China Romance
All About China => Your trip to China => Topic started by: Philip on October 13, 2009, 01:24:25 pm
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Hi guys,
I’m off to China in 11 days.
I am 46, no kids, my lady is 35, divorced, two kids, boy of 12 and girl of 7.
We have been writing to each other for nearly six months. We have been using QQ and webcam since June, text each other every day, stopped using EMFs a few weeks ago.
Her English is very little, I am learning Chinese slowly.
We ignored the received wisdom and decided to get married very early on in our correspondence. Then, after sensible discussion, we agreed to meet first in October, and, if the thrill wasn’t gone, marry when I returned in December. So far, so good.
Problem is, the agency. While being an otherwise reputable agency, they began to drool at the prospect of a lucrative wedding in October, and started to demand a big chunk of the large wedding fee from my lady upfront. So, we decided this was just not on. We wanted to meet and get to know each other in a non-pressurised environment. So, with a bit of subterfuge, we convinced the agency that I had cancelled my October trip (well, they may be suspicious, but that’s all). Now I am off to meet her in Guangzhou, which is where her brother lives.
My lady’s brother is a very interesting part of our story. She has 2 elder brothers. Her father is alive, he lives in the country, but he plays little part in the family decision-making. If the 3 siblings have something big to talk about, they get together and discuss it. Her oldest brother has impeccable English, and so do his two daughters. He has helped me and his sister a lot. At the same time, he has been subtly checking out whether I am serious. Sometimes talking to him is like being interviewed, but in a nice way. So, he acts as a kind of translator/go-between/protector. He has offered to help us out in many ways, booking hotels, travel, inviting us to meet his family. A great guy.
I’m not marrying her brother though, I’m marrying her (I hope). There’s an intensity about our feelings for each other that’s white hot. It doesn’t die down, it won’t let up, it just grows with a steady intensity.
She tells me when I arrive that she will be ‘sticky like candy’. I think that must be a good thing, right? :icon_cheesygrin:
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‘sticky like candy’ most likely from nerves? I'll leave it at that. Wish you luck in the endeavor. But take your time, don't rush into it. Unless your very sure.
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I hope you have a great trip! I look forward to your trip updates.
Oh...and you are marrying her brother as well. I am sure you already know this, but in China, you marry the entire family.
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Yes mate, the best of luck on your trip...
As Martin says, it's the entire fa,ily your marrying...lol
Stock like glue is what she means I think, you aint going nowhere...fast....lol
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Hi Philip,
Welcome to the brotherhood! I'm currently our man in China so I hope you have as much fun as I'm having!
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Awesome first post Philip! Welcome to the brotherhood and I wish you all the best. It sounds like you are off to a great start. Talking with the brother is an excellent sign and I'm sure things will work out fantastically. Have an awesome time in Guangzhou and please keep us posted at least a bit. We're like a bunch of worrying old mothers back here (or lecherous old men like Willy :icon_cool: ). Don't forget your camera.
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Welcome Phillip,
Welcome and good luck in China.
Shaun
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Phillip , welcome to this Forum , great that you are getting along so well , just 1 question to throw your way , if the brother is not with you how will you talk directly with your lady ? , an electronic translator is a must , and they are fun to , you can purchase when you first arrive in G and it means you are not tied to family 24 /7 , good luck , regards Ying and Robert .
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RobertB...Thanks for the reminder..I forgot all about that with everything else going on...
Cheers bud:icon_biggrin:
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Phillip , welcome to this Forum , great that you are getting along so well , just 1 question to throw your way , if the brother is not with you how will you talk directly with your lady ? , an electronic translator is a must , and they are fun to , you can purchase when you first arrive in G and it means you are not tied to family 24 /7 , good luck , regards Ying and Robert .
RobertB. Thanks for the question. I have a nice Besta CD 869, which I plan to leave with my lady when I go back. The brother will be entertaining and translating for some of the first couple of days. There is also a cousin who is available for translating duties if we need it.
If I get into language trouble, I plan to sing my way out of it. Lol. She likes my singing. Seriously, the communication will be difficult and stuttering, but I love learning languages and I'm starting to see the patterns in Chinese.
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Sounds like your off to a flying start my friend. Fantastic news that her family are all on your side. Yes I had those "interviews" from my now wife's brother. They can be unbelievably helpful and generous these people so best of luck with your first meeting. Marrying a Chinese girl is everything the brothers here say it is and more:icon_biggrin:!
Ming Zhi,Paul
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Well, six days to go before I fly to Guangzhou. I have my double-entry visa. I have my certificate of no impediment verified by the Foreign and Commonwealth Office and the Chinese Embassy (ready for December if everything works out). I have most of the presents (for my lady's two children and for her brother's family).
I feel quite calm and confident as well as excited. But as the time approaches, my lady is becoming a little nervous. I think her main worry is that I will be disappointed with her, no matter how much I try and reassure her. She sent me a couple of messages on QQ yesterday.
"I was a very beautiful little girl when I was young. My appearance has been engulfed slowly with age as I grew up. I have had many trials and hardships of experience and they have forced me to change."
"I hope to meet you and have a contented happy ending. I cannot guarantee I'm your only choice, if you see me I'm not what you want beautiful, you make other plans I will not blame you."
Well, this is really the first time she has spoken like this. My heart went out to her when I read this. She is not prone to saying things to get sympathy. Hearing her words only makes me love her more. At the same time I wonder what (or who) happened to her to make her see herself in that way. I told her she was beautiful on the inside and on the outside and that she was my only choice. But I know that now I need to back up these words with actions.
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Phillip , I would agree with Mr Butt , on his take of your ladies thoughts , it might seem strange , but it would seem that they have a totally different mindset to Western women , they seem to have the idea that what will be will be , there we were at a ktv party and I was talking with the translating machine to 1 of Yings girlfriends , who I must admit was very pretty , and I was asked by Ying whether I preferred Ling to her , it floored me , lesson was pay attention when your lady is singing haha :dodgy:
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Hi.
In 24 hours, I will be on my way to Guangzhou (via Beijing). I will finally get there at 6pm. I will try and post from the hotels and post photos when I get back a week later.
I have been confident, single-minded and romantic throughout my correspondence with my lady, though perhaps not to a Brian degree. My lady has been more pragmatic, more insecure and more modest, all of which makes for a refreshing contrast. I think we are quite similar in temperament actually, and we share the same fear, i.e. that face to face, she/he won't like me.
Butttt, and it's abigbutttt, the nervousness will hopefully go away when we have the benefit of physical contact. At the moment I am ridiculously and uncharacteristically serene. Calmer than if I was going to sing on stage in front of thousands of people or if I was going to an important interview. Paul Simon said " I can't get used to Something So Right". Well, I think I can get used to it just fine.
Here I go.
Philip
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Good luck and have a nice trip.
Make sure you do the Pearl River cruise in the evening. If it fits with where you stay, have a walk around Shamian Island.
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Bro, if you don't know, buy Imodium at the airport...!! Or before, as you can't get it in China....! As i found out, to my rather uncomfortable experience..! Having the world fall out of you a*se over the communal porcelain squatter is not a forgettable experience..! :icon_cheesygrin:
Have a good one, and good luck.
Andy...
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Bro, if you don't know, buy Imodium at the airport...!! Or before, as you can't get it in China....! As i found out, to my rather uncomfortable experience..! Having the world fall out of you a*se over the communal porcelain squatter is not a forgettable experience..! :icon_cheesygrin:
Have a good one, and good luck.
Andy...
Actually, you can get shots (I think that's what Twinrx is) for that so you don't have to worry about bugs. But depending on where you go, that diarrhea isn't necessarily a bug. I find that a lot of times, it is from dehydration. The water there is different (drink only bottled water), but if you have diarrhea, first thing I would do, go buy a sports drink (or 3). Trust me on this. If that doesn't work, then go for the imodium...
In-Jaul
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one word. yogurt!!!! I haven't been but it has worked everywhere else I tried it.
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What is it with these agencies. They have an agreement with the ladies that a certain sum will be paid upon completion of marriage.
I know the translators get a big bonus if they can persuade her to pay up in advance for a marriage that may well never happen.
A translator recently asked me if I could afford to pay 40000rmb which the lady is contracted to pay upon marriage. I told her YES I could pay and NO I will not pay. I told her that her contract was with the lady and not me.
We are now following the same process as Phillip. But Guys do not be tempted to hand any money to the agency in advance. The translator will put forward many reasons why you should. Forget them - neither the agency nor the translator can stop you marrying the lady if she really loves you.
Ok if I marry I will pay for her as contracts to the Lady are important but on my terms and at my pace.
Willy
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Hi guys,
quick update.
Met by my lady's 22 year old cousin at Guangzhou airport yesterday evening. Took taxi to Zhongshan. Cost about 500 yuan. Brother insisted on paying. Went to hotel. Had meal with cousin. Slept soundly. In morning met lady and brother's family for breakfast. Gave lady a hug hello. Took every opportunity to hold her hand throughout the day, until it was she who took my hand. Booked a trip to Nan Yue for the next few days. Taking the bus and train. Visited Sun Yat-Sen's house with lady and brother's family. Lovely people. Had a meal at a revolving restaurant at the top of my hotel. It was a good day.
Will write more when I find an Internet cafe
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Although my wife told me her family paid 10k to sign up and 50k when we married, that's all she'll discuss with me. To her, it's just not my place to worry about how the money was paid. I'm just supposed to accept it and move on. I've since given up any concern with it whatsoever but don't be surprised if this happens to someone else.
Is the rotating resturant supposed to aid in digestion? Maybe this is part of the TCM....
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Ed,
Jeez, ....that's an awful lot of money to pay an agency in China!! The one's that I've heard about were around the 30k mark, and i thought that was taking the pee out of these ladies!!!
I have heard of several men, negotiating the price down, when the agency knew that the lady would not be able to afford the contract price. Well, everyone should know by now, ...in China everything is negotiable, nothing there is set in stone when it comes to money......
David....
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Heheh. That's the hotel I stayed at. The Fuhua hotel.
[attachment=900] Nice view from the hotel.
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In the end, I wonder how many people have actually paid the marriage fee...It is a small price to pay for happiness, but I seriously wonder would happen.
Also, do any of these agencies have a timeframe for marriage which might void the fees (or even just to leave the agency).
It makes you think...
In-Jaul
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Mustfocus you can avoid the agency fees.Just cut the agency out of the picture after the first visit.Some believe here that if you do not pay the fees.That it promotes more dishonesty from the agency.Because they lost out on the revenue.That the lady was creating for them.Then to compensate for the lost revenue the agencies will create fake profiles.fake letters.to recover the money they lost out on.
But it also must be noted.That some of these meeting fees and the marriage fees are outrages.Some of these fees have ben deal breakers In the past.Where the man gets mad and dumps his lady.Because he is feeling like he is being scammed.And he probably is.Not by the woman but the agency.
David 50 also makes a good point.This is China.Just about everything having to do with money.Can be negotiated.And in my own opinion the meeting fees the marriage fees with the agency should be negotiated.In person.Under no circumstances should your lady be used as a translater.A go between.Or a moderator.When you are dealing with the agency.
Ive never heard of a time limit with the agencies.If the agency doesn't deliver a husband with in a year.They usually give the lady a free year or the women tells the agency just to close her account.But she can't close the account until all fees have ben payed.
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Phiilip, I hope this is the trip of your lifetime and you and she make all of your dreams come true. When it works, it is the greatest thing. Everything sounds like you are on the right track. Good luck.
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Mustfocus you can avoid the agency fees.Just cut the agency out of the picture after the first visit.Some believe here that if you do not pay the fees.That it promotes more dishonesty from the agency.Because they lost out on the revenue.That the lady was creating for them.Then to compensate for the lost revenue the agencies will create fake profiles.fake letters.to recover the money they lost out on.
But it also must be noted.That some of these meeting fees and the marriage fees are outrages.Some of these fees have ben deal breakers In the past.Where the man gets mad and dumps his lady.Because he is feeling like he is being scammed.And he probably is.Not by the woman but the agency.
David 50 also makes a good point.This is China.Just about everything having to do with money.Can be negotiated.And in my own opinion the meeting fees the marriage fees with the agency should be negotiated.In person.Under no circumstances should your lady be used as a translater.A go between.Or a moderator.When you are dealing with the agency.
Ive never heard of a time limit with the agencies.If the agency doesn't deliver a husband with in a year.They usually give the lady a free year or the women tells the agency just to close her account.But she can't close the account until all fees have ben payed.
There's the catch. One thing I really don't like about a lot of companies is how they measure performance. I don't remember who listed some of the information (I forget whether it was Chinese Knot or someone else who was a former translator), but the EMF quotas they (as translators for agencies) have to meet I think actually undermines their ability to make the big bucks. Let's assume that the marriage fee should be paid and let's set it at... 10,000RMB (as an example). Wouldn't the agency make more money when they successfully get someone married (quickly) versus dragging along someone with EMFs where they earn a measly 6 or 7RMB at a time?
Also, having high marriage (and meeting) fees would only annoy if not anger the gents who do go to meet someone and find out about them. I'm not sure what other match making agencies charge (here or there), but if I were to find out that there is a $10,000CDN marriage fee to marry someone here, I'd stop using the service and alert others to it as well. Not a good PR plan in my eyes.
And fake profiles...that's just asking for a whole world of trouble. If I were to discover that, I'd complain to the agency. If the agency doesn't offer some sort of relief, then CHNLOVE. And if that doesn't work, I would start working on the review sites. One person might not make that much of a difference, but if I were to read 100 reviews saying that my web site is a fraud, I would get concerned.
But then again, I'm not a successful businessman, so what do I know?
In-Jaul
BTW, perhaps we should start a thread for agencies that we do trust...just to keep this positive...
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Mustfocus your right it is not a good business plan.If your doing it on a local level.It is a helluva business plan if you are doing it internationally.Since I joined chnlove way back when.I have seen members from all over the world.The only big country that I haven't seen a member from is Russia.And some of the third world countries.But everybody else is here.
America, France, United kingdom,Sweden,Scotland,Ireland,Spain,portugal,Germany,Canada,Singapore.Australia New Zealand,Japan And one or two members from other countries.Granted the Majority of the members are from America,And Canada. And the U.K.But this is still a huge pool of men to draw from.
When you really come down to it CHnlove doesn't care.Why does Chnlove not care.They are only interested in the numbers.How much money.They can squeeze out of the men who use there service.If the truth really was known Chnlove is a little company in side of big conglomerate of other companies.So you can see how much.These little agencies have a effect on the whole picture.Or how much effect we have on them.
Even if Chnlove is loosing money.There is good reasons to keep the company open.Tax writeoff.Is the biggest reason.If the head honchos decide to close down Chnlove.Because a lose of revenue it is nothing to them.They would probably have to lay off maybe 20 people at the corporate offices.Or just transfer them to other companies.
Each one of the Agencies is independently owned and operated.The only thing Chnlove is is a figure head.Somebody at corporate.Over 10 years ago decided hey we can make some money if we bring all these agencies together under one roof.Give them some international exposure.Sway the government not to shut them down.
I can't remember the name of the company.But It is posted on here somewhere.I posted the name and address of the parent company in Hong Kong.When Willy wanted it for something.(If your that interested in the name of the company Let me know I can look it up again.)
As far as somebody starting a web page that rates the internet dating companies.I know of 2 right off the top of my head.Pfishy and dragon ladies.They have about as much effect on Chnlove.As somebody peeing on a forest fire.
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In-Jaul,
Your right in what you point out in respect of marriage fee's to EMF fee's, .... it doesn't make sense does it!! ...I have never got to the bottom of why Chinese businesses will lose contracts for the sake of misery amounts of savings in there proposals either, but that's exactly what they do..... (And were talking here about contracts worth hundreds of thousands to millions!!!)
Generally, they will have no trouble collecting the ladies join-up fee and meeting fee's, but i doubt very much if anyone that's sane, pays the full contract marriage fee. As pointed out, they are in the main outrageous, so they will often be negotiated way down. The agencies tend to believe that western men looking for Chinese wife's are in the main ''wealthy''!! So will ask for these outrageous marriage fee's knowing full well, that the ladies will never be able to meet such fee's, but get the lady to sign these contracts telling them ''don't worry the man will pay this fee for you''..... Don't forget also, there are plenty of Joe's out there, that actually pay the full amounts too !!!
The other thing you have to remember too, is that the EMF fee's only come from chnlove, and chnlove is by no-means there main source of income. They are affiliated with all sorts of other website companies and oversea agencies.... as well as there home market!! So chnlove income serves mainly as a cash flow situation, and they will do there uppermost to maintain and increase that easy cash flow into the business..... If and when they see the relationship getting very serious, they will quickly revert to doing everything they can to safeguard the end line marriage fee....
Fake profiles indeed will cause them a great deal of trouble, but you'll be surprised how often, they do this, without anyone realising they've ever been scammed.... It's only when they slip up do they get found out, and that's not too often either.... Which is why it's always best to get on to other means of communication, such as webcam and the like, as soon as possible, ...as at least a supplementary form of communication.
That's very briefly my insight to how these agencies work. There's obviously a lot more to it than this, but that would turn into a book rather than a posting!! hahaha!!!
David....
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Heheh. That's the hotel I stayed at. The Fuhua hotel.
Nice view from the hotel.
Yes , Neil, that is the hotel I stayed at for the first two days.
Sorry, I haven't updated you on my wonderful adventures. I could say that the reason is that none of the hotels had computers, or that my lady did not want to let go of my hand, but the truth is more that I did not want to let go of HER hand. I am back in England now, and if it is OK, I will write about each day at a time.
One more fact about my first day with my lady. I had presents for my lady's brother's family. I got on with the two daughters like a house on fire, well I teach young children anyway, and they are amazing children. I gave the eldest daughter a piano book of English nursery rhymes and songs. When I gave my lady five presents, the girl started to cry, because she had only 1. I think I earned some brownie points from everyone, when I explained to her how much I loved her aunt and how this was the reason why I gave some more presents.
Talking like you're deaf, loving like you're blind, that sums up the next day
On day 2 with my lady, she arrived on her own at my hotel, at 7 am, wearing the dress I had bought for her (lucky guess - the size was perfect). Beautiful - pictures to follow. We took a two-hour bus ride from Zhongshan to Guangzhou. Five minutes in, she rested her head on my shoulder, and from that moment and throughout our bus journey, and 6 hour train ride to Hengyan, she rested and slept in my arms and on my shoulders. It was like 8 hours of slow foreplay. We had fun watching the sales people on the trains, selling dinosaur toys, toothbrushes, do-it-yourself suction cups and food. My lady bought some grapes and lychees and insisted on feeding them to me like I was some Roman emperor. We hardly said a single word to each other all day.
We booked into a hotel in Henyang, two beds. My lady wrote on my Besta translator asking what the sleeping arrangements would be. I replied, two people, one bed. She said she was very scared. She turned all the lights out. She slept on one bed, I slept on the other. Then, later, she got into my bed. CENSORED!
More updates and photos later.
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I know the translators get a big bonus if they can persuade her to pay up in advance for a marriage that may well never happen.
I know I have mentioned this before, Willy, but one of the things that made me laugh, and reminded me I was in China and not back in Australia, was that when I was dumped, both my Zhuhai woman (not the dear woman from Wuhan I am with at the moment) and the translator offered to set me up with someone else. It's real strange to me. I was with this woman for a year. I visited her twice. It was serious between us - we had begun to make plans for the future. I spoke and wrote to her almost every day for a year. She meant a lot to me. Then on the night she told me she wasn't prepared to come to Australia to come and live with me she offers to find me a replacement. It's so different to the way things are conducted back here in Australia. In some ways it is very practical and helpful . . . but in some ways, it's cold, it's cold as ice. Maybe I misunderstand it, but it's real strange to me. It's only a small thing, so it is not as though I am blowing this out of proportion or anything, but it's one of those small little things you take away with you, and you mull over, when you're back home again, and you wonder to yourself, I wonder what was going on in her mind . . . *laughs*
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OK, Day 3 was the worst day, but it didn't start that way.
My back was aching from all that bus and train travel and from lugging my bags around. I said to my lady that I needed a massage. We moved hotels, and she enquired about a massage for me. She accompanied me to the massage, and sat reading a paper. She may have just wanted to keep me company or she may have wanted to check that it wasn't that other kind of massage. As it was, she watched while I let a woman literally walk all over me. It is something else when a woman walks on your back, then at various points stands on tiptoe like a ballerina and digs her toes into your back. Then, suitably refreshed, we returned to our room and shared some electronic translator conversation, speaking the words as we inputted them and getting the other to pronounce them. She revealed a rather lovely singing voice and an ability to whistle and I sang songs back to her. I read back some of her EMF letters to me and at one point I cried at hearing myself say her words out loud. I gave her all the money I had brought, remembering the brothers' advice about it being a good idea.
Later we went shopping for food for next day for our trip to the Nan Yue mountains.
Back at the hotel, it all went pear-shaped. I made a sexual faux-pas. At the time, it seemed to be enjoyable for her, but I very quickly realised that she was offended and upset. She sent me to Coventry and lay on the floor with her back to me. I felt really bad, and thought I was in danger of losing her. I felt stupid and upset. I cried for the second time that day, and we had a restless night of miscommunication and fumbling translator messages. She returned the money to me, saying that I resented having given the responsibility to her, and I ended up feeling very sorry for myself. Needless to say, it was the low point of my trip, but, luckily, it was all uphill from there.
More instalments to follow.
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Back at the hotel, it all went pear-shaped . . . Needless to say, it was the low point of my trip, but, luckily, it was all uphill from there.
More instalments to follow.
Philip
I am loving your story too.
The funny thing about life is that a lot of the important things that happen are quite unexpected. Like this one. It's not like you'd woken up and decided you were going to make it a little better and then much worse and then over the subsequent days some kind of recovery.
Often I think I can work things out, and if I work them out well enough, I can remove all the unpleasant bits from my life.
It's taken a long time, but I've finally worked out that stuff is still going to happen, regardless.
Well, keep going with your story, it's a wonderful one.
Danny
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Greetings Brothers,
Great story Philip, keep it coming, oh and what about the pics you promised? Gotta have those pics.
Regards,
Zhen and Brian
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Good story Phillip. I am looking forward to the next installment.
Shaun
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Phillip, welcome to this bunch of misfits, that was a great post, and I think what she means is that your not going anywhere without her, and the family. Sounds like you have developed a family in China bro. Best of luck to you, keep in touch with us....
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Hi, time for my next instalment.
Day 4. This was a surreal day. Me and my lady made up after my previous night’s indiscretion. I felt like a man with his head in the guillotine being reprieved at the last minute. My relief at her forgiveness for my previous f***-up was palpable. God bless her for not throwing me out on my ear. She accepted the responsibility for the money again.
We took a taxi from Hengyang to Nan Yue mountain. Again, we were on our way north. As in every bus, train and taxi we took, my lady rested her head on my shoulders or fell asleep in my arms. The taxi driver was very chatty.
When we arrived at Nan Yue town, we stopped off at a strange shop. The walls were lined with hundreds of bright red cylinders on sticks, looking like fireworks. My lady asked for about 40 red boxes containing wood shavings, which she proceeded to write my and her names on. Then the shop assistant started to make bundles with the boxes, with each box she wrapped three cylinders, some yellow tissue, a few sticks of firewood, and separate from these she collected some big rolls of firecrackers, some large red cylinders containing I knew not what and some large green cylinders on sticks with our names written on them. At this point, I started to think of Maxx’s other golden rule, Different Country, Different Customs. This sure was different. Then she totted up the damage on her calculator. It came to a few yuan short of 4000. OK. Brothers, what would you have done at this point? This was supposed to be some sort of offering. I was not sure whether this was just a bunch of Buddhist tut. I had not been aware that my lady was at all religious or superstitious. But, she seemed happy. And I was not about to take the money back from her, having made such a fuss about it the previous day. So, I mosied on down to the nearby Bank of China cashpoint, withdrew the spondoolicks and handed them over.
Then we took a taxi into town to a rather tacky-looking temple, passing on the way about a 100 similar-looking stores. At the temple, we took about a third of the packages, bowed three times holding a green cylinder, and threw the packages into the furnaces, including some firecrackers for the sound effects. Then we entered the temple to be further fleeced by a monk insisting we needed a lotus candle, a beaded bracelet and reading my lady’s palm (It turned out he could read that she was due to meet a rich man soon – Hmmm). On the way to the next, much more impressive temple, my thoughts took on a philosophical bent – would it have been any different just to take the 4000 yuan and put that straight into the furnace? Is it strange to have a town full of shops whose produce ends up as ashes minutes after purchase? Is there some deeper message in all this related to the transience of material wealth? Before I had the chance to answer the questions, we were throwing the next third of the packages into a bigger furnace.
Next we went to the foot of the Zhurong peak mountain, at 2900 metres, one of the five great mountains in China. We took a bus about two-thirds of the way up the mountain. Then we walked 3.5 km of steep steps to the top, on a sweltering hot day, carrying some heavy bags, and avoiding the temptations of the motorbikes, the sedan chairs and the taxis, which promised to make the climb easier. My lady tried to carry all of the bags, but I was not wimping out. I like a challenge. Reaching the top was quite exhilarating. We disposed of the rest of the packages at the temple at the top, and sat down to have our packed lunch including yoghurt, some rubbery part of an animal (I didn’t ask) and some Red Bull.
What did it all mean? F*** knows. But I like mountains. And I like my lady, so that’s all that really mattered.
We walked down hand in hand. There is something very special about holding my lady’s hand – it is like a constant means of sensory communication. I couldn’t get enough of it. And I missed it for the few minutes I didn’t have it.
We hitched a ride in a van back to her home city, Changsha, held up by what seemed like a fatal accident on the way (there were women wailing in the street)
We booked into a hotel, with the fun name of the Yippee, which was kind of how I felt. That night, we had the most gentle, most sensuous, most profoundly satisfying time and I stopped thinking about any scepticism or doubts or stupid ideas about those funny shops.
p.s. here is a photo of us on the train on that second day, when she turned up wearing the dress I got her
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Great story Phillip all the best to the pair of you:icon_biggrin:
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I hold the money. I pay for everything. If something seems too expensive, I'll suggest that my lady find something less expensive or we won't buy it. It has only happened once as my lady is careful with money and is not a spendthrift. When we shop at the market for groceries, then I hand over the entire money to her because there are so many vendors that she deals with. That 4000 yuan expenditure was way overboard. When my lady and I went to the praying temple in Kaiping, it just cost 50 yuan for the red incense sticks + a donation of 30 yuan for the priests to help publish their books.
HOWEVER, your night ended up on an enjoyable & positive note ... so good for you two. I would ask next time how much she needs for the venture ... 4,000 yuan / $ 635 Cdn is a lot of money ... practically a month's salary ... just to make offerings.
If this is her custom to start a new relationship, then I guess you had no choice.
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We toured a cave in Guilin and at the end there was a temple. We all knelt on mats and prayed and monks came and tapped people on the shoulder and took them individually to sign guest books and make offerings. The monk handed me a pen and I filled the book out. The last line was a blank for the amount of my donation. I opened my wallet and pulled out a 10 Yuan bill, filled in the 10, put the 10 in the slot and smiled. He leans over and points to the number and says "add a zero" and winks. Ok, sure, why not. Then he looks at me expectantly. I laugh. Fine, out comes the hundred and into the slot it goes. When me, Nina and the translator finally got together again, it was obvious we all had been hoodwinked into depositing more than we wanted to. It was all good though. Sometimes you just have to roll with it.
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That was a great story, please keep it up, almost feel like I was there with you....
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Phillip what Chong is telling you is right.About the price of the offerings it was way to much.But it was also very important to your lady to make a good start and have Bhudda and the ancester blessings.That is why she threw all the stuff into the furnace.She was sending gifts to dead relitives and Bhudda.
It sounds to me like your lady is what is called a heavy bhudist.That means she is a real true beliver in bhudda.It should never cost you that much again.SHe was making an offering for the good start.And you were attoning for your sin.Of making her cry the other night.
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Wow, a great trip update Philip. I'm glad my lady didn't waste 4000RMB of my money like that though, she would probably have been dumped on the spot. 4000RMB is about 4 months wages to my lady. I got hit with a 700RMB bill for a coat, but it was a lovely coat. I don't know how much your girl earns though - the difference between Chinese incomes is vast, it's much higher than it is in the UK.
Thank goodness my lady doesn't seem to be very religious/superstitious :icon_biggrin:.
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Lets put this in perspective. When I was writing Nina, I wrote daily EMF's. That means approximately 60 credits a month (send and receive). That's $190 US dollars for 50 credits. Convert that to Yuan: 1556. That's nearly an average monthly wage in China. I'd guess it's close to what my lady makes in a month in sales. What does the average smoker spend on cigarettes in a month? Dude, we ARE made of money. If I knew a lady that I was dating that spent as much as I make in a month on something frivolous, I would consider her to be made of money too.
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Day 5: After all the rampant, reckless overspending of the previous day, day 5 stood in stark contrast.
We eventually emerged from the bedroom to experience one of Changsha’s many coffee shops. We found a nice little private booth and had a bit of breakfast, including some decent coffee and some very fruity teas. Message to Willy the Londoner – Coffee shops are not necessarily the venue for relationship break-ups, ha ha. We rehabilitated that reputation by having some lovely times in these places.
I needed to find out whether I could use my original ticket to fly from Changsha to Beijing, as I hadn’t taken that leg of the flight coming. But Air China weren’t helpful, so I was none the wiser.
Today, I had planned to buy my lady a computer. No, my wallet is not bottomless, but I didn’t like the idea of my lady walking home late from the internet café, plus it is not the most private place to have a webcam meeting. We went to one of the large buildings containing 30 or 40 little computer franchises, which I had been advised by my lady’s brother as being a better place to buy a computer. We went for Acer – there were four or five little shops within the building.
I quite enjoy bartering. There was a nice new laptop with a built-in webcam and 8 hours of battery life. The specs were quite standard. I could have gone for a netbook, but I liked the idea of something with decent storage and memory. I’m not an expert and I probably went for something that was well over-priced to begin with, but the experience was fun.
My lady knows very little about computers, but she knows a lot about quiet determination when shopping. The price of the computer was 6000 yuan. I would ask certain technical questions, write them on my Besta translator and my lady would translate to the sales assistant. Unbeknownst to me she had plucked a figure from the air of 4800. She asked me what I wanted to pay, I said 500 yuan less than the asking price. So after a couple of hours of me stalling and rejecting certain worthless extras and the shop assistant seemingly refusing to lower the price one bit, suddenly he offers me 5250. I thought, where did that figure come from? I was just about to pay it when my lady said, walk away if he doesn’t offer 5000. So I did. I went to the next shop a few feet away, told them to better the offer, which they did, at 5000. The first shopkeeper had followed us to the second shop, everyone was looking over our shoulders at our messages, but it just made them more exasperated. I was about to buy it, but my credit was rejected, probably after withdrawing so much the day before. My lady said, don’t worry. Let’s eat. We had been with a couple of my lady’s friends, who were seriously impressed by our combined bargaining skills. So, we bought precisely nothing, but we made a good team.
We ate at a local restaurant. As in all of our meals, my lady picks out the spicy Changsha food, washes it in hot tea and puts it on my plate or bowl. She seems to be making me fat.
Back in the hotel, we had another lovely intimate night together. If you are having such a sexy time for four days in a row, two or three times a night, your thoughts inevitably turn to giving Willy the Londoner a call! Luckily, I didn’t need those supplies, but it was a close-run thing. My lady became a bit sombre in the early hours. Over the months, it took me a long time to convince her that I was happy to bring her and her two children to England to be part of our family, but she found it hard to believe that I would accept another man’s child. I have 5 sisters, 1 brother, all with families, all of whom would love to get to know these children. Plus, I love children . I teach young children and am happy for them to be part of our family. But she was now worried that my family would pity her. By the end of our conversation, both of us were using the phrase, ‘Our three children’ (referring also to the baby we want to have together). But it has been a really big issue for her. She is not used to the idea that anyone would want her as a thirty-five year old divorced woman with children.
So, today I spent a bit of money for coffee and meals, and a big fat nothing not buying a computer. But, most importantly, we found out some interesting and important things about each other.
p.s. - here is a picture of my lady in the coffee shop
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I was about to buy it, but my credit was rejected, probably after withdrawing so much the day before.
Philip did you phone your credit card company to alert them to using the card overseas? On my 1st trip I used my credit card to buy a watch and for hotels but also, like you, when I tried to make a major purchase (laptop computer) my credit was refused. When I got back home my office answering machine had a message from the credit card security department. When I phoned I got confirmation about that they blocked the transaction. I guess the hotel and watch was a minor cost so no red flag was raised. Now when I travel I make sure to phone the credit card company so as not to be embarrassed.
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No, Rhonald, I didn't inform my credit card companies, but I was always able to withdraw money on the second day after each transaction. Plus I had a fair amount of Chinese currency that I brought from England. In the case of the computer, it wasn't embarassing, it just added to the fun of the experience. I might inform them next time.
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Before I moved to China I tried to tell both of my banks so that I would not have problems with my debit cards. They told me that they are unable to programme the computer to recognise that. The computer can only be notified after it stops a card being used and you telephone them and they reset the computer.
In the four months that I haver been here both cards have been stopped twice at different times and I call from here with a telephone card.
But I now take out far more money than I need from my UK accounts and pay it into either of my Chinese accounts so I can always use the Chinese cards if needed.
Willy
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OK candy man what about day 6?
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Back in the hotel, we had another lovely intimate night together. If you are having such a sexy time for four days in a row, two or three times a night, your thoughts inevitably turn to giving Willy the Londoner a call!
In sincerely trust that call may have been contemplated for my excess Viagra and not for any personal service!!!!!!! :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
Willy
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Yes, Willy, it was the Viagra I almost needed you for, not your other services. I think that even you need to preserve your energy and you know the expression, two’s company, three’s a crowd. Ha ha!
Day 6 Everything with my lady feels sexual – holding hands, shopping, eating, singing, waiting for that message to translate, taking a taxi, and, er, sex. I am always looking for her hand to hold, and so is she.
We went to another coffee shop and met with a couple of my lady’s friends. It was lovely to see her laughing with her friends. They are very down to earth, and, like everyone who knows her, describes my lady as kind and caring. I knew that, but it is good to hear it from friends who obviously care about her. We have received everyone’s blessing, family and friends.
I am not used to everything going so well. But even after having had a bad first experience in China (it seems to be almost a rite of passage for a lot of guys), I knew that I would find my love in China. And I have.
My lady insists on feeding me. Is it wrong to like it? She’s always choosing the best bits of meat and putting it in my mouth with chopsticks. What will they think in an English restaurant if she starts doing that?
We go to the computer shop again, this time I have the money. After another bit of bartering fun, my lady suddenly decides we don’t need to buy the computer today, which amuses me no end. It seems she is carefree with my money when it comes to Buddhist offerings, but frugal for everything else. Or maybe she was just testing me.
One of the nicest things is the way she initiates physical contact more than me. I’m not really used to it, but I’m not complaining. Not a lot happens in public, of course, but sometimes I can’t resist kissing her, and she is not unhappy when this happens.
I finally give up on the flight. I think about alternatives, then have a whizz idea. Instead of me flying out on Saturday to Beijing and overnighting there before flying back on Sunday, I could get a long sleeper train to Beijing with my lady and spend Saturday night in a Beijing hotel. Then she can fly back to Guangzhou on Sunday. My lady gives me a crinkly smile when I suggest this.
We go shopping for tomorrow’s packed lunch. Many of the refrigerated foods like yoghurt are past their sell-by date, so I know my lady is not being fussy when she checks for the date on everything.
We have a nice meal, Changsha-style, with her friends from the previous day. We check out of the hotel and make our way to the station, ready for our 1.13 train to Beijing. I don’t think we did very much today, but we were happily busy doing nothing.
p.s here is a pic of me with the in-laws on the first day
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Now when I travel I make sure to phone the credit card company so as not to be embarrassed.
Rhonald, that's good advice.
It's also good to give them a contact number they can ring. Even when you tell them that you're going to be travelling overseas, often they give you a call just to check when there has been a large cash withdrawal at an ATM or a large purchase.
Those warm and fuzzy banks, they look after you just like a mother *laughs*
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Yes, Willy, it was the Viagra I almost needed you for, not your other services. I think that even you need to preserve your energy and you know the expression, two’s company, three’s a crowd. Ha ha!
Two's company, three's a crowd - four's a ........ well thats just beyond my wildest dream nowadays. Ok I will leave you to it. Keep up the good work. Britain is counting on you to cement Anglo-China relations to a new level.
Willy
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Days 7 and 8
We boarded the 14 hour sleeper train from Changsha to Beijing at 1.13 am. In a compartment of six bunks, we had the top two. Unfortunately, the bunks were only big enough for 1 thin person, not two. Plus, my lady would not take kindly to public, erm, displays of affection. So we had to make do with holding hands across the bunks until our arms dropped off.
My lady arranged our packed lunch across the storage compartment next to our bunks like a pro. It was an impressive display.
We arrived in Beijing in the mid-afternoon, and there was a cold, biting wind. My lady could not stop shivering. Not Changsha weather at all. I gave her my coat. I didn't need it. I am from lovely England. We are made of sterner stuff.
We booked into a hotel near the station. We checked out the shuttle buses to the airport the next day, looked into flights for her to Guangzhou. But she was a little bit nervous, never having flown before, so she decided to take a very long train to Guangzhou. We ate in the hotel restaurant. It was basically a big bowl of soup and you chucked everything in.. My lady taught me how to split the cabbage into strips with the chopsticks, then she proceeded to feed me as if I were some kind of hungry horse. I ate about 10 times the amount I would normally eat. I didn't really have a choice. Ha ha! Strange thing, there was no rice and no tea. I thought these things come as standard.
We went to bed quite early. I got a slight bout of superstition, because the beds were facing the same way as they had been when we had our not good night, but it didn't matter. We had the absolutely most bissful night. The only bad thing was that we had to get up to go to the airport the next morning.
The next day (8), it was SNOWING outside our window. We took the shuttle bus. My lady was like ice, and it took ages to warm her up. I checked my bag in and we went to the airport Starbucks. It was quite quiet and sombre between us. She kept on trying to give me food and drink to take with me and I told her I wasn't allowed them on the plane. We kissed goodbye at the customs. I tickled her under her arm to make her laugh, because I didn't want to see her looking sad. Then I went through security and disppeared down the escalator. She texted me a few minutes later to say that when she saw my shadow disappear, her heart pounded up and down and she burst into tears.
Because of the snow, and the lack of proper de-icing facilities, I was stuck in the plane for 7 hours. I was supposed to get back to London at about 3 pm. I ended up getting home after midnight with work next day.
The trip was about as successful as I could possibly hope for from a first visit. We love each other, she is real, we are physically compatible, I like her friends and relatives; they like me. I had some great adventures.
But now I have been back a week, I am all too aware that this is just the beginning and we have an awful long way to go. I will catch up with myself in future updates, because quite a lot has happened since I returned, but for now, this has been the story of my trip.
p.s. this photo was taken at the Sun Yat-Sen museum on the first day
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Philip , thanks for the very interesting and lovely Trip .
There is one thing though , that stood out of all you have written . That is , your Lady's refusal to Fly back to Guangzhou and take a roughly 22 Hour Train ride instead . I know , she has never flown before ... but what about when it's time to be with you in England ? What will happen then ? How will she get over her fear of flying now ? You have to make this very clear to her , that this day will come for her and she can not take a Train to England . Hope you will have all this worked out , when the times comes .
Congrat's to both of you and the lovely Children , you are a lucky Fellow .
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Hehe, well Arnold, that not exactly true. I did a little bit of travelling when i was younger, I went thru Europe to Moscow on a train where i caught the Trans Siberian railway, Which goes all the way to Beijing... Ok, so the Moscow to Beijing part took about two weeks, but it is possible to get from Beijing to London all the way by train, (thanks to the Channel tunnel) But take a comfortable cushion with you....:icon_biggrin:
Good luck with your relationship Philip. I am happy things went well for you.
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Phillip,
Quite a story. I enjoyed it.
Shaun
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Interesting thread Phillip,
I would like to hear more.
I am arriving back in the UK on Wednesday 25th November and flying back to China on Sunday 29th November so i have a couple of evenings free. Maybe we can relate our stories so far over a meal and a drink one evening.
Willy
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Interesting thread Phillip,
I would like to hear more.
I am arriving back in the UK on Wednesday 25th November and flying back to China on Sunday 29th November so i have a couple of evenings free. Maybe we can relate our stories so far over a meal and a drink one evening.
Willy
A London get together would be nice Willy, I'm not sure how many folk live around here though.
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You are wrong Arnold... You can take the train to London but it takes a h*ll of a long time :icon_cheesygrin:
You can take the Trans Siberian railroad from Beijing to Moscow and then a train to western Europe.. I guess it will take a month to get to London..
Great news Philip.. Next step is to go back and get married..
I guess that we will have a meeting in Changsha sometime in the future. I know a small nice pub that have Western and Chinese beer
Peter
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You are wrong Arnold... You can take the train to London but it takes a h*ll of a long time :icon_cheesygrin: Peter
Peter I knew one could take the Train ... but who in there right Mind would be willing to go that route or put there Lady through that ??? I mean , she can also take a Boat ... but compare Prices for that adventure . :icon_cheesygrin:
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Peter I knew one could take the Train ... but who in there right Mind would be willing to go that route or put there Lady through that ??? I mean , she can also take a Boat ... but compare Prices for that adventure . :icon_cheesygrin:
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Yeah your right there Arnold, those shipping containers don't look the most comfortable, and pretty pricey considering how many they cram into them...:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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To be honest, I'm not worried about my lady's fear of flying.:icon_cheesygrin: In my mind, she walks on water anyway, so she can just hike it. Seeing as she is a flying virgin, I may take her on a small test flight some time soon.
Returning to England was strange. I'm used to sleeping on my own, but as the Police song says, The Bed's Too Big Without You. On the plane back, I sat next to a lady from Chongqing, who ran an international language school there and had connections with schools in England and Scotland. She said there was a market for French teachers in Chongqing. Go figure. Sylvain? Fancy going back to Chongqing? Maybe not. Anyway, I almost absent-mindedly put my hand on her thigh, so used was I to travelling with my lady. It was close.
We miss each other terribly already. Thank God I'm back in December.
Over the past week, we QQ each other many times a day.
My lady is a worrier. She can't sleep for thinking about small and large details, all genuine issues, and my job is to be the calm, sympathetic ear. I only have one worry, which is that it will all fall through for a reason that is beyond my control, but I am relentlessly positive when I talk with her. I believe we can overcome any obstacle.
This weekend, my lady had a long dark night of the soul (more like two days). She still has difficulty believing my family will accept her two children. She worries about getting a new job, finding the energy to do the job, when she is thinking about me all the time. She worries about what her life will be like in England, how her children will fare, whether she will sort out the custody of her children, and many more. We often have a lot of fun on webcam, her smile could melt the Arctic, but I know that when she is sharing her worries, there is no place for humour.
It was all getting a bit sombre on Sunday morning, and I was finding it hard to keep my chipper up with my positive responses. But then she sent me the photos of her (our) children which were on her mobile. I haven't met them yet, but I felt this was a breakthrough. I immediately printed large pictures of them and stuck them on my wall, next to pics of her and me. When we got on the webcam, I told her what I'd done. She wanted me to show them to her, so I turned the webcam to the wall.
The crinkly smile was back. Then she said how one of the Changsha friends had phoned her to say,'Hurry up and give birth to a fat baby by him'. Thank God for her friend. I may not be able to make light of these things to her, but her friends are allowed.
Then this morning she tells me that her elder brother has difficulty with us being together, and that I need to talk to him. So I send an email to the middle brother to ask him if he and his brother have any concerns and I get this reply:
Thanks for your gifts to me and my family. We are very happy to meet you too.
I don't known what's your plan with my sister in future. Anyway I and my brother will repect your decision.
We believe you can manage the obstacles between you and my sister, as you know, different culture, different life style, different languages, etc. If you overcome all of these obstacles, I believe you will make a bright future together.
Whatever you do, wherever you go, we are always give our best wishes to you.
Yours sincerely.
Richard.
So, as well as being quite choked to get that response, I'm wondering what my lady was so worried about. I will have to find out later. Never a dull moment.
p.s. yes Willy, let's meet
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Philip,
That was a great story. Best wishes in the future with you and your lady. You are right it is never a dull moment
but it is always a wonderful experience. Does your lady live in Guangzhou?? I live here and if she has any reservations
about the differences you two might have maybe she could have dinner with my wife and i here in Guangzhou. She can see
how we get along with the differences and maybe that will put her mind at ease. just a suggestion as i am willing to help
anyone here. I find that soon after your together you find the ways to overcome these obstacles. i am learning mandarin
and we have many comical moments when i am practicing with her. anyway just my 2 cents worth
Ted
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Then she said how one of the Changsha friends had phoned her to say,'Hurry up and give birth to a fat baby by him'.
Richard
I love that about Chinese people. It is really earthy. I love the fact that it is for them a pleasure and delight to have children.
In Australia it seems they hate children. I mean if you take a child into a cafe and it makes the least bit of noise, everyone looks at you angry and mean. I reckon if you took a dog into a cafe it would be more welcome than a child *laughs*
And also here, many of the women take no pleasure at the prospect of babies, none at all. It is all just a dreadful and unwelcome burden.
It's not as though I want a baby so much. Hell I don't mind one way or the other. But I love being part of a culture and people that loves children.
My good woman in Wuhan, she is a primary school teacher, and she told me that the children in her class want her to marry me so she will have blue eyed babies. That made me laugh and laugh.
Danny
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Then she said how one of the Changsha friends had phoned her to say,'Hurry up and give birth to a fat baby by him'.
Richard
I love that about Chinese people. It is really earthy. I love the fact that it is for them a pleasure and delight to have children.
In Australia it seems they hate children. I mean if you take a child into a cafe and it makes the least bit of noise, everyone looks at you angry and mean. I reckon if you took a dog into a cafe it would be more welcome than a child *laughs*
And also here, many of the women take no pleasure at the prospect of babies, none at all. It is all just a dreadful and unwelcome burden.
It's not as though I want a baby so much. Hell I don't mind one way or the other. But I love being part of a culture and people that loves children.
My good woman in Wuhan, she is a primary school teacher, and she told me that the children in her class want her to marry me so she will have blue eyed babies. That made me laugh and laugh.
Danny
Danny, Marry her,Marry her,Marry her....:icon_cheesygrin:
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My good woman in Wuhan, she is a primary school teacher, and she told me that the children in her class want her to marry me so she will have blue eyed babies. That made me laugh and laugh. Danny
Ah hah , now we know what those wonderful chinese Lady's are after ?:icon_cheesygrin:
It's the Golden Hair and the Blue Eyes :rolleyes:
Well , at least that is my Wife's wish ... what our Baby should look like .
Phillip , you are definitely on your way there , having BOTH feet through that Family door . Good for you Man .
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Song will have to settle for dark hair and hazel green eyes. :icon_biggrin:
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My good woman in Wuhan, she is a primary school teacher, and she told me that the children in her class want her to marry me so she will have blue eyed babies. That made me laugh and laugh. Danny
Ah hah , now we know what those wonderful chinese Lady's are after ?:icon_cheesygrin:
It's the Golden Hair and the Blue Eyes :rolleyes:
Well , at least that is my Wife's wish ... what our Baby should look like .
Phillip , you are definitely on your way there , having BOTH feet through that Family door . Good for you Man .
Maybe I should put I have blue eyes in my profile, but then again they would have to get past the fact that I am ever so lightly balding. I know you can't see it in my picture but there is a small bald spot in the back of my head. :icon_cheesygrin:
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Are you sure you don't mean ''a small patch of hair'' at the back of your head ???
At least that's one thing I've never had to worry about, i have always had a full head of hair !! lol!!
David.....
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My lady is really struggling at the moment. She keeps on saying things like her heart is messy, and she can't sleep. She wants my presence. She says it is only my love that will not make her feel the cold.
I know she is worried about many things, like finding work, like not being able to see me on the webcam if she finds work. And there are difficulties in her life that I don't know about, maybe bigger. I have asked her what her main worry is, but maybe she can't tell me. It is not easy being on the other side of the world.
She has two good brothers, one of whom lives in Zhongshan, where she works. She has good friends, mostly in Changsha. But I think she finds it difficult to ask for help from them.
I would appreciate any advice you can give to be supportive. I will visit her in December. I cannot go earlier, but I know she needs help now. I know there is no substitute for me actually being there, but is there anything I can do or say?
Thanks guys. Any advice would be welcomed at the moment.
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Philip, al you I can do is to tell her hang on. December isn't that far off.
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My lady is really struggling at the moment. She keeps on saying things like her heart is messy, and she can't sleep. She wants my presence. She says it is only my love that will not make her feel the cold.
I know she is worried about many things, like finding work, like not being able to see me on the webcam if she finds work. And there are difficulties in her life that I don't know about, maybe bigger. I have asked her what her main worry is, but maybe she can't tell me. It is not easy being on the other side of the world.
She has two good brothers, one of whom lives in Zhongshan, where she works. She has good friends, mostly in Changsha. But I think she finds it difficult to ask for help from them.
I would appreciate any advice you can give to be supportive. I will visit her in December. I cannot go earlier, but I know she needs help now. I know there is no substitute for me actually being there, but is there anything I can do or say?
Thanks guys. Any advice would be welcomed at the moment.
Try to find out when she goes to sleep and when she usually wakes up. When she is about to go to sleep, send her a short note using SMS wishing her sweet dreams. A little after you think she's woken up, send her another note wishing her a great morning. It might cost a little, but it'll keep you in her thoughts and make some of the time more bearable.
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My lady is really struggling at the moment. She keeps on saying things like her heart is messy, and she can't sleep. She wants my presence. She says it is only my love that will not make her feel the cold.
I know she is worried about many things, like finding work, like not being able to see me on the webcam if she finds work. And there are difficulties in her life that I don't know about, maybe bigger. I have asked her what her main worry is, but maybe she can't tell me. It is not easy being on the other side of the world.
She has two good brothers, one of whom lives in Zhongshan, where she works. She has good friends, mostly in Changsha. But I think she finds it difficult to ask for help from them.
I would appreciate any advice you can give to be supportive. I will visit her in December. I cannot go earlier, but I know she needs help now. I know there is no substitute for me actually being there, but is there anything I can do or say?
Thanks guys. Any advice would be welcomed at the moment.
Try to find out when she goes to sleep and when she usually wakes up. When she is about to go to sleep, send her a short note using SMS wishing her sweet dreams. A little after you think she's woken up, send her another note wishing her a great morning. It might cost a little, but it'll keep you in her thoughts and make some of the time more bearable.
What a lovely idea! It is, after all, the thought that counts - and knowing that you are in someone's thoughts, at their sleeping and in their waking, is priceless in terms of expressing support and affection. The most important thing is not that it keeps you in her thoughts but that she knows she is in your thoughts and in your heart. And the last words in your short MSN, each night and morning, should be Wo Ai Ni. What other words make you glow with warmth when you are feeling cold?!
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Phillip , if you really need my Help to calm your Lady down .. PM me her Chnlove ID and I will write (EMF) her and comfort her . I will do my best to let her see how much you care for her .. through a third Person's eyes . One that has gone through Month's and Month's of waiting between Visit's . If I can comfort my Wife through two year's of this Torture ... I think I can help you Lady also .
Think about it , and let me know .
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Danny, Marry her,Marry her,Marry her....:icon_cheesygrin:
That's really sweet, thank you!
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Thank you Vince and Johnboy. Mustfocus, that is a very thoughtful idea. I know she sleeps with her mobile next to her, and sometimes doesn't sleep. It is not often we are online together in the week, but I can often wish her good night when I get home from work and say good morning when I go to bed.
Arnold you are a true gentleman. I appreciate your gracious offer. Unfortunately, we have been off the EMFs for a month and we have said goodbye to the agency too. But you have my utmost respect for making such a kind suggestion.
My lady is busy making sacrifices on behalf of our future relationship. She is working for a few more days, then will give up work to look after her two children, including her 12-year-old son, who has been away in boarding school. She will also work on getting custody of her son.
One of the hardest things for her to accept is that my family will accept her, a thirty-five year old divorced woman with children and will accept the children themselves. My parents, my brother, my five sisters, my five nephews and my three nieces will all accept her and her children with open arms. It is hard to convince her just how much our lovely family will be loved by my family.
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Philip , thanks for your kind words . I alway's mean what I say , so whenever you need help ... where I can help , please ask .
It is very hard for these Women , that been mistreated , put aside ... because of many reasons that don't make any or little sense to most westerner's . We are truely there only way out of this unfortunate Position they find themselves in with chinese Men . Those things , we really must SHOW them .. before they will believe or comprehend that we mean it . It is just super , that your Family is all behind you and it will make it easier for her .. for sure . It will be alright , you just keep doing what you are doing .. by showing your Love to her . The rest will fall into place for all of you .
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Hi Arnold,
on the day when you get happy, I am experiencing my own happiness from way behind you on the road.
My lady is feeling better. She needed to sort some stuff out regarding work, her children and our impending wedding. Far be it from me to suggest that our happiness can be equated with yours at the moment. We have so far to go. But when love is the most important thing in your life and you have found the love of your life, the happiness is not quantifiable, it is infinite. I am happier than anyone has a right to be.
The answer to my lady's questions are almost always yes. Even when I say no, it usually means yes, I love you. I hope that makes sense.
Anyway, I am happily, busily proving to her that I am deserving of her love. And, as Paul Simon said:
When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes,
I will dry them all.
I'm on your side when times get rough
And friends just can't be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Yeah, that's it