China Romance
All About China => Your trip to China => Topic started by: Danny on December 11, 2009, 07:42:04 pm
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Tomorrow, my daughter and I fly from Melbourne to Wuhan. This will be my third trip to China. On the first trip, in January 2009, I visited Lily in Zhuhai. On the second trip, in September 2009, I visited Lily again and YaYa in Wuhan. And on this third trip, in December 2009, I will visit YaYa in Wuhan.
Three trips in one year! It is no wonder I have not saved any money this year.
I will go over some of my history in this post, since I am writing this as much for myself as for anyone else. I think it is important to work throught the stories of our lives, since it helps us understand and reflect on what has happened, to avoid making the same mistakes over and over.
At the end of the second trip, Lily told me that she was unable to proceed with the relationship. She said to me that her twelve year old son did not wish to move to Australia and that even if he did, it was unlikely that the father of her son would give her permission to take her son with her to Australia. She also told me that it was difficult for us to communicate because her English and my Mandarin were still very poor, and that it was going to be difficult to have her medical qualifications recognised in Australia.
These seem fair enough reasons to me. I am someone for whom family and my work and conversation are very important. I was not prepared to move to China and I know that many Chinese women would not wish to move to Australia for similar reasons.
I have made some mistakes in my relationship with Lily, but on the whole I was happy with the way I acted in this relationship. I always treated her with honour and kindness and respect.
There was very little in this relationship that I regret. As I told her many times, when I am an old man, I will remember the pleasure of seeing her for the first time. She was so late to arrive, and I worried that she would not come at all. This moment when I saw her smiling face was one of the sweet memories I will take to my grave. She was such a beauty, it just took my breath away.
However it was not to be and there will be plenty of time to remember this when I am an old man. At this moment in time, I need to leave this behind and move on.
Sometimes things do not turn out the way we wish. It is not obvious to me that such times are truly “failures”. I think this was the lesson I was meant to receive at this time.
Since the moment Lily told me that she was unable to marry me, I have continued to act properly towards her. I have not spoken to her or written to her. That was something that was really hard for me. But it was the right thing to do, both for happiness of Lily and for YaYa.
Towards the end of my second visit to Zhuhai I decided to visit YaYa, a friend of mine in Wuhan.
I had been writing to YaYa for seven months prior to this. For me, and I thought also for YaYa, I did not think that my relationship with her was anything more than friendship – we shared interests in music, poetry, books, and things like that. We never flirted with each other and it was never anything romantic in what we wrote to each other, so I did not feel the least bit concerned about this conversation. YaYa studied English, and so I imagined that our correspondence was nothing more than an opportunity for her to practice her English and to enjoy a discussion with an overseas friend.
When I told YaYa that I was going to visit Lily, she was very upset about it, to say the least.
So when the relationship with Lily ended, I knew that YaYa was interested in me, and so I thought it would be good to visit her and see what she was really like.
We had a lovely few days together in Wuhan. Her family was there to meet me when I arrived. Her father is a charming and educated man. He speaks fair English, and so a little while after I had a finished my meal he sat down with me and had a “man to man” talk with me.
He said that when YaYa had found out that I was going to visit Lily she had cried for about a week. He said that it broke their heart to see her so upset and so he wanted me to be frank with him about my intentions. He wanted answers to three questions .
Firstly, he wished to know whether my relationship with Lily was over. In answer to the first question I said, yes it was over. It felt strange to be saying this, a few days after asking Lily to marry me, and receiving a refusal. Still, I thought at that moment, I had given the relationship with Lily a good go, and that it was time to leave this behind.
Secondly, he wished to know whether I planned to marry her. In answer to this I said, that she was a fine woman and that any man would be proud to have her as their wife. I thought this was an answer that even a politician would be pleased with, answering a question with the answer to another question. However he wasn’t so impressed with my wit to accept this and so her persisted with it, asking the question half a different ways until I levelled with him, that if I had to make a decision today, then the answer is “no”. But if things work out between us, then I would be prepared to marry her in a short period of time, say within three to six months of time.
Thirdly, I said yes, I was able to support her. I explained that I had a responsible position back here in Melbourne, and had worked continuously for the past twenty years.
These answers satisfied him and I had a lovely time visiting YaYa and her family.
It is strange visiting this place. I know in my head that things are done differently here and that the whole family is involved in making important decisions, like marriage proposals. But it is another thing entirely to be part of that conversation and to be the subject of that discussion *laughs*
So for the past three months, since I got back I have been having a lovely time with my Yaya.
We speak to each other most days for an hour or two on Skype, we send each other about half a dozen emails each day, and we send each other a few mobile phone text messages each day. So I have all the conversation I wish for, and I no longer feel lonely, as I had been before she came along.
She is a good and kind person, gentle and soft hearted, caring and considerate. She always makes an effort for me and she always wishes to please me in everything.
In some relationships, one is led by one’s desire. But in this relationship I do not feel that way at all. She seems to me to be a very good friend, but I still find it difficult to think of her as anything more than this.
I am not too worried about this. I think that this will happen by itself. It has been such a long time since I have been with a woman, that in some ways that part of me seems dead. I just think that I am so used to keeping desire in check, like a dog on a leash, that I think it has given up hope and that it’s not even trying to get away anymore *laughs*
The only other reservation I have with this relationship probably boils down to nothing more than that Groucho Marx line: “Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member”.
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Good luck Danny, I followed your epic thread about the last visit ... hope you will find your feelings! Just don't get married just for comfort's sake. All the best!
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Well Danny,
What more can I say. Just think how close you came to missing this great opportunity.
Ok you feel strange but this relationship has slowly built up from being penpals, to friends, good friends, best friends, lover and hopefully wife.
These things happen and having met you I do know you give all decisions a great deal of thought. I am sure that you have made the correct one here.
Best of luck on your next visit - how long are you away for this time?
Willy
P.S. I knew that you could not bear to be in a different country from me for too long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Danny , you have yourself a great Trip and knowing your thinking with the right Head ... you are not getting in any trouble , that you will regret later . I will look forward reading about your upcoming third Trip with much anticipation . Go with the speed .. your comfortable with and Ya-Ya will also appreciate it in the long run . Good Luck and have a safe Trip .
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Have a safe and enjoyable trip Danny , will look forward to the postings , if you have time that is , regards Ying and Robert .
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Danny
The strongest houses are always built on the firmest foundations.
I am sure that the path you followed with honesty and ethics has finally led you to the correct destination.
Very best wishes for your journey and the treasures at the end of it.
Cheers
David
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best wishes it sounds like everything is going in the right direction
for the two of you
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Danny,
I think the others replying to your last post have said just about everything. They like myself can see from the outside looking in, that this Lady (Ya Ya ) is going to make you a very happy and fulfilled man. I don't think for a second that they are just sending you off with a good luck wish. They genuinely want you see what you have in this lady, and luck doesn't come into it, it's already there waiting for you, .... and they can see it!!!
I'm a strong believer that things happen for a reason, and the way your relationship has developed from pen-pal to lover/future wife isn't something that happens over night. As David E said, this is a real basis for a strong foundation to both your futures together...
I have probably got a reputation for a ''doom and gloom'' poster here, mainly because i point out the pitfalls of racing into things with little thought about being in the real world. I have no such thoughts where your relationship is conserned, not from what you have written in your thread and posts here... Your feet are firmly on the ground, and your head isn't in the clouds.
You have a genuine keeper in Ya Ya Danny, so be a keeper for her. I promise you won't ever regret it....
All the very best to you Danny...
David.....
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Danny,
You have found your happiness. Now is the time to build on the future.
Good Luck,
Shaun
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No regrets? I'm going to get that put on my gravestone.
Good luck with the trip, I hope it works out with YaYa. Miss Wu and I are great friends. Will it ever become more than that? I'm not sure. But friendship does seem to be a good basis for building a marriage.
I hope the air's better in Wuhan at this time of year! Say hello to the naughty monkeys in the zoo for me!!!
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Thank you for all your kind wishes, one and all. I leave in a few hours. I am sorry for writing so much in my initial post. I just started writing and I could not stop until I got to the end of my story. It is one of the good things of this place. That sometimes you can just take your time to say what you wish to say. Often in my life here in Melbourne, there is not a chance to just say everything that's in your mind. One needs to show consideration for the time and place. People have their own worries and concerns and interests, and so sometimes one is not able to say everything one wishes to say. So this place is special to me and I do appreciate your kind wishes. Knowing the people I have come to know here makes me want to be a better person. I am not sure what will happen, but I will certainly enjoy the journey. Thanks again.
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Danny,
You might not know what will happen, but there are plenty here that DO!! ...hahaha!!!!
We all wish you a trip of a lifetime Danny
David....
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This will seem a little dull this post. However it were incredibly interesting, with twists and turns, then I suppose things would not be turning out as wonderfully well. It recalls to me that (supposedly) Chinese curse, that I wish that you live in interesting times.
Anyhow she was at the airport, like she promised and while I did not get a hug and kiss like she promised, I was very pleased to see her smiling face.
She took us back to the hotel she found. If anyone needs a hotel in Wuhan I would warmly recommend it. It's just 168 yuan per night, but it is newly renovated, all the furniture and fittings in the room is brand new, there is a computer with internet access in each room, a very good free breakfast, a good size room, etc
We had lunch with her parents and that was really good. They are so friendly and warm. We sat and ate and laughed. We feel so welcome and we really feel at home.
We have received so many presents. I feel so touched by their kindness. Gift boxes of tea for my parents and sisters, two jumpers for me, knitted socks, knitted pants, mobile phones to use in China, a shirt, candy . . . a lots of other things. I have no idea at all how I am going to get all of this home. I was happy when I had handed over my presents because I thought I would have some space left in my bags. I think now I have twice as much stuff as I brought. And this is right at the beginning of my trip, before my daughter goes into a shopping frenzy.
I bought a some presents too. I will write them down in case the ideas are useful for anyone else: some books written in Mandarin and English, candy, chocolate, vitamin pills, iron tonic, and royal jelly capsules, hand cream, and perfume.
We are going to have dinner at their parents each night we are visiting, so that's a lovely thing.
We have done some shopping and sight-seeing. Everywhere we go arm in arm, the three of us. She has really made a fuss of my daughter. Last night my daughter was looking at some bags in a shop and my dear YaYa bought her not one bag, but two of these fashionable bags for her. Mind you, she spent almost two weeks salary on the bags. I was so embarrassed that Emma had received such an expensive gift from her, but it is important sometimes to receive as well as to give.
It is cold here, it is on the verge of snowing. My daughter keeps saying how she wants it to be warm like the Melbourne summer she left *laughs*
I have taken all my documents to the marriage registry and they have finally given them the okay. The statutory declaration I prepared (declaring that I have not remarried since the death of my wife), together with the death certificate and no result certificate, appear to be sufficient. We will get these translated and return them to the registry. The plan is to be married in February 2010.
I would be just as happy to marry now, but I do not want my family or friends to think I rushed into this thoughtlessly. Also my parents asked that I spend some time with her and then marry an another visit. My mother is in not such good health, and so it is good to do something to reassure her and please her in this way. I have no doubt about my parents and family and friends loving YaYa. She really is a good and kind person.
I have explained this to YaYa and her family. I said that in Australia, people do not mind if you live together, but if you rush into marriage, in some ways you lose face and the marriage begins under a cloud. You never want anyone to be surprised that you were married, and the reasons for the marriage. YaYa and her family were happy with this explanation. I said that I do not know much about Chinese people, but I do know how Australian people think and talk amongst themselves.
Each night we end up the night by having a massage. It is so cheap. An hour massage costs about 30 yuan. In Australia, the cheapest you can get it is 360 yuan.
Last night, my daughter fell asleep after her massage and so we finally had sometime together, and I got my first kiss. A sweet moment.
There was a little game that she played at the end of the night. She said that she wished to have one of the hairs on my arms, and as she took it I had to promise to be "unchanged for a thousand years" and then she took one from the other arm, and made me promise again to be "unchanged for two thousand years", and then one from my chest, and I promised to be "unchanged for three thousand years". I thought that was so sweet.
I am so pleased with the way things have turned out. I feel like I'm drifting along down the river. I could not be happier.
Thank you again for all the people from the forum who have helped me along the way and made this all possible.
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We have done some shopping and sight-seeing. Everywhere we go arm in arm, the three of us.
I am so pleased with the way things have turned out. I feel like I'm drifting along down the river. I could not be happier.
Danny, great start, I was very happy and surprised when my lady would grab my hand when walking down the street. I was prepared to walk side by side, but not holding hands. It was great to have that bond and the first kiss, well that is just majical. Glad you are having a great time. buzz
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Great,Danny , a great read , and awaiting the next installment , regards Ying and Robert.
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There was a little game that she played at the end of the night. She said that she wished to have one of the hairs on my arms, and as she took it I had to promise to be "unchanged for a thousand years" and then she took one from the other arm, and made me promise again to be "unchanged for two thousand years", and then one from my chest, and I promised to be "unchanged for three thousand years". I thought that was so sweet.
I was waiting for you to get the 'unchanged for five thousand years' hair removal then it is almost like waking up from a very nice dream before it come about.
Have a great time there Danny
Willy
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Danny , I know ... I was blessed with Qing , because I was alway's TRUE to my first Wife till she passed away . I think you deserve the same SWEET wife come into your Life too . This might not be true to some , but to the both of us ... it seems that way . Good thing's most alway's come from other good thing's .
May Ya-Ya be the blessing you wished/hoped for ... and more .
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Things are going well, very well. It is strange however, you go through life always wishing for something more. For a long time it was: "if only I could see her face". Then for a day it was: "if only I could hold her hand". Then for another day it was: "if only I could kiss her". Now it is time for me to be patient and take a deep breath *laughs*
It is so easy to think that one's happiness depends on something else happening, or someone acting in a certain way. Of course there are happy and sad situations, but to be content and happy through life that's something you work out within yourself.
I don't have a whole lot to report apart from some curiousities of life here in Wuhan.
I was walking up the most impossibly crowded footpath yesterday. We were jostling each other on all sides as we walked along. Then I hear a tooting scooter horn. It was an amazing sight. This guy is riding his scooter, tooting his horn madly, just riding down the footpath. People didn't seem to mind and somehow or other he made his way along the footpath. It's one of the situations that impress me about Chinese people in general, that they didn't get in the least upset by this sort of thing happening.
In Australia, if there is the least bit of a misunderstanding on the road, it gets ugly really quickly. In an instant you can have people screaming and yelling furiously at each other. I am not saying that Chinese people do not yell and shout at each other from time to time. Just that (by comparison) it takes very little for Australians to become very angry, very quickly.
I can remember coming across two motorists who were travelling down a narrow street, in the suburb where I lived (in Melbourne) and there was not room for both of them to pass at the same time. They both refused to move back and so they stopped and yelled at each other for twenty minutes. I know it was that long because I stopped and watched in disbelief. It was going to end up in a fight until I told them that if one of them did not move back I was going to call the police to have them both arrested *laughs*
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any pics coming soon on your time spent there?
would be nice to see
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The pics will have to wait until I return. I don't have any way of uploading them. I promise I will post them when I am back in Melbourne.
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Danny...I had similar thoughts when i saw mopeds driving down a crowded sidewalk in Changsha. I was amazed at the patience of everyone. Great trip updates.
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Patience is one thing they have - perhaps they have heard about the 24 hour rule!!! But I have seen some horrendous driving in the past 6 months but not one incident of road rage in any form. Now that takes patience.
Willy
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Danny, Martin and Willy;
You speak of the patience the people in China have yet I hear the reports of how they drive there. Willy I have to ask what you consider road rage?
I remember JimB writing about at least one occasion of road rage. It seems that others have talked about angry drivers yelling at others on the road.
I do remember one incident that made American news in that a man was on a bridge apparently contemplating jumping off. Another man who had been stuck in traffic for hours because of the jumper, walked up and pushed him off the bridge.
There have been a couple of women on these sites that went off on me. I know I know, who would ever think that anyone could go off on me. :icon_cheesygrin: One went so crazy yelling and making accusations that I had to block her.
I know we are much more aggressive here in the US but as a whole I am not to sure the Chinese are that patient. I think they are a little more covert in their response rather than we westerners who are more overt with our responses.
Shaun
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Road rage - that can range from blasting your horn to sticking up one finger in the US or two fingers in the UK through to shouting at each other, getting out of the vehicle and verbally attacking as well as physically attacking either the person or his vehicle. But I live right on a busy intersection and although I see some outlandish driving every day I have yet to witness actual road rage.
OK the horn blasting is just normal here even when there is nothing in front of you!!!
Willy
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I saw a couple of taxi drivers exchanging blows (rather than insurance documents) in Wuhan, my taxi driver thought it was very funny :icon_cheesygrin:.
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Things are still going wonderfully well. Yesterday we took some documents to the Wuhan Institute of Technology to be translated and we were acting like naughty school kids at the back of the bus *laughs*
Then we had dinner with her parents and played cards with them until late at night.
Today we are off to some hot springs today.
She has always said that I have a "sweet monkey smile" (this seems to be something that is complimentary). But today, when we go to the hot springs, she will know how much of a hairy monkey I really am. She was telling me that for Chinese women, Western men are very hairy and so if I receive a waxing kit for my Christmas present I will know that for her, I am indeed. It's a real problem. For some problems there is a solution. For example, with my fat stomach, I can try to suck it in when she is looking in my direction, or always choose to swim in the deep end of the pool. But how do you hide unwanted body hair? Maybe I could plait it? *laughs*
In Wuhan at the moment the maximum temperature each day is only a few degrees aboving freezing point. Each day I go shopping with my daughter (what else do daughters wish to do when they are away, apart from hang out at the shopping mall?). It is surprising that only a small percentage of the shops are heated. So all the shop assistants are dressed up in these thick, heavy jackets. It's very strange. This is the situation even in up-market boutiques. In Australia, in mid-winter all the shops are like saunas. But here in Wuhan the only respite from going into the shops, is getting away from the north wind.
As an aside, the price of authentic clothing and electronic devices from boutiques seems to me to be even more expensive than in Australia. It's no big deal. My daughter has an expenditure limit and the less she can afford to buy, the less I have to worry about carting home in our suitcases *laughs*
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Danny,
Great to hear everything's going so well for you on this trip.
I don't know why others here, don't go to China with almost empty suitcases, and stock up on clothes to take back with them. Don't be crazy and go into these up-market stores, there there for the Chinese rich and famous. Go to the regular stores and markets, and pick-up some great deals. I've always found that what I've bought at these places are just as good and as durable as anywhere else!!
Danny, there are many Chinese ladies that like a mans body hair, Lucy being one of them ..lol!! So don't worry about it, she's not going to love you any less whether she has a preference to body hair or NOT!! Oh, and to many of the traditional Chinese, ...men with a bit of a pot belly signifies that your a successful man and never goes hungry. ...hahaha!!
Enjoy the rest of your trip, you never know, you might just get your ''deep breath wish'' before you leave!! ... lol!!
David
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I am posting the following little incident, not because anything dramatic happens, but to give some peace to people who do a trip in the future. There is not much to it: it boils down to the fact that it is inevitable that there are going to be misunderstandings along the way. How you work them out together will have a significant influence on determining whether your relationship works out or implodes.
Yesterday wasn't so good. YaYa suggested that we visit a hot springs resort, located a hundred or so kilometres from Wuhan.
As an aside to whoever visits Wuhan in the future, this is a great trip: 180 RMB for the day, including transport there and back. It's only recently been constructed and it looks beautiful. One of the highlights was sitting in a cool pool, having tiny little fish come and nibble on our skin. It's meant to cleanse the skin and it's very ticklish *laughs*
On the way there, she sits in the front of the minibus and talks to the driver for three hours and the way back, does the same thing. She doesn't say a word to me the whole way there and not a word on the whole way back. It seemed to me that I might have gone and slept in the luggage compartment for all it mattered to her. Then when we arrived at the springs, she spent most of the time away from me. By the time we got back to Wuhan I was feeling pretty grumpy about the day as a whole. But when we got out of the bus, I made a decision to act cheerfully, and get out of this bad mood, and so we decided to go out to dinner and the night ended happily enough.
Anyhow I had a talk about the day, last thing in the night, via mobile phone text messages. She said that relation to the time we spent at the hot springs, she said that she enjoys swimming on her own. She also said that she wanted to take good care of my daughter, making sure that my daughter was not annoyed by any men, so her focus at the springs was with my daughter, rather than me. I was really impressed by the seriousness with which she cared about my daughter. And in relation to the time in the bus, she thought I wanted to read my book and she did not know the driver and so she felt that she needed to talk to him, as she was sitting next to him.
I had a think about what happened and I realised that I was the only foreigner there amongst hundreds of locals enjoying the resort. Wheverer you go, you have people saying, "lao wei, hello!" My woman is a quiet and reserved person and so probably part of it was that she felt awkward being with me, swimming about in our bathers together. And, I, for my part, had to keep reminding myself, she is not ashamed of me, she is only shy.
It doesn't matter. I just felt a bit disappointed about how the day went. Well hopefully today will be better.
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That takes a lot of Caracter , to keep the COOL you did Danny . You and I know , you will be rewarded for that ... as Sarge Burke did , for the night he did keep himself under control ... being faced with ... what could have lead to Disaster ( if you remember that story ) . It takes quite a Man to pull this off and not loose it . GREAT Job !!!
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Danny what Arnold said.You handled that real well.Most people would of lost there cool.You did good.
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Danny,
As Arnold and Maxx wroted, great patience in dealing with yesterday's events. Hope that you, Ya Ya, your daughter and her family have a great and safe Chinese/Australian X-Mas.
Sunny & Chong
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Arnold, Maxx and Chong, thanks for the encouragement.
Well yesterday was a day to remember. Today YaYa was so affectionate and kind, all my worries from the day before dissipated in a few moments. I even got a few friendly slaps on the arm, as she told me, how could I doubt her love for me? *laughs*
We went out to the Wuhan museum and listened to a performance of traditional Chinese music. Then we went for a walk around one of the Wuhan lakes, near the museum. I tried those red toffee apple skewers, and they were really strange, but good too.
My daughter flopped down on a chair at the lakes and refused to take another step, saying she was bored out of her brain and would have preferred to stay in the hotel room all day. I told her if she didn't get a move on I was going to throw her into the lake. So then she got up and walked along sulkily for quarter of an hour, and then I said to her I was sorry that she was so bored and that I had spoken sharply to her, and she said that she was sorry for being the way she was, and it all blew over.
This was the first little argument I had had with my daughter on my holiday. Usually we get along very well together. While I was a little embarrassed about it happening in front of YaYa, I was glad that it happened, to see what YaYa would make of it. She was a little surprised, but she accepted it. She gave us space to work it out, and then after we had walked in silence for a little while, she talked calmly about something else. She seems to be a peacemaker. So I learned something else good about YaYa.
Then we went out to a restaurant with her family and our relationship was toasted all night. We were clinking glasses and listening to the advice from the older people at the table through the whole meal. I felt so humbled to be treated this way. We were told how life was full of difficulty, so we have to care for each other. That we have to think about each other before we think of ourselves. All the toasts and advice were a bit disjointed after being translated, but it was a very significant night for us as a couple, having our relationship honoured in this way.
At night we played cards at her parents place. It was so lovely there. My daughter had such fun. They were laughing and playing cards for around four hours straight. I am always a little surprised (as someone in the middle of my life) how young and old people get along so well and enjoy each other's company so much. I was so pleased that my daughter had a good time there.
At the end of the night her parents offered to have my daughter stay over at their place. I gladly accepted this offer and YaYa walked me home to my hotel.
It took longer than usual for YaYa to get back home and so this morning I have woken with a smile from ear to ear.
I am a little worried that her parents will be upset about this, but I hope they will not be. In many ways I have shown my good faith (eg organising and paying for the wedding, preparing the documentation for the marriage registry, visiting with my daughter, my gifts, the respect I show them, etc). In my heart I know that I have no hesitation about marrying YaYa and so I do not think that they have any grounds for thinking that I am not a man of my word.
I am sure it will be okay. I sure feel fine *smiles*
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Danny,
I wouldn't worry too much, in fact don't worry at all, it wouldn't surprise me much, if your daughter staying over at her parents house wasn't pre-planned!! And i jest not!!...haha!!
You've been accepted by her family Danny, your going to have to really go some to lose that acceptance. Showing your love to there daughter isn't going to lose you there favour, that's for sure, and you can take that to the Bank!!!....
Danny your on a winner all round, Enjoy the remainder of your trip.
David
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I agree with David. This really is a new century. Everyone knows that to cement a serious relationship there must be intimacy. (even her parents) I'm sure they all appreciate that you are a gentleman and it's definitely a sign of acceptance from the whole family that they are comfortable with the two of you being alone together. I think her parents would be more upset if nothing happened. Opportunity wasted. Now retain the ability to look her father in the eye, there's nothing to be ashamed of. (unless she gets pregnant, in which case you're screwed - haha)
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Great update Danny, I'm glad everything's working good for you.
Robin
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Wondeful Danny, just kill the smile a little when you meet the parents again :D
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Yesterday she visited me again first thing in the morning, as my daughter was having a sleep-in at her parent's apartment, and that was a lovely way to start the day.
Her parents apparently were a little cross with her, but I think that was more the fact that they were embarrassed about my daughter waiting up until 2am for YaYa to return home (since YaYa and my daughter were planning to share the same bed) and her parents had expected YaYa to return after just a little while.
Yesterday we went back to her parent's place for breakfast and then again for dinner, and they were as friendly and welcoming as previously. So I think everything is fine.
Yesterday we picked up the translations of all the documents and the photograph we need for the marriage registry. I just love travelling about by bus with YaYa. Yesterday she slept most of the way, there and back. It is so lovely having the woman you love resting on your shoulder, fast asleep.
Unfortunately, no invitation from the parents for my daughter to sleep-over last night, but you can't have everything *laughs*
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At night we played cards at her parents place. It was so lovely there. My daughter had such fun. They were laughing and playing cards for around four hours straight. I am always a little surprised (as someone in the middle of my life) how young and old people get along so well and enjoy each other's company so much. I was so pleased that my daughter had a good time there.
Danny ... Was it "High 2's Poker" that you played ?
We do the same here in Kaiping. If it's not cards, it's mah jong. It's so nice to see a family playing games, laughing, eating snacks and ribbing each other. More often, it involves the female groups. Here in Kaiping, Grandfathers and fathers tend to go out on their own and play/smoke/drink with their buddies instead.
Keep up with the great updates !!!
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Danny ... Was it "High 2's Poker" that you played ?
We do the same here in Kaiping. If it's not cards, it's mah jong. It's so nice to see a family playing games, laughing, eating snacks and ribbing each other. More often, it involves the female groups. Here in Kaiping, Grandfathers and fathers tend to go out on their own and play/smoke/drink with their buddies instead.
It's a game called "landlord", where the whole pack of cards are distributed to each player and the object of the game is to get rid of your cards first. The rules have evolved a lot since we first started playing them. My daughter and YaYa's parents seem to set aside the rules when it suits them and this adds greatly to the merriment of the game *laughs*
YaYa's father enjoys the company of his wife very much and all the time I've ever spent with them, they talk and joke with each other happily. He always treats his wife with respect and kindness and so having YaYa come from such a fine family is another good thing about her I think.
It is good to see how people can live happy and satisfying lives even when they are not well off financially. Of course, I believed that this was possible even before I got to know them, but seeing it done, from day to day, gives me something to think about.
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Danny ... Was it "High 2's Poker" that you played ?
We do the same here in Kaiping. If it's not cards, it's mah jong. It's so nice to see a family playing games, laughing, eating snacks and ribbing each other. More often, it involves the female groups. Here in Kaiping, Grandfathers and fathers tend to go out on their own and play/smoke/drink with their buddies instead.
It's a game called "landlord", where the whole pack of cards are distributed to each player and the object of the game is to get rid of your cards first. The rules have evolved a lot since we first started playing them. My daughter and YaYa's parents seem to set aside the rules when it suits them and this adds greatly to the merriment of the game *laughs*
YaYa's father enjoys the company of his wife very much and all the time I've ever spent with them, they talk and joke with each other happily. He always treats his wife with respect and kindness and so having YaYa come from such a fine family is another good thing about her I think.
It is good to see how people can live happy and satisfying lives even when they are not well off financially. Of course, I believed that this was possible even before I got to know them, but seeing it done, from day to day, gives me something to think about.
In school, we used to call that chor-dai-di (or Big 2)...
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Now that you mentioned it, my nephew calls it "Big 2" also. He plays back home in Toronto. It's a high stakes game in Hong Kong where the loser [ the one with the most total cards left ] has to pay the top three guys $ 1.00 for each point that they have. Stakes are even higher if you make the denomination $ 10, $ 100 etc etc ... for each point. Mah Jong payout stakes work the same way.
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Danny... It must be a Chinese habit to fall asleep on a bus or in a cab. My wife does this all the time.. She can have a nap of 5 minutes and be rested.. I must try to learn this..
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Hahaha, ... have none of you ever noticed this about the Chinese?? There favourite pass time is to sleep, and they can sleep almost anywhere!! So a nice comfy bus, and a comfy shoulder to lean on, is almost complete bliss to a Chinese woman ...hahaha!!
David.....
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I never really thought about it that way David, but you are right. I think back and when we get in the cab, 5 minutes from the house, she is asleep. Even when I jump waiting to get hit by a bus or hit a pedestrian she sleeps through it. lol She naps almost every day. I told her that when she gets here I am going to have a Dr. take a look at her to see if she is missing something from her diet. She keeps telling me she is fine.
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It must be the noodles.
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Dumplings?
No they do sleep a lot, my ex slept 9-10 hours each night, not counting fairly regular naps. My sweetheart sleeps only 8 hours but free days such as weekends usually get filled with a big 3-4 hour nap.
I only sleep 6 or 7 hours but I do nap evry other day or so, a 45 minute nap is bliss in the middle of a busy day. I sleep really well on planes as well, bus works too. It's something you learn with time, trying and trying.
One of my friends is better than me though, he falls asleep standing in elevators, he needs to be woken to get off, I can't do that unfortunately.
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It's a Chinese women thing.my wife is the same way.Everytime she gets a chance she is taking a nap.
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Frank,
I don't think it is the dumplings. I had my first dumplings in a Chinese restaurant yesterday. I had been giving them a hard time because they did not serve dumplings so yesterday when I went in they were waiting for me.
I had so much fun with it. It is a buffet, and the waitress was standing close by watching me. I saw them... looked at the glass to see the name written over it. I said, "Hmmm.... I wonder it these are dumplings... there is not sign over it... so I put the dimpling down and went to get more food and to my seat. They looked a little disappointed.
So I went back for seconds and low and behold there was a sign saying they were dumplings. I loaded up a few and ate. Mmmm... not bad
Shaun
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I have not posted for the last few days because I have had a heavy cold. My YaYa has been apologising every time she is around, saying that it is her fault that I am unwell and she tells me that her parents have been cross with her because they feel that she hasn't taken good care of me. All of which is nonsense of course, but it is a lovely nonsense too, enjoying having them fuss over me. So each day I get a new pill and potion (traditional Chinese medicine) to try and restore me to better health. I am not sure that any medicine (western or Chinese) can help much with the common cold, but I don't wish to make a fuss, so I take it all and hope for the best.
As an aside one of the funny drinks that I've been served while I've been here is warm pepsi-cola, with some spices thrown in for good measure. It sure is a bizarre drink, and so I am not sure whether this drink can be called a traditional drink, but sure is an authentically Chinese recipe *laughs*
Another funny thing I've seen here are trucks that squirt water on the roads, to try and settle the dust that is thrown up by all the traffic. These trucks have to be seen to be believed. They fly down the middle of the main streets at about 80 kilometres an hour, blowing their industrial horns as they race along. They fly don't stop for anyone, and too bad if you're riding a scooter or a bicycle as they pass by - you end up with getting your bikes washed unexpectedly *laughs*
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It's a Chinese women thing.my wife is the same way.Everytime she gets a chance she is taking a nap.
But it is really puts me off when it is part way through love making!!!! Well if she is not sleeping she will be reading the Zhongshan Daily News or something similarly more exciting!!!!!
Making I should look at Viagra again!!!!
Willy
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My lady did the powernap thing as well. It seems to be an Asian thing - in Japan the train passengers were either using their mobile phones, reading manga or (mostly) sleeping.
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my lady does the same thing also but she
doesnt nap at lovemaking time Willy
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It's a Chinese women thing.my wife is the same way.Everytime she gets a chance she is taking a nap.
But it is really puts me off when it is part way through love making!!!! Well if she is not sleeping she will be reading the Zhongshan Daily News or something similarly more exciting!!!!!
Making I should look at Viagra again!!!!
Willy
Please do Willy, My portfolio needs the boost.
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I have not posted for the last few days because I have had a heavy cold. My YaYa has been apologising every time she is around, saying that it is her fault that I am unwell and she tells me that her parents have been cross with her because they feel that she hasn't taken good care of me. All of which is nonsense of course, but it is a lovely nonsense too, enjoying having them fuss over me. So each day I get a new pill and potion (traditional Chinese medicine) to try and restore me to better health. I am not sure that any medicine (western or Chinese) can help much with the common cold, but I don't wish to make a fuss, so I take it all and hope for the best.
Danny, was in a similar position. In Beijing the smog was so thick you ate the air instead of breathing it. I developed a smokers cough and was taken to the local pharmacy for traditional medicine. The ladies were taking full responsibility for my health, so I took the pills and syrup on trust and faith alone. That is why I got the long wooly undies (from my post). They feel it is their responsibility for our health. I guess it evens out, as I feel responsible for their safety. I guess it is all part of the ying and yang of a relationship. Good to hear from you, and I know you just felt awful with all the attention from you lady. "laughs" buzz
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Danny , hope you do get well soon .. for Ya-Ya's sake . I just got over a 9 day Cold and bad Cough and I tell you .. Qing had wished soo much it was her instead of me having this . I'm glad today seems to be the day I'm over it ... just in time for the big X-mas gathering tonight .
These Lady's are really something else . It's nice though to be treated like children in times like this . Sure all of us Men like this from time to time , just remember when it's your turn to be as helpful for her .
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Now that you mentioned it, my nephew calls it "Big 2" also. He plays back home in Toronto. It's a high stakes game in Hong Kong where the loser [ the one with the most total cards left ] has to pay the top three guys $ 1.00 for each point that they have. Stakes are even higher if you make the denomination $ 10, $ 100 etc etc ... for each point. Mah Jong payout stakes work the same way.
Chong
YaYa's parents had relatives who had been living in Japan visiting them at the same time as us. They brought with them (what I think must be) a Japanese variation on this game. The way they play the card game in Japan, at the end of the game the losers bow to the winner ("the landlord") and bump their head on the table saying, "I am sorry". *laughs*
Danny
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It's really upsetting when your girlfriend/wife starts snoring while your making love to her in the man's point of view or even starts to read the paper while your "busy".....lol
Perhaps we need a thread or theme on how to keep them interested on this forum, or how to keep them awake....ha ha
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Well today is my last day here in Wuhan.
For the past four days or so I have been the guest of YaYa's sister-in-law's brother. He was married in Jingmen two days past. He put on the most amazing wedding I have ever seen. The cost of the festival must have been breath-taking, easily more than the 200,000 yuan we mentioned recently in another thread. One example of costs, he transported 40 of his closest friends from another city, put them up at hotels, tours to the Three Gorges, boat trips up the Yangtze, meals at fine restaurants three times a day, entertainment at KTV bars, snacks, etc. And then there was the wedding, which was a spectacular with hundreds of people. I have just been blown away by it all. He is one of the most sincere, friendly, warm and generous people I have ever met in my life. It was such a great honour to be his guest.
In terms of my relationship, I know her much better now and have some idea about how life would be with her, spending over two weeks with her. She is a good and kind and gentle woman.
There were some ups and downs during the time I spent with her. Like, for example, last night was my last night here, and she had to go home early last night to entertain some guests who were staying at her parent's place. So I feel a bit deflated by that. Reading a book in my hotel room was not the way I pictured my last night. But it is childish to make too much of this.
I plan to return in a month to be married. I am not really feeling head over heels at the moment. If I was, then it would make the next step something easy to do.
I keep reminding myself that "good feelings follow good actions" - meaning that if you act properly and honourably, the feelings that are proper between a husband and wife will follow.
When I start to have doubts about the future, I remind myself that there are not many women in the world who will spend half their meal-time peeling the shells off shrimp for my daughter to enjoy (my daughter loves eating seafood, but feels squeamish about peeling off the shrimp shells).
I've had some lovely times here and I'm sure that if I stay with this, I am going to be happy all my days.
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Danny,
I have been following your trip. Pardon for me saying this but I think you are a little disappointed that you didn't get the attention you wanted the last night there. I have read as several times you were head over heals for Yaya. Again forgive the bluntness but you don't get laid the last night you were there and suddenly you think the sparks are not there for you. This is typical western man thinking.
I seem to remember that Yaya's parents were upset with her because she didn't return to their home when they wanted her to after walking you home and sealing the deal about your relationship with her. You were not upset then. She on the other hand had her parents upset with her. Maybe this was a way to repay them for coming home later than expected. Seems to me that would be a small price to pay to regain her honor.
I think you need to settle down, get 3 or 4 weeks behind you and talk with Yaya about this. You might find that Yaya was trying to meet the agenda of too many people.
I am sure this feeling will pass.
Shaun
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The race is on to see who is the first to get married in 2010.
Who is the bookies favourite?
Willy
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Danny what are you doing?Get the hell out of your head.Is there something wrong with YaYa? Your not telling us.maybe she has 2 heads.Or she snores when she sleeps.Doe's she have a kid hidden somewhere she forgot to tell you about?
This woman has bent over backwards.Trying to make you and your daughter feel welcome and loved.But yet when she can't spend the one night with you.You get your panties in a twist.Get over yourself dude.She can't drop her whole life.Because her wishy washy foriegn boyfriend.Has come for a visit.Family friends and then all others.You have made enough trips to China to know this.
There is probably 200 members in this forum.Who given half a chance would trade places with you right now.You have a good women.She has a nice family.They even like your bald head.So what is the problem?
Danny you have got this one sewn up.Unless you shoot yourself in the foot.Get out of your head.And enjoy the little time you have left with YaYa.
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Boy Maxx , I know you mean well for Danny ... but western Men can't just drop their way's , that been with them for all those years at a drop of a Hat . To be honest , I would have felt pretty much the same ... if it was my last night there with Qing . I know we do expect too much here and there ... but there is no time for the 24 Hour Rule in that case . haha
Those feeling are very normal for a Man and I'm sure it would be the same , was it reversed . I think Danny knows how to catch himself , before he drop's the Ball . A strong relationship/bond they have developed is not going to let this blow by one such incidence .
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Arnold how many times have you seen these guys start thinking like this?If you don't put a stop to it right here right now.Danny will stay inside his head.And start seeing things that are not there.Then he really starts thinking.And he sees more things that are not there.Then his mind gets on the fast track to paronia and over thinking.Then no matter what we say or what YaYa says.It's all bad.
Everybody needs tough love Arnold.Danny needs some tough love real bad right now.If I was there with Danny right now.I would go to Danny's hotel room and slap him around for awhile.It would give him something else to think about.Then we could go out and have a few beers.And he would feel a lot better about this.
He really neads to get out of his own head.Before it wrecks what him and YaYa have worked so hard on.
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Haha...slap him around a little !! Love it . Haha
He knows we are all backing him up , one way or the other . Slap-Slap -Kick Kick .... hey , I want my Shoe back .
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you guys are brutal hahahaha
but then someone needs to do it
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Yeah Ted , if we were on a Payroll here , we would actually go over there and do thing we do soooo well . Hahaha
What are Mod's for ?
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Maxx and Arnold
The criticism is fair enough I think. I was not happy about the way I felt. While I hope in the future, I hope I would not react this way again. I forgive myself for this momentary lapse.
I reason to myself that I was not motivated by anything unkind - only from the wish to see more of her, and to celebrate our last night together in a fitting way.
Anyhow, it has done no harm to the relationship. As I journeyed back to Melbourne we exchanged text messages at each stop along the way, telling each other how much we missed each other. Like this one, I received as I reached Shanghai:
My heart is like a winding stream
We can but share moonilight apart
I miss and love you so much
According to my dear woman, they have consulted their lunar charts, and 3rd February is a good date for us to be married. So if I can get get a plane ticket and an okay from my boss, then that's the date.
I'm back again, on a hot Melbourne day, and it seems all like a dream. I have told my good friend and neighbour that I am engaged, and she said that my face is shining with happiness. I suppose it is *smiles*
Danny
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Danny,
Zhong and I wish you two the best! Zhong told me after Feb.15 through 2010 not a good year to marry...superstitions and such! So you two have picked a perfect date!:icon_biggrin: Happy and joyful days ahead of you!
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I wish you all the best too Danny. --Shaun
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Hey Danny,
Make it back in February and you will be able to catch the new high speed train from Wuhan to Guangzhou and join the party that will take place there.
Maybe it will be for the Brothers to celebrate your marriage!!!
Willy
Are you going to get a certificate of no impediment done in Australia as you are cutting the time scale a little fine. Does it not take three weeks to get one in OZ. as in other countries?
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Oh Danny ... Maxx and I are just overly happy for you NOW !
Yes indeed ... Feb. 03 is a very good Date . That is also when I met my first Wife for the first time in 1977 and after that ? Well , 30 beautiful year's to come . Now remember , Nov. 25 is also a good day ... met my LaoPo in 2007 . Something about seven's ???
Hope your next Trip will come in time to keep that date ... or I'll have a talk with your Boss in Private !!!
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or I'll have a talk with your Boss in Private !!!
If I was there with Danny right now.I would go to Danny's hotel room and slap him around for awhile.It would give him something else to think about.
Do I sense a hint of personal violence creeping into this thread.:fi_lone_ranger:!!!!!!
Willy
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Are you going to get a certificate of no impediment done in Australia as you are cutting the time scale a little fine. Does it not take three weeks to get one in OZ. as in other countries?
Willy
It is my understanding that there are different requirements at different offices. That's the advice that we've received from the Australian embassy website too. We have visited the Wuhan marriage registry half a dozen times to try and work this all out. According to the person we spoke to, a certificate of no impediment is not required. We have brought all our documents to them to be checked and we have had them translated at the Wuhan Institute of Technology. There's a chance that at the last moment that there will be a snag. I'm not going to worry about this possibility. We will deal with problems if and when they arise, one after another *laughs*
Danny
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Willy
It is my understanding that there are different requirements at different offices. That's the advice that we've received from the Australian embassy website too. We have visited the Wuhan marriage registry half a dozen times to try and work this all out. According to the person we spoke to, a certificate of no impediment is not required. We have brought all our documents to them to be checked and we have had them translated at the Wuhan Institute of Technology. There's a chance that at the last moment that there will be a snag. I'm not going to worry about this possibility. We will deal with problems if and when they arise, one after another *laughs*
Danny
Took this from the Australian website of PRC Embassy
9. How can an Australian citizen divorced in Australia apply for authentication of documents in order to get married in China?
The applicant is required to prepare the following documents before lodging the application with Chinese Consulate:
1) One properly filled-in and duly signed application form for authentication.
2) A Single Status Certificate obtained from NSW Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages and authenticated by the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade (DFAT)NAW State Office and its duplicate.
3) The Decree Nisi issued by the Family Court of Australia and authenticated by DFAT NSW State Office and its duplicate. Those divorced in Australia whose former spouse is a Chinese citizen shall apply to a competent court in China to have the Decree Nisi recognized after the authentication by the Consulate. Therefore, the applicant divorced with a non-Chinese citizen shall provide a certificate in relation to the nationality of his/her former spouse and the duplicate copy.
Or the Death Certificate authenticated by DFAT NSW State Office in relation to his/her deceased spouse and the duplicate copy alternatively.
4) Proof of identity with photo (such as valid passport) and its duplicate.
Willy
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Good point Willy. Here's a link to the Embassy of the PRC in Canada's page on marriage: http://www.chinaembassycanada.org/eng/lsfw/Notarization%20and%20Authentication/t37729.htm
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3 February? Well I have to say that getting married on my birthday is an excellent idea!!! :icon_cheesygrin:
I guess I have missed the boat on a February marriage, but I think 10/10/10 could be good for me and my lady.
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brett will she agree to that thats almost a year to marry?
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Ted , I think for a great date like that she will say ... shi shi shi yeah !!!haha