Holiday plans - let her decide?

[Danny]

In four weeks I will be returning to Zhuhai to visit my darling woman, Yang.

The first time I visited her I made no plans for the time I was there. I was her guest and each day she took me out, and I had a really fantastic holiday.

I don't have anything romantic in mind for this second visit. This time I am bringing my daughter along for this visit. I am just going over there to enjoy Yang's company, and to have a fun and carefree time while I am there. I have no fear that we are going to end up as just good friends with Yang. Her letters and telephone calls are as warm and loving as anything I could have ever hoped for. I hear from her every day or two, and I really feel confident in what there is between us.

I recently asked my good woman, whether she would like to make any plans for the two weeks I am there, or whether we should just make it up as we go along. I got no reply to this question, which suggests to me that I would do best to just let her work things out for the time I am there.

I will have some back-up plans (eg using Maxx's suggestions, and the Lonely Planet guide) to fill up any time that she is not spending with us.

If I was dating an Australian woman I would organise the two weeks myself, down to the last detail, to show the kind of things that interest me, what I enjoy, what life would be like with me. I would negotiate the detail with an Australian woman, and after some give and take, we would reach some kind of an agreement about what was going to happen on the holiday.

But my sense of what's expected when I visit Yang is that I am going to be her guest and she's going to organise it for me - that it's best to just float along with whatever she has planned. I am thinking that if I organise anything, she isn't going to be really pleased with this. That it will suggest to her that I don't trust her to work things out for us all.

If anyone has any suggestions about what I'm planning I would really appreciate it.

[David5o]

Danny,

This falls in to two lines of thought doesn't it?? One along the lines that most Chinese women would expect her man to make decisions such as this.... The other is she may have already organised some things without telling you.... there bloody good at that by the way. ..haha!!

To be on the safe side, i would ask her again, but word it in a way, so that she can at least give you an idea if she's planned anything (she maybe want to surprise you) I would also suggest you find out what she likes doing, she may not be too impressed by some of the things that you like doing. Holidays shouldn't be organised down to the last detail in any circumstance, ....that's not a holiday, you need time to lay-back and just enjoy yourself and each others company...

David....

[Vince G]

Maybe she didn't reply yet because she is waiting for an answer if she can get off? In the meantime write her things you want to do and see there, then ask her opinion. Also ask about places to eat and other things like that. She'll give her answer.

[feisnik]

Planning ahead is such a Western :icon_cheesygrin: concept!

[Danny]

David

Thanks for your suggestion.

You would laugh at how I holiday usually. I usually approach the task of planning for my holiday with the same rigour and drive that I do when I am planning out a project at work: breaking it down into its constituent parts, identifying dependencies, risks, etc. It is taking a great deal of self control to just float along and let things happen! *laughs*

Danny

[David5o]

Danny,

Did you enjoy yourself on the last trip, doing exactly that, ....floating along and letting things just happen??

I Bet You DID!!..... That's what a holiday/vacation is all about....letting things just happen!!

David.....

[Scottish_Rob]

Well mate I asked Keren if she had organised an itinary for us...which was before I decided to live there and this is what she replied!!!

"There are some place in my mind that I can take you to visit when you will be here, just leave this mission to me, I promise you will enjoy everything you see ! "

So as the lady says, that's what I'm going to do???:angel:

[Vince G]

Danny I am the same way when it comes to work or doing something related to it. If I need to put a shed up? I can have the start to finish labor and materials all planned before I go to get anything started. BUT in everything else I leave it as MAYBE. Maybe I'll go to the store today? Maybe this or that. Plans can go so off track I don't stick to any. Maybe take this approach? when you go on holiday know what you would like to do but don't count the minutes involved.

[Neil]

Planning ahead is such a Western :icon_cheesygrin: concept!

Thanks Nik.  I was worried about this as well.  I wrote my girl that I felt a little bad about not making definite plans and I hoped she didn't feel too pressured to entertain or plan.  Not a word of mention about it either.  I'm just going to roll with it, ask her what she would like to do and above all, make sure she has a good time doing it.

[JimB]

Well, the first time,  I found this worked best.  Just an idea of things i would like to do and see, let her put in the details if she wants.  If not I could do it when I got there. In this case she worked out the details.  So it worked great.

[Ed W]

Danny,

This falls in to two lines of thought doesn't it?? One along the lines that most Chinese women would expect her man to make decisions such as this.... The other is she may have already organised some things without telling you.... there bloody good at that by the way. ..haha!!

To be on the safe side, i would ask her again, but word it in a way, so that she can at least give you an idea if she's planned anything (she maybe want to surprise you) I would also suggest you find out what she likes doing, she may not be too impressed by some of the things that you like doing. Holidays shouldn't be organised down to the last detail in any circumstance, ....that's not a holiday, you need time to lay-back and just enjoy yourself and each others company...

David....

I always reserve the second way as a default. When I was there my wife n I were married but hadnt had the wedding yet. Martin and I are on video chat (he's in southern china) and he tells me his wife had just informed him his wedding was tomorrow(married also but no official wedding yet). Of course i cant resist heckling him about finding out at the last minute. Dont know what I was thinking but I asked my wife when ours was....yep, you guessed it, she says tomorrow. LOL. Martin now turns the whole thing on me and now I'm the one being heckled. It was damn funny but they are very good at making plans without ever mentioning a word.

[Ed W]

Mike, I'd bet if you answered her question with "how about a week after I arrive?", she'd start planning it immediately.

I wonder about fiance visa vs K3 and how a weak economy affects the outcome. I didnt have a choice since for my wife it was imperative she got the blessings of her family so we got married there first.

[Willy The Londoner]

In think all will go well on your trip Danny.   Zhuhai is looking as good as ever.

Maybe we can meet up for China Tea one Saturday!   But maybe your lady has already arranged your time herre.  
In case you lost my number it is 13727851206.

Willy

[David5o]

Willy,

What are you doing, still being up at 2.00am in the morning???

David......

[Danny]

I think all will go well on your trip Danny.   Zhuhai is looking as good as ever.

Thanks Willy. I am looking forward to it too.

She is a good person, and so whether or not it works out, I am sure that we're going to have a great couple of weeks together.

In some ways taking my daughter with takes the pressure off everything. My good woman has a son, and so I imagine that we're going to be doing lots of fun things with the kids (eg some bike rides, a visit to the amusement park, etc).

I think the only that worries me more than it not working out, is the thought that it will work out *laughs*

I am wondering whether they have given away speaking Mandarin yet? It would great news to be able to stop learning it. It takes me about an hour to learn each character and at this rate I will be able order a dish of rice at a restaurant by the time I am 80.