China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: brett on September 20, 2009, 04:10:44 am
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Hi all,
I was just wondering. Have any of you guys dated the younger ladies on the site (say under 30)?
Mine is 29 (I'm 37) and she's great, but she drives me crazy sometimes. I'm not sure if it's because she is young or because she's female, maybe it's a little of both. Mostly the problems arise because the NO TALKING ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS ON MSN rule is violated :@.
Share your thoughts here :icon_cheesygrin:.
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Brett,
Regardless of the age, the more you talk now and share about things - in my opinion - the better.
You both need to know as much as you can about each other.
This way when you make it to the face to face, things will be smoother.
And your expectations as well as hers would at least be discussed.
Somethings - they say or taboo - I am sure. But I spent most of my time - after about two months or so - trying to find as many boundaries as I could.
Even once or twice intentionally ticking her off. So I could see if we were really compatible.
I would not recommend this approach though - until you absolutely know you love her - and she loves you - otherwise - some bad things probably could happen.
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I have tested my lady's patience from time to time too, deliberately (she is 23, I am 27). Just to see how sensitive she is about certain things and if she is really interested in me. So far so good, although I still have a hard time accepting the taboo about sex. We have discussed it but not in depth and certainly not in a "sexy" sort of way. I find it is very hard to do that anyway when you know that there is a translator between the two of you... :s MSN would be much better.
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Hi Hans, unless you have some really strange tastes as far as sex goes, I don't think there is a need to talk about that matter too much, you won't be disappointed, Chinese women don't suffer from morale or religious tradition induced frigidity or inhibitions like some of the western women (and men).
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Hi Hans, unless you have some really strange tastes as far as sex goes, I don't think there is a need to talk about that matter too much, you won't be disappointed, Chinese women don't suffer from morale or religious tradition induced frigidity or inhibitions like some of the western women (and men).
Haha. No, I don't think my taste is any stranger than anyone elses so it's not about that. I was just referring to the shyness to talk about sex, if I compare to the ladies here in Sweden who are very open (sometimes borderline blunt) about these things.
I guess I will find out sooner or later...
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I have no experience talking to Swedish women about such things ... but I did hear some raw stuff from California girls alright. But my little experience tells me the Chinese women don't tend to be shy in bed let me tell you, and, still my experience, are willing to learn any technique to satisfy their man. I've had a few realtionships but the only sexually really exciting one was with a Chinese, maybe about 2 months after our first experience in bed, just the time to learn and gain some confidence, after that it really took off.
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Some Other guys might know a little better, but I think we are talking about a cultural thing - or a difference in culture.
It is not the norm - to talk about or be that open about sex - at least that has been my experience - but once you break the barrier and move beyond planning to meet, and wanting to meet, and actually meet, and commit to each other at a higher level, then it has been my experience you will find an elegance and beauty - that will take your breath away.
It has been my experience that the woman that most of us here meet, are looking for pure love, they want to get married and have a beautiful family, and an interesting and supportive life. First, it seems to me - before you move into talking about other things in an open way - this must be established. In other words they want to know that your intentions are pure and you are a person of your word.
Once you get beyond this - and you are accepted by the family - and only if you do and are - then on the other side there is nothing but bliss. I am putting it mildly!
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metooap,
I think you can safely say, what you have posted is pretty much right all round. Obviously there are going to be some that can openly discuss things at a much earlier stage, whereas some you will have to almost force her to talk about such things. ..lol!!
The same goes for any intimate relations between you, some are more forward thinking than others. Please don't go thinking that Chinese women are that much different, than any other women in the world, there are Not!! They have the same dreams, wants and needs as any!!
What they do have, is a far better understanding about the importance of family, and are prepared to put a lot more of themselves into that family and her chosen husband!!
David....
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I haven't discussed sex at all with my lady. She is young and hasn't been married previously so I am wary of bringing up this subject. I'd also like to warn brothers that being intimate with an unmarried young lady is likely to land you in hot water with her family, so be very wary until you have got to the engagement stage :exclamation:.
To be honest I'm more interested in finding a soulmate anyway. If you're primarily interested in sex, it's usually better to rent a woman, especially if you have a lot of worldly goods :s.
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I am not primarily interested in sex but sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship. At least for me. Since I am very open as a person and want to discuss things instead of pretending that the issue doesn't exist, I have brought up the sex issue with every lady with whom I have had contact for some longer period of time at Chnlove. If they can't deal with it, maybe we are not right for each other. And of course I am curious about their views on the subject since it differs from what women in Sweden think and believe in. It has never been a problem, I have just asked them what their views on sex before marriage etc. are.
I hear so many different stories about Chinese ladies and sex so I don't know what to believe, really. From what I can gather so far, it appears to be a big difference between "modern" women from Shanghai and women from smaller cities elsewhere in China.
About Chinese women in general I think we should be careful not to idealize them too much. They are women and they can lie and cheat and be annoying like every other woman around the globe. They are not a different species. We should just keep that in mind... :icon_cool:
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Brett,
I know what your saying here about the intimate side of things. But the truth is, around all the university campuses just like those in the UK Europe and the States there are students being intimate with each other. It was going on in Lucy's day (not to the extent it is now) and it was going on when she was a University Asst professor 7 years ago to a much greater degree than in her day.... Iv'e also known junior Engineers on our projects in China having intimate relations with young ladies, and i'm not talking about the bar girls you find there. Just normal everyday Chinese young ladies.....
As i said before, the Chinese ladies are no different than anywhere else Brett. There are guys on the Forum that make too many assumptions about the purity of Chinese ladies, but they make them without knowing or experiencing life in China. The one thing that is different, is everything is done behind closed doors, and it's not flouted about like in Western culture. In fact, if you read between the lines of the younger brothers (and the older ones come to that) experiences while on their trips to China, many have been intimate with their ladies.
The guy's, quite rightly are not going to blurt that out here on the Forum, it's none of our business and they are respecting their ladies at the same time.
Brett, i'm not saying that all are going to be of a similar frame of mind, just that there are many more than some would have you believe, that are open to the development of intimate relations between you both if they are happy with the way things are going within your relationship....
David.....
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Hans - yes there are conflicting stories. I work at a Uni campus and we have Chinese students from a wide variety of backgrounds. There are a few Shanghai princesses, but many more are from more modest backgrounds.
I am pretty certain my lady has led a fairly sheltered existence. She comes from a small town (if a town of 4 million can be considered small). But I'll find out more when I meet her in person!
David5o, yes I know things go on. But my girl is young and I am a man of honour, so I will respect her parents wishes.
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Brett,
I wasn't referring to you and your lady personally, just pointing out the comment you made about younger ladies in your previous posting.
By the way, a lady of 29 is not considered as being young for a lady in China, she is on the cusp of being considered over the hill by Chinese men, ....crazy i know, but it's an unfortunate fact!!
Personally i wouldn't consider her to be exactly young either.... I would generally identify young, as being anywhere between 18 to 25ish
A town of 4 million isn't small, ....not even by Chinese standards!!
David....
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LOL small town ... funny :icon_cheesygrin:
Especially when you consider her small town has the same population as my country :P
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Al,
I rest my case!! haha!!
David....
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Indeed. Wuhan has the population size of London, yet hardly anyone has heard of it!
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The last count i can remember for the population of London was 7 million, and that was years ago!!!!
Maybe Birmingham or Manchester, is around the the 4 million mark, but i'm really not sure about that!!
The reason no-one has heard of many cities or areas in China, is because it's been almost a closed country since the 1940's to relatively recent years. As more and more tourist visit China, things will start changing, .....probably at the rate of their economy has!!. hahaha!!
David.....
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The last count i can remember for the population of London was 7 million, and that was years ago!!!!
Maybe Birmingham or Manchester, is around the the 4 million mark, but i'm really not sure about that!!
David.....
Population of London may have risen a bit. I wasliving there for five years before coming here!!!!
Willy
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Willy,
Now that i can believe, .....Going by your recent posting!! hahaha!!
David....
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Getting back on topic :D , i think its a foolish western guy that thinks just because he's dating a young Chinese girl she will be soft compliant and yielding to his every demand. I have not met one single Chinese lady that wouldn't eat a western guy with these expectations for breakfast.
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Ronan,
You little devil you!!...
So just how many of these little Chinese ladies have you played with at breakfast time?? You dark horse you!! hahaha!!
David....
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Personally, i think that Chinese girls mature quicker than European girls, as in Europe it is common to still be single and having fun into well into your 30's, i'm 36 and still go clubbing, go to gigs and music festivals etc, but as someone already has mentioned and also experience from a girl i was writing to, most Chinese girls over the age of 25 who are not married have a name in Chinese, apparently it translates into 'left girl' so if you are over 25, or divorced or have a child already, a lot of Chinese men would not consider them for a partner, as i often saw in China, guys who looked in their 30's/40's with Chinese wives who were in their early 20's. It may be a reason why a lot of these girls over the age of 25 are happy to leave their country in the name of love as they are of an age or in a position where a man in China would not consider them for a partner. Also, i do not think a large age gap is that bad, tho i would not really consider a girl more than ten years younger than me. You have to remember that if she is young and you are old, and it is her coming to you and not you moving to China (i think if you go to her country a large age gap is more likely to work, as she would not change her thoughts and values) when she arrives into your country she will become westernised to a certain extent, and if she is young she will naturally want to go out and see and experience new things. I keep hearing these stories of these young Asian girls (under 29) marrying these guy's in their 50's/60's, she wants to go out to see all these new things, but he is more interested in who is cooking his dinner and wants to relax indoors and watch tv, it's not surprising it does not work out really. Well they're my thoughts maybe you do not agree with this but i have seen a lot of failed 'mail order bride' marriages over here, mostly when it is a large age gap.
Cheers,
Andy
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Andy,
Wow!!, Not quite as young as that mate, ... She starts getting considered as OLD after 30 yrs old.
There are not that many ladies under the age of 25 that are married with children, they can't marry until there 22 yrs old. Most Chinese couples that i knew over there, try to wait at least a year and often longer before starting a family. Mainly to save money in order to be able to afford starting a family.
David.....
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Yes I've not seen many ladies on chnlove who are under 30 and have kids. I have seen a few in the 25-30 age bracket who are divorced, and that's just heartbreaking!
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Sorry, maybe you have mistaken me, i just said that a lot of Chinese guys do not seem interested in marrying girls who are aready divorced or who have children from a previous marriage, it was a girl who i was writing to in China who told me about the 'left girl' for over 25's. I was mention these as other situations that a lady may be in, is to why a Chinese guy may not want them for a partner. Not that she is 25, divorced and with Chilldren.
Andy
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Andy,
No need to appologise Andy, i understood what you were saying in your post, i was just pointing out, that there aren't that many ladies there 25 and under, that are married and with children. I think she's over doing it a bit by saying over 25 yr old are left on the shelf, there not. That scenario only comes in at around 30 yr old's and even some of them are still acceptable.
But she is dead right about ladies with children (of any age) They are basically dead in the water as far as finding a Chinese man to marry. They just will not accept another mans child. That also goes for the mans family, they will not accept a divorced lady with a child being a part of there family, especially if that child is a boy. All to do with family names and ancestries, very complicated, i'm still trying to understand what Lucy tells me about it, much of the reasons as i can see it are not logical and make no sense, ....But that's Chinese culture for you!! ..haha!!
As far as i'm conserned, the Chinese guys are doing all of us here a bloody big favour, long may it persist...lol!!
David....
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Damn right there David, more fool them eh....? :icon_cheesygrin:
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It also seems to me that the young ladies that are divorced with kids, have come from marriages that the husband was a tad bit mean and not only mental but physically, and from what some other bros have mentioned that they very seldom tell their wives that love them
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That scenario only comes in at around 30 yr old's and even some of them are still acceptable.
David....
Three weeks ago I would have said even 31 would be acceptable to me!!!! But now I have become attached to a lady who was abandoned by her husband when she was pregant at 30 years of age.
This may be the one that tames the Willy. Third time lucky!!! The first stole my time, the second my money, but this one has stolen nothing but my heart.
Willy
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It also seems to me that the young ladies that are divorced with kids, have come from marriages that the husband was a tad bit mean and not only mental but physically, and from what some other bros have mentioned that they very seldom tell their wives that love them
Yes this is quite common in chinese culture (most men drink/smoke/gamble and treat their wifes like utter crap, abusive, controlling etc)
After living in china on and off for 10 years you soon see it is quite a common occurance.
And to the 'left girl' subject, some parts of china this is true, but of course. alot of chinese men will not marry a woman who is not a 'virgin' also.
I find chinese men quite strange really, very few are romantic, they never buy flowers or really tell their wifes they love them, but wifes dont usually say it either until after marriage, just 'i like you' before then.
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Just read an online report of a 71 year old man fathering twins with his 26 year old wife in the UK.
His 50 year old children from his previous marriage were not too happy when he married her 4 years ago and they are even more upset now.
His wife says that being a father of twins has taken 20 years off his age!!!!!!!
Anyone know of a lady that wants to go for quads.????????? Or I would settle for triplets:icon_cool:
Willy
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Wily you will need quads. I am going for triplets. My daughter is having twins.
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. I'd also like to warn brothers that being intimate with an unmarried young lady is likely to land you in hot water with her family, so be very wary until you have got to the engagement stage :exclamation:.
So who the hell was that in my soup today??????
Willy
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Er.......
How would the family know what she was getting up to ??........unless you let them watch !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DavidE
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Brett, i'm not saying that all are going to be of a similar frame of mind, just that there are many more than some would have you believe, that are open to the development of intimate relations between you both if they are happy with the way things are going within your relationship....
David
Yes, I agree with this. It's something that you work out on individual basis, person to person. There are no hard and fast rules for this kind of thing. I am not telling anyone how to live their life, so my brothers, do as you please.
I am inclined toward the view that waiting is the way to go. If you're with a conservative woman, respecting the traditions and standards of your woman and her family shows them what's important for you and what you're made of.
I know I will inadvertantly mess up in a hundred different ways between now and the time of the wedding, but I think it's a good thing to avoid doing something like this, that could seriously upset her family.
Danny
Er.......
How would the family know what she was getting up to ??........unless you let them watch !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DavidE
David E, you're a bad man . . . I hadn't thought of this, until you pointed it out *laughs*
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Sorry Danny :):):)
I could'nt resist it :):)
David
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Brett,
I wasn't referring to you and your lady personally, just pointing out the comment you made about younger ladies in your previous posting.
By the way, a lady of 29 is not considered as being young for a lady in China, she is on the cusp of being considered over the hill by Chinese men, ....crazy i know, but it's an unfortunate fact!!
Personally i wouldn't consider her to be exactly young either.... I would generally identify young, as being anywhere between 18 to 25ish
A town of 4 million isn't small, ....not even by Chinese standards!!
David....
If you read some employment ad in a restaurant, you will find out they only recruit 18-25 young girl. Because they can suffer the rough work when they are young and without experience.It is difficult to find a female servers is more than 30 years old in a restaurant in China.
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I am talking with a beautiful woman who is 38. I feel like am robbing the cradle since I am 54. But she is so cute. I've asked her about her parents and what they might say about my age. She has not answered yet.
Shaun
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Brett,
I wasn't referring to you and your lady personally, just pointing out the comment you made about younger ladies in your previous posting.
By the way, a lady of 29 is not considered as being young for a lady in China, she is on the cusp of being considered over the hill by Chinese men, ....crazy i know, but it's an unfortunate fact!!
Personally i wouldn't consider her to be exactly young either.... I would generally identify young, as being anywhere between 18 to 25ish
A town of 4 million isn't small, ....not even by Chinese standards!!
David....
If you read some employment ad in a restaurant, you will find out they only recruit 18-25 young girl. Because they can suffer the rough work when they are young and without experience.It is difficult to find a female servers is more than 30 years old in a restaurant in China.
You are so right, Sunny and I had lunch in what seemed to be a real classy place beside Panyue Square (in Guangzhou) and she told me she saw advertisements for girls to work there for 1000 RMB a month and less for the dish washing people.
Guanzhou is a major city in the south of China and is expensive as a result. Tianjin, the last place i visited in the north is far cheaper than Guangzhou but Beijing beside Guangzhou is at western prices from a lot of stuff.
Sunny works as a translator for a bank and earn a lot more than this but its far far far below what her equivalent would earn here, but her shared accommodation is paid for by the bank.
What do girls do when they get to be around 30 in China and have no skills but the fading pretty face?
Be very careful telling a Chinese girl what you earn, they will think you rich even though you are not with western pricing.
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Thanks Mike,
I'm good right now. That was me just being giddy. I really enjoy talking with her. I'm talking to a few others too.
Woo Hoo,
Shaun
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Shaun
38 - 54 if its no problem for you both then go it.
By the time you are 60, as I am now, then she will be 44, only a year younger than my lady.
Willy
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Yes I think it's ok, even if another thread states differently. The best contact I have is 15 years younger than me, 5 years younger did not work out, she probably thought I am too immature :D 8 years younger worked better although she was not for me. And I'm surprised, talking to a 20 year younger woman right now, and it's nice so far ... hmmm. I think it really depends on both personalities. I dated a 20 year younger at home and no way Jose, it was a daddy daughter type of thing, certainly not my thing.
You'll find a lot of 20-25 year old's marrying a 40+ gentleman in China, somehow that seems to work, although I think socially speaking, I think it is sort of a shame for the girl if the difference is greater than 10 years, so I was told anyway. My advice, follow your heart, not your hormones ;)