Daily life of a married man

[Chong]

Daily life of a married man ... in China.

Just a twist off this topic, these are observations I see & hear in Kaiping, Guangdong about married Chinese men ...

1) It's a 'pat on the back' attitude among male friends/business associates if you have a mistress and especially if you have a baby with her.

2) Wives are responsible, by law, to cover any personal debts by their husbands. In Kaiping, real estate businessmen have to put money up front to build a project before receiving any money from their clients. As you can guess, many don't see the money come through.

3) Chinese men like to gamble, drink, smoke, attend massage parlours [ two hours minimum for only 60 RMB ] and swear [ most often you hear ... "Go F--K Your Mother's C--t" ... It's the Chinese version of ..."F--k Off" ..

4) There's no sense of mannerism or chivalry. Men butt in line, they're loud in their conversations and they litter everywhere. Sadly, most women are following their example.

5) Chinese women will marry for the sake of marrying ... especially after the age of 30 ... and not for love.

I can list more but you get my drift. Chinese women are looking for that personal attention from a man. When it comes their way, they don't know how to handle it. Their culture has taught them otherwise. Are all Chinese men scums ? ... No. The above words can probably describe any man from any other country.

Just recently, I have witness the hurt of a married woman in her early fifties. She reaffirmed her belief that her businessman husband has a mistress and child plus numerous other girlfriends. She suspected in the past but the fortune tellers confirmed the truth ... in front of her husband who then admitted his guilt. She can't leave him because all his business ties are shroud in debt loans to the bank including their home. He's rich in appearance only. It's a classic among men here ... look and act like you're successful and hope that lots of business come your way. She also doesn't want to upset the family nest ... they have two grown sons.

6) "FACE" is very important to Chinese men ... and women; thus, divorce is an unlikely choice at this point.

[ttwjr32]

kinda sad but very true here in China Chong
see it all the tiome here

[maxx]

Chong I have seen the same thing .In my many trips to China.What bothers me About all of this.Is they do this kind of thing.With no rhyme or reason.All they are doing is creating more stress in there lives.And wrecking others people lives and families.There is nothing to be gained.Except maybe a power trip.That you know is going to end badly anyway.

[David5o]

.

What Chong has described above is commonly seen in China, but i've witnessed it even more so in Hong Kong!!

I have known Chinese guys with Expensive Merc's, BMW's, etc, wear Armani suit's and shirts on a daily basis and possess all the other little luxury goods with known names. But live in slums,  like Shep kip mei and other old high density government housing projects. They will NEVER EVER invite you to there homes, only to restaurants... Most are upto there eyeballs in debt, but carry on this farce just in pure hope, While there families suffer.  While there families scrimp and save, these bastards are out every night enjoying women, and gambling away, what little the family has, down the drain....

This Face thing, is far more for the men, than it is for women in there society, and even then it's only a perceived Face. A woman's face, if you can call it that, ....is to protect the family and more importantly for the men ... there husbands.  That translates to ... anything that goes wrong in the husbands life is the wife's fault so she must pay!!! ....Are all the men like this, ... NO of course not, ...but the ratio does lean more towards those that are, in one way or another, than those that are not!!!

What many Chinese men do posses, is the inability to show any form of affection or love towards there wife's or children after a certain age.  If they do, .... it's Never in front of others, not even family members. They perceive it as a sign of weakness.  You will for arguments sake, never see your Ladies/wifes parents show any form of affection, it's probably doubtful that her father has told her mother that he loves her since they first got married!!!! 

Anyone that will spend an amount of time in China, will witness all of Chongs 6 points raised here, (well maybe not item 3 if there not that up in understanding the language!!...hahaha!!!)

Most of the divorces that are sort, are by the ladies , but only after putting up with a life of hell for years.. And yes, ...Those Real Sad husbands that were presented with a daughter by there wife and not the desired son, to carry his family name on....

On the whole, ...Pretty shallow buggers all round....

David....

[Irishman]

I feel that I have to post here on this.
Not all Chinese men are like this as it might appear to someone reading this topic!
Sunny and her sister absolutely adore their father. It was so clear to see when I spent a lot of the Chinese new year with them. Walking outside each sister holds an arm and they are beaming from ear to ear as is he. I am definitely ranked to second place when out with their dad.

Sunny tells me he has made many sacrifices for his daughters and the family. I remember when I bought a desk from IKEA that needed to be assembled at home, Sunny was on the webcam and she was watching me, apparently her dad would have assembled it without even having to read the instructions! She was teasing me but you cant fake real love like that. She visits her parents the one day she has off work every week and and all she has to do is make a mention of what she would like for dinner and her father will go out and get it for her so they eat it on the day.
Its going to be a heck of a tough act to follow I must admit!, but one I will happily try to
Sure there are bad eggs like in the west but there are some genuine decent men too.

[David5o]

Irishman,

Sure your going to find thoroughly decent Chinese guy's/husbands/Fathers.  There is a 1.4 billion population when all said and done!! But it is a sad fact of life in China, that these guy's are few and far between.

I would have to say that Lucy's father is probably better than average, but even Lucy admits that he doesn't show her mother much in the way of affection, ... But he does help out with the housework, and pulls his weight in other aspects of family life.  A lot of it is a way of life for Chinese families, ...The husband is responsible for providing a roof over the families heads and money to maintain the family, and the wife just about everything else. Lucy's father has done exactly that all his life, and in his case a good bit more, ...maybe it's his way of showing his affection!!  But i've never seen him show any emotional affection to Lucy's mum,  and come to that, Lucy hasn't seen much of it either...

David.....   

[ttwjr32]

 i would say that saying few and far between is a little to the extreme side. there are probably a balance in this
as there is in any country with the difference being here it is out in the open were as were i am from it is usually done
behind the scenes rather than out in the open. they are just a lot more open here with the indescretions

[Chong]

Irish,

Of course not. I even mentioned above in my post that not all Chinese men are like this ... but the majority are ... sad to say. Every Chinese woman knows of a friend/relative that got cheat/abuse. Everytime my wife hears of ANOTHER story, she asks me if I'll do the same to her. That's not fair to me or any other foreigner boyfriend/husband.

On the other hand, most older Chinese wives/mothers are naggers; they usually control the household. Perhaps, there's no 'yin & yang' connection with their husbands in the long haul. I saw that firsthand with my parents and currently with my wife's parents. Thankfully both fathers was/is the quiet type [ and didn't argue back ] but I'm sure that they're unhappy within themselves.

We can't change Chinese culture, it's thousands of years old.  Men are brought up in their environment. They act as they see what others do. The ones with the good heart will sway away from it and won't commit sins.

[ttwjr32]

its how their taught thru example or words

[David5o]

Ted,

Nope, it's an unfortunate fact that in one way or another the ratio in China does tend towards those that are, than those that aren't.  And it's no different in your part of China in the south than those Provinces in the north.
Having said that, ...I'm pretty sure from what i have seen and witnessed, that things are changing, ....A Little, ...but it's going to be a long old haul before it changes significantly, China's culture has too long a history for it to just change overnight. Even the cultural revolution, didn't make much of an impact on the cultural customs, and those that were impacted ....needed draconian laws and penalties to change them!!!

I hear what Chong is saying about the older Chinese women being ''Naggers'' hahaha!! ....But who can really blame them, most have had a hell of a life with their husbands. I think there just getting there own back on them, for all the shit they have put them through in there younger years!! Now they just don't care anymore ...lol!!!

David....

[maxx]

Where to start.I guess at the beginning.I was watching deadlest catch last night on the T.V when my brother called.And told me he needed to talk to my wife.So I gave my wife the phone and went back to watching the TV.My wife gets off the phone with my brother.And my wife tells me my brother wants her to translate.

It seems that there is a Chinese woman.Who married a Chinese guy from  New York.The Chinese guy then moved to Colorado and went to work at the Federal penitentiary in Florence Colo.Well he beat up his wife night before last.Pulled a gun on the wife and kid.Called 911 himself.Told the 911 operator.She had 7 minutes.To get the police there or he was going to shoot them.

So the cops show up.And arrest the guy.And leaves the woman and the baby girl at the house by herself.The woman knows maybe 20 words of English.Has twenty dollars in her pocket.And no food in the house and doesn't know what to do and where to go.So I call the woman's next door neighbor.He is from Russia.And get him to go get the woman.When the woman comes to the phone. I tell my wife what she needs to tell the woman.About where she needs to go.And what she needs to do.To get some help.

I thought that was the end of it for us.How little did I know.The woman shows up this mourning.At the victims assistance office.And the only thing the woman can do is dial my number.And hand the phone.To the lady behind the counter.So I'm talking to this lady who works for the courts.And trying to explain what is going on.From 300 miles south of where she is at.I tell her what little I know.And that it would be allot easier for.The lady to find a translator.In the same city.

The Chinese woman is having none of that.She has talked to my wife a total of 3 times on the phone.So now they are best friends.So I have to call the lady back at the victims assistance office.And ask the questions.Then tell my wife what the lady said.So that she can translate it to Chinese.By this time I'm already 2 hours late to work.And my wife has looked at me with her big brown eyes and I'm stuck helping out.

So I make a couple of calls.I Call my mom and ask her to go to loaves and fishes to get the woman some food.My mom works there as a volunteer.So she has got special access to all the stuff that comes in.I call my brother back and ask him to deliver the food since he knows where the woman lives.I call victim assistance again.And tell the lady behind the desk.That I have food that will be delivered.And between all the calls back and fourth I have figured out where the Chinese woman's visa status is.She is K-3 with no adjustment of status.So that means this Chinese woman.Legally can't ask for any kind of help from a government agency.I told the lady at the victims assistance office.Where the Chinese lady visa stood.They told me that they were going to look the other way.And not worry about the visa status.I thought that was real cool.

So between me my family.And the lady behind the counter.We have got things moving along.The Husband made bail today.He is under a restraining order.So he can't even go home to get any clothes.He did give the neighbor 200.00 And the neighbor did give it to the Chinese woman for food and diapers.The rent on the apartment is payed.Till the end of the month.And between my mom and the 200 dollars that is enough to carry The Chinese lady and her kid to the end of the month.

When I talked to victim assistance.They were going to try to find the woman some more money.And try to find her a lawyer.And Work with the landlord.About the  rent when it comes do.So the woman and the kid are not living on the street.So the system does work sometimes.

I know this is a long post.But bear with me I want to point some things out.That would of made this allot better for the woman.And she wouldn't of Ben so afraid and uninformed.You guys that are bringing your ladies to your country.Make sure your lady knows the emergency procedures.Make sure she can dial 911.In New Mexico.All you have to do is take the phone off the hook.five minutes after the phone is off the hook.The phone company calls 911.And about 2 minutes after that.You will have police cars in your front yard.If all you have is a cell phone.All you need to do is dial 911.if the phone call is dropped 911 will call you back.If they do not receive a answear.Dispatch will track the cell phone and the police will show up.

Have a list of emergency Numbers.That if you are away from home.Your wife can call you.If something should happen to you.Make sure your wife knows who to contact.And how to deal with the situation.! week after my wife had Ben in the states she understood who to call.And what to do.I told her how the government programs worked.And which ones she could use.

Get your wife out of the house.Help her meet other Chinese people.In your area.My wife has a vast network of Chinese friends in and around New Mexico.And around the world.So if something doe's happen she isn't stranded in a strange country with 2 kids all by herself.And no way to work out the problems.

My own personnel comments on the Chinese woman's husband.He is a control freak.He wouldn't let her make friends.Or leave the house without him.He is controlling.He gave her twenty dollars a week and told her to make it last.Everytime they disagreed.He would call 911 and tell the cops he wanted to ship her back to China.He told her she couldn't ever get a green card because She didn't give him a boy.He is 52 years old.She is 25.He wouldn't teach her any English.So she could be a little independent.So I'm going to nominate this guy for asshole of the year.I think he at least deserves that.

[Paul Todd]

I'll second that nomination,

When I took my wife and her daughter to the UK for a month earlier this year I prepared a list of all the emergency services, our addresses, taxi companies,friends contact details , airline numbers,Chinese embassy,etc and had it written in Chinese and English and of course they each had mobile phones that worked! Plus they had a stash of local currency to help out if we got separated. You never know what's round the next corner so "Be Prepared" as the boy scouts used to say!!
I can imagine how isolated and afraid that poor women must have felt, that was a good thing you and your wife did there Maxx.

[Irishman]

Why do other countries have multiple numbers?

999 works, don't mess with it. I have read that the emergency services here have other numbers but nobody uses them.
KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid

[Scottish_Rob]

Maxx...nicely done.....

[shaun]

Great suggestion.