China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: brett on September 29, 2009, 08:39:57 am
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Hi all,
Has anyone got experience of wooing their girl's parents. I know my girl is 30 and isn't a little girl anymore. But she hasn't been married before, still lives at home, is an only child and obviously means everything to her parents.
I have asked my lady if they are OK with her moving to live with me in the West. They think I am a good man, but obviously they are still thinking :dodgy:. They think I should have a bigger house and that there will be big cultural barriers to our relationship.
Thanks!
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Brett not having met my future in-laws, I cannot really comment except to say be 'yourself', show sincerity.:icon_biggrin:
It is only obvious that they would 'think' a lot more of your laowai ass LOL :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin: You got with their daughter through the internet, so yes they will have 'reservations'.
:icon_biggrin:
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Brett
Speaking as a father, I would hope my daughter never married anyone from a far away place, whoever they are. I want her always near to me, so I can take care of her and enjoy her company. The only way I would feel happy about it is if I felt that the man who wished to marry her treated her with great respect and adored her. If I saw that she glowed with happiness when they were together, then I wouldn't feel so bad about it.
Some assorted suggestions:
1. if you are nervous, it is better to smile than to look all sour and unpleasant
2. avoid all suggestion of bad habits (eg no drinking or smoking)
3. speak quietly
4. have some understanding of chinese culture and traditions
5. treat her parents respectfully, like you would important people
6. avoid familiarity, take care about how you act and behave
7. it's better to say nothing, than to talk nonsense or cause offence
8. ask your woman to guide you and follow her example
9. be generous with your compliments
10. offer suitable gifts, not too small and not too big.
Danny
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I would also find out how traditional her parents are. Both of Anna's parents are retired University professors so they are much more modern thinking. They were worried that their daughter had gone so long without finding a good husband so were more open to the idea of Anna marrying a western man. Also I was able to meet her parents already through Skype video chat. Anna also continues to chat with me even when she is visiting her parents home. It is really nice that she has set up Skype video chat on their computer because she will be able to keep in close contact with her family then when she moves to the USA!:heart:
Big Dave
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Thanks guys. I am writing an EMF to try and explain things. Goodness knows how we could communicate while we are at her parents. I've not found much time to learn Chinese as I am a youngish guy with 2 jobs, a house to run and a woman to woo, so there are only so many things I can do simultaneously :blush:.
This is my 4th trip to Asia though, so I have a lot of experience of face and language issues. I'll just take a laptop full of family photos, a few gifts and a smile :icon_cheesygrin:.
I'm not sure how traditional her parents are, but they come from a small city and are both retired.
I don't know why my girl hasn't found a man, but I have my suspicions. It's quite an awkward subject to ask about, and I'm not sure I really want to know. I do know that her parents are anxious to see that she finds a good man. She works astoundingly hard in her job, so she deserves a great life.
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Tell them how wonderful their daughter is, how you will take care of her..really emphasise how you will look after her. Tell them they must be great parents to bring up such a wonderful daughter.
Bring dad smokes and mum something for the kitchen. Tell mum her soup/dumplings etc are the best you ever ate..lay it on
Worked for me :D
One think I've learned is that exaggeration is expected and desired ..every man is handsome..every dinner delicious..just keep smiling and nodding haha!!
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Hmm, I'm not sure about smokes, they are extremely health conscious :dodgy:.
I will bring the man some red wine and maybe get the lady some iconic English brands. I think they would be interested in things like English mustard, even though it would seem pathetically mild to them!
I'm not sure how much I'll be talking to them, I just cannot get my head round Mandarin at all :huh:. My phone can speak pretty good Mandarin now though, isn't technology wonderful :sleepy:.
I just hope I don't get served Sichuan hotpot... that would be the ultimate test of the relationship :angel:.
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Hmm, I'm not sure about smokes, they are extremely health conscious :dodgy:.
Its the law, Chinese men smoke, I would double check this brett.
If he doesnt, then haha, wing it time they aint traditional
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Rent a human translator...less chance of any mistakes! :icon_cheesygrin:
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I'd rent a human translator, but my lady has been a bit evasive on whether a translator would be available if we needed one. Oh well, her spoken English isn't too bad.
I'll wait and see what the smoking situation is.
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Brett I'm taking a Bottle of 25 year old Napoliean Brandy and a Wallet for her dad
and Purse, A Hat, Scarf and Glove set for mum. <<
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Rob, I was reading this to Lili and she asks, " did you get the skirt "? :icon_cheesygrin:
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not yet...getting it in the next couple of weeks size 10-12 (and wiith made in Scotland on it) hehe
Above is just for the parents tell her huh:huh::huh:
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Cold weather? Bah. It's 18-24 in my lady's province. I'll probably be in a t shirt, she'll be wearing a coat and wooly hat.
Are you taking them a Haggis? Or would it raise too many questions if you got stopped at customs?