China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: Voiceroveip on September 29, 2009, 03:40:47 pm
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Greetings to all, I'll call you brothers once I can replace the "still herding" with something more meaningful ^_^
I really would like your views on the importance of secondary education of a lady when engaging or not in an exchange, especially if you have experience in connecting with women with different backgrounds.
Here in Europe, I would probably avoid anyone who does not have at least a bachelor's degree (I'm a master), but that's based on experience and not on my social standards. For the moment I am applying that more or less on Chnlove (actually, what is a vocational degree?), but maybe I should not be so strict, or maybe should I be?
A penny for your thoughts. :icon_cool:
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As Mike says - it is what is important to you that matters.
I would point out though, that the chnlove education detail maybe isn't as accurate as you might think. My lady is bright, yet it just says vocational/college. My lady would have gone a lot further if her English was better, although she has ended up with a decent job.
And then there's people like me. I have a doctorate, yet I'm lousy at IQ tests. I'm not sure what education level measures really.
You may also find that Asian brains work a little differently to ours. It seems tonal languages and character recognition makes them use parts of their brains that we don't bother too much with...
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Important to me, is that the lady has a big heart, sincerity, honesty, and wants to be with me...
Education....NAH, not worth the paper it's written on...
I want the lady to be herself, to 'walk' beside me in everything we would do throughout life.
Having had relationships with 'Educated' and 'Not Educated' woman... I must say I prefare them to be sort of in between, this is where the 'fun' is by 'Educating' them to at least your level...
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What are you saying here?? That you need a lady that's had the same level of education as yourself, Why ??
I can understand that you may not have anything or much in common with say an uneducated village girl. But to narrow the field according to your western ideals, i think would be foolish.
To be honest, i'd be far more interested in her personality and character. Vocational education is basically everything to do with your working life, and very little to do with your private family life. Sure it helps, but as an essential ingredient in a relationship, not at all.
My late wife only had basic education, OK she did have 5 good grade O levels passes,
but that was it. Lucy is a doctorate!! Comparing home life between them, there is nothing much that i can truly put my finger on and say, this or that is better or worse!!
They are both very different people, and i can honestly say that i was, and am happy to be in either my present relationship with Lucy, or in the 20 year marriage i had with my late wife.
Everything depends on the communication, interaction, common interests and last but by no means least, the love you have for each other!!
David.....
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I would not judge a lady based on her educational background. These are not western women.
Try to find someone that you will like and really love more than worry about educational background.
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To be honest I have never read so much b------ks.
So you find some one with a masters degree. Is that degree of a better standing than yours!!! or is your educational standard lower or higher than hers?
As Yoshiii says they are not Western Women and thank God they do not have the low values of Western Women. That is more important than any educational qualification.
You need Love first.
I have never asked any of the ladies I have been with what their educational level was - as a UK educated person all I know is that a lady can get their 'O' level by lying on their side.
Willy
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Frank,
Education will depend on 2 factors. If you have a Phd and teach at a university it might be important as far as face is concerned and your career. Otherwise it don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing. (degree) Do - wop - do - wop - do - wop - do - wop - do - wop.
What is important is love, communication, interest, service...
I was married to woman who knew she was more intelligent than me, at least that is what she told me on a regular basis. No really she is very smart but really stupid at the same time. I mean look she walked away from me, now how stupid is that. :icon_cheesygrin:
Truthfully when I say stupid, she had absolutely no common sense. Still doesn't. Intellectually and sexually we got along great but it was the common sense thing that got our marriage. Everyones story is different but education should not really matter what is more important on that level is that you two can communicate well and that you mentally stimulate each other. What other people think is their problem. As long as it is not important to the two of you then who cares.
After all, if we really cared what other people thought we would not be here on this site talking to each other because we would not be chasing Chinese women but the fact of the matter is personally I really don't care. I see it this way, women are jealous because I am choosing a different kind of woman and life and men are jealous because I am bold enough to do what I am doing and not caring what the others think. IMHO.
Shaun
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Thanks for all the answers, apparently I was misunderstood at least by some people and I am sorry if I did not express myself correctly.
I don't care about social status or face values, one of my dearest friends is a driving school teacher, that's high school + 3 months training in France, yet we love each other and have very decent conversations rethinking the world etc... another one is a starving musician who didn't finish high school. I know education is not by no means a way to determine whether some is bright or not, and I have an IQ averaging 135 and can be really stupid sometimes. (Look at the first post here)
Maybe I should have asked the question like this: Is the education level an indication (in general, I know a dumb ^_^ doctor and brilliant people who didn't finish school) of background and hmmmm, open-mindedness, culture, values, ... or not? It seems like the general answer is not! I can justify my question as well: here in France the secondary education system is very accessible and mostly free, so someone who has not finished high school and/or attended some later education has a good probability to have either a bad background (and I don't mean financially), or did not have the capabilities to purse higher education. The latter I know will not work out for me, I have some experience there. Some of course don't fit in either picture, I'm not segregating here.
That's all, please don't be offended by what I said, I am not categorizing or discriminating, I am only after some country specific feedback ... and the question might just be futile because I think I might be on to someone ... at last, her reply to my first message knocked me off my socks ... :heart:
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Show us the reply...!!!:angel::icon_biggrin:
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What did she say??
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It's not so much what she said, although there is a funny one, world champion translator:
"you also can drop on me. I will show you around."
... she read my character from the few lines in my profile (she only got a cupid note), already invites me for a visit (I dread 6 months EMF'ing to be honest), and between her tone, her looks and what I know so far, hmmmm very tempting ^_^
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I guess one of my requirements for my future wife was intelligence... I find an intelligent woman to be very attractive. So if you are equating intelligence to education I can understand this. However I have met many people who are quite intelligent who did not have
a formal college education.
Big Dave
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Ditto, I find intelligence very sexy ^_^. I'm not really equating, I was just looking if 0 education = general indicator for not that bright ... as it would often be over here.
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All I will say is drop all those big words when you are talking to your ladies. If they have learned English it is basic and although they may nod their head and say 'yes' to all you say they may well not have understand much of what you said.
Even my well educated first girl friend out here (who is Doctor) would only understand less than half of what I said. (Probably because I talk a load of b------ks at time).
But my advice is keep your words simple and do not use collequeal words that will not be in any text book.
Willy
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Thanks Willy! Actually my current favorite has no English so that won't be a problem ^_^.
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Voice, I think I know what you mean. It's about not about communication but the way of thinking and looking at the world. Like Willy says, communication can be very difficult. Especially in the beginning. But you are right, that being at the level of "thinking or understanding" of the world (sorry, I do not know how to put those words) is important to communicate good together. But as some of the others say, you can not measure such things by the level of education.
Education is not free in China (higher education). So, even if your lady is smart but has no money, she will not be able to get any education. Anyway it can be a blast talking to a lady with simple education. Because her view at the world matches yours. Many people forget, it is not the outside, it is the inside that counts. The lady could have a high educational degree, but be a pain in the ass anyway.
Well, thats my humble opion. If you like it, keep it in mind. If you don't like, forget it. Its easy as that. :icon_biggrin:
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Anyway it can be a blast talking to a lady with simple education. Because her view at the world matches yours. Many people forget, it is not the outside, it is the inside that counts
Exactly what i was saying in my reply thanks Hajo:icon_biggrin:
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Thanks Hajo, that's good information about higher education not being free, I thought it was mostly free and this certainly clears things up. Hmmmm uneducated ladies, here I come!
The outside attracts but it's the inside that scores, I agree with both of you :icon_cheesygrin:
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Hehe yes but it's sort of hard to start writing to someone with horrible pictures ... that's the trouble with all the window shopping on the Internet .... in real life you don't wonder which of 50 or 100 women you might start writing to ^_^
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Formal education is like formal wear...nice to dress up now and then. But all the time it can become pretentious. All that glitters is not gold. What we learn from living life or as I like to say the school of "ScrewU"..is the knowledge acquired of facing life and learning from it. It's not the letters after a name that counts but what a person does with what he knows. These women are not common and there is no ordinary moments.
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If you don't mind me turning this question around, (this is better directed to the more experienced members here I would assume) but how about the importance of the education of the man perusing the lady? I am not talking about the importance of the education to the man, but rather how important of a quality is it to the women, he may pursue? Over say good common sense and attitude?
I have chased after a couple of East Indian woman, and the whole caste thing with them (more so the families it would seem) is a very big issue, dig ditches for a living but have a PHD cool come on in, dig ditches for a living but only finished high school, get chased away with a stick :s The Indian example may not be the best, yes I realize they are two completely different cultures, but it is my only experience with "Asian" women.
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Dan - my lady's parents wanted to know which University I attended. So I guess, yes, education is important to them. Also they like to know that you have a decent house for the lady to live in, and that you'll be able to share in her culture.
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I once got: " I admire you very much for your high degree" from a Chinese lady, in an admiration letter, so it must be important to them.
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No one as ever asked me about my education standard and the numbers I have dated are probably amongst the highest levels on this forum.
Perhaps they save this for the young ones who are going to take unmarried daughters off their hands so the education level may be needed to access your worth and the size of the expected Red Envelope!!!
Perhaps they did not think schools existed when I was young - (was I ever young?)
Willy
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Willy, didn't they use an abacus when you were there, or was it a slate and chalk...hahahaha:icon_biggrin:
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Willy, didn't they use an abacus when you were there, or was it a slate and chalk...hahahaha:icon_biggrin:
I can remember the slate and chalk coming in my latter days of my school life and it was about the same time and those new abacus computers were coming on the market.
Just as well as the stone slabs were a bastard to lug around all day in my cowskin pouch and why was my chisel always the first to go blunt through too much use. Oh Well nothing has changed!!!
Willy
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There is an old Chinese saying: a woman without talent is virtuous . Of course it is popular in old days.
But nowdays most Chinese man still wonn't choose women have too high diploma. Because most of Chinese men donn't have so high diploma. Normally,They prefer a lady has lower education background than him.
The real situation is if the lady has a doctor diploma, she must more hard to find husband than a lady who only graduate from high school. If you decide to get a doctor diploma, Your old generation family members must threaten you that bachelor degree is enough for girls, or it scare away the men who is intersting in you.
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There is an old Chinese saying: a woman without talent is virtuous . Of course it is popular in old days.
But nowdays most Chinese man still wonn't choose women have too high diploma. Because most of Chinese men donn't have so high diploma. Normally,They prefer a lady has lower education background than him.
The real situation is if the lady has a doctor diploma, she must more hard to find husband than a lady who only graduate from high school. If you decide to get a doctor diploma, Your old generation family members must threaten you that bachelor degree is enough for girls, or it scare away the men who is intersting in you.
Chen, I want to welcome you to the forum. I know you have been here for a few weeks, I have read your posts. It is good to have your perspective and insight on our different questions and experiences.
That said, and back to the subject of education. What about someone like me, with only some college but several vocational schools (i had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to do when I grew up..ha) talking to say a lady such as a doctor or high up in managment. I tend to stay away from contacting this ladies as I figure they might not be happy with someone with lesser education than they have. Am I right or wrong here?
Don
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Chen Yan, I'm not so sure that's any different in the west either.
i think many men are intimidated by a women that may be smarter than them and with a PHD she's likely smarter than most men or women. Personally I'm attracted to that but I think I'm in a minority.
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Well over here its i think more control. A woman with a degree would intimidate most males. Males figure the dumber they are the better. Makes things alot easier for them for the most part. Aka cheat lie and steal and abuse sooner or later. I think butt can agree to this here in vegas. Im sure hes seen just as much as i have. Even though hes older. :)
For me I prefer either the same level of education. Or even higher. It would not affect me at all.
This Lower level (The hi im blonde level). Scares me for society sake.
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Well after this revelation I will have to rethink things. Education does not scare me. This is why there are so many educated women on these sites. Look out Doctors here I come. :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Does over thinking this mean anything to you guys.As far as me and my wife go.She has 3 times the education I have.Iv'e never even thought about it.
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OK Mr. nice guy over thinking is a good hobby. :icon_cheesygrin:
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I'm just saying you guys have way to much time on your hands.If your worried about something like this.:icon_cheesygrin:
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There is an old Chinese saying: a woman without talent is virtuous . Of course it is popular in old days.
But nowdays most Chinese man still wonn't choose women have too high diploma. Because most of Chinese men donn't have so high diploma. Normally,They prefer a lady has lower education background than him.
The real situation is if the lady has a doctor diploma, she must more hard to find husband than a lady who only graduate from high school. If you decide to get a doctor diploma, Your old generation family members must threaten you that bachelor degree is enough for girls, or it scare away the men who is intersting in you.
Chen, I want to welcome you to the forum. I know you have been here for a few weeks, I have read your posts. It is good to have your perspective and insight on our different questions and experiences.
That said, and back to the subject of education. What about someone like me, with only some college but several vocational schools (i had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to do when I grew up..ha) talking to say a lady such as a doctor or high up in managment. I tend to stay away from contacting this ladies as I figure they might not be happy with someone with lesser education than they have. Am I right or wrong here?
Don
Hello Don,
I donn't think lower education has much influence.As long as there is not big gap that you cann't communicate. People all look for an average standard mate,Because there is not perfect mate.It depends on what the women emphasize. Even if someone think lower education is a deficiency they will try to find whether your have other virtue to make up for it to balance their average standard. This is just my thought.
Chen Yan
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I have to go with Maxx and Chen on this one. Even though i do have a higher formal education my late wife had no formal higher education, just the standard school years so to speak. What she did have was ''Personality'' bags and bags of it, and she could more than hold her own, no-matter who she was in conversation with....
So if the Lady has her own personality, but not a higher education, ....who cares if your both happy with each other. One things for sure, the Chinese ladies are not stupid or niaeve, ...far from it and can probably teach you a few things about life in the real world. They are also incredibly adaptable believe me, Lucy never ceases to amaze me, in how she goes about things and integrating herself into the Cyprus way of life here....
David......