China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: Willy The Londoner on December 02, 2009, 06:43:39 am
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I post this and will make no comment as I found the advice to very true in many respects.
Willy
• Casual dating as we know it in the West does not exist in China. Although this is slowly changing in highly Westernized cities such as Shanghai and Beijing, most girls in China do not believe in serial casual dating. In a current study of dating and marital preferences among young adults in China, only 38 percent of the female respondents disagreed with the statement that it is best to date and later marry only one man during their lifetimes. Consequently, for the majority of Chinese girls you will meet, a second or third meeting (date) will indicate to them a serious intention on your part of, at the very least, mutual exclusivity or perhaps even marriage.
• If the girl explicitly tells you that she "really likes" (w? h?n x?huan n?), "loves" (w? ài n?), or "misses" you (w? xi?ng n?), you need to keep in mind that these words have a far greater and significant meaning in China than they do in the West. When a Chinese girl expresses these sentiments to you or displays any type of physical affection at all, it typically means that she has already "chosen" you as a future spouse.
• Virginity still means something in China, even though it presently has little meaning in our respective Western countries. In our current study of dating and marital preferences, 83 percent of the female participants, ranging in age from 16- to 28-years old, were still virgins, and age only accounted for about 6 percent of the variance in virginity (ibid). Unless you are quite serious about the girl, or you know for a fact that she is only interested in a "friend with benefits," it is wise to avoid any physical intimacy with her. By all means, you need to be entirely honest about your intentions from the very start in order to avoid misunderstandings or worse.
• Much to your surprise, and, paradoxically perhaps (in light of the relative importance of virginity at marriage), you will find that many girls are actually eager to sleep with you on the second or third date (in fact, they are often the ones to initiate it), but you should exercise extreme caution in how that apparent sexual aggressiveness is interpreted: For most "good" Chinese girls, an offer of sex is almost always a gesture of good faith in contemplation of marriage. It's intended to be a binding dealmaker and that is how it should be responded to, one way or the other. Above all, always be honest about your intentions—whatever those may be.
• A sure-fire way to confirm that the girl is quite serious about you is if you learn that she has spoken to her mother about you. As a rule, girls will not discuss any man they are seeing (not even with their girlfriends) unless they have decided that this is the person they want to be with. Related, if the girl invites you to meet her family, this is symbolically equivalent to a formal announcement of engagement in the West. It would be best not to agree to meet her family unless you have marriage in mind.
• In China, meeting the girl's parents is tantamount to an announcement of engagement in the West. Unless you are seriously considering marriage to this girl, do NOT agree to meet her parents.
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Yeah Willy that's a good article, and pretty much goes along the lines of what I've found out.
Miss Wu has knitted me a scarf - how much of a good sign is this that our relationship is serious :icon_cheesygrin:?
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Yeah Willy that's a good article, and pretty much goes along the lines of what I've found out.
Miss Wu has knitted me a scarf - how much of a good sign is this that our relationship is serious :icon_cheesygrin:?
Either that and it wiill keep you warm or it could be a very long scarf which will come with full instructions to tie one end around a high structure and the other around your neck!!!!!
But do not worry - if it comes by ordinary post the moths will have had it before it arrives and it will be fit for neither task.
Willy
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so true what you said
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:dodgy: hrumphfrmrofrgula. sauphroxyligivronula. :angel:
Shaun
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Willy
I love reading anything about this subject. I'm interested too in the Chinese angle to it all too *laughs*
But as an aside, in relation to the last dot point, about meeting the parents being tantamount to the announcement of an engagement, I am not sure I would go as far as that. As a general rule, my thought on the matter is that meeting the parents means that you are under serious consideration. But if the experience of the brothers here is any guide, it's not really tountamount to the announcement of an engagement.
Danny
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I disagree with you on one point Willy. Which is "Although this is slowly changing in highly Westernized cities such as Shanghai and Beijing...."
In Shanghai or Beijing, there are generally two different types of woman: Locals and non-locals. By locals I mean those who were born and raised in Shanghai or Beijing and lived there their whole lives. By non-local I mean those from the other cities who came to Beijing and Shanghai for work/college, etc. They usually come from the lesser cities.
For the locals, the serial dating is the standard specially among the middle to upper middle class. For the non-locals, its what you said is true...
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Willy, I'm not sure i agree.
The meet the parents stuff is pretty accurate but the love making ..not accurate.
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My 02c worth.....
Yan met me at Port Shenzhen, organised a taxi, organised the Hotel, and well .. organised me. Not a show of any Plan B eventuating :-)
A few days(nights) later she asked that I meet her family - brothers, sisters in law etc etc. So we had a forever lunch - on my plastic.
Subsequently it turned out that she had outlined her intentions to them all (but not to me) and I was being sniffed over by the family bloodhounds.
My conclusions:
(1) Behind that China Doll appearance there is often a hidden agenda and a steely determination to advance same...
but its done - dare I say it - in the inscrutable Chinese way
(2) Long term stability is far more important than short term pleasure. Though one can be a means to the other :-)
(3) Honour, integrity and responsibilty for others counts - something a lot of western woman seem to have forgotten :-)
[attachment=1104]
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Virginity.
This went out the window when Willy arrived. I think we all agree to that. :)
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Sorry Brothers all - there are things in our tadpoles that no amount of Viagra will cure :-(
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Men carry the seeds of their own destruction in the genes present in their sperm, research suggests.
Scientists working on mice have highlighted a specific gene that, although carried by both sexes, appears to be active only in males.
They believe it allows males to grow bigger bodies - but at the expense of their longevity.
The study, by Tokyo University of Agriculture, appears in the journal Human Reproduction.
Although the study was conducted on mice, the researchers believe it could apply to all mammals - including humans.
They studied mice created with genetic material from two mothers, but no father.
This was achieved by manipulating DNA in mouse eggs so the genes behaved like those in sperm.
The altered genetic material was implanted into the eggs of adult female mice to create embryos.
The resulting offspring, completely free of any genetic material inherited from a male, lived on average a third longer than mice with a normal genetic inheritance.
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They believe it allows males to grow bigger bodies - but at the expense of their longevity.
I hope they are right because,then, me and Scottish Rob are due to collect pensions for a long, long time!!!
Willy
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Good post Willy,
But the times they are a changing !
Bloggers such as Liu Man Yin aka "Lost Sparrow", and Mu Zimei (Muzi mei) have been breaking and shaking cultural taboos in China since 2003. They and others have been talking about sex, with openly sexual blogs for a while now and Liu's outspoken posts include a "bedside encyclopedia" of love-making noises. Broken down by the type of response it can elicit from your lover, and by geographical regions in China -- that is, how pillow-talk may sound in regional dialect or slang. She talks openly about masturbation and muses about why men are afraid to say "I love you." She recently joked that nowadays, if you're on a date with a Chinese man, the first thing that comes out of his mouth is, You're not going to blog about me, are you?
Mu Zimei on the other hand has shifted to podcasting One recent podcast was an hour-long sound track of an amorous encounter, starting with Please come in and finishing in climactic groans, panting, and shrieking. It gets about 10,000 visits a day.
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Mu Zimei on the other hand has shifted to podcasting One recent podcast was an hour-long sound track of an amorous encounter, starting with Please come in and finishing in climactic groans, panting, and shrieking. It gets about 10,000 visits a day.
Is there an English translation podcast available?? But then I expect the groans, panting and shrieking are an international language as I have personally established!!!
Willy
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Willy :icon_cheesygrin:
Muzi Me does her podcasts for http://www.bokee.com/ now. Here's a link to some of her old blog pages for anyone who is interested:angel:, you will have to translate them and if you use google they are a bit strange to say the least! http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://www.wenxue.com/T3/?q=blog/353:blush:
In the interest of balance I would of course have to mention that immoral foreign blogger Chinabounder http://www.zonaeuropa.com/20060828_1.htm :icon_cheesygrin: Well he had to show up here sometime!
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Hmmm, this sounds like yet another survey, and most of the surveys on any subject that I've ever read aren't worth the paper they were written on. It doesn't sound like a recent survey, ...either that or they haven't been reading there results very well!!
Some of the reasoning/statements do have a ring of fact behind them, but this sole object of everything leading to marriage in the woman's eyes is long since passed. These points should now be read as ''exclusivity' rather than you being chosen purely as a spouse.
The last paragraph about meeting the parents as a tantamount to being formally engaged is just so out of date in modern China unless so informed by the lady herself!! The first time i met my father-in-law, it was nothing more than meeting the man that his daughter was seeing on a regular basis. Nothing was mentioned about engagement or marriage. In fact i met her parents several times during our initial months together. When the time came to talk about engagement/marriage i was put though the ringer, and it was conducted throughout in English, so no translation get-outs from Lucy for me!!...hahaha!!
As far a the intimate relations from the second or third date, yes, this is, or can be quite true. If a Chinese woman likes what she see's, and can tell you are genuinely interested in HER, she like you will want to take that relationship further. But it has nothing to do with being taken as said, ...that you are going to be her future spouse!!!
It should be noted here, ...that those of you that have gone to China to meet a lady, and she has shown absolutly no interest in any form of physical closeness towards you, ...you should be looking elsewhere. And i'm not talking about just jumping into bed together, as the typical Chinese woman, will always want to show her man that she is ''Interested'' in ''YOU''
So Yes, there are truths in this survey, but there mixed with too many myths or out-dated
belief's and half truths to be meaningful. If anything this survey could confuse rather than enlighten.
Now, .... I am, and can only really talk about Chinese women from around the ages of 40ish onwards, it maybe a little different from Girls or Ladies that are younger, say around the 20 to 28ish mark that have never been married or had serious boyfriends. Although, from what I've witnessed from younger colleagues dating this sort of age range, i couldn't see that much of a difference...
Well that's my outlook on this survey and my Euros worth...lol!!
David.......
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This is from the "Men and women ?? Erotic" section of general forum pages of the Yibang rose/msvipclub dating agency in Nanning, I'm not sure if this is a Chnlove agency or not.
? sex tips: When men and women how to do the upper ?This is the most commonly used sexual position?Commonly known as the "normal position" refers to this position Men are men used to attack the upper position, while the women's use of the passive position of the most natural position.
Men Host (1) - open women's lower limbs, his feet hooked male feet, this time can use the thigh of the lower limbs to the inside of the male hook, so the foot more outward-opening, and so can easily shrink the vagina.:blush:
Men Host (2) - Women will be erected feet, female Ruoqiang hook under the legs from the inside out, then the degree of genital's Tightlock higher vaginal contraction strength also increased. ?This position is the upper part of the position to stimulate the female sexual organs.:dodgy:
Male upper (3) women will be more lower extremity elevation, so that the combination of genital deeper degree of female upper genital stimulation is also stronger. This position applies to no patience and the pursuit of the clitoris pleasure women. As for the combination of three kinds of the clitoris and the vaginal angle, which is the best location because of the female genital vary, but (1) for the more commonly used.:-/
Male upper (4) - women will lead to eight-character-type open, so that men's waist on the meantime. This is a (1) position without having to hook the next leg of Li Fang, this position also applies to the wedding, when, in addition, is a man in sexual intercourse movement of the basic prototype of posture, known as the "saint of the position," but, because there is no lower limb to contribute to hook, so the vagina will be to lower the contractile force. :icon_arrow::icon_arrowd::icon_arrowl::icon_arrowu:???
Male upper (5) - is (4) - the location of the foot is more elevated, cross-shoulder position on the men. Thus become the genitals protruding from under the down position, women will be hand placed in the neck to the shoulder. The combination of genital sense of deep and sexy is changing. Sexual intercourse is not only in the piston movement, also free to circle movement.:idea:
So sexy in this technology in Korea is very good, but the position is rather reluctantly, they therefore have to work hard to learn. Better to wait until after the adoption of sexual experience.This body potential over time, then it is very hard for women in terms of weak erection, the right of women feel less intense are very effective.
I'm just confused now!:huh:
They also have pages titled:Underwater sex, OK?, Husband and wife must learn the "bed-speaking" and Woman sex with men are crazy tricks.These are all posted by a mod's over there called "Cath" she sounds scary to me!. My question is why did they choose these ? There's 62 topic's on this page! are they relevant to sex with a modern Chinese woman? Here's a link to the site, you can make up your own minds!!!! http://www.msvipclub.com/ and a link to the translated pages http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=zh-CN&u=http://www.msvipclub.com/&ei=xF8YS5qjG47u7AOs85HPDw&sa=X&oi=translate&ct=result&resnum=3&ved=0CBIQ7gEwAg&prev=/search%3Fq%3DYibang%2BRose%2BConsulting%2BCo.Ltd%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG%26newwindow%3D1 You have to click on the "business case" button to get into the forum!
Apart from that, it's always interesting to see what information and advice the ladies are receiving.:icon_biggrin:
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The initial page that I started the thread with was taken from advice given by an employee to satff going to work in China. I made no comment on it accuracy or otherwise just thyat some of teh pointsb raised were one sthatI found relevant.
But I much prefer Pauls entry but beware of No.5 - I pulled muscles trying to work that one out !!!!!!
Willy
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Willy, That was a very interesting script. I don't suppose you could exspouse a little more on that one, a very interesting, and educational script, in otherwords write more on this subject, not that I need an education on sex, but am curious about chinese ways of life over there and what to expect when I go over. Do the chinese girls commonly pick you up like Rob experenced? and go for the throat right away? Since I do a lot of scuba diving the underwater part could be interesting...lol
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Willy, That was a very interesting script. I don't suppose you could exspouse a little more on that one, a very interesting, and educational script, in otherwords write more on this subject, not that I need an education on sex, but am curious about chinese ways of life over there and what to expect when I go over. Do the chinese girls commonly pick you up like Rob experenced? and go for the throat right away? Since I do a lot of scuba diving the underwater part could be interesting...lol
When I am out on my own then I do get approaches. Of course I no longer follow up on these and have long since stopped taking telephone numbers. Good way of getting contacts for anyone wanting to teach English privately though.
Anyway since meeting my angel I am a changed man.
I would hate to see the result if any lady came on to me when she was with me.
A whole battalion of the womens brigade of the PLA would end up second best with her.
I am thinking of putting a full synopsis of my first 6 months in China on paper. By time it was finished may have to go for first year and so on!!
Willy
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I for one would love to read it, if anything for the insite you will be giving me. Thanks Willy make it a novel....By the way, then what your saying is that a person WILL get hit on by the lady's. Does this include the hottie's or is it just the overweight, cross eyed ones? By the way, I got a admirer letter where the girl brags about her cooking, then says she is looking for a man to cook for (her). Ok, so I hate shoveling horse pucky, and am looking for a lady who does not mind using a shovel...tit for tat....snicker
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Not sure where you will find a overweight one.
That's the beauty of China it is only us western men that are overweight here. Just as Rob found out they ladies are there on the street (and I do not mean street ladies) and they do not mind talking to foreigners.
I find that you can strike up a conversation with the most beautiful women. Strange thing is the majority of the really beautiful ones consider themselves quite ordinary and they need a lot of convincing - but they are also quite flattered when you compliment them with does give you a opening if you so desire.
They are mostly good cooks - I would imagine she wants a man to good for not a man to cook for her! And they are not afraid of any kind of work. If I was so inclined I would not have to lift a finger at home.
Willy
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Of course for those of us less skilled in the subtle art of picking up Chinese girls than Willy [retired] and Rob [Wo Shi Su Ge Lan Ren], thank the lord for
:heart: "Dr Love" :heart: and his Beijing dating tips :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
http://www.beijing-china-guide.com/beijing-dating.html
So, LISTEN UP and LEARN!
Remember for "Dr. Love", it is only " HUNT AND CONQUER!" and nothing else.:icon_cool: