Daily life of a married man

[David5o]

The only real problem i ever had raising my 2 step children from my first marriage was from the Ex.
He was basically telling the 2 of them, that he was there dad, and that they should listen to him and not me!!
So big problems every time they came back from one of the monthly weekend visits. Both my wife and i tried phoning him and trying to get things sorted out amicably, all to no avail. Too easy for him to hang the phone up on us.

Eventually, i decided enough was enough, because these kids were really good kids, and he wasn't going to damage them if i had anything to do with it. So, ....off i went to confront him face to face!! He didn't want to know at first and kept trying to walk away, but i wouldn't let him, i wanted to get this sorted. eventually i got him to go and have a coffee, in one of the coffee house's. I laid things out as plainly as i could, ...OK throwing in a few lame threats, as well, ...but it did seem to do the trick. Now that was hard for me to do, because i just can't stand the guy, Thought he was something special because he was in a pop group, (a one hit wonder group), never had any money and never paid a single penny towards his kids upbringing. But, as i say, no more problems from the Ex after that meeting.

We have never had any problems from either of the Two of them, growing up thru there teen years and beyond. The boy was an out and out Arsenal (gunners) fan and is to this day .... just like his mother was  haha!! He has always been surrounded by good friends that are still his friends, and i still know the names of all of them too lol!! Same with my daughter, never any problems with her either, for all her exam passes , she wanted to be a hairdresser!! (typical!! ..lol!!) So that's what she did, and now has 3 salons in her area. My son went on to University and is now a chartered building services engineer employed by a top consultancy firm.

All is not that good though, my daughter got involved with a guy that's 15 years older than her, but with a mental age of a teenager. I think everyone and there dog has told her that he's a waste of space but, ....well you know the score, she didn't listen to anyone. Anyway she married him, and been married about 3 years now. I know that she knows she made a mistake, but hey, ..... she has to work that one out for herself.
But she knows, that I'll always be there to stand by her, and that's the important thing!!

And No, they don't see much of there real dad these days, there not really that interested. I guess he let them down, just too many times over the years..... Didn't even bother to attend either of there marriages, gig venues was more important!!!
 
Well that's a very brief oversight of 25 yrs or so to date of my kids ...... hahaha!!

David....

[MLM]

Thanks David, I can say with out a doubt that you are a man that knows what being a Dad is all about.
My dad once told me that any male could be a father but it took a real man to be a Dad.

[JimB]

One of my favorite lines form the movie parenthood.  "You need a license to drive a car, you need a license to catch a fish but any asshole can be a father."

[maxx]

You your wife and Chinglish

For thoose of you that don't know what Chinglish is.It is The Written or spoken word.For English all across Asia.You will see it on billboards public walkways bars.Anywhere where they are trying to draw English speaking people.People in Asia who want to practice there English speak it very good.In some south pacific Islands they also speak a little different version of Chinglish

About five years ago I was cruising the enternet.Looking for some information about Thailand.I ran across this web site called Bangkok Bob.For thoose of you that don't know.Bangkok Bob is the resident authority.Of any and all things to do with Bangkok .Unfortunatly the last time I looked Bob had closed his web site and he had no plans to reopen it.

The thing that made Bob's site good was that he had everything on there that a person would need to go to Bangkok have a good time.And know exactly what they need to know to keep them selves out of trouble.The other thing he had on there was a section called Chinglish.

I took a look threw the Chinglish section.And in my own opinion I thought it was rude and uncalled for.How dare somebody make fun of somebody who was trying to improve themselves and learn a foreign language.

Little did I know How important Chinglish would become in my life.When I met my wife She spoke about 10 words of English and I spoke about 4 words of very bad Chinese.So we wern't getting anywhere.I had my Chinese phrase book.And she had her pocket translater.And we had the Agency translater.Who's English was so bad I couldn't understand him.

So I got the idea.I will teach her English.Because I know I'm not smart enough to learn good Chinese.We started out with little words and her pocket translater.And some Chinglish.That I had learned in Asia.Teaching my wife Chinglish was probably one of the best Ideas I had in years.And probably one of the worst.

We still use it all the time.If we are out somewhere.Or at home.And we are talking.And you don't want the other people to know what your talking about.My wife will switch to Chinglish.And I will eather reply in English Chinese or Chinglish.

The problem with teaching your significant other Chinglish is that it takes them longer to learn proper English.Where somebody else besides you can understand what your lady is trying to say.You do get tired of translating what your wife said to the doctor or the person at the store.Or your own family members.

If you do talk in Chinglish to your lady all the time.You will start talking in Chinglish to your friends and family.And all theese people that you talk Chinglish to.Will be giving you funny looks.You will even write in Chinglish.If Ive ben talking to my wife then try to post something on this forum.I ussually have to make alot of corrections.And rephrase sentences.So it is understandable to the other members.It ussualy takes about 30 minutes to get away from it.Once I start Writing in Chinglish

The good side of teaching your lady Chinglish is it is much easer and faster.For her to learn.then if your lady is learning proper English.It took me probably 2 months of direct contact to teach my wife Chinglish.(2 web cams a day and 1 letter a day)I taught one of my wifes friend's proper English and it took me about 6 months.One web cam a day for 2 hours and a letter once a week.

Chinglish does have it's good and bad point's.In my own opinion it is worth looking into.If you are looking for fast direct communication with your lady.

I have never seen a Chinglish Dictionary.I have Seen it posted on signs billboards,And t-shirts in Asia.With enough practice and effort on your part and your ladies part you should see good results in a couple of months.

You should not use Chinglish in Chinese restraunts or Asian markets.If you do not want your conversation over heard by somebody.There is a good possability that the people working in thoose establishment do speak and understand Chinglish

[MLM]

Maxx, My wife and I have been using Chinglish ever since we met, she already knew it and she also speaks English very fluently ( she is an English teacher ), but you forgot something, a few couples we know and ourselves included speak Chinglish together and we also have our own form of Chinglish as in each couple has a few words that only they know the meaning of, this can be fun and at the same time it can be a hassel, and you're right, don't use it at Chinese resturants or Asin Markets if you don't want anyone knowing what you are talking about.
Sometimes at family get togethers Zhou and I will start talking with each other and if some one comes to close behind us trying to listen we will start with the Chinglish, they usually leave, but then its hard to go back to English, we also use it when we are discussing punishments for the kids, they don't speak Chinglish,.........yet.
Thanks Maxx, I'd forgotten this was different for us who are married or been with our S.O. for a while,
I was lucky in this , my wife came to me with this information preinstalled Hehe, I was the one that had to learn and it was fairly easy for me, it took me about a month to learn enough to have a conversation but, that was being face to face with her every day, all day.
Thanks again Maxx

[JimB]

I have a question for the guys who have their wives in the states. have you tried teaching them to drive yet?  well, I have it times two.  I told them both i am getting them a tank and teach them in it.  By a tank i mean a 75 Coupe de ville.  Let them batter that thing up.  Even if they get hit they will not get hurt.  And if they can learn to park it, they will master any other car.  I am for sure not giving them my G6, HT Convert.  I love that car too much.  LOL

But, seriously has anyone tried that yet?  I was just wondering how hard it was.  nether my wife nor my stepdaughter have ever driven anything at all.

[RobertBfrom aust]

Jim , may seem silly , but take them to a hire a gokart track , after a while they will learn balance and what a steering wheel does , also gives them confidence , has nothing to do with the speed , but can be a fun time and they are accidently learning , regards Robert .:idea:

[MLM]

Yep, been there, done that, got the dents to prove it. Hahaha.
Never thought of the gokart thing, wish I did, I may not have the dents my car has now,but thats okay its an 88 chevy blazer, my son will learn on this car and my daughter the year after he does, Zhou now has her lic's. to drive and she now has an "69 Mercades CL 190, she loves it.
I also have a GTO judge in the garage that no one drives but me, no one, I bought that car when I was a teen and it was used then, now has over 200,000 miles on it.I think by the time the kids are done learning to drive I will need to retire the Blazer to the junk yard.

[maxx]

I tried to teach my wife to drive one time.I swore that would be the last time.She completly freaks out when she gets behind the wheel.So it is a no go.I do need to try again.So she can get around by herslf.

[David5o]

Lucy, has always known how to drive, long before we even met. Having said that, we are talking Chinese style driving here now!!!.
When she came to Cyprus, i bought her a decent little run around car, but soon found out that driving on the other side of the road, wasn't her forte. Even though she said, ...she had driven in HK.

To cut a long story short, it took about a month of driving round our local villages and along the multitude of country type lanes here with her, before i allowed her to venture into Larnaca itself. She was a bit nervous at first but after a while, she became quite confident in herself. basically from that day to this, she's a pretty OK driver, and a dammed sight better driver than most of the Cypriot women.... and that's an outright Fact!! haha!!

Oooooops i forgot to tell you what she's driving about in here. Her run-around is a 2006 brilliant red Honda Jazz 1.4cc ...and to date, ...not a single dent to be seen. haha!!


David....

[Arnold]

My Wife has driven in Shanghai years back , till one day she had an Accident and that was it for her driving . Here , I have my little Toyota Truck ( Automatic ) over half a million miles on it , that will be easy for her to handle . Besides , one of my Neighbor's ( a retired teacher ) who also was an driving Instructor ... is more then willing to teach her the driving habit's of America . Good for me , I don't have to watch my little Truck getting beat up , dented and who knows what else ? But then again , maybe not ?

[Irishman]

We hired out a car in Malaysia and Ling wanted to try out driving on the left. She is Ok for driving in China but boy oh boy driving on the "wrong" side of the road Chinese style is a truly terrifying experience.
She kept drifting into the overtaking lane, back over into the bicycle lane, no indicating, randomly accelerating and speeding where it wasnt safe and far to slow where it was.
This was despite me giving her some basic do's and dont's of driving in the west compared to China before she started.
I think teaching your lady to drive if she hasn't a Chinese driving license is a blessing in disguise - she doesnt have to unlearn the unique Chinese kamikaze driving style! and learn to obey traffic lights (just because there is no specific red light for turning left or right doesn't mean you can do this...the red ahead means stop!), use indicators..stop using the car horn constantly etc etc!!
On the other-hand..I must admit I am terrified about re-learning to drive over there myself haha!

[Rhonald]

My wife knows how to drive., at least in this webcam session. She keeps DRIVING me crazy giving little flashes from her towel wrapped torso after taking her shower....... OOoops... Oh you guys are refering to driving a car :blush: I guess now I have to wipe the egg of my face and take a cold shower.

I need to fly back to China. I sure hope the Pfizer company can make me their poster boy and hook me up for my return to Shenzhen :icon_cheesygrin:

[maxx]

Reality and misconceptions

I took my wife to her favorite restraunt today(Chinese buffett).When I came back to are table.The couple sitting at the next table over were talking about men who marry foriegn women.It seams the man had read a story somewhere about a Russian women. Who had met a American and married him. And he had brought her to the states.They had a big fight and the man killed the women.And now he is setting in jail on murder charges.

I told the man.That it does happen.But not anymore then It does with married people from the same country.We just don't here about Them.What we do here about is when it is 2 people from different countries.Cross culture marraiges are still a rare thing in the states.I know of maybe 5 other couples in the part of New Mexico where we live.I guess I had better refrase that.I know of 5 White guys who have married a asian women.

I told the man.That a cross culture relationship was alot more work.You have culture and customs issues.Language issues.I told the man how well immagration checks the men out before they are allowed to bring the lady to the states.

The man told me.That was not the first story like that he had heard.I admitted that I had heard alot of thoose kind of stories.I even heard about the Chinese women who was hidding in the international terminal in Chicago.Her husband looked for her for about 5 days.Before she called him from a friends house in Chicago.

My question is why am I hearing theese kind of stories? What went so wrong.That the man feels he has to beat or kill the women.

In my own personell opinion.I think it has alot to do with misconceptions.My Asian wife will do whatever I say.They are sexual dynamos in bed.They wate on you hand and foot.When you are married to a asian women.You are king of all that you survey.Your new asian wife will never be tired sick.Loud or whine to you about anything.You can do anything you want to do.With them or without them and they never say a word.They just follow along like a dog on a leash.

I would like to find the guy that started these rumors.And just beat the daylights out of him.All this moron did.Was get other morons beleaving this crap.A Asian women does get sick.They do get tired.They do have bad days.They are not going to wate on you hand and foot every day.

If you expect your wife to be somebodies twisted version of a perfect wife.Your probably in for a big Reality check .And what happens when reality strikes home? What happens when you find out that you married just another women from another country.And she isn't holding her breath waiting for the word from her lord and master.Do you divorce her beat her kill her?

Yes I do realize that the women do have alot of high ideas.Some are looking for a sugar daddy.Some are looking for a green card.some are looking for away out of obscure poverty.Every asian women knows that when you marry a foriegnor.That Everything is supposed to be peaches and cream.Hell they have seen most of the same movies you have.So why isn't it like the movies.

Because most of the men don't tell there future wifes girlfriends lovers.The truth.They get caught up in themselves.They forget that the person there writing to talking to.Is a real person.With there own hopes and dreams.And yes some of the women are just as bad as the men.They do to get caught up in the dream the illusion.

As men I think we should be all well aware what is going on what to realisticly expect.And to make sure the women has realistik expepectations

Everybody is here for there own reasons.Some of thoose reasons arn't the right reasons.Maybe somebody here has got asian fever.Maybe somebody beleaves the myths about Asian women being subsurvent and sexual dynamos. Maybe somebody has put these women on a pedistal.Out of there reach.And when reallity does strike.It can be a very bitter pill.For both the man and the women.

Before anybody gets seriose with one of these Delicate flowers.They should ask themselves why they are here.If you are honest with yourself.The truth mite shock you.It mite set you free.Or you  mite find out you shouldn't be here in the first place.I have said it before THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY.

Maxx

[Scottish_Rob]

Maxx thank you for a very informative piece, I know this is not directed at me but I thought I would give you my thoughts about this road we're on.....I have never even dated an Asian lady.:angel:

My illusion was and still is (although NOW being more informed) first and formost, she is a woman, a woman like those in the west except more pleasant.:blush:

What did I want to get out of the treist?  The first thing someone I know 'will love me', someone who will treat me well and be honest. :blush: What will 'She' get out of a relationship from me? She will get the exact same in return, but also someone who wants to learn about her culture, and treat her 'properly.:angel:

You are right, this is not for everyone, but for those that do it, and I believe that it is the biggest majority on here....They do.:icon_biggrin: