China Romance
All About China => Your trip to China => Topic started by: Voiceroveip on November 19, 2009, 08:32:59 pm
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Hiyall!
Landed in Hong Kong yesterday after a short flight (slept 7 hours), ferried to SZ and here I am.
Freezing cold, well colder than France, and misty today. Jet lagged.
Ok more later (maybe :D)
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Congrats in arriving at Shenzhen. Maybe ask to have breakfast one day at the revolving restaurant that is up about 50 floors. It's a hell of a view. Best wishes with all that nocturnal activities :fi_lone_ranger:
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Soon all 250 odd will be here - what a party that would make!!!
Have a good trip.
Willy
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Hi Voiceroveip,
Hope your trip goes well. Sounds like your off to a good start. When your with a beautiful girl who cares what the weather is like!:blush: Best of luck
Ming Zhi,Paul
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i agree with paul who cares about the weather
the journey has just gotten better
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Good luck brother. Willy, I think in February most of us will be there.
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Good luck Frank. Send plenty of pictures and updates; if you can.
Shaun
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Best of luck Frank, you have a great time...No matter the outcome...This is a law...WE must see the pictures...lol:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Alright Frank , you are well on your way to BETTER thing's . You must of learned some pointer's from SLY . :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin: or what not to do .
Picture's is a must ! We ban for a lot less .:angel:
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Someone's talking about me? Why? Well ^^'
:D
Sorry for that long time, that I wasn't here, but here I am, and I'm glad to hear and read that you are well arrived.
Eh Frank !! on se les gèle sur Paris, et en plus il flotte.... :(
Amuse toi bien, profites, et surtout !!!! des photos, et .... plein de choses à nous raconter :)
(translation : Eh Frank! it's very cold in Paris, and plus, it's raining :(
Have fun, and ...many photos and... many things to tell us :)
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Eh, what's up? No more news about our second frenchie frenchie? Did he lose himself in the chinese cities?
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Sly,
You know they do not re-surface when things are going well.
Shaun
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Shaun, you're right :)
so.. I just can hope he's fine, wherever he can be :) (or maybe is he back?)
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Sly,
You know they do not re-surface when things are going well.
Shaun
Hey Shaun
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Frank,
Great to hear all is well. We will patiently wait for more details and photo when you are ready. If you are still there in China, focus on her and forget all of us, for a while. She is the one who is important right now.
If you are back home, get some rest first. Live in the afterglow of your trip a while, then fill us in... many are waiting to hear.
Shaun
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Hello brothers,
Sorry for my late reply, as Shaun analyzed correctly, resurfacing is tricky when things go well! And they did, although not entirely as expected at first, but I left expecting nothing and was prepared for everything :fi_lone_ranger:
Second sorry: I won't post any pictures of "Us" or me because we both want to keep our privacy protected, concerns me more than her actually, my personal internet presence is just too strong and I can't afford any more, you know big brother and all that... so deep apologies about that, I hope you can understand.
To tell you how it went, ... first meeting was a few hours off the plane, it went well but she was quite different from what I imagined from the EMF's, although we had some intensive QQ sessions before meeting up so the surprise factor was not that high either. Her English is a lot better than expected (agency downplayed this a lot to get EMF money) so communication was easy once I learned to slow down.
Photoshop? Yes !!! Lots of ... I am not sure I would have recognized her in the street without some help, but why? ... but hey this is how it's done in China, so don't complain, accept it.
We were supposed to meet a few days after my arrival initially, I hopped to Chengdu the next day after arrival in SZ to meet a friend there over the weekend, turns out she couldn't wait (me neither :D) so we organized a dinner on the fly. My initial impressions were very mixed, she was not at all as I pictured her through the EMFs. As a result I never got to meet our translator as planned ... no biggie I guess. Her body language was not very favorable towards me, I could have thought that she didn't like me but knew better than that, I have a little experience after all and it turns out she was just shy. I remembered the 24 hour rule as well. After the dinner we QQed a bit and well.
First lesson learned: EMFs are mostly a waste of time, I learned more about her during some QQing and of course during dinner than during the many hours of EMFing. Two reasons to that: my letters were always too long, took too much time to read, and since her English is pretty good they were not translated. She wrote back in Chinese or over the phone giving some general directions for the content to the translator, the latter then packed this into a letter ... I QQ sometimes with her too now and recognize well her sunny and friendly style that I liked so much... hehe translator romance ... So instead of spending so much on EMF, I should have forced a direct contact much earlier as we already discussed in another topic here. The damage is limited to a total of 40 EMFs over 2.5 months so OK I guess, the fact that she is so busy helped there, I would have written daily if she had replied that fast. From this perspective the agency was quite honest. However, translator fees requested were stellar, I managed to negotiate them down and didn't need the service in the end, but they will charge through the roof without hesitating. I think the initial quote was 1200 RMB per 8 hours. I brought it down to 400 for a half day.
Meeting number 2 took place when I arrived back from Chengdu, quite late again for some dinner, this time my hotel was around the corner from her place, she helped me on the location and we QQ'ed a lot while I was in Chengdu, Ctrip was my second helper. We were both more relaxed and had a friendly conversation although things still seemed unclear, again she was quite reserved although I was attracted like crazy at that stage. We met on QQ again before going to sleep and were able to identify that we both liked what we had seen so far, QQ makes it a lot easier to talk about deeper things than face to face. We spent the next day together and did some shopping around Shenzhen, I bought her some things but she would not let me spend a lot on her, so I spent a lot on myself instead :D. Still no holding hands or anything similar... :huh:
Unfortunately she had to work the next two days and not in the same city, so I spent some solitary time visiting different places, ordering food in restaurants with menus without pictures which proved very funny. Overall people were always very friendly and helpful, writing away on my Besta when I asked them to, and I often got help from people with a little English.
Lesson two: Try to meet women locally. It's really so easy, do some shopping, go to eat, take public transportation, you meet plenty of people especially if they speak English. I was not in the market anymore as I was waiting for my lady to be back, but there were plenty of opportunities had I been willing. One example was in the main Luohu shopping center, I got some sunglasses and once selected the seller tries to sell me another pair for my female partner. So I explain that I'm single, well divorced ... and eventually that I was looking for my future bride in China. Another sales guy says he has several sisters I could meet, friends as well, no problem at all if I wanted to ... I had been out of the hotel for just a couple of hours and this kind of thing happened several times, not counting the smiles or other clearly interested looks in the subway or even in Starbucks ... Now I think I met the one I was looking for on Chnlove, but there are other quicker ways if you're easy going. I spent about the price of a plane ticket to China on EMFs, think about it ...
I then messed up our next meeting :angel: I guess jet lag killed my sense of time, so she was rightfully upset and me very sorry. All the same we met again the next day after a million deserved apologies, watched some TV together ...
I hope you will forgive me the lack of detail and the total absence of photos, but it would just be unfair to her and as I said before, my net visibility is just too great as it is, I can't afford any more.
If you like I can write up a little travel advisory on Shenzhen, I learned a few things although I don't know it all of course.
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(http://www.chnlove.info/attachment.php?aid=1069) (http://www.chnlove.info/attachment.php?aid=1070)
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You know, times like this I envy you guys. I wouldn't be able to pickup woman on the streets or mall as I looks exactly like the Chinese there!
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Ah, I remember now there is a reason for his hidden identity. He is none other that the infamous Inspector Clouseau. I understand why he does not want to disclose who he is. He said once, "My face! You've stolen my face! Give me back my face, you fiend!"
Another golden moment from the Inspector is this, "Anonymity is a virtue. Every fool knows that. Anonymity's next to cleanliness and I don't have to tell you what that's next to."
Shaun
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Yes Scott I agree with Peter Sellers.
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Frank,
Just a quick question...your profile says you are from France...so are you French? If so, it is quite unlikely anyone (except one person!) would recognize you on this forum...but it is your decision.
Could you put a pic of just your wonderful lady, so we could see her?
Thanks whatever you do,
Scott
Hi Scott,
Yes I live in France, but I am actually German, and my net exposure reaches well beyond these countries ... I am not worried about Sly :D or any German on here.
My career is the cause for that, and now I have my e-commerce company, so I need to keep a low profile, sorry. Ok I guess a picture of her can't hurt ...
Will post one tonight!
Cheers, Frank
Or Der Komissar
"There is a time to laugh and a time not to laugh, and this is not one of them. "
Actually this one is more befitting from Clouseau:
"You must trust no one. The viper in our bosom could be anyone. "
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Here she is:
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Very Pretty, Inspector.
Shaun
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Hey leave some pretty ones for me K? :)
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Inspector Frank , you indeed have found your Suspect . You just have a way of finding them ... don't you ?
Good luck , with the further investigation of your found Lady .
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Hey leave some pretty ones for me K? :)
Well this one is taken ...
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Very very pretty. Good luck.
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I've just read your story, and admit it is a very beautiful one, so is your girlfriend, Frank ;)
I just can wish to both of you all the best to be together ASAP, and to go through Chapter3 "easily" ;)
So, you're also german? I just was thinking you were 100% french ^^' well, that means nothing, you are french/german, so... what else to say? :)
Many thanks for the picture, and I can understand your comment about privacy and so on ;)
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Merci Sylvain!
We'll I'm heading back next week, couldn't wait in the end :D
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You'll go there again next week??????
you crazy guy....
Or is it just "love" who can't wait ? :)
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Hehe a bit of both I guess.
Passe de bonnes fêtes en tout cas!
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Yes, Inspector Clouseau finds true love with a Chinese lady!
Awesome, Shaun!!! :icon_biggrin:
P.S. I'm an original fan (Peter Sellers!) not the imitation Steve Martin wanna-be...
Probably apt because the original Clouseau had a devoted house assistant who was Chinese (played by Bert Kwerk.)
Willy
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I think a little update is in order:
I'm going back in 2 days, I'll land in Hong Kong on Friday AM and will take a shuttle to SZ, easier this time, I'm in the same hotel around the corner from my sweetheart and I can actually walk the 100m from the shuttle to the hotel since I know the neighborhood from last time.
Unfortunately the relationship is a bit tense right now, I don't know if I'm going there to get to know her better or to break up, our last 2 days on QQ were a nightmare, she seems overly anxious and nervous . We only really spent 5-6 days together last time, very short in the end to start something stable I guess.
Two days ago I was looking forward to this last minute trip and she seemed excited like a little kitten, now I am neither here or there and I'm not entirely sure about what she feels. I normally don't care so much about money but this trip is pricey as I bought the ticket last minute (lucky I have an entry on my Visa left), and my business has been fairly slow the last 8 weeks. I'm also spending Xmas eve in a plane, and I will be with her for my birthday, of which she told me she might not be able to spend it with me because of some party. I'm trying not to regret it and also try to understand why she has all these opposed reactions. But maybe I'm finding too many excuses for her.
Some already commented on the "business arrangement" sounding deal, and unfortunately some of these topics arise when she is in a crisis, so I will try to set things straight when we're face to face. Another thing that's hard to take is when she is upset, the stuff she says can hurt like hell, she seems to fire at gunpoint without hesitation. I'm not a rookie as far as relationships go bt I've never experienced this first hand. One of my female friends seems to be like that in her love life, but I still find it strange that someone could be hurtful towards a loved one. Occasionally she throws in that she might not be good enough for me, so she seems to have many doubts and issues, some are legit of course.
I'd love to hear the brotherhood's input, and I'll be sure to post an update as things progress in Shenzhen.
Cheers,
Frank
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Frank it sounds like she is just getting the jitters.She is over thinking this thing.Just continue on your trip.SHe will probably relax wants you get there.
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Frank,
My money is with what Maxx is saying. There is a huge difference between 27 and 43 and I am sure she does not know what her parents are going to say. 16 years is not that much the older the younger one is.
I think you really need to practice the 24 hour rule here otherwise you might shoot yourself in the foot.
Shaun
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Max, I'm going no matter what, but not as happily as I would like...
Shaun, how much you're betting? Well the mother made some negative comments about me (age, baldness) but won't oppose the relationship apparently. The father, well we'll see ...
The last episode was that she "hung up" on me on QQ last night, because I asked her what kind of facial care I should bring as a gift for her sis.
I feel like I shot myself in the foot when I started this ordeal, but let's see what real life has to say.
As I'm writing this, I'm leaving in less than 6 hours to the airport and I have to pack yet, and empty a big fish tank :/ so the night will be short. I guess I better sleep on the plane.
Update when available of course
Thanks for your input guys, I hope you're right.
Frank
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Frank
I think that you should just flow along with things, until you have spent some time with her.
What you have written about her behaviour certainly raises some red flags.
But until you had a few days with her, you will never know what is going on.
I think that if she continues to act in the way you have described in your previous couple of posts, then you might have to think about whether you wish to continue with the relationship.
Spending time with her will give you answers to questions like:
1. do I feel happy and laugh when I am with her?
2. does she make an effort about the relationship?
3. does she enjoy doing and talking about the things that I do?
4. do we have a good time together?
5. does she appear to be happy when I am with her?
etc
Until you spend some time with her, you won't have answers to these questions. So hold back on making a decision about the relationship for now.
I hope you have a good trip. Best wishes.
Danny
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Danny,
Thanks so much for writing these out, it was hard to think clearly. I will keep those points in mind in the next few days.
Hmmm still not packed, 3:17am :icon_sad:
Thanks again,
Frank
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You know you don't have to take the kitchen sink with you. plenty of cheap clothes over there, after all that's where they come from....you'll just have more to bring back...declare declare.....
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As Shaun says - a 16 year gap between someone who is 27 and 43 is in fact a much socially wider one that say a couple who are 40 and 56 even thought it is the same difference on paper or even more so than someone who is 46 and 60 which is the ages of my current lady and myself.
As you get older the age difference is not so important as you dfevelop a different bond together.
Very briefly we have talked about there being a strong possibility that one will die sometime before the other - but I told her I will follow Chinese traditions for her funeral!!!!! :angel:
I told her when I go I want to turned into cell phone cases then I would never be out of the hands of woman for a lot of years to come!!!!!
Willy
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Willy, you are too much.
Frank, what I was trying to say was that Maxx has hit the nail on the head IMHP. As he would say, "I think you are both over thinking this" and hence the arguing. Do what Danny says and take it easy. Be calm but be aware and be assertive when necessary. I think she is nervous too.
Shaun
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Good point Willy, no Viagra for that kind of difference, the medicine here is wait and see ...
Shaun, I am trying to relax, hehe, it's hard.
Landed this morning, Cathay Pacific have superb seats in economy, just 2 babies mostly kept me awake, so I'm a bit tired. I checked in at 10:00am after an uneventful shuttle transfer from Hong Kong to Shenzhen.
We're meeting in an hour or so.
More when there is some.
Thanks for your input again guys, it is really helpful!
Frank
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So here I am, 2 days later ...
We met up, things went more or less as they should have, it feelt a little fresh the first fifteen minutes .
We went for an unsuccessful shopping spree during which we got wet and cold, and when we got back to the hotel, she said she would just run to her flat (100m away), give something to her sister and get her laptop and come back within one hour. I called her after 2 hours and she said she was napping and could I call her in an hour which I did after having been to dinner alone as she was not hungry. Now we're on QQ, she's feeling sick.
I wonder if I should challenge her again, or just pack and go?
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Frank,
Somethings wrong, and that's for sure!! But i guess that's what you have to put up with, in a lot of respects when getting involved with one of China's ''Little Princesses'' I can't remember how long you were due to stay there now, but if it's just for a few days, ...i'd stay and enjoy being her night time toy .....hahaha!!.
If it's longer, then maybe start looking around for an alternative lady at the agency. I wouldn't just pack-up and go home!! .....And i wouldn't just be hanging around like miserable old dog either! ..lol!!
David....
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Voice, maybe she doesn't really know herself? what her feelings are. It may take more time before the next step is taken. Allow her to work this through herself.
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Vince, yes she is doubting or not sure or whatever, we QQ'ed about it for some time today, the problem is that I am too and that's not going to help either of us finding our true feelings for one another. Since I got here, I felt like I wasted my time, she doesn't make me happy, or if she does, then only for a few moments at a time. I told her that and let her know that I was doubting both our feelings at this stage ... she told me she still likes me and is still interested in me.
I think this will be hard to fix ... Logic is coming back very fast for me now, I think I would fare better with someone more romantic, from a social class closer to mine and maybe with a bit more experience.
I won't see her before tomorrow evening as she has to work, but at the rate my feelings are reducing it might well be bye bye tomorrow nite.
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Frank, sorry to reply late, I have read your updates and that is a little worrying, I guess.
Well..
I think you both shoul discuss more about your feelings, because I feel you are more in love for her, than she is for you. But... do you think your love is being negative just because you don't know or can't see if she really love you?
I read, she had only one boyfriend before. Maybe doesn't it help, maybe does she need some time, too. How to be sure about it? Maybe could she tell you what she is looking for, in a loveship, and if a loveship with a foreigner could also be very nice for her?
Maybe, because you are older than her, it is also not very good. I say "maybe", because in some situations, the difference is not very important.
I hope you can quickly find answers to many questions you can ask yourself about you two. So then, you can see what to do.
Whatever happens, best wishes to you over there ;)
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Merci Sylvain,
Somewhere I want to give her a last chance because I'm a nice guy and I know that she will hurt badly if I break up, although more from loss of face to her family whom she told about me (although mother does not like me that much ...) than from emotional pain, but somewhere it is just over for me already. She is turning out to be the exact opposite of what I was looking for, the business deal aspect seems to be omnipresent in her thinking, her feelings play second fiddle if at all.
Now to answer Danny's questions a few posts back:
1. do I feel happy and laugh when I am with her?
Yes sure, already had more of that with an ex
2. does she make an effort about the relationship?
Not enough
3. does she enjoy doing and talking about the things that I do?
I don't see her enjoying much of anything that fully
4. do we have a good time together?
neutral
5. does she appear to be happy when I am with her?
Yes sometimes, and sometimes I don't know
Conclusion: this forum is a goldmine in many ways, so thank you all for your input and please keep it coming :angel: it's not over yet although ...
Right now I feel like breaking up and going hunting on greener pastures, there is the reception manager in my hotel who is cute and VERY FRIENDLY these days :icon_cheesygrin: But her English is very limited, and I'm not looking for a sports partner :exclamation:
I am here precisely 7 more days, flying out next Sunday at midnight, so I guess giving it another 24 hours can't hurt, so I will advise tomorrow. I think that I should actually mention my intention to end the relationship, maybe that will make her show her true self or the feelings she hasn't been able to reveal to me?
Until then, nighty night,
Frank
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Truly, she sounds more like girlfriend material then wife. If it doesn't feel right? You know what you have to do. Maybe tell her just that?
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Actually, I would like to add how I got into this mess in the first place, maybe it can be a lesson to others, it is certainly a reason why I will never use Chnlove again, or at least not as I did.
I wrote to this girl through EMF's for about 2 months and really liked her sunny friendly and relaxed style.
When I met her mid November I realized that she was not as sunny and relaxed, it was her translator! She looks very charming though, I guess my hormones made me move forward without questioning too much her quite different character compared to the EMFS ... hehe
So friends behold! Don't fall in love with the translator!
Incidentally, that translator has a profile on Chnlove as well, if all strings break I will meet her .. although she is even younger :P
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Frank,
When logic starts coming into the equation, you know somethings wrong!! Your no stranger to China, so i'm sure you'll know what to do and where to go.
I'm a bit like yourself, making love is a whole lot better than having sex. So better to break-up friends, than at each other throat!! I know that you'll do what's best for you in the end, without being unnecessarily nasty to her....
May i make a suggestion here to you Frank. ...You will have more chance and a better chance of finding what your looking for in a Chinese woman, if you look for a previously married lady. They know what they want from life are far more rounded, (and i don't mean fat!!...haha!!) and they know how to treat there special man. Find that right one for YOU and you'll never look back!! ...That's guaranteed!! From my experience, Younger single unmarried ladies in China can be an absolute nightmare!!!
David.....
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David,
You are so right, I was thinking along the same lines ... :D
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Yes Frank, David is so right.
Forget about the younger women that has never been married before. I have tried them in the past and although good in bed they do not have the experience of looking after a man as a divorced woman has. Nearly all divorced women in China have not been divorced because they have gone astray!! It is because the husband has traded her in for a newer model so she knows what she has to do to keep the next one AND BY GOD they certainly work on that. I think that most of us here, rather than looking for someone whom is good in bed, are looking for that lady who will look after us in a way only a Chinese lady can.
I have no experience with widowed ladies. I have always shied away from them, maybe wrongly, but I have always had it in the back of my mind that they probably was still loving their husbands when he died and that I would be continually compared to him.
If she does not know much English then no problem. You can teach her - I spend at least 1 hour a day with my Angel teaching her English and at the same time I find I am learning more Chinese from her. AND it is great fun. We roll about sometimes when we look each other in the face and burst out laughing when trying to get our tongues around those more difficuly words.
My advice is if it does not feel right then maybe it is not right. Be sure that she is not wanting you now because no one else had come for her and to put it bluntly she thinks that possibly you may be the best that she can get and although she is not totally in love with you she will get by on the affection she does have.
If that is the case, and only you can decide then then it is best to end now and put the next 7 days to good use and meet other women. And although you are not too happy with the agency they will provide you with other women to meet up with.
If you do not want to go through an agency I have the email of a beautiful divorced lady in Shenzen, owns one home and car and is quite tall and very slim and I can dig out her email if you would like it. Never actually met up with her as I found my new love here before our first meeting was going to take place but had lots of chats and her English is good.
Willy
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Hi Willy,
Great men think alike, widows worry me too ...
"Be sure that she is not wanting you now because no one else had come for her and to put it bluntly she thinks that possibly you may be the best that she can get and although she is not totally in love with you she will get by on the affection she does have."
Yes I think that seems to be the real problem, combined with a calculating attitude and no clue about what love really is.
That lady in Shenzhen does sound interesting, I'll PM you, thanks Willy! I'll owe you a box of Viagra if this works out :D
Frank
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So Willy, how do I find these great divorced woman in my age group?
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So Willy, how do I find these great divorced woman in my age group?
You hang around the various squares in the city where they all go dancing. The divorced ones are usually there almost every night of the week hoping to find a man. Sometimes they were lucky on the nights I was free and ventured down there!!!!
They are great places to meet women and I met many in this way in my first three months here.
You may make a pratt of yourself getting amongst the women and dancing Chinese style but it certainly gets their attention.
Willy.
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I think a little update is in order:
I'm going back in 2 days, I'll land in Hong Kong on Friday AM and will take a shuttle to SZ, easier this time, I'm in the same hotel around the corner from my sweetheart and I can actually walk the 100m from the shuttle to the hotel since I know the neighborhood from last time.
Unfortunately the relationship is a bit tense right now, I don't know if I'm going there to get to know her better or to break up, our last 2 days on QQ were a nightmare, she seems overly anxious and nervous about many things like family acceptance, finances, her life in the West and lots of other small things, including wondering whether I'm her type :s Then when she calms down though she apologizes and tells me she loves me. Somewhat hard to follow, maybe it's the big age difference, she's 16 years younger than me, I'm almost 43. We only really spent 5-6 days together last time, very short in the end to start something stable I guess.
Two days ago I was looking forward to this last minute trip and she seemed excited like a little kitten, now I am neither here or there and I'm not entirely sure about what she feels. I normally don't care so much about money but this trip is pricey as I bought the ticket last minute (lucky I have an entry on my Visa left), and my business has been fairly slow the last 8 weeks. I'm also spending Xmas eve in a plane, and I will be with her for my birthday, of which she told me she might not be able to spend it with me because of some party. I'm trying not to regret it and also try to understand why she has all these opposed reactions. But maybe I'm finding too many excuses for her.
Some already commented on the "business arrangement" sounding deal, and unfortunately some of these topics arise when she is in a crisis, so I will try to set things straight when we're face to face. Another thing that's hard to take is when she is upset, the stuff she says can hurt like hell, she seems to fire at gunpoint without hesitation. I'm not a rookie as far as relationships go bt I've never experienced this first hand. One of my female friends seems to be like that in her love life, but I still find it strange that someone could be hurtful towards a loved one. Occasionally she throws in that she might not be good enough for me, so she seems to have many doubts and issues, some are legit of course.
I'd love to hear the brotherhood's input, and I'll be sure to post an update as things progress in Shenzhen.
Cheers,
Frank
I could reply to the "fire at gunpoint" comment as I've experienced that, but this is page four. i'll read five and six before I comment. lol. I am relating to your situation though.
Max, I'm going no matter what, but not as happily as I would like...
Shaun, how much you're betting? Well the mother made some negative comments about me (age, baldness) but won't oppose the relationship apparently. The father, well we'll see ...
The last episode was that she "hung up" on me on QQ last night, because I asked her what kind of facial care I should bring as a gift for her sis.
I feel like I shot myself in the foot when I started this ordeal, love usually makes one happy right? We'll I've been kind of down for a few weeks now. And I apply a 72 hour rule and more when necessary, I'm very down to earth. But let's see what real life has to say.
As I'm writing this, I'm leaving in less than 6 hours to the airport and I have to pack yet, and empty a big fish tank :/ so the night will be short. I guess I better sleep on the plane.
Update when available of course
Thanks for your input guys, I hope you're right.
Frank
omg lmao. priceless but doesn't always translate in the far east. I can relate again Frank.
David, hehe I won't be hanging around doing nothing, that's for sure, but the night time part, I've had better ... doubt does not mix well with that for me, I actually believe in the term making love :p ... even if she is hot. So I'll actually stop that and give the whole thing 24 hours, although chances are I'll break it up.
Vince, yes she is doubting or not sure or whatever, we QQ'ed about it for some time today, the problem is that I am too and that's not going to help either of us finding our true feelings for one another. Since I got here, I felt like I wasted my time, she doesn't make me happy, or if she does, then only for a few moments at a time. I told her that and let her know that I was doubting both our feelings at this stage ... she told me she still likes me and is still interested in me, she told me Wo ai ni this morning and said she meant it at that particular moment, but that she does not constantly feel in love ... reminds me of me, switching between love and resentment.
I think this will be hard to fix ... Logic is coming back very fast for me now, I think I would fare better with someone more romantic, from a social class closer to mine and maybe with a bit more experience. She has only had one boyfriend and when I asked her how she felt about him when they were together, she described pure logic and no real feelings. I don't think she knows what love can be.
I won't see her before tomorrow evening as she has to work, but at the rate my feelings are reducing it might well be bye bye tomorrow nite.
Voice - we need to talk. i feel like i'm reading about my own experience with me ex. i'm on page six of this post and my first thought is to CUT AND RUN to the agency and get other women in play. By the way did you spend a lot on the shopping spree?
Okay I've read it all. I will reply to this post, but got to get to work, or the boss will fire me, oh wait I am the boss.
I want to think my response out. My God your situation is so damn familiar to mine.
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Hi all,
I haven't read all the posts in this thread but some of it is sounding horribly familiar to my relationship!
My lady is young(ish) and has not been married before, neither has there been a man in her life. This does make things difficult. Being an only child and still living at home also means she can be a bit of a princess at times. I think I am right when I said a while back that these kinds of women don't tend to appreciate a good man as much as a divorced woman would. I have made some big mistakes in my relationship. However I have also been given mixed signals. I don't yet know if my lady loves me as much as I love her.
Another problem I have encountered is that she does not like talking about her feelings. I really had to push deep on the EMFs to get her to tell me her true feelings about things. I don't know if this is a cultural thing, or whether she is not yet comfortable with our relationship. Her parents weren't that lovey dovey to each other while I was there - I wonder if they married for love or whether it was more an arranged marriage type of thing? I really do want my lady to marry me for the right reasons. I know that if our marriage fails then her chance of starting a family is very slim. We have to be very certain that this would work.
We are great friends however. I don't know if this is enough to base a relationship on. Maybe love would grow more over time. I will go and meet her again before I commit to engagement.
I guess I might have been better off with a divorced lady. But I do believe Miss Wu and I are suited to each other, and despite what my family are telling me, I just have no appetite for talking to other ladies.
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RegnisTheGreat,
What is your age group then?? What age of ladies are you looking at, at the moment??
David...
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David50:
I'm one of the young ones here. I'm 30 years old this year (feeling it) and I'm going for the 24-31 year old crowd. Chinese woman likes an older guy so I do not bother with woman over 31-32. Most of them seem to be unmarried and I have not yet seen one divorcee (I guess their husband hasn't made enough money yet to afford a mistress or are waiting a few more years to trade for a younger model).
And like Brett's future lao po, some of the ones in my age range is still living at home. The living at home worries me a bit as I've been on my own since 18 so it worries me about their independence. Since living at home is more traditional and accepted in China, I do not worry about it as much as a Canadian girl living at home at 25 or 30 does.
Willy is old enough to be my father here (sorry Willy) here. May we can hit the square together Willy, hit on some hot Chinese mother-daughter combo :)
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RegnisTheGreat,
Yeah, ...i see what you mean, and where your coming from, .....Your in the sort of ''In Between'' age bracket for ladies aren't you. I'm sure there are divorced ladies in this age bracket, but as you say there not going to be too many of them. It's a shame you can't search on CL for your desired match, it's all far too general in the search options.... Pretty useless really!!
I'll have to think about this one, and ask Lucy if she has any ideas....
If Willy was still a free agent, he would of been only too pleased to take you along to his local square, and show you How it's done ''London Style'' may have even taught you a bit of the Londoners ''Gift of the Gab'' too!! hahaha!!
David.....
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So Willy, how do I find these great divorced woman in my age group?
You hang around the various squares in the city where they all go dancing. The divorced ones are usually there almost every night of the week hoping to find a man. Sometimes they were lucky on the nights I was free and ventured down there!!!!
They are great places to meet women and I met many in this way in my first three months here.
You may make a pratt of yourself getting amongst the women and dancing Chinese style but it certainly gets their attention.
Willy.
Willy,
Peggy is already preparing me to go dancing on the weekends in Shenzhen. So I imagine this where she was going prior to meeting me.
Reg,
I found Peggy on blossoms.com. I weeded out Russian and Filipino women, selected the age group in China, then selected by astrology (I do not believe in astrology but thought it might increase my success rate) ,
then saved them in my favorites. A few made it in purely on the lust factor. I spent about 2 months watching them and narrowed it down and began talking with them. I eliminated some and some eliminated me. Finally I made it to one 46 year old divorced woman, Peggy and we are quite a pair.
Shaun
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Hehe, does Peggy know anyone my age? I am in the watching and narrowing stage on Blossom myself. Too many choices and need to focus on the good one(s).
But I think Shaun as you get older there is more choice on the sites.
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True there is more of a selection. I will ask Peggy this evening.
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Talking about Voice's trip and his story, and giving any comments for any other members, so? :)
Well.
Frank, I think that before going to the agency and look for any other woman, you should know what to do exactly with your lady, and know if she is really in love for you or not. For sure, it can be difficult sometime, but... I think you need to be sure with your lady, about how things are doing, before going somewhere else. I also think that making love is not really "love", man can be a "sex machine" without real feelings, and sometimes, man can have feelings. Just try to guess if your lady loves you when making love, or if she just have some strong feelings, nothing else.
Maybe that now, as you are sleeping, you met your lady and could talk with her about many things. Maybe is it more fresh in your head/heart, maybe not.
I wish anyway you can find a good solution, for both of you, and whatever happens, you know you learn experience too, so, it's not so negative.
A plus tard par ici ;)
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Hi all,
I haven't read all the posts in this thread but some of it is sounding horribly familiar to my relationship!
My lady is young(ish) and has not been married before, neither has there been a man in her life. This does make things difficult. Being an only child and still living at home also means she can be a bit of a princess at times. I think I am right when I said a while back that these kinds of women don't tend to appreciate a good man as much as a divorced woman would. I have made some big mistakes in my relationship. However I have also been given mixed signals. I don't yet know if my lady loves me as much as I love her.
Another problem I have encountered is that she does not like talking about her feelings. I really had to push deep on the EMFs to get her to tell me her true feelings about things. I don't know if this is a cultural thing, or whether she is not yet comfortable with our relationship. Her parents weren't that lovey dovey to each other while I was there - I wonder if they married for love or whether it was more an arranged marriage type of thing? I really do want my lady to marry me for the right reasons. I know that if our marriage fails then her chance of starting a family is very slim. We have to be very certain that this would work.
We are great friends however. I don't know if this is enough to base a relationship on. Maybe love would grow more over time. I will go and meet her again before I commit to engagement.
I guess I might have been better off with a divorced lady. But I do believe Miss Wu and I are suited to each other, and despite what my family are telling me, I just have no appetite for talking to other ladies.
Brett and guys this is a common theme with myself and Voice. This isn't coincidental. One of the problems IMO is that the women that are only children are spoiled. Only child families in the U.S. are the same. Usually those children tend to be spoiled, and it is natural. An only child will get ALL of the attention. So if we know this then we know what we're dealing with. My ex was an only child, and my ex was in only one other serious relationship, and that was when she was 18 years old.
This is only one issue mind you. There are others. After thinking and rethinking it I believe I sub-consciously made it end, because it wasn't right even though I was trying to tell myself that I WAS THE ONE OVER THINKING THINGS. I had several RED FLAGS and chose to ignore them, because again I thought I was being too paranoid and it is a different culture here. We have intuition too, and you cannot ignore your own past experiences. I've had the same great experiences with my ex as Brett and Voice had, but when it came down to it I too was left with the feeling that I loved her more then she loved me. That didn't sit well with me. My woman better be giving the love back as much.
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How to say it...
Can man be sure that, living many lovestories is also BETTER than living only one, in fact? Does it mean that, living many lovestories can show you can really love someone? And that, with only one lovestory, you can not love better? I don't really think so. I think it is very difficult to "criticize", because of many things, habits are not the same, way of life and many other things. Ok, I never said that all chinese women were PURE and so on, but I think man should not really "compare" many lovestories with only another one. Maybe are there some any other reasons, but Voice' will comment soon and maybe will give us any good comments. Who knows?
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How to say it...
Can man be sure that, living many lovestories is also BETTER than living only one, in fact? Does it mean that, living many lovestories can show you can really love someone? And that, with only one lovestory, you can not love better? I don't really think so. I think it is very difficult to "criticize", because of many things, habits are not the same, way of life and many other things. Ok, I never said that all chinese women were PURE and so on, but I think man should not really "compare" many lovestories with only another one. Maybe are there some any other reasons, but Voice' will comment soon and maybe will give us any good comments. Who knows?
That is true. My ex was just inexperienced on relationship etiquette so to speak. I recognized this and gave her the benefit of the doubt. I also thought this was an opportunity to groom her in this area, but I did make mistakes myself of lack of patience and other things. My experiences in life were vastly more than she experienced. We had a large age difference. I was not perfect. For me it came down to me thinking she didn't know how to love. I might sound contradictory in what I've written already, but I have been going back and forth in my head "was it me or was it her?" since our split.
But we still cannot ignore the same issues a few of us, and I would be willing to bet more in this forum have experienced. Maybe it's women in their twenties issue. Not sure yet.
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I agree that living with/loving someone who is very younger than us can sometime be very difficult. It is also a choice than man agrees to live with. Or not.
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Wow this thread is suddenly becoming popular! Alll the better for me, more brains to pick, thanks so much for you input all of you!
Tuesday morning update:
Honestly I don't know what to do, but I feel a lot better than during my previous posts. She came back from work early yesterday (first time she's that early) and probably knew something was fishy. She apologized saying that she acted like a bitch (quoting), and even though she was still feeling sick, she spent the evening and night with me and showed much affection the whole time ... then this morning a lot of cuddles and everything else until she left for work again, now we're QQ'ing happily. I notice that she needs closer contact again, wants to stay in touch all the time.
So maybe this is an age thing, maybe she is still trying to make up her mind, maybe she has the jitters, maybe she is a bit bitchy, maybe she doesn't know what love is about ... hard to say. I did spend an unexpectedly nice evening with her yesterday, now I am undecided again about what to do fundamentally speaking, but short term I will give this a chance, let it flow and see what happens. I have more distance to this now and think I can use my instincts and rationale again. As Vince said, she might be more girl friend material, in any case, she will have to prove to me that she can be more as I do have my doubts now.
One thing I have learned is to play differently, while I took some of the little girl behavior with a smile before, I now get back at her immediately and make sure she knows it's not appropriate, usually in a playful way.
Jeff, the shopping spree was really not one, she doesn't let me spend on her, I have no worries there. She's not an only child but the eldest of 3, so more responsibility than her siblings it would seem.
About loving more than being loved, hehe I have a funny impression all of the sudden. Since cooling off over the last few days, my communication with her obviously cooled off too, no more I love you's etc, a lot less flowery. Well all I can say is that she misses it and is compensating by giving me more. Maybe this is just a different way of showing love and affection. My Chinese ex was a bit the same the first month or two, kissing not so comfortable, really anything else than holding hands was awkward to begin with. But after a couple of months this all normalized and we had a great relationship, she really needed to learn, and her future lover will certainly be happy with her training :P
As for me, I guess is wait and see and don't give up. Maybe I should go back to the initial motto: Expect nothing and be prepared for everything.
More when there is more to tell! Thanks all again for your support!
Frank
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Wow this thread is suddenly becoming popular! Alll the better for me, more brains to pick, thanks so much for you input all of you!
Tuesday morning update:
Honestly I don't know what to do, but I feel a lot better than during my previous posts. She came back from work early yesterday (first time she's that early) and probably knew something was fishy. She apologized saying that she acted like a bitch (quoting), and even though she was still feeling sick, she spent the evening and night with me and showed much affection the whole time ... then this morning a lot of cuddles and everything else until she left for work again, now we're QQ'ing happily. I notice that she needs closer contact again, wants to stay in touch all the time.
So maybe this is an age thing, maybe she is still trying to make up her mind, maybe she has the jitters, maybe she is a bit bitchy, maybe she doesn't know what love is about ... hard to say. I did spend an unexpectedly nice evening with her yesterday, now I am undecided again about what to do fundamentally speaking, but short term I will give this a chance, let it flow and see what happens. I have more distance to this now and think I can use my instincts and rationale again. As Vince said, she might be more girl friend material, in any case, she will have to prove to me that she can be more as I do have my doubts now.
One thing I have learned is to play differently, while I took some of the little girl behavior with a smile before, I now get back at her immediately and make sure she knows it's not appropriate, usually in a playful way.
Jeff, the shopping spree was really not one, she doesn't let me spend on her, I have no worries there. She's not an only child but the eldest of 3, so more responsibility than her siblings it would seem.
About loving more than being loved, hehe I have a funny impression all of the sudden. Since cooling off over the last few days, my communication with her obviously cooled off too, no more I love you's etc, a lot less flowery. Well all I can say is that she misses it and is compensating by giving me more. Maybe this is just a different way of showing love and affection. My Chinese ex was a bit the same the first month or two, kissing not so comfortable, really anything else than holding hands was awkward to begin with. But after a couple of months this all normalized and we had a great relationship, she really needed to learn, and her future lover will certainly be happy with her training :P
As for me, I guess is wait and see and don't give up. Maybe I should go back to the initial motto: Expect nothing and be prepared for everything.
More when there is more to tell! Thanks all again for your support!
Frank
The important points you spoke of above I highlighted. You got her back by showing you were pulling away. I read a book once of a well known Psychologist specializing in men and how they screw up relationships. One of his main sayings is spot on and I believe in. It goes "The Power in a relationship lies with the one who needs it the least". By those points above you were/are showing you have walk away power. In some strange way this attracts women. Knowing this myself I threw this approach out the window with the one girl I fell in love with. I turned naive and too accommodating, and in turn got burned because I gave all the power in the relationship to her. Fatal mistake I will not make again.
Sorry for the mistake about your girl being an only child. Yes she probably is more responsible being the oldest of three.
Frank regarding being a popular thread I just picked this up from page one and read the whole thing with my jaw dropped to the floor. Most of it was a carbon copy of what I experienced.
I could write a book on the personal and business experiences I've had the last 13 months in China lol.
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Yeah this thread is very interesting. One thing I have noticed is that now that I have known my girl for 4 months I am starting to get to know her character a lot more. I can also judge her mood on QQ. There is still plenty that baffles me though, and it's difficult to get answers without a translator.
Perhaps we need to start some FAQs here. Despite all our trips to China I still don't think that we collectively know that much about what we're doing :huh:.
I would like to meet my girl's parents again, and perhaps take them on a day out. I feel that their relationship is a good guide as to what my girl is looking for in a relationship.
I also read that Men from Mars/Women from Venus book. Most of it is common sense I guess but the basic message of a man needing to feel wanted and a woman needed to feel cherished was good.
I also suspect my girl and I were a little unsure about each other, and subconsiously we were able to pick that up.
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Brett
I hope you weren't referring to me when I was talking about that psychologist. I wasn't referring to that book at all.
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I guess my wording was a little ambiguous there but I wasn't implying you read that book. I guess all psychologists will say much the same thing though, it's just that some write it down and make millions of dollars from what they know :icon_cheesygrin:.
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I also read that Men from Mars/Women from Venus book. Most of it is common sense I guess but the basic message of a man needing to feel wanted and a woman needed to feel cherished was good.
Don't tell me that the women are ten feet tall and have 6 fingers!!!! or is that another thread?
Willy
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Brett
Thanks for clarifying. I agree all those books have pretty much the same foundation of what they are trying to say. That one small section of the book I read really hit home for me, but then again it is based on studies of the west and in the U.S. in particular. A little bit different dynamic in China, but again some issues are universal I think.
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Expect nothing and be prepared for everything and use the 24-hour rule... This is the best rule to have in mind visiting China in search for a wife.. :exclamation:
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Well in this case the women are from the east of Venus and the men from the west of Mars ... a bit more complex. I can testify that the original book applies quite well to my ex-marriage, although I only read bits a it turned out to be quite repetitive (written for western women?:angel:)
Another update:
Did a big shopping spree in Luohu and got some toys for my son and some counterfeit junk (de-branded where possible). Came back in the early evening and got soaked by the heavy rain.
My "angel" joined me in the hotel although a bit late this time, and sent me out to buy some things for her (fruit and tea) because she is still not feeling too good. I also had dinner by myself since she can't take the smell of food right now, and had a hard time in the super market finding the stuff she wanted, it appears she doesn't go to supermarkets often and has no clue what you can find there and what isn't available. At the end I had 2 sales staff and the manager following me around to find what I was looking for, quite comical, I sort of had a good time despite the fact that I was ready to put my feet up for the day. The final part of the order was some steamed bread, and I knew the restaurant in the same building as the hotel had some, so I went there with my Besta. It took another 45 minutes and lots of laughter with many of the restaurant staff to get that bread and go back to the room.
Of course by then, she was upset because it took me so long almost 2.5 hours according to her, but sure I did have dinner too. Anyway, the upset passed quickly. She made some tea and threw it out, tasted the bread and threw it out ... hehe that's life I guess. Nausea doesn't help of course. Then I am sent to the shower because I smell bad, she follows suit and we end up in bed watching Avatar on DVD since the internet connection in the hotel is very slow in recent days and PPS doesn't get enough bandwidth. She falls asleep after 20 minutes, wakes and tells me to turn the sound down (a whisper already) and falls asleep again. This morning she gets friendly wake up service from me as she has to go to work again, I actually get a kiss good bye, didn't expect one as the nightly cuddles seemed more like a quest for warmth, it is fresh here and no heating in the room, the AC is not reversible.
Oh her sister invited us for dinner last night, except that with my angel not feeling well that did not happen ... so sissy knows I'm here and includes me in plans, yet I don't feel loved really, talk about a situation.
I got QQ mobile working on my HTC Touch, so I QQ'ed with her while having late breakfast after she arrived in her office. Apparently I snore so loud she can't take it (I do snore sometimes, especially with a blocked nose, and the bed is so rotten hard that I move a lot during the night...) so she is sleeping in her place tonight, just across the road basically. The funny thing is, this means I won't see her at all tonight, hmmm ... would she do that if she loved me or is this east Venus?
So I ask her what her plans are for tomorrow night (note the distance in the question), she says she will spend the evening with me ... once she gets back from dinner with her boss ... anyone hear of a good party in Shenzhen? Tonight I'll have dinner with someone else I met last time here so it won't be too lonely, tomorrow, we'll see.
This is really a roller coaster ride, although now I jump off when it goes downhill and wait until things go in the upward direction before getting on again. Normally I stay in touch when I am out and about, QQ in Starbucks or an SMS from time to time. Today I'll start radio silence when I leave the room a bit later, I'm curious to see how that goes down. My cherryblossoms account is on standby, but I'm playing with the idea of opening it again to at least pass the time until I get home, I'm bored out of my brains now.
No conclusions for now, keep on the 24 hour rule or more, turn off hormones and hang in there until the return flight on Sunday, best I can do I guess.
More when there is more of course!
Frank
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Not good read for us Frank and definitely not good writing for you . Sorry , we can only share your not so great Story here . Remember how many Guy's here had no luck the first time around only to find their better half on the rebound . It alway's could have been worse ... right ?
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Maybe I should add the stuff that she has said about me, depending on how this ends, it might be beneficial to others:
Praise:
Kind of cute, kind of attractive
Nobody has ever loved her so much
I'm a very very good man (said to our translator)
Criticism:
Too old, too fat, bald
Too hairy (chest)
My beard is too hard, need to shave twice daily
I snore too loudly
No Chinese culture (and I try my best)
Not rich enough
Maybe not her cup of tea
On the side:
Her mother wants to organize blind dates for her after seeing my pictures, mind you she's 53 and I'm 43.
For such a big age difference, I am not rich enough, what will other people think if she marries me?
To the question "do you love me?" she answers: I'm still very interested in you, I'm chatting with you ...
Her sister thinks I'm a nice guy (she's actually younger), although I met her for only 5 minutes.
My private parts are too big.
A Chinese husband would be a better option for her, culturally speaking.
Not good read for us Frank and definitely not good writing for you . Sorry , we can only share your not so great Story here . Remember how many Guy's here had no luck the first time around only to find their better half on the rebound . It alway's could have been worse ... right ?
Arnold, maybe I've been in China too long. Do you mean my writing is bad? Or just my story?
It can still get worse, it could have been a lot worse already, so it's not so bad, is that what you mean? If there is a round two it should be more successful with the applied experience of round one I guess ...
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Frank
Round two will be better and round three even better and so on until you get to the last round then you know you will have received the BIG PRIZE.
As your country man Eric Cantana said in UK in his now famous 'When the seagulls follow the fishing boat' comment.
Many people thought about that in amazement - but when the seagull follows the fishing boat he knows that eventually it is going to end up with what it was chasing.
The same goes for love in China.
Willy
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although the night episodes are close and affectionate, the days are quite the opposite. She minds being with an older laowei in public, I knew that before, but now even in private during the day she does not initiate any affection, I noticed a couple of kisses being evaded... soI asked her the question last night, did she really love me or was she just enjoying nightly benefits with me? She couldn't answer really, apparently she was upset about what I said but tried to hide that. I explained to her that I thought that when in love, people tend to show that to each other in many ways, of which I didn't notice any except the ones falling in the lust category.
I used to wonder about this too, about showing affection in public. After wandering about Zhuhai and Wuhan for a couple of months in 2009 I have a much better idea about what is done and what is not done in public.
Older couples, in particulary, married couples, show very little affection in public. Younger people are often as affectionate towards each other as couples in the west. It seems to me to be perfectly acceptable for friends and lovers to walk along arm in arm or hold hands in public. Doing much more than this (eg a long kiss on the lips in public) is in my opinion, of questionable taste both in China and in the west.
When I was Wuhan, we walked arm in arm or hand in hand everywhere. I felt so proud and happy to be walking along with her in this way. I cannot imagine being with someone who did not feel for me in this way. Being close in this way is such a special and sweet thing for me. It is so lovely when we're walking along like this, and she turns and smiles at me. Sweet indeed.
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Voice...
Youre flogging a dead horse there mate !!!...can you imagine "married bliss" under these circumstances you describe ????
Only person getting hurt here is you...and you should stop !!!
I heading down the "6th time lucky" road and I can speak with confidence as to how it is when someone REALLY cares for you...and I know many other Bros will tell you the same.
Dont allow yourself to be treated like a dish-rag...you are worth FAR more than that for the right woman...and she is out there somewhere, looking for you :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
Nil carborundum......(dont let the bastards grind you down ) !!!!
DavidE
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Frank, David E is right. There are many more women out there. There is one ready and willing to make you feel like you are the greatest man in the world. She may be a little older than you are looking but not older than you.
I could have found a younger woman but why? Who cares she may be past her prime as far as looks are concerned, she still looks great to me and she takes very good care of herself. Her figure is killer. Best of all, she knows how to be a woman for her man. My sweetheart is 46 and I am 54 and I am on cloud 9.
Shaun
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I am reading your news, Frank, and it reminds me about my first trip in China, thinking about Chongqing, and it wasn't very good for me. Thanks to the brotherhood, I could admit I went on the wrong way.
I tried to not believe I was all wrong about my story over there, but I had to open my eyes and realize how right was the brotherhood to comment.
Frank, as you are sharing with us all your trip and your story, for sure, there are things that need to be done, before you become "heartsicked man" ;)
I mean, how dare can a lady say she loves you when I read that :
"Criticism:
Too old, too fat, bald
Too hairy (chest)
My beard is too hard, need to shave twice daily
I snore too loudly
No Chinese culture (and I try my best)
Not rich enough
Maybe not her cup of tea"
Damn...
For sure, I'd be in the plane right to France, or to the Agency, to meet any other woman..
If a lady would tell me I'm snoring, for sure, I'd be stressed, nervous, and I would also apologize... but... maybe can you have some "medecine" for it, to change it. I know man can snore less, but well, I tried one medicine, and I couldn't sleep for one entire night.. I just thought I could not speak at all... So I forgot about it.. :)
Your chinese culture is not good??? So what? Even if you are doing your best, is she only trying to learn about your culture? My 2 cents that you will reply : "not even a word, except "Je t'aime" )
Not rich enough.... ===> if she wants to marry a millionaire, she can go in tv shows, or asking the agency to modify her profile on Chinalove... "i want to marry a rich man". "Eat my $$" should be a very good food for her each day?
Your beard is too hard? Well... ok, maybe you can shave it a bit, or leave it for a few days, then it can become sweet. Anyway, I agree that man can not shave everyday if his skin is not very good with it...
too old, too fat, .... ===> please run.
"My private parts are too big." =====> did you try to use Winzip to make it smaller?? :D
Well... just tell her you didn't ask to have a spaghetti instead.... Haha
I don't know how you can do to act, or to stay over there, honestly. I admit anyway you seem to want something...
But please, I hope that love won't make you become blind if she is really as you are describing her, over here.
Sorry to be so "negative", but I think it is one of the best advices I could say to you, Frank.
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Frank
This seems like a moment of truth to me. Like everyone else here, you have to work out what is important to you.
For me it was more important to find someone who was good and kind, who really loves me and wishes to share my life, than other things. Everyone struggles with this sort of thing. If it was so very easy, we would not have failed relationships and marriages all around.
It's really easy to tell when someone really loves you: there's nothing they wouldn't do for you. That's how I feel about my woman and by her words and actions, I'm sure that's how she feels about me.
Danny
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Frank,
I think DavidE has said it all, Nothing more to be said really ...is there !!
One thing that raised my eyes a little here, she is obviously not a single young virgin is she, if she's comparing your tackle parts. ...If anything i would have thought she would have been pleased about that aspect, it was certainly my experience in China/Asia!! ...haha!!
David.....
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Maybe do chinese women think that western men have "big private parts", because they (chinese women) have small eyes???
Haha...
(just kidding)... :fi_lone_ranger:
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Frank,
Do you wish to have a woman that insist's on changing you? There are plenty of them in the west. Once you have questioned anything about this so-called relationship & didn't like the answer...you should have quickly moved on! I see some here in same predicament: occasional chats, not daily...woman giving mixed signals/true love has no mixed signals...desperately holding on to the last thread of nothingness...as I see it, many of these women are not so blunt about dumping guys as in the west, butt I'm sure they exist in China as well....LOVE AND INFATUATION ARE NOT THE SAME!!! I agree those emf's will sink a man into infatuation quicker than anything...and again the age difference...well I guess if we want to "purchase" a wife, good luck! I prefer having a loving relationship myself, so I chose someone that can be easier to relate with(we already have language barriers)...why stretch the difficulties??? As you and anybody, with at least a tiny bit experience with women will know, a woman that truly loves you will only want to make you happy, as you will do the same...something to always remember: infatuation+desperation=nothing...move on and chalk this as a learning experience! At least you had the late night fun...some here barely get the chance to hold a woman's hand...hahahaha!!!:icon_cheesygrin:
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Voice
CUT AND RUN!!!
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Haha thanks for putting it so bluntly! I am coming to the same conclusions, don't worry!
Just to be clear about the criticism I summarized, this is a summary, it was said over time, most of the bad stuff during a couple of quarrels we've had, but sure she did say that...
Now onto Thursday report:
I did have dinner with someone else as planned, and surprise the phone goes at 20h30 and she is wondering where I am ... well dinner was over so I went back to the hotel and she joined me and we had a nice evening again, watched a movie and cuddled up together. Our relationship is developing some complicity it seems, it was fun for me, I laughed a lot as we teased each other, first time this is so relaxed. I did snore again though it seems. Now everybody, don't panic, I'm not changing my outlook, after having taken some distance to the whole thing, observation is all the more fun.
Now we're QQ'ing again, I'll do some more shopping and will try to find a bottle of Champagne for tonight, I'm sure the phone will ring if I don't give sign of life in a few hours, this is turning into a game ...
More when there is more,
HAPPY NEW YEAR BROTHERS!
Frank
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I don't know why she is complaining that your "unit" is to big, when she is using it at night. And why is the mother involved with this, is she jelious? If it's that hard, try vasaline....
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if only using it at night only, maybe does she compare it to a light torch? haha... have a happy new year, Frank ;)
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Frank, I have read a lot on this forum. I have to admit that I have come to the conclusion, that no matter what country they are from, basically they are all the same, no matter where you go. The only thing that the chinese women are different is that they are cute and good looking. I've been married 3 times and all were failures so I am really really looking close as I have learned many lessons over the years. It may take me years to find just the right one, but there are lots of fish in the sea. If the gal is thinking like that about you, I'll bet there are 5 more ready to think differently about you at the agency. They are ready to love you. As I see it, if the gal really loved you, your looks, snoring, unit size, and all the rest of the complaints would not matter. I am sure you overlook her habits. Love is what is in your heart not what you look like or do.
that gal should be lucky to have you. After all, how many women have someone who would travel that far and spend so much just to see them.
There are so many women out there that would be so thankful to have a guy like you. So hang in there, I am sure there is a gal just as pretty or prettier that is waiting for you out there, be patient and she will come along..
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i would move on from this one. this isnt a woman
who wants to be in an equal relationship. maybe a
puppy to train would be good for her. to many really good
ones to waste any more time on this one
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Ok moving on, I realize now that I've been dragging to do so because I don't want to hurt her ... still feel sorry for her but I realize that my love has turned into affection and compassion, no matter how good or bad the last days were.
My flight home is leaving tomorrow night, I turbo packed my suitcase and hope to see her again just to give her a few of her belongings that she left behind the room. The miss is unreachable at present, she was supposed to join me this pm but her phone is off and no trace on QQ, but who cares in the end?
This is certainly an experience to remember for the lessons learned about the risks involved in cross cultural and cross language internet dating. I willingly fell prey to a translator (who meant no harm) and when I realized she was not at all like the person pictured after the EMFs, I let myself be guided by my hormones ... I feel real silly now and my bank account looks silly too, the 2 consecutive trips certainly punched a hole in my savings, but that's life I guess.
I will now focus on finding someone suitable in a more reasonable age range, and preferably divorced unless someone miracoulous comes across my way. Actually I will rethink thois whole long distance business and go out some more at home in parallel and meet some local girls, who knows?
If there is a last update I will post it of course, and I will e back for spring festival since that ticket is already booked.
Thanks again everyone for all your input, and don't worry about poor old Frank, I'm already feeling better now that indecision has made way to freedom and new adventures.
Happy New Year and Happy Hunting,
Frank
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I feel real silly now and my bank account looks silly too, the 2 consecutive trips certainly punched a hole in my savings, but that's life I guess.
Frank
It's not so bad. I am sure you've learned a whole lot and you'll take away a lot of memories from this adventure. And besides, it's a whole lot better for you both to work out that it's not going to work out while you're there, than for her to throw everything up and move to your place. A divorce will assuredly make a bigger hole in your savings and state of mind, than anything you've spent on these two trips. Take it easy. You'll get lucky I'm sure.
Danny
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Hi Danny,
You're right about the cost of divorce, hehe, I've been there. Luckily she never had the option to marry me ... I'm blind in love but not that blind either.
Ok heading out to get my last and solitary dinner in Shenzhen, still no news from the miss ...
All the best,
Frank
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i agree a divorce is quite expensive for the man
especially in the usa when you have moderate
success
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Frank,
I can relate to what you're feeling right now. Your situation is very similar to mine, but it took me months to realize that is wasn't as much my fault like I thought. If she loved me as much as I loved her then she would have stayed in it and try to work it out with me knowing that cross-cultural relationships take a lot of front-end work until complete understanding is achieved by both people. She was an English graduate, and her term paper for graduation was on "Differences of Cross-Cultural Relationships" no less. If I had this website in July I would have come to my senses much sooner, so I could move on. I know the guys here would have helped me with my blindness. I am a grown man, and I will admit that I was hurting for quite awhile, and not until recently have I turned the corner. I still have my moments of being depressed, but I keep fighting, because the alternative is to live alone, and that lone thought keeps me fighting. I will not consider a local girl. I have seen enough in my 49 years to know it is not something I want.
It is amazing to me how these women can say how much they love you, but when together it always doesn't match up the same, but when they are done they are done. Like turning a switch off. I can tell you this that in the future when I am done with one of these girls I will not feel remorse. I will cut them loose and move on. In fact I've already had opportunities to do just that and I did just that. If that is the way the game is played in China then I can play that game and have.
Frank I fell prey to a translator too, but the difference was she was the one I fell in love with lol. She sucked me in telling me how much she loved me and only wanted to be with me, and she didn't care what her parents thought, and my hormones took over because she was young and pretty. I was watching what she said, and not what she was doing. She gave me many RED flags. I chose to ignore them. I spent a lot of money on her. She never asked for anything though, and I willingly did it, so I have no one to blame but myself. I can tell you this though. I will never be this stupid again. I'm very much clued in to the game now. Some are looking out for themselves and their family first. I will do the same.
I would say to you Frank not to give up on the Chinese women. You and I just got involved with the wrong ones. There are way more good ones in China than in my country and yours I would guess. Part of my problem is I want beauty and in their twenties or early thirties lol. At least now I KNOW how to play the younger ones and how they think.
I will be back in Shenzhen and Nanning on the 21st of this month. Wish me luck. I might need your advice down the road lol. I am visiting both Nanning agencies and doing business in Shenzhen, but I might stop by those agencies if nothing materializes in Nanning.
Jeff
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Follow on to my last post:
Dinner turned out not to be solitary in the end, she was actually very sweet and we spent another nice evening again, Sunday morning she helped me pack and we did some late Xmas shopping in Dongmen Street and Huaqing Lou prior to a last dinner and then departure with a shuttle to Hong Kong airport. She dared to give me a hug in public, the absolute first time, and she was very happy and relaxed for our last 24 hours together, I actually enjoyed the time with her a lot, oh and she bought a gift for my son ...
All of this does not change my overall feeling though, I was going to break up with her first chance on Saturday or Sunday, now I am back in France and still haven't done that. I guess it won't hurt to wait a few days, let things settle and then trying not to break her heart . Jeff, I can't be as brutal as you, not with her as there is another side to our story which I have kept for myself on the forum, but I do have good reasons to try to be gentle. She doubts she has what it takes to be the right wife for me, I already know she doesn't but she is only realizing this now, I expect that there will be a good occasion to break up naturally during a QQ session in the next few days where we will certainly discuss these issues, maybe without hurting her too much.
As far as my trip goes, Cathay Pacific were excellent as usual even if the suitcases took 45 minutes to arrive after landing in Paris. Unfortunaltely the guy next to me had very smelly feet, I was bothered for a couple of hours until the smell faded ... then I got 6 or 7 hours fairly solid sleep so I'm actually feeling great, also happy to be home this time, no place like it, and the Internet connection is decent, boy what a change from the hotel.
So I guess I'll be off to a new ploughing and weeding session in the next few days. Should I continue on this thread or start a new one when the time comes?
Cheers,
Frank
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the next adventure will be better i think many of us went thru 1 or 2
before finding the one we are with
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That's a good trip report Frank, sorry it didn't work out between you and your lady.
I guess things are similar with my lady - I am not certain she is the one, but it would be a shame to let cross-cultural and other misunderstandings ruin what could be a great life together. I am planning another trip so I can spend more time with my lady. Due to my bad health and the fact it was my first time in China I overlooked certain red flags on my trip, but this time I won't be as forgiving. Breaking up would be very hard though, I have no doubt about that. It would be easier if I found another, but I've really not found such a good match since.
Hopefully the other brothers will see that this is not a cheap option for finding a wife :dodgy:. I also grossly underestimated how stressful it would be.
I think if I was starting afresh I would look for somebody who had more experience of relationships (maybe a divorced lady) and one who had travelled overseas (so they actually have some idea of what to expect in moving to the West). I would also try and accelerate things as quickly as possible, as the months of inactivity are difficult to cope with.
Good luck with 2010!
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brett,
i am a little confused here?? if she is not the one
get out of it. why prolong it???
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Brett, how old are you? I am courious..
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Breaking up would be very hard though, I have no doubt about that. It would be easier if I found another, but I've really not found such a good match since.
Brett, you won't find another match until you free your heart from her, sounds like you're very attached. So breaking up will most certainly hurt, will it hurt her though, that's the real prize question. If it doesn't then you should definitely look somewhere else.
Happy 2010 hunting,
Frank
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hey frank i agree with that statement
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Breaking up: Act One
We had a discussion on QQ today, my objective was to guide our conversation towards a soft breakup and after the friendly and polite usual, I asked her 2 questions: 1. How would she feel if I disappeared today? (she asked me this one before, I think it's a good question to analyze how one feels about the other) Her answer: she would be sad but she would recover. 2. All material and other non love aspects aside, how does she feel about me? She did not answer but thought about the question, we talked later on the phone and she picked up on that question by herself, she had apparently given it quite some thought. Her answer was extremely unclear, but a good summary could be that I'm not the love of her life.
I explained my standpoint to her, mainly that love was the primary success factor for a marriage in my view and reiterated that I would not marry anyone if I wasn't sure about that. She replied that she might need more time (I don't at this stage, I am moving on), so I told her that I did not think we would be a good match for marriage, that neither of us had what it takes to make the other happy, and that the effort required to make a marriage work would be felt by both more as a burden than a natural way of being, a good start for preparing a future divorce. She asked me while in Shenzhen if she could be my mistress if our relationship did not develop into marriage, to which I said no, then she asked if we could stay friends. So I told her today that we could be friends but that this would probably not last if either of us found a partner in the future, they never appreciate ex's being around and neither do I ... at which point she said she needed to sleep and we hung up. Knowing her a bit now and hearing her tone makes me think that she wanted a little cry for herself, at he same time I don't think she understood what I said entirely, thinking that she has more time to make up her mind, that things are not definite yet. I'm still sorry to make her feel sad, I find that her life is hard enough as it is, but I am definitely not giving this another chance.
Tomorrow we should have another QQ session, I expect this one to be the final good bye, unless we stay friends for a few days. There are no regrets for me in the end, I learned many lessons and am much better armed for the next hunting round for happiness.
Cheers,
Frank
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sorry to hear that frank but as you said in your post
it was time to move on rather than build good luck in the future
and if you get to guangzhou look me up pm me when your leaving and i will
give you some particulars on were we could meet and i also know of a good
and reasonable hotel here as at that time prices will be sky high my wife uses it for
the business she works for
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mistriss does not sound bad, worked for a while for Tiger...:icon_cheesygrin: Sorry to hear about the breakup wish you able to find the love of your life there. Perhaps you will find one like Shaun did, these things happen. I am sure the love of your life is out there, you will find one bro and she will be worth waiting for. :exclamation:
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Frank, You are picking on one of the busiest times to come over. Chinese New Year is a big holiday. Hotelprices go sky high. The Hotel Ted talks about is a good one. I stayed there last month and will do so again this month and maybe for the get together.
After our PM's I know you have done the right thing. You know that your Chevalier charm will woo the ladies!!!
Willy
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Ted, thanks a million, I will pm you soon :)
Rocky, sorry but mistress doesn't work for me, I'm a pure heart deep down and can't dissociate love and physical relationship, I actually somewhere feel bad that we had a physical relationship.
Willy, yes the Chevalier is at work, still is actually! Funny I looked on Ctrip and prices are decent for now, but I will get in touch with Ted for sure.
Breaking up: Act one continued?
After the talk on the phone yesterday I felt that things were moving in the right direction, but my lady just called me and she feels bad ... she understood that we are on the verge of breaking up allright but feels sad and is not sure she wants this ... I was very matter of fact, don't want to break her heart if I can avoid it and offered her some time to think it over, although I am quite clear about it myself, I actually sent a couple of cupid notes last night and got one interesting reply ... hmmm
Frank
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What a sad story. I just hope it's not ending because of some bad cultural misunderstanding :s.
I was in Hong Kong during mid-Autumn '06 and it was very busy (the queues for the peak tram were a joke), but the hotel prices were much the same as usual. I would not like to use a border crossing during a national holiday. Likewise trains get insanely busy, and last Autumn my lady couldn't find a single seat available between Wuhan and Guangzhou. Holidays are a good time to be out there though - the fireworks in HK harbour were very memorable.
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Frank,
i know a really wonderful lady in Jinan who would be a
good lady for any man except me as i am taken.
she is 51 and i think is very beautiful inside and out
with the greatest smile you could ask for. her english
is extremely good and she has an accounting firm
in Jinan
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Maybe not every man, I think for some of us 51 is too old :)
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well she looks young hahaha
and she is to young for willy hahahah
sorry willy couldnt resist
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Hehe Ted, I'm 43 since Xmas, so 51 would be a bit high for me too.
Breaking up: Act 2
We had our planned QQ session today, I sort of got confirmation that she was worried about losing me in case she could not find someone better in the future, at the same time I know now that she does love me even if her ideal man is a bit different ... and that I don't love her anymore, or at least not enough to keep this going some more and taking the risk of being sort of a second choice for her.
So I wished her the best and said goodbye, I'm sorry that I made her cry in the end even though I tried hard not to, but she is definitely not for me.
Knowing her this might not be over yet, she might call me again in the next few days, but then again she might not, for me this is settled and it's time to move on.
Why this relationship failed:
Cultural differences played a small role in the failure of the relationship, one of the things she dislikes about me is how friendly I am with strangers, which of course produces easy contacts, making her feel unsafe as opportunities with other women arise. This actually happened once in the metro while she was with me. She also disliked the looks of other Chinese when we were out together, she unfortunately has a lack of self confidence which I will attribute to her social background and history, she had a hard farmer's childhood and started work very early to support her parents after her father was disabled in an accident. She worked herself up the ladder and picked up studies to finish school and is completing a degree now, a tough life with many challenges and too much of a responsibility burden at a young age, which developed an inferiority complex in her. She constantly has to prove her valor and refuses any help, her ex bf apparently accepted her that way and obeyed her every command or desire, something that I did not do. And while she realizes that this is not normal, it was difficult for her to include her partner in her plans. I also believe that she missed teenager years due to factory work and studying at the same time, explaining why she is not good at expressing or feeling love, a big no no for an affectionate and romantic guy like me. I was frequently left wondering how she felt about me, and I only got proof of her love in the last few days.
I was almost going to add age difference in the list of issues, but the correct term in this case would be maturity. I am exchanging with a 24 year old on a friendly basis and she is much more mature in many ways than my ex.
A summary of what happened to me could be as follows: Wonderful translator EMFs got this started, hormones let a different reality pass unnoticed, but reality caught up with my feelings once the hormones calmed down a little.
I firmly believe this could have been avoided if a direct contact had been established much sooner. My ongoing strategy will be firm in this direction, if there is no direct contact after a maximum of 5 EMFs, I will drop the project ... and I will use Cherryblossoms again in parallel, finding an English speaker seems really majorly important, I met another girl who had almost no English in the past and I don't see how one could establish an indepth understanding of one another, unless you're really lucky like some on this forum seem to be.
The good news is that I got a lovely cupid note reply from a lovely lady, so I will go and investigate her QQ number :icon_cheesygrin:
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My relationship failed the same way as yours. Your ex-gf has the same personality as my ex-gf. Every point you made is describes why we had failed. Well it was her faults really. I can only add to that she did not speak English and we could not properly communicate when we got off the EMF. I also changed web-sites and found a wonderful lady. When I think of her I get a smile on my face.
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Andy, that's how it should be ... I followed your story and it seems you found a wonderful lady!
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Frank,
i know a really wonderful lady in Jinan who would be a
good lady for any man except me as i am taken.
she is 51 and i think is very beautiful inside and out
with the greatest smile you could ask for. her english
is extremely good and she has an accounting firm
in Jinan
So if your taken Ted is it by Sisi or that women in the Mall that gave you a secret sign?????:icon_cheesygrin:
Willy
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Willy,
i guess its like father like son scenario with me being the
son and you the dad
to many women but my heart is with Sisi
hahahah just joking. i met here last year and shortly
after i met Sisi and Sisi was the one who won my heart
as she didnt really want to move out of China and as you
know i wanted to live here in China until i get old like you
dad and can get my retirement. if i didnt meet Sisi i would
probably be living in the states with Rose she is a really
good woman
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We had our planned QQ session today, I sort of got confirmation that she was worried about losing me in case she could not find someone better in the future,
That is a COLD statement to make to you. until she could find one better? What, are you a piece of meat in the locker? I would really forget this one and move on. I know your broken hearted, but your too nice to be treated that way. :@
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... but your too nice to be treated that way. :@
Hehe thanks Rocky!
Well she didn't say that, but it's not hard to interpret that out of what she said.
We QQ'ed again 3am my time, told you it's not over. She did not sleep much last night feeling upset about the turn of events ... she was soft like a little lamb this morning.
On a brighter note, the first EMF with a lady in Guangdong looks quite promising, and a second very slow response to a cupid note (suggesting the woman actually read my profile) sounds personal and interesting, and I am alreday invited to meet up in February with both of them, this all sounds too easy ... just like my horoscope says :icon_cheesygrin:
Cheers,
Frank
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That's a very nice lady! I mention in EMF #1 that my lady would have to move to the UK. I am still unsure whether my (or anyone else's) lady *really* knows what this involves. However, I am coming round to the idea that I want to move to Asia. Luckily my geek job means I could live pretty much anywhere. Actually my lady does like France (she saw it on TV about Provence once!) so we might move there instead!
I don't think my lady minded the looks we got from other people when we were in her province. But then she dresses very differently to everyone else in her city so I guess she's always been a bit of an outsider so to speak.
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Frank forget all about the others - go for the twin and make sure its a Wrigleys Spearmint meet up. Get her to bring her twin - providing it is a she and not a he. What is wrigleys spearmint - well the adverts used to 'save double your pleasure double your fun'
Oh those were the days!!!!
Willy
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It will kill our friend Frank to have two twins at the same time.. I am told that they read each others mind and does things in the same way at the same time.. What a night it would be..... :angel:
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Maybe the twins will alternate, she says they are nearly impossible to distinguish.
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5 for 499RMB is a lot of money. I worked for an online pharma for a while and it is much cheaper there.
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it is actually 5 for 99 rmb all the drug stores in guangzhou
have big signs in the window in english for that.
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That's a huge difference. That means willy can go for 5 times longer with the same price!
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Ted,
Ah, but are they genuine?? or homemade chinese style?? haha!!
David....
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it is actually 5 for 99 rmb all the drug stores in guangzhou
have big signs in the window in english for that.
Actually I saw those signs, it's 5 for 99 RMB each, a single one costs 128 RMB ... hehe, maybe Willy can confirm.
5 for 499RMB is a lot of money. I worked for an online pharma for a while and it is much cheaper there.
Which one?
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it is actually 5 for 99 rmb all the drug stores in guangzhou
have big signs in the window in english for that.
Actually I saw those signs, it's 5 for 99 RMB each, a single one costs 128 RMB ... hehe, maybe Willy can confirm.
5 for 499RMB is a lot of money. I worked for an online pharma for a while and it is much cheaper there.
Which one?
WHATEVER MAKES YOU THINK that I need them:angel::angel::angel::angel:
From what I HAVE HEARD in Zhongshan they are 99rmb each if you buy 5 at a time.:angel:
Reg does the Canada online Pharmacy offer a 'try before you buy' service - cos the girls in the pharmacy here are crackers!
Willy
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I don't know Willy, you constantly talk about it.
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News from the front:
My future ex is in radio silence, no Internet access for the weekend, I told her to use the weekend to think it over and I expect her answers on Sunday night although quite honestly, I hope she will reach the conclusion that this will not work out by herself, I've given her many hints and actually said goodbye a couple of days ago to which she replied that she accepted my decision, but we're still talking ...
I've been busy in the meantime, regardless of what I said about not using Chnlove and focusing on cherryblossoms, I found 3 nice profiles of recent posts or refreshs, sent a few cupid notes and think I caught 2 interesting women so far, more in a my age range between 33 and 35, although only one of the three is divorced and I did not get an EMF from her yet, so I can only base my opinion on her profile and Cupid note response, the latter was really nice and personalized and came after 36 hours which tells me she actually looked at my profile, I stated in my profile I was coming in February and that was her first question, could we meet up then? She really seems to know what she wants as she fired a bunch of questions in her cupid note response which are straight to the point, I like this style much more than the vague romantic "I'm a simple Chinese girl looking for Mr. Right...". The other two are singles but speak some English, or does "Fair" mean counting to three and and saying hello? And of course they're all easily accessible from Guangzhou, although one will require a bullet train ride to Wuhan, I hope there will be tickets available in busy February.
I am applying my 5 EMF rule for direct contact, and with girl number one we're on EMF #2 and she added me to her QQ already saying she wants to webcam to see the real me. So this seems to be working well, I just casually listed my QQ number saying she could add me if she wanted to, and stating that I was not new to Chnlove and that direct contact beat any other method of communication. Girl number 2 received my QQ number in my first EMF, she's the one with the precise cupid note response, I'm expecting her response tomorrow.
Maybe there is an age factor involved as to the willingness of the ladies for direct contact, I had more trouble with younger ladies so far,it would seem that less young ones could be more in a hurry to find happiness, maybe this is not only agency related.
Cheers,
Frank
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Hi Frank,
My girl's English was stated as fair, although I think it would have been better described as "????" :icon_cheesygrin:. We managed OK without a human translator though.
Book well in advance if you're travelling around New Year. My lady couldn't find any seats between Wuhan and Guangzhou last mid-Autumn, although I don't think the high speed service was running then.
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Hi Brett,
Yeah well miss #1 said in her EMF that she would add me on QQ which she did, but that her English was not good enough to be very talkative, we'll see, I like the fact that she offers webcam straight off though.
I'm not sure I can pre book the bullet train seats from here, we'll see ... but since there are a bunch running daily and prices are quite high, maybe there will be the odd seat left. I mentioned this to the concerned lady, maybe she'll have some feedback on that.
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1 down, 2 to go ...
Frank
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Q-Zone?
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RegnisTheGreat,
I think you'll find he's refering to her QQ Profile photo's.....
David....
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Actually no, Qzone is a feature of QQ, like a blog/personal homepage comparable with the Live profile pages. You can post comments and of course ... pictures!
Try upgrading to the latest QQ international client (http://imqq.com/), there is a little star which links you to your Qzone, and you can view other member's Qzone by right clicking their photo and selecting Qzone there.
Actually I think David is saying the same thing :p
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You can even play a game Nina calls: stealing food. She logs on as often as possible to steal food from neighbor's farms. QQ is great - we've both added pictures and can comment on changed personal messages.
I'm wondering though Frank, it seems like you've made your mind up to not follow through with the other lady...why haven't you just made it final with her? You don't want to continue with a relationship that you won't be happy with do you? I know we all hate to break hearts or hurt people, but sometimes it's best to remove the bandaid quickly and get the healing started. Just a thought. Wish you the best with the future ladies.
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Neil, you're absolutely right of course, I'm just trying to be gentle, maybe she will turn the knife around and will end things positively after the weekend, that would make me happiest. She has such a lack of self confidence that I don't want to add to her burden.
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'Stealing food' one women I was with played that at every opportunity. Even though she was very good at making things grow it drove me so mad that I stole away and never ventured into her plot again!!!
Willy
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1 down 2 to go?
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1 down 2 to go?
Well 1 lady disqualified, 2 still in the contest ... why aren't there any refreshes on Chnlove today? I'll need to go to Cherryblossoms if this continues ...
Although one of the 2 contenders is, hmm how should I put it, attracting me very much, let's wait and see ...
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Ok, a question, what is "is stealing food" game? how do you play?
Ok, if you want to refresh on chnlove, go to "my profile" and it will be on your left in a box. I usally refresh twice, to make sure their computer knows it.
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hit the qzone star (in qq) and a internet explorer window pops up (for some unknown reason it won't open with your default browser) and on the left there's a menu with icons - choose the icon that looks like a leaf growing out of a box - it's a farming game. grow flowers and harvest 'em. keep 'em watered and you can also pick your friend's flowers or be nice and kill their weeds and bugs (or mean and leave bugs and weeds). Nina steals food, but kills weeds and bugs. who knows. it's all in Chinese, but it's not hard to figure out.
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I got that game well figure out with one of my ex's and found the best way of playing was to leave the BLOODY THING ALONE.
Willy
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Final curtain call!
We are officially separated. Didn't go as smooth as planned unfortunately, but at least it's one less thing to worry about.
Going to sleep off depression now, I hate it when people get hurt because of failed relationships, especially with me ... :s
Frank
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I am so sorry to hear that, I hope everything looks up for you in the future.
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Frank,
Like your namesake Sinatra you will be back - or was that Arnie? Anyway you knew the end was near to that relationship because you faced the final curtain a while ago when you started this threead, but have a good sleep and get up bright and early and have three 'S's then look forward to the coming year ahead. It will be a good one.
Willy
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It will be a new day tomorrow with new opportunities
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Thanks for your nice words, can I come and cry on your shoulder?
Yes, I'll be back ... !
I hope healing will be fast ... In a fury during our final QQ session, she threatened to block me, so I beat her to it and deleted her contact on QQ. Since then she sent me 2 emails in the morning ( I made the mistake to reply), second email about asking me if we could be friends in the future, and she tried to call me in the evening ... which I ignored, and she added me to QQ again. Silence is probably the best strategy now, although it kills me because I know exactly how bad she is feeling ... I've come to get to know her character quite well and I feel sorry for her.
How do I get over my affection for her? I know the answer: time ...
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You Don't!!.... alas, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind!!
Your doing the right thing now Frank, if you believe that you or she can't be ''Just Friends"
David.....
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this is always so hard at any time in your life
but around the corner there will be sunshine
and someone whom you love and love you
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Silence is probably the best strategy now, although it kills me because I know exactly how bad she is feeling ... I've come to get to know her character quite well and I feel sorry for her.
How do I get over my affection for her? I know the answer: time ...
Your right Frank - time is the only answer in this case. I have been privileged to know the full story about your relationship and it cannot have been an easy decision for you - but in the circumstances you and I both know that it would not have worked long term. And just letting go now is the answer - it will make things far more difficult for her and yourself to not do so.
The gentlest thing you can do for her now is to make that last goodbye the LAST one. This will let you both move on.
Willy
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time is the only thing that helps in these difficult times
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Hmm yes, the last goodbye. She does not take it into account apparently. I don't show myself to her on QQ, and I got 2 messages from her asking if I was testing her patience or wanted to torture her. I thought about it again and and replied just now that we should keep away from each other to give us time to heal ... I'm too soft and should not have replied, but I'm so sad that she's suffering.
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Its a well know fact that it takes 6 months to get over a divorce, about the same here, the guys are correct, give it some time and it will fade into dust....
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Hmmm 6 months? This was a short relationship even if it was very intense, a lot happened in the 7-8 weeks this lasted. I hope it's more a matter of weeks than months. She deleted my QQ contact again today (good sign) but she just rang my phone a few minutes ago, ... I'm not calling back.
I'm in contact with 3 ladies on CHN, two are more realistic in my age range (mid thirties) and both sound good so far and they're very attractive in more ways than just looks, another one is way too young but her messages are way too good to drop her, she's really captivating my attention with her content, although I'm glad her pictures are very discrete, otherwise my hormones would take over.
So healing with this sort of medicine should not take too long, although I do notice that it's hard for me to write my true soul at the moment, the cloud of the failed relationship is very present and I sound much less chirpy and passionate than I usually do, even my sense of humor is failing me from time to time, I'm glad there's a translator in the middle to fix things up for now. Maybe it would be best to leave it for a while, but I think I would be even more depressed if I don't have any meeting opportunities in February, and I'm not sure when I can make it back to China for another round, probably not before the summer as the repeated absences are impacting my business and income, money is not unlimited unfortunately.
So much for the news from the front, I think I'll be EMFing intensely for the next few weeks and I want to cut down my selection to 1 or 2 on Chn before going to China next time.
Frank
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A dilemma as it was, I know of two ways to carry on.
1) Is the Bitch/Bastard method. This usually is accompanied after finding a cheat, two timing user. It's a quicker way to get over someone.
2) The replacement. This is what you are attempting. Replace her with another as soon as possible. This will fade her into the past.
There is a formula that can be used, for you it's not 6 months? If I remember right it is something like one month for every year married? or something like that. Just something that someone came up with I wouldn't swear by it.
Cutting her off? It's one way but the change in habit gets you more then missing her itself. You miss the communication with her for it became a habit. A message waiting when you got up, sending one before you leave? etc.
Find another. No need to start off with open feelings. This will come when the time is right.
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Frank , just make sure you have at least 1 or 2 cam sessions to be sure , to be sure , regards Ying and Robert
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frank i will get that hotel address and number soon been really busy and keep forgeting to ask my wife
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According to Sex And The City (I'm ashamed to admit I watched the entire show because my ex made me and I own all the DVDs -- she didn't take them), its 1/2 the time of the relationship.
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Vince has it right. Don't discount the one-night-stand route. Some good sex is a cure for all man's problems. I know it really helped me when I split with my wife.
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Vince, Neil, I think I'll try number 2, I'm not the one night stand type really, I don't get a kick out of that.
Ted, thanks! No rush yet :D
Regnis, I was married 9 years, it took me less than a month to enjoy my new life. My ex-wife however is not over it yet, that was 3 years ago now, so I guess Sex And The City are not entirely wrong.
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Come on Regnis, admit it, you loved sex and the city...that's why you have all the DVD's, don't blame it on the ex. We know you...hahaha :icon_cheesygrin:
Frank, Don't fall in love too soon, sex is fine but don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Take your time, one will come along when you least expect it.
The reason she is calling and emailing you is because she just wants to keep you on the hook. Can you emagine if you had married her, you would be so stressed out from not trusting her, wondering where she was and what she was doing when you were not around. That's not what you wanted, so be happy you got out when you did.
If you get to china don't worry Willy will make sure you forget her and probably get you into trouble at the same time.....hahaha:icon_cheesygrin: specially if the rest of the guy's are there with him. Forget the woman, start saving for your
bail money......:icon_cheesygrin:
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Vince has it right. Don't discount the one-night-stand route. Some good sex is a cure for all man's problems. I know it really helped me when I split with my wife.
When my wife left me I decided I needed time to adjust. So stupid me, I signed up with Chnlove.com thinking a long distance relationship would give me the time to heal and adjust. How silly I was to think that my older wiser me, would have my heart circumnavigate my brain, to fall for a girl upon a far distant shore.
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Willy wont get you in trouble in China. he gets up at 4pm and gets
tired by 7 pm hahahaha
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I guess that by those hours, Willy is a party animal....:icon_cheesygrin:
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no his angel is keeping him in check:icon_cheesygrin:
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Haha ... I hope Willy's bowels are feeling better, otherwise I think there will not be much partying going on.
Well, no contact since Monday ... I'm healing as fast as I fell into it, so it"s almost history now, although she tried to call me just a few minutes ago so maybe current conditions are not the same in Shenzhen.
The good news is I have QQ contact with 2 of the 3 new ladies and #3 is expected to happen this weekend, but I'm not sure my strategy writing to several is paying off, I selected the 3 profiles carefully and they're all attractive in their own way after some intensive writing, it's really hard to make a selection. I'm burning through my EMF credits fast :icon_cheesygrin: and I think I'll be facing disaster on my next trip if I can't narrow it down. If I go through with all of it including the dates setup by the Shenzhen agency, I would have 4 or 5 women to see which is completely crazy. And I'm not telling you how many simultaneous chat sessions I can hold on QQ, hehe my typing is improving rapidly!
Cheers,
Frank
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Good for you Frank!
I made a rule never to have more than chat window open simultaneously after a near catastrophic typing of something into the wrong person's window :blush:.
I found it very difficult to talk to more than one lady simultaneously - once I had found my girl then I blocked all the others. I don't think I could go and visit 2+ ladies on the same trip, maybe one of your lovelies will soon make it known that she is the one.
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Frank , here is what I would do ... if I was faced with liking three Lady's and had to choose one fast or go Bankrupt in a short time with too many EMF's . Write to all three , but no more then once a week and go with the one with the most Patience . This is the one I would choose faced with three beautiful Lady's . I would NEVER put myself in the Position to go and see more than one on a Trip , otherwise you might wind up with NONE .
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Brett, I know for fact that visiting more than one lady is not really effective, I tried it and had my eyes on the first one, I couldn't focus on the second one even though we spent 3 days together, maybe visiting one and having a backup is an option ... in my case, I'm going anyway and I'm not hooked yet so I'll see what the agency has to offer, will give me a chance to report on them, and you never known, right? And if I do get hooked, I'll focus and forget the others politely. So far the chatting is going ok, hehe ...
Arnold, I'm sure that I'll get a better picture in the next couple of weeks and will be able to focus on only one, maybe still with a backup. Two are willing to see me straight off, one is still a bit vague but I really didn't ask, she's the youngest one so I guess she will feel a lot of pressure. At the same time, she sounds too good to be true, although she's for real, but she writes stuff as if she had known me for 20 years, pushes all my right buttons and has a very compatible outlook on life, I would pick her if I had to choose, but I need a little more time. We're on QQ ... so patience patience. Right now I spend an average of 4 or 5 credits a day so I'm sure Chnlove are happy with me. But what the hell, dating for real would be more expensive, 40 credits are the price of a decent restaurant in Paris for 2, and I think EMFs will spread out more with all the QQ going on.
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Good luck with it Frank. Good to see you moving on.
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Moving on ...
I'm talking to 3 ladies now, ages 33, 34 and 23 ... and I am chatting to someone else on QQ. Luckily these exchanges don't go on daily or I would not be doing anything else. Now I need your input :angel:
With one of them, things are actually racing along and I think I need to explain. I sent her a Cupid note and her very personalized reply came a day later, she wrote it herself and I was gobsmacked how compatible her reply was with me. So I write her an EMF and her reply left me in awe. Again, she pushes all my buttons, answers all my comments and questions, goes over topics that none of the other contacts ever addressed but are important to me, and has the same point of view. It's also the longest letter I've received on Chnlove yet. Her second letter is much the same, I had to draw deep from inside to reply to her. For some time, I doubted that there was some fraud here, the content was tailored to what I was looking for as if someone had a brief or a history of my EMFs since I joined Chnlove, but the agency is far from any of the ones I dealt with. After a little struggle because of language as she has no English at all, and after 6 EMFs back and forth, we QQ'ed for the first time today and she said she loves me. Not in a very serious conversation but still, she said it twice. Perfect Zodiac and astrology, she works in an online company and wants to start her own ecommerce (my job, she told me before I told her what I was doing).
Has this happened to anyone else? Too good to be true?
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The Lord works in mysterious ways. I felt that way with Nina too. It was like someone took my order at a restaurant and brought me exactly what I ordered. It's not always too good to be true. You'll at least regret not finding out.
She'll never know if you're writing only her, but you will. I firmly believe that you shouldn't deceive the one you intend to spend your life with.
Good luck Voice. I look forward to see a picture of the both of you together.
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She'll never know if you're writing only her, but you will. I firmly believe that you shouldn't deceive the one you intend to spend your life with.
Thanks Neil, I actually feel bad that I didn't put an end to the other contacts yet, but I have a hard time believing that this is not too good to be true. Maybe I need another few days ... contact with one of the other ones is a lot of fun, and yet another one would be a perfect match on paper, so it's hard to let that go so soon while still in doubt.
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Frank my advice would be to not let the others go just yet. At least not until you meet this one, and even then I would give it just a little while. Confirm it more until you cut ties with the others. It's just being wise not deceitful. The trip is too long and costly to not cover yourself. That's just my opinion. In addition my ex was 23, and what I've come to learn from her and others the same age range is that they can be fickle. Kind of like a rollar coaster. Their minds are not totally settled yet, and they are in their prime as far as Chinese standards go, so they get hit on by the Chinese guys too, and then you have the family issues. What she might want is not necessarily what the family wants. Most seem to buckle under family pressure at that age. There many upsides too. My ex was working in my company, so it was perfect for me, so I know where you are coming from. She was an English major, and would have fit perfectly with the business I'm doing in China. Let it play out more.
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Jeff, I was certainly fickle at that age. I met a 23 year old French girl at a friend's dinner party, very attractive. She was all over me and we spent most of the evening getting to know each other ... and although she was sweet and smart I let it be, the age difference was just too great I guess and this was over 2 years ago, wow time flies actually. I already asked her about what her parents would think, she said they would be happy if she is happy, either very modern parents (who could be close to my age), or wishful thinking ... hmm
There is a good Chinese to English online translation tool, it was mentioned on the forum, does anyone remember where I can find it? The one with Chinese user interface ....
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Frank, Just remember, if it's too good to believe, it just might be.
Be careful about the age difference, it could boomerang back on you. Talk to the older lady's as they seem to have there heads screwed on better. And best of wishes to you, glad to see your out of your funk and back on the road to happiness.
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Jeff, I was certainly fickle at that age. I met a 23 year old French girl at a friend's dinner party, very attractive. She was all over me and we spent most of the evening getting to know each other ... and although she was sweet and smart I let it be, the age difference was just too great I guess and this was over 2 years ago, wow time flies actually. I already asked her about what her parents would think, she said they would be happy if she is happy, either very modern parents (who could be close to my age), or wishful thinking ... hmm
There is a good Chinese to English online translation tool, it was mentioned on the forum, does anyone remember where I can find it? The one with Chinese user interface ....
Frank
Wishful thinking. I am not trying to be negative, but my advice is go with that first, so you are not surprised if all of a sudden one day that what it turns out to be. I asked the same exact thing Frank, and got the same exact answer. When push comes to shove the girl will buckle under family and friend pressure more times than not. They also very much care of their reputation and the family's reputation in their own neighborhood believe it or not. It's a face thing. Having said that go with it and let it play out. You never know, but most of the women that age are in no hurry. The answer I typically get is 1 1/2 to 2 years before they would feel good about getting married. I've talked to many in that age group, and have talked to other Chinese both men and women alike about how the younger ones think. Now if you're in no hurry then it isn't an issue. That's my two cents. I'm not an expert, but just going on what I've learned in being in a serious relationship with one and corresponding with many in their early to mid-twenties. Early for me is 23/24. I don't go younger than that lol. These women are late bloomers socially, as compared to women in the west at that age. As much as my ex was mature in many ways she would also show an immaturity of an 18 or 19 year old. I didn't let that bother me, as I believed she would grow out of it eventually and maybe sooner by being with me awhile. I still believe that can be the case in a similar situation. Personally I don't want to wait so long, because it is taking precious time and energy away from by business. Plus I factor in once the deal is done then the several month wait to get into the U.S.. Maybe France has a shorter time period for that. I don't know.
I agree and I too was fickle at that age. I was patient with my relationship, because that is how I thought too, and would still be my approach. I was fine with the flashes of immaturity. I remember some things I said and did at that age that were crazy when I looked back on it. You know it's funny Frank there are similarities in our experiences lol. When I started this process in China I didn't talk to any of the women below 28 at the youngest. Then I fell in love with a translator who was 23. Technically 22 at the time and graduating from a university. It took us both totally by surprise. How many times have you heard of how some couples ended up together. By surprise and least expected. That was our situation. We just had this chemistry that I can't explain. Her parents had money so I knew she wasn't after me for that. It took me several weeks to get the thought out of my mind of what will people think if I brought someone that young back to the U.S.. I mean I have a bit of a reputation to uphold was my thought at the time. I am a President of degree granting colleges, and most of my students are that age. It was too weird for me, but certain people whose opinion I value including one of my teachers is married to a women 26 years younger then he and they get along great. His advice and another with a wife with that gap of age helped me overcome the thought I had. Those two guys really helped me. From that point on I was okay with the idea. But I digress lol.
I am not saying by any means it won't work. I think it can, just buckle up and hold on for the ride, because their minds will be all over the place. The way I looked at it was it will keep me young and on my toes lol.
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Thanks for the insight Jeff, but you didn't finish your story ... what happened with the translator? :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Oh you mean my ex? lol. I'll fall on my sword and say it was all my fault.
Actually Frank if you are in Shenzhen then we can sit down with a coffee/wine/beer and I'll give you details.
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Oh you mean my ex? lol. I'll fall on my sword and say it was all my fault.
Actually Frank if you are in Shenzhen then we can sit down with a coffee/wine/beer and I'll give you details.
I will be, but only from February 6th ... how long are you there?
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Oh you mean my ex? lol. I'll fall on my sword and say it was all my fault.
Actually Frank if you are in Shenzhen then we can sit down with a coffee/wine/beer and I'll give you details.
I will be, but only from February 6th ... how long are you there?
Until Feb 14th, but only because I have a legal issue to address, but will return at the end of Feb. How long will you be here?
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I guess from Feb 6th until the 12th or so. So if you're still there we can meet up for sure :icon_cool:
Where are you staying?
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In the Futian District at the Four Points Sheraton. I ran into my brother in the lobby right after check-in who I haven't seen in over 3 years. Incredible of all places it is China. There's got to be a message in there somewhere lol. I found out they have apartments here and looked at about six of them. One of the issues to address while here is to find a place to live. I was going to look in Nan-Shan, but I like the apartments here and have already met a couple of ex-pats here living in the apartments. We'll see.
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From what I hear Shekou seems to be the popular expat area ... Nanshan would be cheaper than Futian ... I stayed there but it felt a little far from everything except Window of the World. :p
I'll probably stay somewhere in Luohu this time, my business will not support Sheraton right now (did I just admit I was expensing this trip? :icon_cheesygrin:), sales are pretty poor the last few months so I'll "slum it". The Sheraton is right up the street from Carrefour supermarket right, a black building?
PS: wow jet lag?
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drinks are on Frank, he is expensing them so the more we drink
his expenses will be greater to offset his tax liability
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haha I'm not coming to Guangzhou, you're going to drink my new venture into the ground :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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From what I hear Shekou seems to be the popular expat area ... Nanshan would be cheaper than Futian ... I stayed there but it felt a little far from everything except Window of the World. :p
I'll probably stay somewhere in Luohu this time, my business will not support Sheraton right now (did I just admit I was expensing this trip? :icon_cheesygrin:), sales are pretty poor the last few months so I'll "slum it". The Sheraton is right up the street from Carrefour supermarket right, a black building?
PS: wow jet lag?
I was living in Shekou in August. Yes more expats there, but it became boring for some reason. I thought it was me until I was talking to a French guy at the airport yesterday. He lived there too, and said he felt it got boring. There is more action in Futian, NanShan (where he lives now), and Luohu. More opportunities for business contacts. Yes NanShan is cheaper than Futian.
I only picked Sheraton this time, because I wasn't in the mood for hunting around for the best deal and it being a nice stay. I just came from Nanning where it rained day and night and my feet were soaked for three days straight. I'm amazed I didn't get sick, and had to change my socks twice a day and hang my shoes next to the heating vent. I went for the easy choice this time. If I didn't I wouldn't have run into my brother. For some strange reason I was supposed to run into him. I haven't seen him in over three years. It's funny how life will present you will surprises like that. As the Chinese say it was fate that I chose Sheraton this time. Also I was able to look at their apartments.
No this Sheraton is about 5 minutes away. I thought I was going to that one also, and we pulled up, but found out it was the four points Sheraton. About 60 stories high. Can't miss it. Both are close to each other. The black building Sheraton is even more expensive, and I almost switched until I was told the price difference, so I went back to the other, and then ran into my brother lol.,
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Frank,
dont worry you dont have to be there. just give us some info on your company
and we will have them bill you for the drinks. our contribution to lower your tax
bill with the extensive writeoff for your taxes.
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Jeff, no problem hehe, I like Sheratons, always a good choice, I loved the one in Bali on Jimbaran beach actually. And I thought Nanshan got boring after a while ... but I probably didn't see all of it, I was close to Kingbay Banner plaza or something like that. I think I saw the Four Points too, just the black one seemed funky so I remember it well. I'll try a Shangri La next time the finances are right, I read some nice reviews about them and their room design seems really attractive.
Ted, not sure I'll have a tax bill in 2010, I certainly don't for 2009 :s I'm in the middle of closing accounting and it looks like the first year will be tax free, but that was the plan so it's ok :icon_cheesygrin:
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Frank, just send them a bottle of "Thunderbird" or "Ripple" and they won't know the difference after a few drinks.....haha:icon_cheesygrin:
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ripple was a good one in the old school days when we were poor
about 2 bucks a gallon hahaha the old days carefree and stupid
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Well I don't knowThunderbird or Ripple, but it sounds like a headache ...
I booted 2 of my 3 Chnlove contacts last night, communication was just not good enough, too slow so probably no motivation. I did send a cupid note right after that, she's in GZ, let's see if she'll hide from me ...
My last contact (the 23 year old) is acting warm, but doesn't want me to make a detour to see her, sounds fishy to me. Hmmm blocklist?
Frank
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Well I don't knowThunderbird or Ripple, but it sounds like a headache ...
I booted 2 of my 3 Chnlove contacts last night, communication was just not good enough, too slow so probably no motivation. I did send a cupid note right after that, she's in GZ, let's see if she'll hide from me ...
My last contact (the 23 year old) is acting warm, but doesn't want me to make a detour to see her, sounds fishy to me. Hmmm blocklist?
Frank
What agency was that? I am getting similar stuff from the GBZ agency in guangzhou
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You can still buy Thunderbird...? Ha! That brings back memories of being 14, sitting in the park with my mates again.....! :icon_cheesygrin:
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come on you guys.I can't beleave you drank that stuff.We drank the real stuff night train Texas driver.TJ Swan.Wash it all down with a case of Bud.Be sick and hung over.Till you started drinking it again.
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Maxx,
In Texas? It was Strawberry Hill or MD 20/20 and Lone Star; long necks.
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Shaun I forgot the MD we use to drink that two.
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What people forget what moon shine was.
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Chet I have seen Moonshine smelled moonshine cooking.Even stood around the still while they were making it.But never worked up the nerve to try it.There was way to many stories going around with the people I hung out with.At the time About bad moonshine.How it would make you blind.Kill you.Or just make you crazy.
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I've had Moonshine, one gulp. It seemed like Vodka, boy my eyes watered in a flood.
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I think there's different names for this stuff all over the world, in Ireland i think it's called something like ''Putin'' in Saudi ''Sid'' then all the other names you lot in the States give it, among others i'm sure....
It's all basically 100% proof alcohol, made from distilled sugar. Just the making of the stuff can be dangerous, (and Stinky!!) when those stills blow.... they really blow!! Your right Maxx, the stuff is only safe within a very tight specific gravity, go either side of it and the consequences can be dire!! They used to put the stuff through the Still 2,3,4 times, to get it as pure as possible... and for as much of the batch that can be used. The left overs would then be added to a new batch at a later date....
The stuff is basically tasteless, but can be made into tasting like Bourbon, Gin, Cherry Brandy, Cointreau, Tia Maria, etc,etc....or just add a coke or 7up as a mixer.
How do i know all this, ...Well during my time in Saudi, i was given the task of making these different varieties, because everyone knew that i wasn't a drinker. So i was ''Trusted ...lol!!and given the raw Sid and expected to create these delicacies, ...hahaha!!. I was shown ''how'' by the way, and it's very simple when you know how!! I always cut it by 50% in the process ...By the way, we were based in a safe and protected compound, or i wouldn't have entertained having anything to do with it, ....just too dammed dangerous in Saudi.....lol!!
David.....
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Yeah, the Irish drink is called poteen and is a homemade vodka made from potatoes, pretty lethal....:icon_cheesygrin: A good one was one i had in Thailand is called Lao kao, lots of areas in rural Thailand have these home distilleries (illegal) One of my Thai friends dads makes the stuff, we went to her home in the countryside where we started to have a few drinks of the stuff, to be honest after two shots of it you pretty hammered, but in a strange, weired energetic way. We then bought some of the brew off him to take back to our flat. It was sold in plastic sealed bags, worked out about £1 (gbp) for 2 litres...! There was 6 of us, including my neighbour n his two dogs on 3 mopeds driving back at about 10pm, wobbling down the country roads in the pitch black night, how we made it home alive i'll never know.....:icon_cheesygrin: But if any of you guys make it out there n like a drink, give it a go (the homemade stuff) Its like rocket fuel....In fact if we had run out of petrol, i'm sure we could have filled the tanks up with this Thai drink.....
Andy...
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Every Christmas its traditional in my home to pour Poitín over the Christmas pudding and set fire to it. it really goes up. Its really really strong stuff for sure :D
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then what do you do eat it?
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What agency was that? I am getting similar stuff from the GBZ agency in guangzhou
I'll PM you, I don't want to condemn them without some proof.
Yeah, the Irish drink is called poteen and is a homemade vodka made from potatoes, pretty lethal....:icon_cheesygrin:
Haha yes I must have a bottle somewhere still. I think I'll keep it for desinfecting purposes :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Every Christmas its traditional in my home to pour Poitín over the Christmas pudding and set fire to it. it really goes up. Its really really strong stuff for sure :D
But go easy on the amount - I think I overdid it last year - hence why i am in hiding in China!!!
Willy
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hey willy,
is that the reason you made a hasty move to china last year?
and we all thought it was in search of love :huh:
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anyone know were the GBZ agency in guangzhou is?
i could take a stroll over there one day and check them
out.
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There is news ... good news actually although I'm lost in women galore now:
As I told you, I ended up booting all 3 Chnlove contacts and wrote a cupid note to a new lady in GZ who greatly attracted my interest. Although the lead time is so short she is trying to arrange her holiday schedule to meet me, although I don't have direct contact yet, wait and see ...
Of the three I booted, number one was taking longer and longer to reply, number two is definitely a fake (too good to be true, in love with me but impossible to meet on cam or face to face), and number three gave no news after a direct contact request, I got her IM info but never any reply or sign of life. Now number one is chasing me on QQ, she would be a good profile, but I am more attracted by number three
.
Now unfortunately number one is chasing me hard while I seem to be losing interest. She has a very good on-paper profile, actually the best so far although no English. I'll have to play an open hand with her I guess and tell her it won't happen, it wouldn't be fair to keep the option open. She has the best education, family background and career track record, and her approach to dating seems to be very much like project management ...maybe that's why I can't get that feeling for her. I get lots of hearts and kisses on QQ but they don't hit home. I am also talking to another very sweet woman and I want to meet her, she could be the one even if the novelty of number three has taken up most of my interests.
I'll be in Guanghou in 5 days, should I say finally or again? And I'm looking forward to meeting some fellow forum members in person soon :D
This trip (#3 since November, remember) sounds like the best one yet, meeting new friends, plenty of hope for finding what I was looking for (if #3 turns out face to face as I think, then someone help me please ... :D) The agenda is a bit hard to manage, but I'm sure I'll figure it out ...
Now the prize question: Should I continue on this thread or will I open a new one?
It could be called Guangdong Express ... so you wouldn't get lost ...
Cheers,
Frank
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to many women ot enough time frank:icon_cheesygrin:
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Tell me about it ... :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
I will boot number one today ... although on paper she is interesting, I'm just not attracted now... The new girl in GZ can't meet me in the end, that solves another problem, for now anyway and if I am lucky with the one Ted knows about, my search is over anyway ...
going in 48 hours :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
Frank
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Hey Frank i sent the blind date ones my pic so when
you show up it will be interesting hahaha
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Ok this is crazy :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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sounds good for you frank that she will go to meet you and watch over you
so does that eleminate the blind dates?
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If she really does that, I would say yes ... they are a long shot after all, pretty but most probably too young at 25-26 ...
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keep us posted frank and i will see u in GZ
i know were the PSB office is incase u get married :icon_cheesygrin:
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Haha ... naaaaaaah ... coming to GZ first ... see you in a few days Ted :p