still homesick.She was pregnant at the time and the doctor told her she couldn't fly.(Oh I almost forgot my wifes doctor is Chinese) So since the doctor was Chinese.And Chinese doctors Know more then American doctors.It was ok.When the baby was 3 months old off to China we went.It took me that long to get a passport and visa for are son.We ended up staying in China for 17 days.

My wife tells me today.That she is homesick.And that here body is becomming weak.She has got alergies of some kind.And when the baby was born.He didn't want to come out.So they really put her threw the mill.Now she has a nerve spasm in one leg and it bothers her,Doctor told her there is nothing they can do.That it will fix its self in time.

My wife has decided that she wants to go back to China for a visit in April or may.And stay for a couple of months.I don't have a problem with her and are son going to China and staying for a couple of months.I even think it is a good idea.

My problem is I won't see them for 2 months.I can't get that much time off of work.If I could get that much time off from work.We wouldn't be able to afford no money comming in for 2 months.

Yes I can see them on the web cam.But we all know that isn't the same.And I know how important this is to her.So I told my wife that it would be ok.

This is something that can happen when you are married to a person from another country.And At some point and time you are going to have to deal with it.I try to see it from her point of view and understand her feelings.

Talking to her family on the web cam isn't the same thing As being there.Buying and cooking her own food isn't the same as being there.I'm sure she misses the sites and sounds of China.

I'm sure after a few years in a foriegn country.That I would be homesick to.I would miss the sites and the quite of the northern deserts of New Mexico.I can cook my own food buy my own kind of beer in China.But I know it wouldn't be the same.And I don't think 17 days stay in the states would make it alright for me.

Maxx

[MLM]

My wife and kids have been in China now for almost 2 months, I was with them for the first 2 weeks but had to come home to work, so its been talking to them on the phone and webcam and as Maxx has said, its not the same, Zhou wanted to see China before she could not fly again for a while.
They will be coming home in just 12 more days, I have stayed in China for extended periods of time before and have become homesick and wanted to come back to the States just to hear the sounds or lack of sound in the mountains, to smell clean air and to talk to my family, so I know what she wanted to do and we found a way for her to do it, after the baby is born we will be going back for a short trip to show off the new daughter to her family.
So Maxx how much of a hassle is it to get a passport and a Visa for a new born?

[Rhonald]

Well spoken words of wisdom gents. It is so true that wisdom usually is generated by a hidden sadness. I wonder Max, did your wife ever live in another part of China. My wife grew up from 4 to 20 years old near the Korean border but now has lived 21 years in Shenzhen. Both places in China but different geography. I am hoping that that experience will allow her to adjust to a new change. However the cultural change will be the greater difference then the geographical change.

My parents immigrated to Canada in their mid twenties. My mom says that now Holland feels strange to her and she does not miss it. I think that when people are younger, the adjustment is not as shocking.

[maxx]

Michael the hardest part was getting the birth certificate.You have to have the real deal.To get the passport.The one that the hospitol issues you cannot use.It took almost 3 months.To get everything to gether get the passport and then get the visa.You have to have all the baby shots completed.

Rhonald my wife was born in JiuJiang.After college she lived for about 3 years in Shenyang.then 2 years in Shenzen.And 5 years in Zhuhai

[David5o]

Homesick.....

This is one problem that i have not experienced with Lucy to date. But then she does go home every 6 months to visit her parents that are both getting on in years now.  She normally stays for 3 to 4 weeks, and that makes her happy, her parents happy, and me happy ...haha!!  She also has a long list of things to bring back, from Chinese herbal medicines to shorts and t-shirts (who has never used ''prickly heat talcum powder''?haha!)

She has often said to me that she doesn't get and isn't homesick, but she doe like to visit her parents, and siblings as they are, after all a very close family. I've asked her, what about after your parents have passed away? She said that, maybe go back to see them, (siblings/family) maybe once every 1 or 2 years is OK...

I've never heard her complain about missing anything in China so far... She does love the life here, and her work keeps her mind busy, i suppose we'll just have to wait and see if anything changes as time goes on.

Actually, i'm picking her up from the airport later on tonight from a trip home, and we'll both be going back together again, early in the new year. I guess as far as we are both conserned, life at the moment is just Great for both of us!!


David......

[maxx]

Kids.

Last couple of days they have ben a number of posts on how to deal with the kids from a previose marraige.I Don't think there is a easy answer.Except maybe shipping the kids off to boarding schools on the other side of the country.If you do that all your doing is causing more hard feelings.And nothing ever gets settled.

I have 2 kids from a previose marraige.A girl who is 17 and a boy who is 16.My kids don't seem to have a problem with me being married to A Chinese women. they only see her once a year.For a couple of weeks.So it ussualy isn't a problem for me.

That was until my daughter stayed with us for the summer.As far as my wife was concerned it was the end of civilization as we know it.I wasn't getting any peace.At any point and time.If I wasn't getting it from the wife I was getting it from my daughter.It would get so bad all I wanted to do was stay at work.

I had told my daughter when I went to get her to not cause any problems in my house.And i told my wife that my daughter was only going to stay for a couple of months.Every day I would come home from work and they would be just giving each other bad looks.Wouldn't say anything to each other wouldn't do nothing together.

If my daughter did something my wife didn't like.I would hear about it when I got home.So I thought I would start takeing my daughter to work with me to give my wife a break from my daughter.It worked to a certain point until We would get back home from work.Then the dirty looks would start all over again.

I asked my wife what was my daughter doing to make her so angry.My wife said that no Chinese girl would act or talk like my daughter did to there parents.My daughter is having teenage anxed.She has got a boyfriend.That neither My exwife or I like.So she is rebeling.

If Grandma hadn't said anything about the boyfriend I'm sure my daughter would of kicked him to the curb.He is more Drama then my daughter is.But since her grandmother said something about the boy she is acting up.

I finally had to set both my wife and daughter down and tell them this was how it was going to be for another month.It seemd to calm down alot.Neither one was happy but I got some piece.

They were having a culture clash.And a battle of wills.And it was going to continue untill.I delt with the problem head on.

[Peter]

In some way I must say that I am happy to not have your situation Max. My daughter is 26 and I have one grandson and she have another baby on the way next month. She have gone through her fathers marriages once before when I got married to a woman from Ukraine 10 years ago. I know that she can deal with this new situation because she is a very gentile woman, just like my wife. I doubt that there would be a problem with Tina's daughter because she is a very nice girl so I must say that I am a very lucky man..