China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: JimB on January 19, 2010, 10:36:02 pm
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My wife informed me tonight that we are not going to go to Wuhan for New Years. When i pressed her about it, she told me her mama asked us to not come. This gave me a start as I thought we got along well. It turns out that her relatives would expect me to give them all money for New years and if we do not, she and Mama will lose a lot of face. My wife said we would not do this. So we are not going. Has anyone else heard of this nonsense? It is because i am a foreigner and they think we are all rich. I know that. My wife of course sticks up for me. But, i know it has to hurt her. Like I said this is the first i have ever heard or read about this. Anyone Else?
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Jim,
I've heard similar stories. Not for Chinese New Year, but even just showing up. If the family isn't well to do, the relatives may be looking for handouts. The other thing is if you do go, how much money is appropriate. They will have a value in mind, most likely much more than you'd be willing to give.
A prime example would be Chong. Look at what the guy who introduced Chong to his wife wanted.
I'm not saying the relatives will all be greedy, but I have heard enough stories in the global chinese community of similar things.
Now if you want to give out lots of money, that's a different story. :icon_cheesygrin:
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I'll take some if you are just handing it out!
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It is because i am a foreigner and they think we are all rich. I know that. My wife of course sticks up for me.
In fact he won't even give her lunch money....hahaha :icon_cheesygrin:
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Good to know as I'll be meeting Nina's parents this October (and extended family). Something to prepare for if it happens. Her parents are very poor and uneducated farmers according to Nina. Very traditional, yet they have given us their blessings based on Nina's word alone. I'm not too worried about it, but it might be something to discuss beforehand.
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My Angel has been collecting 1 and 5 yuan notes for a couple of months. There is quite a pile now - may come to 1000 - 1500 yuan - 100 -150 GB pounds - she explained that is for the red envelopes. I asked why not 20, 50 or 100 and she said that to receive them would embarrass the receivers and they would lose face as they would only be giving small amounts back in their envelopes.
So that may be the problem Jim - they may think that you will give them much more than they are giving back and visa versa. Within families they know what each are given each other and so it is not a problem but a wealthy westerner comes along and that consues them.
Willy
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Just as a side note... A few years ago, in Singapore and Malaysia, you could get away with giving out S$2 in each hongbao (??). But lately that is not enough. It has risen to S$8 (people would give $4, but you know why you can't, and $8 seems so prosperous). And many are expecting bigger amounts this year.
A good sign of properity is if you can give crisp brand new currency. Around New Year, there is often a run in Singapore for $2 bills. Get the bills now if you can. Don't give old bills...
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Look i have given red envelopes, gifts, etc and not one thing back from her family. Now they want more. BS. i do not mind gifts to them, but expecting cash is not gonna happen from me. Kids are different. Uncle Jim will do gifts for them. The rest is BS as far as i am concerned and let the chips fall where they may.
I will take mama in to raise, dont have a problem with that. I just wont feed money.
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i thought during the chinese new year the kids got the red envelopes not the adults
anyway thats what my wife said and thats what we are doing this new year here
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Ted that is what my wife tells me to.Only the kids get the red envelopes.
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Because I will be in China with Ming and her family for the first time during this New Year, and because I want to do what is right and correct, I have specifically "grilled" her about the gift thing.
She tells me that I should consider giving "Red envelopes" to the children in the family but NOT to put more than 100 RMB in each.
Other than that, she thinks that a small gift...especially a "souvenir" type thing from Australia will be enough for all the others...and she tells me they would be over the Moon about it....
So thats what I will do !!!!!!
David
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I won't be with my lady for new year :@. Is there something appropriate I can post to her?
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Yep, Sunny told me too that the red envelopes are only for the kids over new year, not the adults. Though her parents may give us ones - we are younger than them.
However I will bring her parents and sister gifts to show respect especially as this will be my first time meeting them.
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Interesting. In HK and Singapore and Malaysia (those are the countries I know who do this), it is usually the married couples giving to the single folk (which usually includes the kids).
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I've been told to prepare change for the kids in the street for New Year ... but I'm not spending Chinese New Year in a family so maybe that's different.
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Frank,
you could bring a red envelope for me when you get here
and i will buy the beer.:icon_cheesygrin:
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The money thing has me really confused. I thought that Red envelopes were only given out during marrage and fireworks were for the new year, however it looks like from what you guys are talking about, you also have to give out Red envelopes during the new year also or there will be a lot of fireworks !!???:s
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that about sums it up. but you could also give the red
envelopes and at night go see the fireworks at a park
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rockycoon,
The Red Envelopes are used at anytime to give a monetary gift. It's just a Chinese thing when they give money as a gift. It's bad manners to give money directly. I would imagine that every household in China has a pack of Red Envelopes in a draw somewhere....
David
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I'm gonna go to one of the Asian supermarkets in town tomorrow to se if i can get some lucky envelopes with some English writing on them as well as Chinese, I bet they will get a kick out of that.
Good /bad idea?
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I think as long as they're red, it's ok ...
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I dont have a problem giving the kids a little bit of money nor giving Mama a bit of money, but I refuse to give the rest money. I get the gist that they expect a lot. And yes Neil, I do give her money each month to help her and I already pay Qingqing's tuition in School. And I pay for Gina's English class and I paid for Qingqings plane ticket to Wuhan for New Years. So I believe I have given enough. It just seems to me that her family is always wanting something from me. I just had never heard of this custom before and my wife would not have even brought it up if I hadnt pressed her about why we arent going to Wuhan. I do feel bad about it though. There again, let sleeping dogs lay. Right David? lol
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JimB,
If your talking to me, then ''Yes''!! If you keep giving and giving, then what you give no longer is going to be regarded as ''Special'', and can in fact, become as you stated ''Expected'' from you... And that's not a particularly good position to find yourself in!!!
David.......
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Yes, David, I was talking to you. remember about the Red Envelope for the wedding? It hadnt even come up until I brought it up. It created a big uproar at the time. Now I pressed about this and it got to me again. So from now on, no more questions. Just get her out of the country as fast as possible.
She is great, she wasnt going to mention it, she just said we were not going to Wuhan and that she is the boss in China. She never really asks for anything for herself. If she asks it is always for someone else. Damn, she is special and I do not want to blow this.
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I'm gonna go to one of the Asian supermarkets in town tomorrow to se if i can get some lucky envelopes with some English writing on them as well as Chinese, I bet they will get a kick out of that.
Good /bad idea?
Well, if you can't get red, get gold coloured ones...or a combo of both...
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I can receive the red envelope until I am 20 years old and start to work.And after that every Spring festival I have to give a little money to my mom as a gift to thank you for her rasie me up. And that's right ,you only need to give the red envelope to kids and older grandparents when you visit the relatives after you married.
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ok for the members coming in feb keep in mind i could be your grandpa hahahaha
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ok for the members coming in feb keep in mind i could be your grandpa hahahaha
Hehe, I'm not married, thanks for the info Yan :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
Does mental age 15 qualify me for receiving red envelopes? :angel:
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yes i think that qualifies you Frank to recieve red envelopes
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Ok, I have heard of the red envelopes before. I even had an explination of the red shoes for a bride. But there are red and gold envelopes that you can use? Does this get you more "brownie points" with the relatives?:icon_biggrin:
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Bee , following tradition at the very special times will
get you the brownie points as you said with the family
tradition is a very important aspect in these relationships
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Yes, I had it explained to me. i had only read the last couple posts here when I put that up. I know it is traditional to give red envelpoes at certain ceremonies there. I want to be aware of anything that may arise when I meet my lady in Singapore. Some mention about cakes too but I'm not sure when that was.
The mandarin oranges too, Ted. That was new to me.
Did someone mention fireworks??!!??!!??!!
Dave C
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they do put on some awesome firework dispaly here that go on
a lot longer than we are used to
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Awwww man, and I'm gonna miss them. I am a bit of a nut for fireworks. I used to spend a couple grand twice a year to put on shows in my back yard. I loved doing that. It will be the only thing that a chinese lady will have to worry about with me. I may spend too much time in the firework stores and areas that put on displays.
Dave
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well you can get some good ones here Bee just take someone with you who
can help so u dont buy something that will disrupt air traffic hahahaha
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When exactly is new year there? You know, ours is midnight december 31, when does their calander change over officially?
And Ted, if I ever get there I'm bringing a certain bottle and we are hitting a couple firework vendors!!! Hahaha!!
Dave C
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New Year (this year) is February 14th. It's based on the lunar calendar...
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New Year (this year) is February 14th. It's based on the lunar calendar...
I think I saw this someplace else too, but is the 14th new years day? I guess that I should also ask, Is there a site that will give you a lunar calander? or inform you of the important dates for the year?
Dave V
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_New_Year
That said, there is no single calendar that I've found that has everything. But some important dates...
Chinese New Year (note, this is a range of days)
Qing Ming aka Tomb-Sweeping Day
May Day (not sure if this is celebrated in Singapore, but it is in China)
Dragon Boat Festival
National Day
Mid-Autumn Festival
In Singapore, most of these are celebrated, but not all are actual days off.
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ok Bee i will be here waiting for the fountain of youth bottle
just dont wait to long to get it here :icon_cheesygrin:
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New Year (this year) is February 14th. It's based on the lunar calendar...
I think I saw this someplace else too, but is the 14th new years day? I guess that I should also ask, Is there a site that will give you a lunar calander? or inform you of the important dates for the year?
Dave V
yes, the 14th is new years day. New Year's eve is the 13th. so in some places they ring in the new year at saturday night when it strikes midnight.
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Guess that I need to study this more. I know that the date changes too.
Dave
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Some in China use the New Year as a birthday. My ladies BD is on the 12th, CNY on the 14th. But on Chnlove my ladies age has already changed? Strange???
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Some in China use the New Year as a birthday. My ladies BD is on the 12th, CNY on the 14th. But on Chnlove my ladies age has already changed? Strange???
Yes, I know. I still have not figured out their birthdays either. I have seen the date listed pass and their age posted doesn't change.??
Dave C
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Look i have given red envelopes, gifts, etc and not one thing back from her family. Now they want more. BS. i do not mind gifts to them, but expecting cash is not gonna happen from me. Kids are different. Uncle Jim will do gifts for them. The rest is BS as far as i am concerned and let the chips fall where they may.
I will take mama in to raise, dont have a problem with that. I just wont feed money.
Jimbo,
I'm ethnic chinese, and over here technically speaking, the marrieds give to the unmarrieds. Amount is optional, but often a matter of "face". So as a (slightly) older bachelor, when I visit friends & relatives I am EXEMPTED from giving hongbaos, although I am always authorized to receive em :icon_cheesygrin: In practice here in Malaysia & Singapore if you're well off you might give more to good friends' kids. If I were a laowai, and there are dozens of irrelevant kith & kin, I would not train em to expect big red packets. Small ones will do, and bigger ones for the more influential. Say, 888 RMB for her Momma & Poppa, & just 8 RMB for the riffraff, and 18, 28 or 88 RMB for the best friend or fav uncle (provided they are unmarried). If you have to bribe, then for gawdsakes bribe intelligently, man ! :angel:
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In my Chinese class on saturday we had a long discussion about chinese new year and what happens in the family during this period. I found some good links that closely resemble our discussion and thought i'd post em to people could get an idea why we dont hear much from our lady's during this time.
http://www.familyculture.com/holidays/chinese_new_year.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_New_Year
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the 8 means good luck?
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Was going through some Youtube archives and thought I would share this commercial with you guys. Petronas is an oil company from Malaysia. Every year they release commercials for some of the major holidays there. One of those holidays is Chinese New Year. Now, the reason I bring this up is because the commercial I am posting I think represents something we could all benefit from. I would suggest you watch it, especially those of you who have have not had a chance to talk to your ladies...There will be tests, but I won't be the judge...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtljF_POzGw