China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Newbies Corner => Topic started by: falcon on January 24, 2010, 10:29:15 pm
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Hello everyone, I am brand new here and this is my first post.
I have been browsing this forum for days now and it has answered most of my questions and given me a firmer platform from which to proceed. I want to thank everyone for all their time and effort.
I have been on CL for a little over three months now and have met a very special lady that I plan on visiting hopefully before summer. She seems to be very relaxed about things, as am I. I am consciously choosing to be trusting rather than skeptical as there seems to be no end to that road. Anyway, she is planning to pick me up at the airport and I am going to stay at her place. I am excited about it all of course, any thoughts?
Thanks again!
William
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First let me welcome you to the forum, we try our best to help when we can. There are a lot of guy's on here that are total experts in dating and marrage of chinese women. A lot are married and have been or are in china at this time. They will be glad to answer any questions you may have. We also have some expert ladies on here that are glad to help also and can give you some inside advice, as to customs and what to expect when you get there.
Agian, welcome to the forum.
:icon_cheesygrin:
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First let me welcome you to the forum, we try our best to help when we can. There are a lot of guy's on here that are total experts in dating and marrage of chinese women. A lot are married and have been or are in china at this time. They will be glad to answer any questions you may have. We also have some expert ladies on here that are glad to help also and can give you some inside advice, as to customs and what to expect when you get there.
Agian, welcome to the forum.
:icon_cheesygrin:
Thanks, I have learned so much already and have so much more to learn, it can get complex it is appearing..........
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Falcon like most things in life.They are only complicated when we make them complicated.
Rule #1 different country different customs.
Your lady has certain beliefs and customs.You have your own belifes and customs.Just because you were brought up to do something that way.Doesn't make it the right way.Be willing to go at this with a open mind.
Rule # 2 24 hour rule.Live it love it learn it.
The 24 hour rule is there for you.It is to keep you from sticking your foot in your mouth.Or wrecking your relationship.With a Chinese woman.24 hour rule is no matter what crazy thing your lady writes to you.Or says to you.You do not reply for 24 hours it gives you time to slow down and think about what your lady said.It also gives you a chance to post what your lady said here.And gives the other members here a chance to discuss it.
Attitude a postive and open attitude will help out allot on this little adventure.
Good luck and welcome to the forum.
Maxx
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Welcome to the Forum William - you will find it's a mine of information and invaluable advice!
If you haven't already done so, you may like to let Vince G, one of our moderators, have your lady's details for the BROTHERHOOD LIST OF LADY PROFILES#.
You asked for any thoughts so I will give you the advice I was given when I first joined: keep an open mind and move on to direct contact, especially webcam, as soon as you can - if you haven't already done so. The best advice of all is read, read and read again, and try to absorb the positive and factual experiences of other members of this Forum, rather than the speculative or assumed. And, if in doubt, don't hesitate to ask! There will always be plenty of bothers (and sisters too) who are willing to help.
I have been writing to someone 'special' for four months, and I am still not sure if I am writing to her or to a translator! And without the incredibly good advice and help of people here, I don't think I would have had any idea of how to go about resolving that; however, I hope to very shortly.
I hope that your's is a happy, joyful and lasting relationship.
Stay cool!
Johnboy
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Falcon, Welcome to the forum. I have a few things to ask? You said you would be staying at her place? Look into a few things before you do this. You may have to register with the local police first. Depends on their mood they can say no to you staying there.
To correct Johnboy, I take care of the Who's your Mate topic. Chong has the Brotherhood list ....
Oh yeah one more thing, Where is Alamo City?
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Falcon, Welcome to the forum. I have a few things to ask? You said you would be staying at her place? Look into a few things before you do this. You may have to register with the local police first. Depends on their mood they can say no to you staying there.
To correct Johnboy, I take care of the Who's your Mate topic. Chong has the Brotherhood list ....
Oh yeah one more thing, Where is Alamo City?
Big apologies Vince - and you are of course a super, super moderator. Well, you are in my eyes anyway......:angel: Johnboy
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Also a warm Welcome from me , the " Other " Mod married for almost two year's . You have already added advice to your ( I see 2 Post's ) post . Maxx has given you the two most important Rule's here .. in this chinese Woman search . Inplant those into your Head and never let them escape . With all other difficulties or problems , just ring our Bell for help . Good Luck William on your Venture , that could be your greatest Journey ever .
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Falcon like most things in life.They are only complicated when we make them complicated.
Rule #1 different country different customs.
Your lady has certain beliefs and customs.You have your own belifes and customs.Just because you were brought up to do something that way.Doesn't make it the right way.Be willing to go at this with a open mind.
Rule # 2 24 hour rule.Live it love it learn it.
The 24 hour rule is there for you.It is to keep you from sticking your foot in your mouth.Or wrecking your relationship.With a Chinese woman.24 hour rule is no matter what crazy thing your lady writes to you.Or says to you.You do not reply for 24 hours it gives you time to slow down and think about what your lady said.It also gives you a chance to post what your lady said here.And gives the other members here a chance to discuss it.
Attitude a postive and open attitude will help out allot on this little adventure.
Good luck and welcome to the forum.
Maxx
Hello Maxx and thanks for the advice. My thought is to keep things as simple as possible and as for the 24 hour rule that has to be the best advice I have heard in a long time, something to apply to much in life.
Welcome to the Forum William - you will find it's a mine of information and invaluable advice!
If you haven't already done so, you may like to let Vince G, one of our moderators, have your lady's details for the BROTHERHOOD LIST OF LADY PROFILES#.
You asked for any thoughts so I will give you the advice I was given when I first joined: keep an open mind and move on to direct contact, especially webcam, as soon as you can - if you haven't already done so. The best advice of all is read, read and read again, and try to absorb the positive and factual experiences of other members of this Forum, rather than the speculative or assumed. And, if in doubt, don't hesitate to ask! There will always be plenty of bothers (and sisters too) who are willing to help.
I have been writing to someone 'special' for four months, and I am still not sure if I am writing to her or to a translator! And without the incredibly good advice and help of people here, I don't think I would have had any idea of how to go about resolving that; however, I hope to very shortly.
I hope that your's is a happy, joyful and lasting relationship.
Stay cool!
Johnboy
Hello Johnboy and thanks. It has occured to me that I indeed might be having a wonderful relationship with the translator and if I am I do want a picture! Kidding aside my eyes are wide open and if I have any questions I can ask here. This is a great forum everyone!
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Vince,
Where is Alamo City?
I though you knew everything.
I'll let William answer you.
William, Welcome.
Shaun
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Falcon, Welcome to the forum. I have a few things to ask? You said you would be staying at her place? Look into a few things before you do this. You may have to register with the local police first. Depends on their mood they can say no to you staying there.
To correct Johnboy, I take care of the Who's your Mate topic. Chong has the Brotherhood list ....
Oh yeah one more thing, Where is Alamo City?
Hello Vince. I was wondering about what exactly I have to do to be able to stay her place so i will start to check on that now to have that in place to be able to cross that anxiety off my list. Will check into the lists.
I am in San Antonio Texas
Thanks much.
Also a warm Welcome from me , the " Other " Mod married for almost two year's . You have already added advice to your ( I see 2 Post's ) post . Maxx has given you the two most important Rule's here .. in this chinese Woman search . Inplant those into your Head and never let them escape . With all other difficulties or problems , just ring our Bell for help . Good Luck William on your Venture , that could be your greatest Journey ever .
Hello Arnold, good to meet you and congrats on your marriage! This is crazy, so much to learn it is like having a new hobby all of a sudden, thanks........
Hello Shaun, I have been reading your posts with great interest, good to meet you!
William
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The common way is when you go to visit and get to a hotel, they register you with the police. Even some hotels do not take foreigners for they can't register them. If you stay at a someone's residence (unmarried) that's a no no. Different from the states, unmarried couples can't live together. Either way staying with her or not you would have to register. You'll find all this in the topics here but I just didn't want you to get there and then problems start? Other then this I hope you have a good time.
Haven't heard the name "Alamo City"? Thanks for clearing that up. :icon_biggrin:
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The common way is when you go to visit and get to a hotel, they register you with the police. Even some hotels do not take foreigners for they can't register them. If you stay at a someone's residence (unmarried) that's a no no. Different from the states, unmarried couples can't live together. Either way staying with her or not you would have to register. You'll find all this in the topics here but I just didn't want you to get there and then problems start? Other then this I hope you have a good time.
Haven't heard the name "Alamo City"? Thanks for clearing that up. :icon_biggrin:
Thanks for the information, the last thing I would want is this kind of problem as soon as i arrive. So is the lesson here that it is best to engage a hotel to avoid problems even if you do not stay there? Your input appreciated.
William
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I was probably breaking some terrible law, but I didn't register with the police to stay at Nina's place. I did mention to the border guys that I would be staying there and gave them Nina's phone number. They didn't seem too concerned.
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I was probably breaking some terrible law, but I didn't register with the police to stay at Nina's place. I did mention to the border guys that I would be staying there and gave them Nina's phone number. They didn't seem too concerned.
Thanks Neil! That seems like a reasonable perspective on it. I imagine they have other matters more urgent to attend to, an assumption I am not ready to make quite yet though
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Yeah, I'd be interested to know if I was breaking some law that could have gotten us in trouble. Nina never mentioned anything about it, her friends all knew I was staying there too. I'll ask her. Maybe Zhongshan is more liberal than other cities.
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William,
I really don't think there is a problem Staying at your ladies place these days. If you want to play safe, just register at a cheap hotel for the first night, and everyone's happy!!...lol!! I've known more than a few that have gone straight to there girlfriends apartment on arrival from the airport. If i'm not mistaken, i believe BigButt did on his last visit, to his fiancee in Changsha before he was married!!
This was a bit of a problem in the past Will, but things have opened up so much now, and foreigners can now move about China pretty much as they please. In the past they were required to register at a police station if they moved/stayed in another city than they first registered for more than 48 hrs. That is no-longer a requirement, and hasn't been for a good few years now!!
Now, if your lady is prepared to have you stay at her apartment, that is a hell of a good start for you. That is showing you, that she has a lot of confidence in you.... And no-way are you talking to a translator...lol!!
Let's just say, your starting off on your journey/first visit in a far far better position than most have experienced here, so make the most of it. Be aware, that she is putting a lot of trust in you, appreciate it, don't take it for granted.... all the best to you William
David......
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I really don't think there is a problem Staying at your ladies place these days.
This was a bit of a problem in the past Will, but things have opened up so much now, and foreigners can now move about China pretty much as they please. In the past they were required to register at a police station if they moved/stayed in another city than they first registered for more than 48 hrs. That is no-longer a requirement, and hasn't been for a good few years now!!
It all depends where you are going and if they want to give you a hard time. But I recall one of the members here, Willy, Jim B? That they knocked on the door wanting to see the papers. He had to go down and clear things up.
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William,
I really don't think there is a problem Staying at your ladies place these days. If you want to play safe, just register at a cheap hotel for the first night, and everyone's happy!!...lol!! I've known more than a few that have gone straight to there girlfriends apartment on arrival from the airport. If i'm not mistaken, i believe BigButt did on his last visit, to his fiancee in Changsha before he was married!!
This was a bit of a problem in the past Will, but things have opened up so much now, and foreigners can now move about China pretty much as they please. In the past they were required to register at a police station if they moved/stayed in another city than they first registered for more than 48 hrs. That is no-longer a requirement, and hasn't been for a good few years now!!
Now, if your lady is prepared to have you stay at her apartment, that is a hell of a good start for you. That is showing you, that she has a lot of confidence in you.... And no-way are you talking to a translator...lol!!
Let's just say, your starting off on your journey/first visit in a far far better position than most have experienced here, so make the most of it. Be aware, that she is putting a lot of trust in you, appreciate it, don't take it for granted.... all the best to you William
David......
Thanks David. It did cross my mind about the trust thing, I mean someone half a world away that you just know online so I am jazzed about it all. She says she has told her mother about us talking and that her mother is open minded, so far it seems all good.
William
Neil,
you did break a terrible law and now the chinese underground police are looking for you with
your picture posted all over china. Just joking couldnt resist
Falcon,
welcome and you just go to the police and take your passport and they will fill
out a form and i think it was 30 rmb but i forget. dont be surprised if the police
show up at your door after the nieghbors see you and call they did that 2 times with
me the second time i offered them a cigarette and they had one with me and then each
of them gave me 2 of theirs when they left. yea its my bad habit smoking
they just look at the paper and nod. im in guangzhou not sure were your going but if
its a small town expect a lot of stares just normal
Ted
Nice to meet you Neil, thanks for the advice and your very practical input, just what is needed. I am much more comfortable with the issue now, my thinking at the moment is hit all the marks you are supposed to but it is not that big a deal
William,
I really don't think there is a problem Staying at your ladies place these days. If you want to play safe, just register at a cheap hotel for the first night, and everyone's happy!!...lol!! I've known more than a few that have gone straight to there girlfriends apartment on arrival from the airport. If i'm not mistaken, i believe BigButt did on his last visit, to his fiancee in Changsha before he was married!!
This was a bit of a problem in the past Will, but things have opened up so much now, and foreigners can now move about China pretty much as they please. In the past they were required to register at a police station if they moved/stayed in another city than they first registered for more than 48 hrs. That is no-longer a requirement, and hasn't been for a good few years now!!
Now, if your lady is prepared to have you stay at her apartment, that is a hell of a good start for you. That is showing you, that she has a lot of confidence in you.... And no-way are you talking to a translator...lol!!
Let's just say, your starting off on your journey/first visit in a far far better position than most have experienced here, so make the most of it. Be aware, that she is putting a lot of trust in you, appreciate it, don't take it for granted.... all the best to you William
David......
Thanks David. It did cross my mind about the trust thing, I mean someone half a world away that you just know online so I am jazzed about it all. She says she has told her mother about us talking and that her mother is open minded, so far it seems all good.
William
Neil,
you did break a terrible law and now the chinese underground police are looking for you with
your picture posted all over china. Just joking couldnt resist
Falcon,
welcome and you just go to the police and take your passport and they will fill
out a form and i think it was 30 rmb but i forget. dont be surprised if the police
show up at your door after the nieghbors see you and call they did that 2 times with
me the second time i offered them a cigarette and they had one with me and then each
of them gave me 2 of theirs when they left. yea its my bad habit smoking
they just look at the paper and nod. im in guangzhou not sure were your going but if
its a small town expect a lot of stares just normal
Ted
Nice to meet you Neil, thanks for the advice and your very practical input, just what is needed. I am much more comfortable with the issue now, my thinking at the moment is hit all the marks you are supposed to but it is not that big a deal
Sorry for my confusion, change Neil to Ted here
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Vince,
That was Willy i believe, and the visit was after several weeks of him moving in to his apartment in his previous city. I think the query related to his Visa, and his legality to stay in China, as far as i can remember it had nothing to do with living with his girlfriend. Well at that time he wasn't, she just visited him often...haha!!! She was still living elsewhere, I think because it was much closer to her work....
David....
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One thing I do that I am consistent with is being prepared. Whether it's work or just everyday life. I'm always thinking if this happens I can do this. I just didn't want the guy to get there and then have a knock on the door and be standing there in his underwear like Willy? :s
I'm just stating the possibilities.
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Vince ...
Yes, ...i remember, that's exactly how they found him when he opened the door to them ...hahaha!!!
As i say, William will probably only be staying there for a couple of weeks or so, and the Chinese police just ain't that quick in getting round to checking stuff like this these days.
Hell, most of the University student lovers are all living together these days.... I guess times are a changing, ....Even in China!! lol!!
David....
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they arent worried or care about nationals here they look at westerners
because its a revenue producing fine. carry your passport or a copy of your passport page
as in gz its a 150 rmb fine for not having it in your possesion. my brother in law who is in the
other police force said close to and during the asian games the checks will be more frequent
and regular close to means may of this year
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Ted,
Make that a copy of your passport, ...if you lose your passport in China, it can be a hell of pain to get it replaced. For those staying at hotels, ....get the Receptionist to make a copy of the relevant pages (Include your Chinese visa page) Have them stamp the copy with the Hotel rubber stamp, and ask them to write in Chinese on the copy, ....''Original passport presently located in hotel safe for safe keeping'' That should be more than sufficient for a casual police inspection.
David....
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Hello William,
Welcome to this forum! I seen your post and read what people have posted here. David50 is correct about me staying with my wife before we married. Also, Vince is correct about it being against the law. Do you plan on marrying her when you come to China or are you coming(testing waters) then making a decision then? If you don't plan on marrying her this trip, what David50 said about a hotel might be better...just things to consider!
According to my wife, most people here in China will not call the police on you, because your staying with a woman. People don't like getting involved with the police! But as Vince has said one of the people here had a problem...maybe better safe than sorry(depending on how well your getting to know this lady before coming to China)! Like Johnboy has pointed out, webcam with her will go a long way with getting to know her before coming! It's not necessary, but it helps!
I never registered with the police while staying here in China, until recently as my visa will expire in Feb., since I am married, my wife and I went to police station to renew my visa with temp resident visa. I've been here for over a month and haven't had any problems with police(never question me or ask for pp/visa). If trouble doesn't follow you, all should be good! Like the other members here suggest, get to know her really good before going and keep an OPEN-MIND, things can quickly go south when you arrive! Wish you the best, in this journey...finding a good wife here is worth more than anything! :icon_biggrin:
Jim
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I am the same as Neil. On my first trip, I registered with the police when I stayed at my in-laws place. Then we went to Changsha to her brothers place, i did not bother registering. And on my second trip, I did not register when I stayed at the in-laws.
Registering with the police is an easy process though. You just need your address where you are staying, and your passport.
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Hello William,
Welcome to this forum! I seen your post and read what people have posted here. David50 is correct about me staying with my wife before we married. Also, Vince is correct about it being against the law. Do you plan on marrying her when you come to China or are you coming(testing waters) then making a decision then? If you don't plan on marrying her this trip, what David50 said about a hotel might be better...just things to consider!
According to my wife, most people here in China will not call the police on you, because your staying with a woman. People don't like getting involved with the police! But as Vince has said one of the people here had a problem...maybe better safe than sorry(depending on how well your getting to know this lady before coming to China)! Like Johnboy has pointed out, webcam with her will go a long way with getting to know her before coming! It's not necessary, but it helps!
I never registered with the police while staying here in China, until recently as my visa will expire in Feb., since I am married, my wife and I went to police station to renew my visa with temp resident visa. I've been here for over a month and haven't had any problems with police(never question me or ask for pp/visa). If trouble doesn't follow you, all should be good! Like the other members here suggest, get to know her really good before going and keep an OPEN-MIND, things can quickly go south when you arrive! Wish you the best, in this journey...finding a good wife here is worth more than anything! :icon_biggrin:
Jim
Hello Jim, and thanks for the advice. I am thinking it might be a good idea to have a hotel room reserved for a couple of nights should as you said things go south. As far as getting married that remains to be seen, something while i will not rule out but it seems to fast. I would be on a track more to get officially engaged and plan the wedding on the next trip. I am so hoping it goes that direction. Thanks so much!
William
I am the same as Neil. On my first trip, I registered with the police when I stayed at my in-laws place. Then we went to Changsha to her brothers place, i did not bother registering. And on my second trip, I did not register when I stayed at the in-laws.
Registering with the police is an easy process though. You just need your address where you are staying, and your passport.
Good information much appreciated, thanks.
William
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William I see that you're in good hands! Welcome to the forum!
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William I see that you're in good hands! Welcome to the forum!
Thanks Frank. Where in France?
William
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I will say this. I have been to China many times. Every-time I went I stayed with a relative and I just put down their name on the border/customs. I have never registered with the PSB or anything. I have not had any issues either.
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Falcon, told you these guys were the pro's from Dover, They miss very little.
Big apologies Vince - and you are of course a super, super moderator. Well, you are in my eyes anyway...... Johnboy
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Well guy's there goes his hat size....:icon_cheesygrin:, He will be admiring himself in the mirror if you need him...haha
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Thanks everyone for all the information on this, much of my anxiety has been relieved. Now to try and learn chinese.............
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im trying to learn Falcon the chinese i mean and it has
to be the most difficult the progress is slow and long
and i live here hahaha
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Chinese is easier than I thought it would be. The Tuttle flashcards are great for learning the characters. I have no idea how you can remember them well enough to write them, but I can now read quite a bit of what my lady sends me on QQ without having to use Google translate.
Soon I think I will know more Mandarin than I know of either French or German.
I think the most important thing is to get a good teacher. My Chinese teacher is fantastic - I have never known a teacher so enthusiastic about her subject.
It is nice to learn our ladies' language, I can only imagine how impressed my lady will be when I can tell her stuff in Mandarin :icon_cheesygrin:.
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Falcon, told you these guys were the pro's from Dover, They miss very little.
Big apologies Vince - and you are of course a super, super moderator. Well, you are in my eyes anyway...... Johnboy
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"Well guy's there goes his hat size....:icon_cheesygrin:, He will be admiring himself in the mirror if you need him...haha"
Nice one Mr Rocky! And the $10 from Vince to post my admiration was very helpful too!!! Seriously, I wrongly described Vince, in a post reply to William, as a moderator instead of a super-duper-moderator and I wanted to put that right - largely because when I joined this Forum Vince was enormously helpful to me and I respect that. And also because he talks the talk AND walks the walk. So, credibility where it's due.........
So, get off your horse, and drink your milk! Hahaha:icon_biggrin: Johnboy
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I have never been to China yet to visit my lady but I did return in September from traveling China in which I never stayed at a hotel. I stayed with local people. I stayed with both females and males during this trip. I am going to meet my Lady for the first time in July of this year and I will be surfing a couch of one of the people I stayed with in March of last year. I do not know the laws concerning staying with local people but it never was a problem for me. Info my last trip to China I stayed for almost 8 months and traveled all over from the north west to north east and also traveled through the southern portion of the country. I came home and that is when I joined CL. Also I had never met any of the people I stayed with prior to showing up at their homes. I arranged all the living arrangements through a web site dedicated to finding places to stay while traveling. There are many Chinese willing to let you stay in their home from all over China.
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I've found many generous people in China. If you show them respect, they will do their best to help you out, even if it's just a couch or some food.
BTW, welcome Lee!
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Welcome Lee , we alway's like it ...when new Member's get right down and Post what's on there MInd , no matter what . You will have alway's someone listening or helping you . Count the Month's ... July is not that far away .
It's right during the World Cup !!:icon_cheesygrin:
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Thank you for the welcome. I am trying to mainly soak up the knowledge I can gain from the posts right now. I did not come here untill now after I read most all the post on CL first. I am starting to get a little nervous about my trip. I should say about meeting my Lady. I have a back up not sure if that is a good idea or not seems to be a little underhanded or at least insincere but even though I have already talked to most of her family on the phone and have done most of what has been suggested in forums, I know nothing is real untill I am face to face with her. We have talked about weddings and such but I have told her that is not why I am comming to see her this time. She seems to understand but then again against all odds I know that the brain can still know something and still believe something else. I guess it is just like I have already read many times on here "nothing left but go and see"
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thats the spirit Ledd357 thats all you can, do be in contact, and then go see her.
then you will know for sure from the face to face if you want to continue. i talked with one
lady a few years ago,went to see her, and that is what the downfall was. she was or has to
be the messiest person in the world. there were clothes, shoes, dishes, just about everything
you could think of all over the place. and i mean everything. so i kindly got a hotel and we had a
decent time but i cant live with someone who just throws everything around and lets it stay were it landed
just me but i wouldnt have known that if not seeing her in person and seeing how she lived.
by the way she is still available if anyone is interested. talk marriage after the first visit i think is best
just another of my 2 cents worth
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My lady asked for photos of my home, I sent a few. I sent one of the bedroom which I just finished remodeling and asked if she liked the color. She was fixing her place at that time too. She mentioned that it was neat which it always is and that she was the same. I joked that there was a pile of clothes off of the photo. In further talk it sounds like we are the same in keeping things, clean, put away,etc. But that remains to be seen yet? :icon_biggrin:
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i think most are Vince neat and clean this lady was from a very rich
family and i think she had everything done for her when she lived at home
so her place was to hard to care for by her without the servants didnt
and still dont know why mom and dad dont give her money for things like that
i guess she was pampered at home
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My lady has a few places she rents out. One place is large? It might be a townhouse? I've seen photo from google (above). She rented it out and moved to another in which she said the renters left the place unclean. She cleaned and repainted the place, white. Then I found out she has "White furniture. Everything white? She surpasses me in the clean thing. She comes back from the market and washes her hair because it was dirty there? But that's cool with me.
I was seeing a girl a while ago (american) and the first time we were together I folded up my clothes and laid them on the dresser, she just dropped her clothes to the floor and then stepped on them? I said to her you could put them here (hint hint) then she told me this is what she does. Her whole apartment has things all over the floor (with a proud smile)? I said, well guess we'll never be living together? She was gone not to long after that. She wasn't good in other places either. :icon_biggrin:
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Vince i am not a neat freak but i dont like stepping around
things just thrown all over the place so i know what you mean
with the one lady. just dont like that and makes me wonder about other areas??
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I'm not a neat freak either. I just have a routine keeping things in there place. Like if the dirty dishes are in the sink. About 9 PM they get washed and the coffee maker gets set up for the morning. Especially down here the ants are a plenty and the roaches are big and fly? Best to keep things clean.
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the roaches fly huh interesting ? here in china you
do see some enormous bugs at times must be eating
healthy here
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Falcon welcome..
What i got told when I was in Qingdao was that you DO NOT have to register with the authorities if you are living in a hotel. Only if you are living there in an apartment, that you have the deeds for.
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thats the way it is in china if you are in a hotel
you dont have to register but i advise carrying passport
incase they want to look at it
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Vince, if a lady I am with drops her clothes in front of me, I don't care if she does the hat dance on them, thats the last thing on my mind....:icon_cheesygrin:
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:icon_cheesygrin: Rocky I didn't say I minded I just know she wasn't something permanent. If anything she can have her place and I have mine. I wasn't going to be the maid? It was an afternoon delight...twice a week.
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thats what i did i was ready if i choose to do so but i wanted
the clear understanding that it was a visit for the month to get
to know each other
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I am several days late, but welcome falcon to the forum.:blush
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Falcon,
maybe i missed reading it but what part of china will u be going to?
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the lady is in Zhuhai. i am getting antsy as i have never had direct contact so my thought is to press for it a little harder.
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yes i agree if all you have been doing is emf's. try to set up
some web cam meetings before you go. i am sure she can do that
and if she is worried about the english tell her well my chinese is bad
so we can stumble along but we have to deal with it anyway so why not now?
and zhuhai is a nice place
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thanks, my previous requests have not seemed to get to her, she answers all my other queries so I asked again. I am looking forward to Zhuhai
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have fun in Zhuhai hope all works out fine for you
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Hello everyone, here is the latest on my great romance. After three months EMF's and a couple of requests for direct contact that were never addressed this last post I asked again very clearly for contact. She has always answered all my questions except that one as if she never hears it, which is probably true. This last letter I was very plain and there was nothing in her letter back about it, the only thing different in fact was she was a little more explicit about being intimate than she ever was. What are your thoughts, should I write the agency?
p. s. - she also assured me the agency would be open during new years so we could still keep in touch.
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this is an interesting dillema to have Falcon only you
can decide what you have to do on this.
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this seems to happen a lot here and i hope i am not taking up space moaning and groaning about it but it leaves you with a bad taste. i think i am going to move away from this situation as there are other websites that seems to be user friendly, thanks
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Hello and welcome, but I think you joined before I did. :icon_biggrin:I think that you should ease into direct contact. I have just asked my lady for an email sent in chinese. I want it to experiment with translation software. She seemed to think I wanted to switch to emails. I want to continue the EMF's. When starting a relationship I would not want to screw it up because of a misunderstanding due to translation. I think that the ladies are dead terrified of the same thing, screwing it up because of a misunderstanding due to translation.
Dave C
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You have to build a trust not only with the lady but with the agency/translator as well. I've written this before. When I got my ladies phone number I said we will still use EMF and we do. Same for the address, just to send a gift. Email, same reason as phone. I showed the translator we weren't leaving them behind and I get the real info anytime I ask now.
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Which agency do you deal with Vince? Sometimes depending on agency
maybe it is best to get away from the translator? just a thought
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Shenyang Golden Olive Consultancy Corporation Limited Agency ID: P612
I've had no problems with them at all. Kenny also has the same and the same translator. She's good.
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Falcon, welcome to the forum. First off, how old are you and how old is the lady you are writing to? has she been married and divorced? The offer to have you stay with her and then no direct contact or everyday type photos give me a red flag anyway. If you can give us more info, i think we can better answer your questions. I, too have stayed in China four times now and have never registered with the police. Maybe I was lucky, But on the entrance card, I just put a hotel name and that is the end of it. Now if i were going to a smaller city, I would probably do it just to be safe. I have been married for 6 months now to a wonderful woman. The road is sometimes not easy and is a long one. You must be committed before you even do this. if not, you are just spinning your wheels. But if you stick with it you can end up with a woman who will make you feel like a king and make you the happiest man on earth.
My biggest suggestion is to read, read and read on this forum. I think almost every question that can be asked has been answered here. But, if you cant find your answer just ask. There are many guys here that will gladly help you. you cant lose by being here. However, the bottom line is it is your decision to make. Good luck in your quest.
Jim
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Hi Falcon,
It was me that was answering the door to the Police. That was in Zhuhai ny the way. They came iun a took a long time with my 'visitor' going through all my papers as well as hers.
I had to repoprt to the police station the next day then went off to the PSB.
If you are meeting with a women in Zhuhai then maybe I should PM you especially if you are using agency P368 in Zhuihai they were the source of such much pleasure for me!!!! That was in the months I stayed there.
Zhuhai is a great place and very easy to get to from Hong Kong by ferry. Ferry goes straight from the airport and the immigrations and customs at Zhuhai are a doddle.
Willy
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Dave - I agree about easing into direct contact. My very first experience on here was with a lady that gave me all her personal information at the very start so we started communicating privately with translation software. We were simply not able to communicate effectively and my suggestion was to still use EMF's, something she for some reason did not want. Needless to say it did not work out. What I am trying to avoid is the situation Andy mentioned in another thread about making the trip and finding out yes indeed there was a lady but without the personality he imagined her to have. I have sent the agency a message and it is being addressed, hopefully.
JimB - Thanks for the information. I will be 60 in just a few months and the lady is 40. I have no trepidation whatsoever about that. The time for the trip is getting closer and before I commit time and money to it I want to feel more secure about her. I as well consider it a red flag that she would accept me into her home and just know me through EMF's so I am on at least orange alert about this. I very much feel affection for this lady and so want it to work.
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Falcon,
the ladies are very much like that. if they like and trust you they would invite you to their
home but keep in mind that they are not talking about you know what. they just like to care
for the man they like and want to cook and talk with you and see what will happen. so i
wouldnt think that it is like a western woman inregard to having you sleep over at their house.
the chinese ladies are a lot different i would go and see what develops you never know she
might just be the one. if anything you will gain insight to china and make a valuable freind as i
have stayed freinds with several ladies i met over the years even though we didnt work out
together
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Ted - Sounds like sage advice, thank you. I see this as a process that working out my misgivings is simply part of and that I am at the start of this very grand adventure, exciting
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Falcon,
trust me this is a wonderful adventure that your about to embark on. i have been
coming to china for 8 years now and i now live here. hell i was even used at one time
for just an immigration visa but i didnt give up as when you do find the right lady
there really is no comparison to others when she is from china. just my thoughts
any other members agree??
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falcon,
Why on earth would you take being invited/excepted into her home as a ''Red Flag????
Your seeing too much into things, take it from me, ...if she didn't trust you sufficiently you wouldn't be invited to stay at her home...FULL STOP!! So basically your throwing her trust in you, straight back at her..
I suppose you would also think that being accepted into her bed, is also a Red Flag??
You don't seem to give these Chinese ladies much credit for there love and trust in you. You seem to be able to see Reg Flags and Scams around every corner...
Your coming on to 60 yrs old, I suggest you use the life experience and common sense you have gained over the years, by waiting till you meet her face to face before you start to judge her. You may very well be more than surprised by what you find!!! There's never any guarantee's in life, but there is also no need to cut a real chance of being happy out the window either. So don't screw up, thinking the worst until you know for sure.
Remember you may not have been the first Westerner that she has corresponded with, and they or he may have let her down badly. But she is still showing you trust enough inviting you to her home. Sort out the other things when you get there... they will in all likelihood fall neatly into place. She wants to see and be sure your Real and not just another waste of time and space!!
David
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David - I appreciate your thoughts. I am honored to having gained her trust to be invited to her home, I simply want to communicate with her in a fashion other than EMF's a few times to get a sense of her without the translator as a go between. I think this forum is a very good thing and I am here to find out about this, I might be thinking out loud and do hope I am not wasting anyones time, these are questions that come up.
Thank you!!!
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I am sure that if you have read a lot of the posts here you will be aware that this "direct communication" is probably the most talked about item of all.
Almost every Bro hit this wall at some time or other and it seems that there is no 100% answer to it.
Some Agencies will hold you out until they think they have squeezed enough EMF's out of you and to hold out much longer will drive you away completely.
Some Ladies are very cautious about getting to the personal communication stage because they have been jerked around by less scrupulous Men in the past.
Some Ladies are embarrassed about their lack of English and dont want to appear stupid in front of you.
Some Ladies live too far from the Agency to make "popping in for a web-cam session" very difficult.
Some Ladies dont have a home computer so they have to rely on Agencies or web-cafes which make them uncomfortable.
Some Ladies dont want direct communication because they know their CHNLove photos are not real or accurate !!!! They hope that a face-to-face meeting will prove that they are nice people and the photos dont really matter (ask Voicoverip !!!!!!!!!!!)
I wont go on much more, but I am sure you can see that there are so many variables in this equation it is truly bewildering.
If you truly feel you have good vibes with your Lady, then persist with trying to get personal communication.
If she or the Agency wont play ball...then either make plans to go and visit her and find out the real truth............or move on to another Lady.!!
Either way, dont lose sight of the fact that she is just as concerned about your intentions as you are about hers or the Agency's
DavidE
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DavidE - So many points I had never considered. She is the sweetest most relaxed people I have ever met and we fit well. I have never considered things from her point of view, everything you say makes very good sense, I feel almost selfish, thanks
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Falcon, You hit the nail on the head, consider things from her point of view. When you hear there side of the story you realize what they go through. I got lucky with mine. I was the first to contact her as soon as the profile went up? But there was a few before that told me all about what's going on behind the monitor. It's not easy for them either. Guys disappear? Say they're coming to meet and never show up? Agency pushing for money. And then being called liars because they don't have a computer?
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OK Falcon...dont feel selfish about it, we all had to try to learn how to look at this whole situation with fresh eyes and try not to jump to irrational conclusions.
It is a great big learning curve and that is why it is good to have many Bros here to bounce ideas and problems off. You will always get answers here...some you might not like, but always with good intent
I am sure that many Bros (me included) have walked away from a good lady because we could not see the situation through her eyes.
I am also sure that advice given here has prevented many Bros from getting scammed !!!!!
This is why you must learn and obey the Maxx 24 hour rule................
It is the only rule about searching for a Chinese wife that works 100% of the time.
keep going with your Lady, let time show you what is really going on with her. When you realise that she is not sincere or serious.....dont hesitate to cut your losses and move on. But before you do that, dont chuck the baby out with the bath-water :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
David
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Falcon, Hi and welcome. As help for myself I print out the letter my lady sends me and reread it several times before I answer. The tone(?) of the letter changes with the mood I'm in. If my daughters are fighting over clothes in the background the letter has a negative feel to it. So I started to print them out and then when I get 5 minutes of quiet time I reread the letter. I would get a whole new insight into her feelings behind the letter. I would usually reread it a couple times before I would answer. This is what I found helps me get a feel for how she was feeling when she wrote to me.
Dave C
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Now that I understand her age, I think it makes a difference. Usually women over 40 are more traditional than the ones around 30 and under. You and I are about he same age as are your girl and my wife. I am 58 and my wife is 42. Of course every woman is different and also the same. My wife is traditional, she would have never invited me into her home until she knew and trusted me. We never were even intimate until we were engaged, there was nothing at all until her brother (The oldest male in the family) approved of me. We went to Xi'an and got separate rooms for the trip until while there we decided to get married. Maybe she is more modern than her age suggests. I am not saying to turn her down or call it off because of it, just beware. Yes, I see caution signs here, 1. No real world pictures, 2. No web cam sessions or QQ or regular E mails, 3. She invites you into her home without meeting you or talking to you. In any case I agree with the others here that she is probably not asking you into her bed. But if she is concerned about her English skills over the internet how does she feel so comfortable with communication while you are staying there with her? Anyway I would at least go with a phone number or directions to a hotel in the area just in case it doesnt work out. But even if it doesnt you have this resource to fall back on so you will have a good time. And do not forget your translation device. If you dont have one, get one. Unless you speak Mandarin. My wife and I still use hers for complicated issues.
I got very very lucky to have found my wife even though the agency was trying to scam me. In the months I thought we were communicating, she only received or sent about 4 of all the EMF's. No real world pics, no webcam sessions or even a phone call. She(translator) had all of the usual excuses.
Gina hardly knew me. (I found out all of this later). She was almost forced into meeting me by the agency as i had told them I would turn them in to some Chinese political people i had met in the USA while they were there on business. She did not look a lot like her profile pictures and if it hadnt been for her hair style I dont think I would have recognized her. She is beautiful to me anyway. The translator even had her father alive when he wasnt.
One final suggestion, go back and read as many of the threads on Chinese customs as you can. Go prepared.
And if you have ED, take your blue pills with you. LOL We had a man here on the website that had had, I think prostrate cancer , that left him with Erectile Dysfunction and he could not perform without his Viagra. He went to China to marry this girl but intentionally left his pills home so she would know he loved her and not just wanting sex. It wasnt until their honeymoon that he told her about this. She divorced him that week.
They are not as "enlightened" as the West is about these things.
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Dave C - I never thought about printing the letters out but like the idea, especially removing oneself from the everyday world to digest it and let it settle in. Maxx's 24 hour rule is a good lesson for things in general.
JimB - Thanks for all the information. The lady I am speaking of has her mother left as her father has passed and is an only child. She has mentioned me to her, a very good sign from what I understand. I have contacted the agency and customer service and the wheels seem to be in motion for some kind of contact. A translation device sounds very necessary and the address of a hotel essential.
As far as the blue pills they are indeed my friend. As it is said "never leave home without them". The miracle of science! And I am finding out their use is not restricted to a certain age group as they are even popular with 20 somethings.
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JimB,
Why do you say that being invited to stay at the ladies house should be treated with caution??
I know what you say here and understand that your wife is traditional, but there are many good ladies out there, where that wouldn't be a problem for them, especially if through these EMF's she finds that she can trust him (Falcon). It really doesn't matter if she will invite him to her bed or not, at the very least he will have a unique opportunity in knowing her far more intimately than staying at a Hotel and having to make daily arrangements for meeting her.
As i said, not all women over 40 are as traditional as your good wife, but it doesn't make them any the less a good honest and loving woman. Over my years in China, i actually came accross more women over 40 like this, than those that were as traditional as your wife. If they trust you, (for what ever reason) then they are prepared to take that chance with you. So, i think there is a very good chance that Falcon, has in some way through his EMF's with her shown her, that he is a man to be trusted.
Let him find out for himself, he seems very keen on this lady. If it doesn't go as he planned or hoped then he can move out of her home to a hotel anytime he likes...... All the other stuff can be sorted out while he's there. Who's knows what's going on, it could be all down to the translator, or the lady not having any experience with computers, or just being nervous of saying something wrong and fearing he will change his mind about coming to visit her.... So many factors to take account of, but all can be sorted when face to face in a real time environment....
David.....
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the little blue pills are sold here 5 for 99 rmb they have signs on the doors of every drug store here in gz
so all you have to do is walk in and buy them. but get here before willy buys them all out and you have to wait for the new
stock comes in hahahaha
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well i wrote to the agency and to chnlov customer service and then to her and she sent her email address, i am so excited about that. I know communication is tenuous at best from there translation sites and EMF's still most important, can you all recommend a good translation site. I know mdbg and google.......
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well i wrote to the agency and to chnlov customer service and then to her and she sent her email address, i am so excited about that. I know communication is tenuous at best from there translation sites and EMF's still most important, can you all recommend a good translation site. I know mdbg and google.......
Falcon,
I'm finding google translate to be working best for me so far. There are threads in this forum to install chinese characters on your computer. I don't know if you have them in yet. I also have Babylon8 but I'm not too impressed with it yet, $10/month and I will stop if I don't like it. If I do find it more accurate or easier to use I will buy the program. I figured that a month or two should be enough to see if I like the program. I just have to get the letters from her personally now. (working on that)
Just curious here, your avatar, did you take the picture out the window? What are you driving?
Dave C
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Dave, thanks for the info.
As far as the avatar I was driving a rental truck from Texas to D. C. and snapped that somewhere in Alabama, the first picture on my snazzy new phone.
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I was unaware of the law you all have been discussing. I filed a form at customs telling them my whereabouts for my trips. I also registered at the U.S Embassy for my safety. Other than that it seemed like no big deal that I stay at Xu Le's parents place, in fact all the neighbors came over to meet me.
Welcome here William.
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thanks Josh, it sounds like quite the good idea to register at the embassy. if you have never been, as in my case, and you hear about human rights violations in the media here it makes one proceed with caution.
after reading the posts from the brothers here i have largely lost my hesitation about that aspect of it and hopefully will charge into the unknown in a few months.
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These guys have been great helping me with my first trip. So I feel honored in helping out a new brother anyway possible. So where are you headed?
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I am going to Zhuhai hopefully in May or there abouts, have good things about it. Where have you been?
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the registering with the local police station is a good idea because it
will prevent you from recieving a fine from the police. thats the only
good reason to do it. for the most part no one bothers you and yes
most will want to meet or at least chat with you at times because they
are curious and would like to try some english. some will chat with you in
chinese and your speaking english and after a few minutes they will say
bye bye and smile at you. neither of you know what each other said but
you can tell by the smiles and body language they are being freindly and
curious.
Falcon--- as far as being hesitant about coming here there is no reason to
be. your not going to be bothered and the only way anything bad
will happen with the police is if you break their laws and do something
really stupid. you just have to watch out for being charged to much
for things in the store, and of course there is the staring at you at
some of the smaller cities. here in Guangzhou i dont see that happen
very much unless it is a person from the countryside. most of the city
citizens dont do that
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Falcon,
Willy is the one that knows about Zhuhai, and the chances are, ...he probably knows your lady too...haahaa!!, just kidding ya!! So anything your curious about, ask him through the PM system, if he can help he will....
As Ted has told you, nothing to be worried about visiting China. Most of the detrimental stuff that is written about it, has been written by those that have never stepped a foot in China!!!
I would go as far as, when talking about personal safety your probably safer in China, than you are being in the States.....
In all the years i lived and worked in China, i never once registered with a UK embassy or consulate. Maybe because i know from experience in other countries our UK embassy's are the next best thing to being totally useless, and quite honestly don't want to know anything about you. There there for business and more importantly looking after themselves!! .....Sad, ... but very true!!!
David....
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I am going to Zhuhai hopefully in May or there abouts, have good things about it. Where have you been?
I went to Beijing and Baoding. Enjoy your trip!
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Nice post Ted, I'll be taking your advice later on this summer perhaps, but I'm just going for a visit with a friend, and won't forget your
words of advice. How about a beer when I get there?
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Rockycoon,
looking forward to it, so you will be coming to GZ? I know of 3 ladies here that are
looking so maybe i can introduce you to one of them??
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Hello everyone, i just wanted to go over what is happening with me on chnlove. I met this woman, she is lovely as well as alluring and has a good sense of humor from what I can tell. I stopped writing anyone else and we made plans for me to visit and are madly in love with one another. I wanted to know if she was real or I was communicating with a translator so after some doing I got her email address and we use translation software to send simple messages to one another. Even in the EMF's she would never communicate a lot, they were always brief and never contained anything about her everyday life, like what happened at work or her bicycle has a flat or it rained all day, nothing at all like that. I keep trying to draw it out her through my letters but to no avail so I am mildly frustrated at this point. I guess will continue to draw her out for awhile more, try to get her to video chat or instant message or something to get her in real time. What do you all think?
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its a good approach that requires patience lots of it :icon_cheesygrin: