China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: trwme on March 11, 2010, 09:01:39 pm
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Hi guys,
I need a little quick advice about something Xin wrote to me, before I try to answer it, lol.
She wrote: My darling, I have just sent my friend back home, she came to my home for dinner, we went to the super market and bought a lot of delicious food. I made four dishes for us. My dear, I wish you were here, haha.. My dear, if you were here, who would be the guest, who will be the host? haha... Do you want to be a guest or do you prefer to be a host?:-)
Ummm...I am trying to figure out is if the italicized portion above this has some meaning I am missing? Culturally, or otherwise? We've been talking about my visit when it comes.
Edited to add: The part she wrote after this was kind of suggestive, ahem. So I am wondering if she is offering to stay with me at the motel when I come? Or is there some chinese cultural thing I am not aware of with the guest/host thing.
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being the host i think she means that the 2 of you are together
and will be the hosts to people who come to dinner. if your the
guest then you are just a freind who comes over for eating and talking:icon_cheesygrin:
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She certainly wants you to take charge when you are there.
Willy
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There is an anecdote in Chinese history about exchanging places between the 2, but your safest and wittiest answer is :
"I shall come as a guest, and stay as a host"
She can of course be your "guest" in your hotel room, looool :icon_cheesygrin:
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There is an anecdote in Chinese history about exchanging places between the 2, but your safest and wittiest answer is :
"I shall come as a guest, and stay as a host"
She can of course be your "guest" in your hotel room, looool :icon_cheesygrin:
lol....well, I metioned what she wrote right after the bit I quoted, and she was definitely sending a message there. Without quoting it verbatim, she basically mentioned her friend and her had gone for a walk, and she worried people might think that was strange for two women to walk together, but that I shouldn't worry she wasn't like that, and I'd know that when I came to see her.
this is what I've written (but not yet sent, lol) in response;
Should I prefer to be the guest or the host? Well, the guest does get a delicious meal made by my sweet Raina...and the guest does get a nice walk. But then, the guest gets sent home! Perhaps I will come as a guest and stay as the host? (smile) If I were the host, I think my guest, if my guest were you, I would not be so hasty to send her home, unless she wished to be sent home. But then, perhaps if I were the host, and we were together, we could both be the host (smile). And then we could host your friends as guests, and then send them along their way when the evening was done. So in the end I think I prefer to end as the host!
Haven't sent it yet. Kinda incorporated what everyone said here so far, lol.
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Haha ... Roy , I copied it and send it already to my Lady :icon_cheesygrin: Thanks !
If the Translators Tongue doesn't get twisted ... you'll be good to go !
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Haha ... Roy , I copied it and send it already to my Lady :icon_cheesygrin: Thanks !
If the Translators Tongue doesn't get twisted ... you'll be good to go !
lol....well, I reworded a couple of things slightly with the translator in mind, so hopefully it will come out the right way! the more I read the full context of what she said, I am thinking she is asking to stay with me at the hotel...I did ask her previously if she could help me arrange the hotel to stay at while I am there, close by her home if possible.....
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Haha ... and the rest is history !
He came, he saw, he conquered....
or was it the other way round?
Ave Roy ! I think your empire will be wider than Caesar's - his only spanned Gaul to Egypt, hehe
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Maybe she just wants to know if you want to sit next to her or not!!
The host will sit facing the door and the co host will sit opposite him. Guest number 1 will sit on the right hand side of the host and guest number 2 on the left hand side. And so on around the table.
Willy
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good analogy Willy but i dont think she was asking seating arrangements
Roy go with what you wrote it is good:icon_cheesygrin:
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Well, I took a few of the commas out, and sent it, so it's sign sealed and delivered by now! Willy, I sure hope she wasn't talking seating arrangements:s
As long as she and Arnold's lady aren't friends anyway, I hopefully will get a good response!:icon_cool:
And 007....I am the next Mark Anthony??:blush:
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Well, I took a few of the commas out, and sent it, so it's sign sealed and delivered by now! Willy, I sure hope she wasn't talking seating arrangements:s
As long as she and Arnold's lady aren't friends anyway, I hopefully will get a good response!:icon_cool:
And 007....I am the next Mark Anthony??:blush:
I was talking culture not seating arrangement. The seating plan was secomdary to what i was saying. By asking if you wanted to be host or guest she was asking if you wanted to sit next to her or facing her.
Willy
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Roy,
keep us informed as to what she said about that
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Well, I took a few of the commas out, and sent it, so it's sign sealed and delivered by now! Willy, I sure hope she wasn't talking seating arrangements:s
As long as she and Arnold's lady aren't friends anyway, I hopefully will get a good response!:icon_cool:
And 007....I am the next Mark Anthony??:blush:
There is no historical equivalent.... Mark A really wimped out in the end, he got totally ruined by that woman... you don't wanna go doin that, ya hear?
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Roy,
keep us informed as to what she said about that
I'll do that Ted. The reply should be later this evening, if she stays on our usual schedule of events!
And 007....I am the next Mark Anthony??:blush:
There is no historical equivalent.... Mark A really wimped out in the end, he got totally ruined by that woman... you don't wanna go doin that, ya hear?
lol, nooooooooooo...don't wanna go there!
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lol...she didn't bite.....
My dear, haha.. you are a wise man to choose to be a host. So if you would like to be a host, I would give you this permission. But you should promise me that you would be a good host and treat my friends very well. haha.. Will you give me this promise?
....or maybe she did bite? Or maybe I bit off more than I can chew?? lol
Women!:icon_confused:
rotflm*o
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lol...she didn't bite.....
My dear, haha.. you are a wise man to choose to be a host. So if you would like to be a host, I would give you this permission. But you should promise me that you would be a good host and treat my friends very well. haha.. Will you give me this promise?
....or maybe she did bite? Or maybe I bit off more than I can chew?? lol
Women!:icon_confused:
rotflm*o
What on Earth does she have in mind when asking you to make special sure to treat her friends well !!!:huh::huh:...the mind boggles....
Ps...When you bite off more than you can chew.....chew like hell :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
David
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this is interesting lets see where this leads lol
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lol...she didn't bite.....
My dear, haha.. you are a wise man to choose to be a host. So if you would like to be a host, I would give you this permission. But you should promise me that you would be a good host and treat my friends very well. haha.. Will you give me this promise?
....or maybe she did bite? Or maybe I bit off more than I can chew?? lol
Women!:icon_confused:
rotflm*o
What on Earth does she have in mind when asking you to make special sure to treat her friends well !!!:huh::huh:...the mind boggles....
Ps...When you bite off more than you can chew.....chew like hell :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
David
Yeah, it kinda leave me scratching my head.
Wondering if I a.) need to borrow the brotherhood's collective bank account or b.) borrow the brotherhood's collective supply of viagra?
Maybe I'll ask her what sort of treatment her friends need to be completely satisfied?
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Roy,
what city is she from? i dont have a supply of viagra you need to see Willy on that.
im still a young puppy lol but i can show up to give you a hand as long as my wife doesnt know
hahahahhaah yea that would get me in trouble
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lol, she's from Wuhan, Ted. What happens in Wuhan stays in Wuhan?
007, when you read this, have you been over there spreading the word or somethin'? Seems my reputation preceeds me, lol. (inside joke between 007 and me)
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or b.) borrow the brotherhood's collective supply of viagra?
Or b.) you can buy it here in Changsha! :icon_cheesygrin:
[attachment=1837]
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or b.) borrow the brotherhood's collective supply of viagra?
Or b.) you can buy it here in Changsha! :icon_cheesygrin:
lol....with the P216 agency there, in theory that's a prime marketing spot.....
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Dude,
they have the same signs all over Guangzhou but for 99rmb on all the doors
walking into the drug stores.
also have many ads for the male hospital of Guangzhou which one sign i
thought was funny and it was in chinese and english
" dont be have problem get fixed"
male hospital of Guangzhou
as good as the bus anouncement
" please exit the rear door and dont get stuck"
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lol....with the P216 agency there, in theory that's a prime marketing spot.....
Yes...unfortunately the agency isn't a good one and P218 agency is equally as bad! This creates a problem for the women that sign up with these agencies. The translators from both agencies fill emf's full of romance from some cheap novels they read and don't understand that they could be breaking somebodies heart(many lonely men out there)!
Most of the women that sign up with these agencies are good women(unlike Wuhan...where the agency is decent and many of the women are bad!).
Funny I read much what people write about P216/women and most write from heresay...never coming here to experience whats going on! The 20 something age group from any agency is where most will have problems with...especially guys that are 10 years or older than woman. Most haven't been married and most of their parents would prefer them marrying Chinese man! On the other hand we can encounter the problem with woman not being interested in you and agency/translator luring you in. You come here and woman isn't available. They will then proceed to hook you up with another....I will say the women signing up with p216 are much better than women signing up with p509(Wuhan). Somebody over in Wuhan is teaching women to sign up and lure men in for money/visas...kind of sad and pathetic! I will not say 100% of any of this is completely true but often is the case!
Being lonely and naive doesn't help most men...they become infatuated with great romantic novel'ed emf's and infatuation sets in! This isn't always the case but often is! Some of us here say: Keep eyes wide open and be prepared if things don't go the way the infatuation/anticipation wants it to.
I have met two men in the past week, here in Changsha, that were writing women from both agencies p216 and p218...both were told lies! NOT BY THE WOMEN BUT BY TRANSLATORS...these women here are good and honest...so if somebody is going to put down p216, they are also putting down many good women that are looking for love! I've and others here have suggested...GET DIRECT CONTACT WITH LADY(WEBCAM) BEFORE COMING HERE!!!...even then nothing is guaranteed!
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....I will say the women signing up with p216 are much better than women signing up with p509(Wuhan). Somebody over in Wuhan is teaching women to sign up and lure men in for money/visas...kind of sad and pathetic! I will not say 100% of any of this is completely true but often is the case!
Now that's interesting. Care to elaborate and share any evidence you have about this?
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I wonder if the dude has a big butt:dodgy:
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I wonder if the dude has a big butt:dodgy:
LOL...the answer is YES!:icon_cheesygrin:[/u]
Roy,
I will not say all are bad there and if your communicating with a lady there, I wish you the best! I've been thru the chats with a lady from Wuhan and boy did she win my heart over, before I visited Wuhan, then played stupid games later! There are a few others that I know that have had problems with ladies there too! I also know a lady, from Wuhan, that married a man from Cali and she doesn't know the meaning of being monogamous! The population there is very large and there are good ladies there...just need to be careful not to fall for any games/traps! I've never been to Shanghai but what people say about Shanghai is often happening in Wuhan and many foreigners visit Wuhan. I've met the boss and her assistant at agency P509 and they are great ladies! The agency is very small and maybe about 6 to 8 translators working there. I stayed at the Sentosa hotel there and it's walking distance from agency!
I guess you can say I have a little experience there, so this is the base of my elaboration!:dodgy:
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Well, it seems to me that you can say the same things about women from other areas of China, including Changsha, from what I've read here. But I tend to keep my eyes open, so I'll continue to do so. There aren't any guarantees in life, and certainly not in love either. Until you meet, you just won't know for sure, no matter how it seems over the net or the phone-this is something I'm well aware of from past experiences elsewhere, and which I am keeping in mind here also.
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Ok, here is the answer you wanted...
The guest - gets served
The host - serves the guests
Perhaps she is expecting that shirtless model guy "fabio", to serve her and "all" her girlfriends....good luck with that one...hahaha
:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Roy,
this is good your keeping an open mind! If you come to Wuhan and things don't pan out, just hit the agency up and they have plenty of beautfiul women waiting to meet a good man! Also there are great night clubs there too! I'm curious are you doing all your communication by EMF's or email's or how? You may have posted your situation on another thread and I just haven't seen...I'm just curious.....
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She is just joking with you and making fun of you. Actually she wants you to be the host, which means that she wants you to be her boyfriend/husband. If you are the host, you two will be a couple. If you are the guest, you two are just friends. There is nothing to do with who would pay for the meal as it is a meal cooked at home and not expensive.
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Roy,
this is good your keeping an open mind! If you come to Wuhan and things don't pan out, just hit the agency up and they have plenty of beautfiul women waiting to meet a good man! Also there are great night clubs there too! I'm curious are you doing all your communication by EMF's or email's or how? You may have posted your situation on another thread and I just haven't seen...I'm just curious.....
Hi dude,
We talk on the phone once a week, and the rest are emf's for now. I bought a boatload of credits at the beginning because I was writing to several women at once, and then when it became clear to me who I was most drawn to, I ended the other contacts and have been using up the remaining credits with Xin, since there are no rebates and you lose them after 3 months anyway, as I understand it. I developed a bit of a side conversation with our translator at the beginning, and I looked at the responses I was getting from Xin from all angles, and I'm pretty confident Cecily (our translator) is doing an honest job for us. Xin tells me that usually (although not always) she goes to the agency to have her response (which she says she writes out beforehand) translated and sent to me. She gets my letters read to her over the phone, word for word she says, and writes them down-which I tend to believe, because there is nothing ever left out or unresponded to, and we have certain back and forth things that are ongoing. Stuff from two or three emfs before will be mentioned (or used to tease me, lol) later on in another emf. However long my letters are, hers match it-and on more than one occasion I've bumped right up against the 6,000 character limit.
I didn't have to resort to any threats or ultimatums to get her phone#. I just suggested in one emf that we needed to get some more direct contact going soon, and in the very next letter she sent her phone #. I still have about 20 credits left, and pretty soon I'm going to push for some other contact besides emfs, so I don't have to buy more credits. We'll see how that goes, when the time comes. That money will be better used to go towards going there to meet.
She is just joking with you and making fun of you. Actually she wants you to be the host, which means that she wants you to be her boyfriend/husband. If you are the host, you two will be a couple. If you are the guest, you two are just friends. There is nothing to do with who would pay for the meal as it is a meal cooked at home and not expensive.
That fits. She was very pleased I chose to be a host instead of a guest, and she is ALWAYS teasing me about something! lol.
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Alright, approaching a moment of truth phase with Xin. I've started urging her that we should get off the emfs. When I eliminated everyone else but her, i had a ton of credits left, so I've been burning them up with her, but they are about gone-have about a weeks worth left at the rate we use them (2 a day). so I've asked for private email/QQ, yahoo, or msn im to go along with our phone convos. She's not completely resisting it, but she is hestitant, saying she wants to find someone to help her on her end with the translation-she doesn't trust the translation software she says, she's worried it won't translate things accurately and that will lead to misunderstandings and problems. She hasn't said 'we have to stay on the agency/emf program'.....but......
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I am now a bit hesitant about leaving EMFs completely. That was a gigantic mistake in my relationship.
An honest agency will dump a lady who is trying to scam you. Keep them in the loop, even if you only send one EMF a week.
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I agree that translation software can easily lead to misunderstandings and problems, that you should keep EMF's (such as they are) as they are your established means of communication. I had a major problem with this early on.
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Roy,
the problems only become problems if you let it become. yes there will be
things you dont understand but just ask each other to explain it.
you know--- i dont understand please explain--- you will find i think that
you do come closer faster when you use this approach. the ones that dont
work i think are from lack of PATIENCE and UNDERSTANDING so go for it as
you know eventually you have to tackle it anyway so why not now rather
than later. just my suggestion
Ted
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Roy,
the problems only become problems if you let it become. yes there will be
things you dont understand but just ask each other to explain it.
you know--- i dont understand please explain--- you will find i think that
you do come closer faster when you use this approach. the ones that dont
work i think are from lack of PATIENCE and UNDERSTANDING so go for it as
you know eventually you have to tackle it anyway so why not now rather
than later. just my suggestion
Ted
Well, I've given her the chance to decide how she wants to do it....even if it is through her agency email to begin with, for now. I can't see spending $200+ a month on emfs, since it is going to be several months before I can go there. There are better uses for that money, and the agency is going to get their payday in the end anyway if it works out, so they do not really need it. I'm trying to get this up to more direct, immediate communication-im and webcam-eventually. The phone convos are wonderful, but right now they are basically teaching each other our languages.
She is just joking with you and making fun of you. Actually she wants you to be the host, which means that she wants you to be her boyfriend/husband. If you are the host, you two will be a couple. If you are the guest, you two are just friends. There is nothing to do with who would pay for the meal as it is a meal cooked at home and not expensive.
Yeah, you were right Zhuzhu-a couple of emfs later she came at this again in a different way. I'd written her a little poem, and she said she'd written it in her diary and was going to show it to all her friends when I became a famous guitar player, and then she'd tell them I was her boyfriend-and asked me what I thought? I've finally come to realize how she goes about trying to find out stuff from me in a roundabout, indirect manner, lol. I told her that, well, if she was going to wait until I was famous to call me her boyfriend, she'd be waiting a loooong time-but that I was pretty well known for it in the area where I live, was that famous enough for her?
She jumped right on it, lol. I'm not sure if she was looking for my permission to call me her bf, or for confirmation from me that I felt the same way, but we are now officially bf/gf in her eyes.
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it is great to hear her voice though right Roy? and the
bf/gf role is kind of a cute thing as i remember when that
happened and i thought to myself that this hasnt happened
since high school which i thought was cute
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it is great to hear her voice though right Roy? and the
bf/gf role is kind of a cute thing as i remember when that
happened and i thought to myself that this hasnt happened
since high school which i thought was cute
Yes, it is wonderful to hear her voice. Especially this last call, she sang a couple of songs to me, lol, one chinese and a couple in english. Of course, she then wanted me to sing to her! Yeah, the whole bf/gf thing is cute, and she is a very romantic woman.
A couple of weeks ago I told her I was running out of credits for the emfs, and suggested we get beyond using the agency and get to im/webcam/voice chat or private email-even if it was the agency email. She said she'd have to find a translator, which kinda makes me wonder. I wrote back and said I didn't want her to have to spend any money for translation services, that I'd go ahead and get some more credits-and she told me NOT to buy any more credits, she'd find a translator this weekend and write me at my private email address, she wanted to help me save money. She says she doesn't have a computer, but she's saving up for one. I dunno, this has all kinda sent some mixed signals.
I really am not sure why she has to find a translator if she is going to use the agency controlled email, which everyone here says all the ladies have. With the first woman I wrote at chnlove, it was all done through personal email with the agency translator doing the translations-or so she told me. I do know Xin's best friend married a westerner and lives in Nevada now, so I am wondering if she is going to ask her to help maybe.
If she doesn't have a computer, is she using an internet cafe? She hasn't answered that. I've suggested the webcam/video chat thing a few times, and she's never responded to that. This stuff doesn't add up-unless there is agency interference going on here of some sort. And as I say, we do talk on the phone once a week right now, for over an hour usually, and we teach each other our languages (plus now we sing to each other, lol) so that tells me she is interested still. She never blows me off or gives me an excuse why she has to go, I am always the one who has the end the call.
So right now I am waiting to her from her in my personal email. I still have a few credits left to write her if I don't hear from her reasonably soon, plus I have her phone #, and I can get some more credits with no problem.
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Roy,
Even if the communication through email is through the agency it is better than EMF and is a step toward getting away from the agency. If the two of you decide to use the software translator then you both need to understand that the translations will quite often be incorrect. I like watching Peggy as the translates. The faces she makes. I laugh a lot. So does she. It took an agreement between us. If we are about to say something that is not going to be easy then with either say This is difficult but... or I am unhappy because... We discovered this after many arguments. It works well. If we receive a bad message without this beginning we assume everything as positive.
We also have the webcam on and can hear the reaction to the translation. She will say, huh, no, no, no, OK, chuckle. If I do not that sequence then I say What is wrong. It is working every time.
Shaun
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Hi Shaun,
When she says she is looking for a translator, she means a human translator-she's told me she is afraid of the translation software making mistakes and causing problems.
I haven't been able to coax her to the im/video chat yet. I'm set up to do video/audio so we wouldn't need a translator at all-as long as she can have the same video/audio capability on her end. I'm trying to remain patient. One step at a time. I got her phone #, we've been talking there weekly. When I got her phone number I had suggested several ways we could get more direct communication, and she chose phone. Same here, she decided on personal email. So I'm basically letting her decide what she is comfortable doing as we go along and expand our contact. I guess the webcam will be the last thing, sigh.