When the spirit is fading

[David5o]

Willy

Now ....That statement , i can wholeheartedly agree with, and he isn't the youngest here looking for a wife either, there are a couple at and around 22 yrs.

As you say, much better to go and try and live in China, (or any other country come to that) and play the field, and enjoy life, before thinking about settling down. Also, when you are ready to settle down, the Visa process is a lot easier and simpler when your living in the country!  So a winner all round at the end of the day  haha!!

OH, ....to have the chance to be Young Again!!!!!

David.....

[Willy The Londoner]

LOL Willy, an apt name for the Viagra Warrior
:icon_cheesygrin:

Looking at it your way it seems even more amusing.

I wonder if there is a name for an excess of Viagra?

Willy

[dude]

Thanks Maxx. You completely right, I don't know all the facts. It's good I have some time to think about this because right now, I feel like sending her an angry letter. And I won't.

I have told her that we can speak Chinese during our webcam meeting. I can prepare well and she wouldn't have to speak a word of English. Since I and the lady have been talking about the importance of honesty so much from the very beginning, I dislike if she is lying to me for whatever reason. Maybe earlier relationships have made me too sensitive about it, but I simply don't tolerate lies.

I don't think I will go to China in December if it won't be to visit her. I am a student and therefore I can't stay for longer than 8-9 days. It is hard enough to get to know a person who speaks your language during that limited period of time, to meet a complete stranger from the agency who doesn't speak a word of English would probably not be very successful.

Yes, do not tolerate lies! I agree with everyone here about giving it a little more time! It more than likely is the agency and not the lady that is telling you this! You know as well as everyone else here you do webcam, you can do all chatting by keyboard! There is nothing to fear about this! She has a computer in room, more than likely she has a cam too...or can pick-up a cam very cheap! You have been chatting since May...I agree with you about moving forward with this!!!  By the way, 99.9 percent of the people in China have mobile phones or close to that percentage and growing daily! If your ladies English is this bad, she will hesitate with phone number! No excuses for webcam!  The notion that China is still in pre-historic times is FALSE!:dodgy:

[Willy The Londoner]

I have been with my current girl here in China for 6 or 7 weeks now.  She is still not confident in English for us to talk by telephone when we are occassionally apart.  How would a webcam improve her English?

How many of the men on this forum would be willing for their ladies to speak to them in Mandarin or Cantonese and for them to answer with their limited knowledge of thsee languagesa.  Why do we expect the women to speak our language
 
Willy

[Skip]

It is my limited experience, if you have a web cam and are using QQ, you don't need to worry about bad pictures.  The cam quality is marginal to terrible.  So it's real life baby.

QQ is a trip down a rocky road.  But it works, even if you understand little or no Mandarin.  It is a great way to teach each other simple expressions and pronunciation.  Those of us who speak English as a primary language think it sounds so simple.  But for someone who speaks Mandarin with all of the various inflections and intonations, it is mysterious..  

I am fortunate that my lady is willing to show up in her night gown.  Now that's real.  Unfortunately, it's not sheer enough.  :icon_cheesygrin: She seems totally comfortable with herself.  She had neither a computer or web cam until two weeks ago.  Does she look different than her shopped photos?  Somewhat.  But I figure, I am not cultivating a relationship with a picture.

[Hans]

It would seem that to some my age is suddenly the problem here. Let me explain then. Since I still have three semesters left of my education I can't move to China yet. When my education is finished I will also have reached the level in my Chinese class when I get the chance to study Mandarin in China. I decide what to do there and then. I don't see why I can't look for a lady at the same time, though. I do want to move from Sweden sooner or later.

I am here to find a girl, yes, but I am not in a hurry. If I get married next year or in four years, it doesn't really matter. However, when I am putting time and effort into something I expect something back. That is why I feel the contact with my lady has come to if not a stand still at least slow motion.

Many of you guys say that the agency (which means the translator) is (or could be) at fault. How the h*ll can I know? I could try to put my concerns to her in Chinese in an email. But I am not sure I would be able to be specific enough. I did suggest QQ specifically when I suggested a webcam meeting before but she did not take notice. I could give it another try. Because right now, I don't really now how to move on. It feels like we can write EMF letters and Chinese emails forever without taking any further steps and that is NOT what I want.

[Vince G]

However, when I am putting time and effort into something I expect something back. That is why I feel the contact with my lady has come to if not a stand still at least slow motion.

I did suggest QQ specifically when I suggested a webcam meeting.  I don't really now how to move on. It feels like we can write EMF letters and Chinese emails forever without taking any further steps and that is NOT what I want.

Hans, Just tell them that. In the US we have a saying, "Shit or get off the pot" (for them not you)
If they (the girl and translator) don't want to move forward? Move on. I would also add in the next pick won't be with that agency.

[dude]

It is my limited experience, if you have a web cam and are using QQ, you don't need to worry about bad pictures.  The cam quality is marginal to terrible.  So it's real life baby.

QQ is a trip down a rocky road.  But it works, even if you understand little or no Mandarin.  It is a great way to teach each other simple expressions and pronunciation.  Those of us who speak English as a primary language think it sounds so simple.  But for someone who speaks Mandarin with all of the various inflections and intonations, it is mysterious..  

I am fortunate that my lady is willing to show up in her night gown.  Now that's real.  Unfortunately, it's not sheer enough.  :icon_cheesygrin: She seems totally comfortable with herself.  She had neither a computer or web cam until two weeks ago.  Does she look different than her shopped photos?  Somewhat.  But I figure, I am not cultivating a relationship with a picture.

From what I have seen and come to know, Chinese people have very small eyelashes, the studio pics, they all use eyecolor and longer lashes...not saying that women don't use longer lashes elsewhere! I agree with "NOT" cultivating a relationship with a picture! If this is all you guys are interested in...look for a local Chinese woman where you live! "Most"(not all) of these women are looking for a soulmate, on chnlove.

I completely agree with you Vince! Shit or get off the pot! Hans, there are ways to manipulate this and get results! You must use some patience, then let it be known how you feel! Do not go off in an angry direction...this will not be, what you truly are looking for!

[Willy The Londoner]

It

I am fortunate that my lady is willing to show up in her night gown.  Now that's real.  Unfortunately, it's not sheer enough.  :icon_cheesygrin:

From my experience here it is nothing unusual for a female to come home and change into her sleeping clothes while settling down in the comfort of her own home.  

Willy

[David E]

From my experience here it is nothing unusual for a female to come home and change into her sleeping clothes while settling down in the comfort of her own home.  

Willy

Ok Willy...so as soon as you come home, Ladies change into nighties.....it would be a great help to all Bros if you told us what is your secret formula to make this happen :icon_cheesygrin:
DavidE

[Willy The Londoner]

From my experience here it is nothing unusual for a female to come home and change into her sleeping clothes while settling down in the comfort of her own home.  

Willy

Ok Willy...so as soon as you come home, Ladies change into nighties.....it would be a great help to all Bros if you told us what is your secret formula to make this happen :icon_cheesygrin:
DavidE

No secret at all - where i am in Zhuhai the weather is very hot and wearing the light clothing is just more comfortable for them.

Mind you they will change again before actually going to bed.

Willy

[JimB]

I have noticed that in almost every instance i see a woman here printing a photo it is photoshopped, almost every single time.  So for them it is not unusual to do this.  So for her not to, is a big step.  They get it in their minds that you have to see the perfect woman and it takes a lot of trust for them to change.  I stop and look at every store they do this in.  they think we have this image of them (and we usually do) as a perfect beautiful woman and they try to give us that. One more way that they try to please us.  So take it easy on her about it.  She is more than likely not trying to con you.  She is probably just doing what she has learned to do.  

Willy, Priapist is the overuse of Viagra. lol

Yes, they do take off their regular clothes as soon as they get home and change into a nightgown.  that is perfectly normal here.  My wife puts her nightgown on the minute we hit the door.  Even if she has good women friends coming over she leaves it on.  No, it is not sheer.

[Willy The Londoner]

 

Willy, Priapist is the overuse of Viagra. lol

I dont want to be 'pist' in any language - I will stick with my overdose thanks!!!:icon_biggrin:

Willy

[Hans]

Back to the topic then... I received my lady's package last week. She sent me a Chinese doll of some sort, a big "true lover's knot", a handwritten postcard, a scarf for my mother (which looked like something you could hang in the Christmas tree so I had to ask what it was) and a few photos (Photoshop style, of course). I was very impressed with her gifts, I didn't expect her to send me such a big package. Although I would still have preferred real pictures of her instead of all this, I have to hand it to her. It felt like she really put some time and energy into it.

I wrote her a letter and asked the questions I felt I needed to ask. I wasn't rude or blunt but very honest. We have talked about honesty for such a long time and I am not a guy who can pretend, if I feel the need to discuss something I will. I brought up the "moving along" issue with her and just like last time she said that we could arrange a webcam meeting, but only at the agency. Which means that we will have to make an appointment so that she can travel 400 kilometres to the agency just to have a short webcam meeting with me.

I also asked her about the camera. Her explanation was that she borrowed a camera from a collegue to take the pictures of the letter I sent to her. To me it is obvious she doesn't want to take pictures of herself and send to me. No matter if she does have a camera or not, she still got the camera in her mobile phone. But she managed to reject that option before as well. She has sent me the same pictures again and a new one, all taken a long time ago.

Her explanation for not wanting to have a private webcam meeting just between the two of us is that she is too shy. But I don't think this is the main concern. I talked to my Chinese teacher at the university yesterday. She is from Shanxi province and she told me that she can't understand the Guangdong dialect. And she is Chinese! It is possible that all the Mandarin I have learned and am learning, is for sh*t. I should have known because I am familiar with the fact that there are plenty of different dialects in China. But I guess I was just swept away at some point...

Does anyone have experience talking Mandarin with people in or from southern China?

Right now I am standing in the middle of the road not knowing if I am to continue to the other side or turn back.

[seagull]

Hans, maybe you should just be honest and tell her you don't feel comfortable visiting her until she sends you a proper photo. And say that you will regrettably have to cease contact with her if she doesn't. It looks like you don't really have a choice if she is going to keep stalling. What you are asking for is not unreasonable, and if she was that keen, she would find a way. I think a final ultimatum is all you can really do.

BTW, it is good to see a younger poster here. I am 30 years old (younger than most here it seems) and also studying Mandarin (although you sound like you are far better than me), I can sort of relate to your situation.