China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: ttwjr32 on May 04, 2010, 12:12:59 pm
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is it just me or have others noticed that it has gotten pretty
flat and boring here lately. seems like there arent to many posts
being made but yet there are always quite a few people online
everyday? wonder whats going on?????
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????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????:huh:
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no dont take it personal Arnold hahahah
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Well, I for one am less apt to post since some of my posts are deleted. I didn't think I was so controversial. Behind the scene I have talked with a few who have left over it. The site is becoming too homogenized. It is loosing it's flavor of individuality.
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Well, I for one am less apt to post since some of my posts are deleted. I didn't think I was so controversial. Behind the scene I have talked with a few who have left over it. The site is becoming too homogenized. It is loosing it's flavor of individuality.
Shaun , if this is the very reason this Forum is at the moment not at it's best , then..why not have them speak up and tell us what is bothering them/you or anybody for that matter . Any Post's that get's deleted will always come with an explaination through the PM system . We are all grown ups here and to get insulted by one or two delete's/against ( which should never be without reason ) one's Person should be no reason to just Run and leave this Brotherhood . Or is it this NOT anymore ?
Thank you for expressing your thoughts Shaun , it will makes us aware of this more .. before acting .
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We got spam'd yesterday, that was kind of fun for a little while.
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Well, ....Another reason could well be that these guy's are inviting there ladies to visit this Forum. Now they are having to watch what they say here, in any of there posts. I guess maybe it's easier not to post anything, especially if what they would really want to say is controversial!!
So I'll say again, ....unless you know each other really well, and i do mean really well, DON'T invite your ladies here until you DO!! Your just going to be opening a can of worms for yourself....
David....
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Well this topic's thread I am in agreement with whole hearted. After all, who isn't FOR RUM :fi_lone_ranger: Put a little of the Captain Morgan in ya.
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The site is becoming too homogenized. It is loosing it's flavor of individuality.
WOW...to say we are homogenized, and this is what you find insulting. Personally, I find the use of this word to be pretty insulting. We are not trying to take any individuality out of here, but rather, have a smooth running ship that works for everyone. Can you be more specific about what you said that was deleted? In the past, I have deleted posts that come after another post that was removed...it defeats the purpose of the comments afterward, if the offending post has been removed.
Posts that are going to start a fight between members are also deleted, as are issues of politics, and some issues that are politically sensitive. I feel we are pretty open here for the most part. While we try to steer away from politics, we have no problems with people expressing religious views, as long as they are not critical of other people's views.
If you want to discus this further, please feel free to send me a PM, and we will see if we can straighten it out to your satisfaction.
Main Entry: ho·mog·e·nize
Pronunciation: \h?-?mä-j?-?n?z, h?-\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): ho·mog·e·nized; ho·mog·e·niz·ing
Date: 1886
transitive verb 1 a : to blend (diverse elements) into a uniform mixture b : to make homogeneous
2 a : to reduce to small particles of uniform size and distribute evenly usually in a liquid b : to reduce the particles of so that they are uniformly small and evenly distributed; specifically : to break up the fat globules of (milk) into very fine particlesintransitive verb : to become homogenized
— ho·mog·e·niz·er noun
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Martin,
I do know what homogenized means. I used the word intentionally because it seams that is the direction this site is going. I am not trying to start a war. The question was asked, by Ted, what is going on? I offered my opinion. That is all. But consider this. You are insulted by me using the word homogenized and you have used a few strong words to try and put me in line. With your most recent post I could say I rest my case. As an administrator you need to keep your feelings to yourself and not attack someone who posts when a question is asked. You wonder why some will not offer their opinion? Look how you are handling my comment. I am entitled to my opinion. You can disagree with my opinion but I am still entitled to it. But to be insulted by it? Come on Martin, you are better than that. I never said I was insulted just that I do not post as much because a question was asked.
I thought the purpose of this thread was to explore why posts are down? That was what I was responding to. Martin, you and I have disagreed about things before and have never got personal about it. Let's try and keep it that way please.
Arnold,
Thank you for your comment. I speak for myself. The few others that do not post here anymore will have to speak for themselves. The last 3 posts of mine that have been deleted came without any explanation at all. There is not a lot of consistency in that regard.
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I left, or avoided the forum for quite a period of time. My reason was that it was not giving me what I felt I needed. What I was seeing was "high school cheerleaders" yelling RA RA, or the opposite, (remember Mike). I have come to accept this forum (for me at least) has two functions. The first was to get a look at life with a Chinese bride and what to expect when I visited the first time. I was reading the forum and looking for the experiences of those who have walked the walk, and can now talk the talk that only comes with experience. What turned me away were those that were talking and talking, but had yet or still yet have not walked the talk. It was repetitve and at times childish. Now I look at the forum as a place to pass the time until I get my K-1 visa and bring XiuRu here. I am happy to share where I am in the process, and enjoy hearing from others going thru the process and where their application process is headed. I also do not mind sharing ideas or my thoughts with those new members that have questions and looking for suggestions (not answers). I just do not do the small talk and cheer yells well. I will make my second trip in 3 weeks, and spend the time up north with very little time with family and friends. I have passed the interview process with family, now I just want time alone with my wife. So for me, I enjoyed the spirited debates we had earlier, I hope that there are more debates in the future, but I do not see the forum every day. Just my 2 cents on the issue. buzz
Oh and on the K-1 visa process. A look at the time line of the homeland security department web site for length of time; it is now 5 months from receiving the application to delivery. That is if there are no requests for additional information. Just an FYI.
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When FaceBook started in November 2008, we heard the same thing. When the new Forum started afterwards, we heard the same thing after awhile. It's a 'circle of life' topic heard on most Forums. As soon as a member goes to China or has a problem with his relationship ... BOOM ... everybody has an opinion.
Nothing wrong with the "Ra Ra" stuff, they're just time filler till the juicy stuff comes.
Like most Forums, we only have a core membership of 50 contributing guys; the rest are casual non-contributing readers. Guys come and go. We're all just waiting for the next nice guy or asshole to make his appearance ... then ... BOOM ... everybody has an opinion.
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As far as it Being a little quite here for the last couple of days.It does happen to all web sites.I know a couple of web sites that I used to visit.They are down to one post a week.It is just the natural flow of things.Next week or the week after.You won't be able to keep up with all the posts.It is nothing to be concerned about.We have new members joining old members leaving.Older members making there first posts.It is just the flow.
I tend to agree with David.About letting your girlfriend or your wife on here.People are not going to post something that there significant other mite read and wreck the relationship.Because said member had a little doubt about his lady.At one time or another.There is allot more to say about this subject.But I think it would turn into book.With allot of hurt feelings at the end.
Shaun mentioned that posts were disappearing.What was the post about? Shaun you said that you know members who have left because we have clamped down on the off thread topics.I know of members who have left.Because the threads did go off into never never land.They told me all the information they were looking for was buried.By the toilet humor.3 members have sent me nasty pm.Because there own personell threads.Have gone off into never never land.It took me a couple of hours to clean one thread up.
One member had such a great Idea for a thread.It was going to be.One of the best threads ever.I restarted the thread twice for the member.Each time I would look at the thread again.Somebody was talking about his electrical.Chinese toilets.Or what ever was on there mind.So I finally just deleted the thread after the member lost interest.Because they couldn't get a answer.To there question.
So you guys tell me Where is a good middle ground.Do we just let the threads go where they will.Or do we try to keep them on track.For each one of us this is a very personell journey.Most people are trying to write of there journey.I would not want my personell story.Trampled on.By another member talking about his first experience with a Chinese toilet.Or how the electrician Has over charged him.Or what you did for a living 30 years ago.What I'm saying is have a little respect for your fellow brothers.
If you want to run your own personell thread off into never never land.That is fine with me.If it is another members thread.That you are trying to run off onto never never land.I'm going to delete your post.And I will probably forget to send you a Pm telling you why I deleted your post.You should know why I ore another mod deleted your post.We are all supposed to be adults here.And the rules of the forum are clearly stated.When you signed up for this forum.
If you feel the need to comment on something that is off topic.David 50 started a thread.Where that is allowed. So you are more then welcome to post your off topic stories and humor there.
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Martin,
I do know what homogenized means. I used the word intentionally because it seams that is the direction this site is going. I am not trying to start a war. The question was asked, by Ted, what is going on? I offered my opinion. That is all. But consider this. You are insulted by me using the word homogenized and you have used a few strong words to try and put me in line. With your most recent post I could say I rest my case. As an administrator you need to keep your feelings to yourself and not attack someone who posts when a question is asked. You wonder why some will not offer their opinion? Look how you are handling my comment. I am entitled to my opinion. You can disagree with my opinion but I am still entitled to it. But to be insulted by it? Come on Martin, you are better than that. I never said I was insulted just that I do not post as much because a question was asked.
I thought the purpose of this thread was to explore why posts are down? That was what I was responding to. Martin, you and I have disagreed about things before and have never got personal about it. Let's try and keep it that way please.
Arnold,
Thank you for your comment. I speak for myself. The few others that do not post here anymore will have to speak for themselves. The last 3 posts of mine that have been deleted came without any explanation at all. There is not a lot of consistency in that regard.
So you are entitled to your opinion, and I am not? OK...I will STFU!
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Maxx,
I do think a little editing from time to time needs to happen. I thought that was what splitting posts was all about. Yes we have all run amuck, me being one of the worst for a while. It is bothersome that some leave for whatever reason but like you and Chong said, they come and they go. I think Arnold said that a PM should accompany the deleting of a post. It is a good idea.
There is no point in dragging my deleted posts up. My comment was that I was never notified. The point I was trying to make is that some have left because of it. I'm still here.
It is simple really. A question was asked and a response was given. Thats all. There have been other valid comments too. Buzz had a great one. David 5o's was excellent. Some have because of the bans that have happened. One still rants elsewhere.
All in all the mods do a great job it is just a little heavy handed with the deletes right now. In my opinion. But my comments is nothing to get upset about. I am not suggesting that you wipe out the deletes completely. There is an old saying, "Chep the meat and spit out the bones." Listen and learn. If I am the only one who comments about this then Oh well...
Shaun
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I've been commenting on and off on the lack of posts, but after reflecting on this, here's my point of view...
Part of the the issue I believe is a bit of exhaustion. I noticed that after a whole bunch of members returned from China in February and March that things started to quiet down. Some of the guys coming back on highs, some coming back on lows...that does tend to make people not want to post for a while.
Others have moved on from the forums for their own reasons... we've lost a whole bunch of posters for reasons not necessarily related to this forum. We've also lost others because of this forum...some people have stopped reading because they've gotten what they need.
Related to that last sentence is that things are going well for those who are married and those who are talking to their ladies. When I first joined, a lot of the conversation was going towards people with issues. After a certain point, we have covered MANY scenarios already... So people who would originally join and ask questions can just read what has happened.
There is also a certain feeling due to a few members who unfortunately drag down the spirit of the board. No names, but after reading post after post of the same complaint, it does tend to discourage some people.
Finally, we're also at a point where we don't have that much new blood period. Imagine being stuck in a room with 10 guys all the time...how long can the guys have something new to talk about. In my workplace, there are around 20 people in the room. They always have something to talk about for the first several hours of work. But AFTER that, the place quiets down until someone does something goofy...
Just a few cents worth of perspective... YMMV... If you want to fix it, start a new post about something new and as the saying goes... If you ask it, they will come.
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Mustfocus - you were certainly on target with your statement. The coffe must have worked to get your thoughts all focused. Good post.
I know from the immigration blog site I am following that the HK timeline thread has had many dormant periods. Being so slow for us there that usually after some frustrating silence, someone posts. The Beijing timeline thread has way more people getting their visas processed quickly that there are way more frequent postings.
I do miss new postings as I do bide my time every night here reading while I wait for my wife on QQ. But even our QQ sessions are usually boring. As Mustfocus has stated, after a while most of the information has been divulged and then silence insues.
I found the new thread of the difference between Japan and China entertaining. Maybe we can talk someone into exploring the other Asian lands to keep us amused. Anyone for exploring Korea or maybe the Ladyboys of What is next to your thigh land :sleepy:
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Martin,
Sorry, I didn't see your last post. Yes you are entitled to your opinion. In fact I want to know your opinion. I just thought the insulted remark was a little much along with defining homogenized. We are all entitled.
Ron, lol.... boi, I tell you.
Shaun
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Some new threads would be nice...or even a happy report on a trip or an update about how people's relationships are going...
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Some new threads would be nice...or even a happy report on a trip or an update about how people's relationships are going...
I arrived back home to our slow season in the oil patch with all the road bans inplace. Thus I have tried to levatate the mood. Work is slow - the website is slow - so I hope to please. I feel guilty at work playing Civ 4 all day so I have pulled out my quill keyboard for you guys. But also, my spirit feels low with the waiting for news on my wife's visa.
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I've got a little fed up with this forum at times. Topics seem to veer off topic on a regular basis. There are a few Chinese fanboys who keep criticising pretty much everything I write. I think the newbies deserve to hear both sides of the argument for and against finding a Chinese wife. I also worry that the forum softened me up too much in my dealings with my lady. Guys there are 9400+ ladies on chnlove. There is no shortage of beautiful ladies in China. Life in China for Ms. Average is tough. A Western husband is a meal ticket for life. We should not be putting up with any ?#%! from ladies who think they are princesses.
I wasn't pleased when my thread was closed. It got heated, but the whole story should have been told.
That said I'm also writing elsewhere now, and making decent money from my ramblings :icon_cool:. One good thing about this place is that it has taught me that writing about tough subjects really draws in the crowds.
I haven't closed the door on the Chinese wife idea though, but I am exploring other possibilities :icon_cheesygrin:, and I encourage other brothers to be the same, be it trying other dating sites, or ladies from other countries. My new Japanese agency are charging me half of what I've already forked out on chnlove. Now that's interesting :icon_biggrin:.
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As you are all aware I was the number 1 culprit in going off thread and making light of many of the less serious topics. Seems like since I stopped such postings the rest of you stopped as well!!! But I am sure that is just co-incidence.
As a ladies page in Chinese was not succesful then I suppose there no point in suggesting that we have a page just for non North Americans.
North Americans see things different to others in the world. Especially with humour. Sometimes Anglo/Australian humour is often completely misunderstood by North Americans who show this is different ways. All the Moderators are from North America except for Irishman who is really just the Techno wizard.
I have been pulled up on many occasions but this has always by North Americans who have not understood the subtleness of my Anglo humour.
So I ask this question is it not time for this forum to be split in two. One half will to be kept for the those still searching and will be moderated heavily to ensure they are kept on thread. Then have another half for those who have already found wifes and where they can joke around over their own threads.
Have a joke thread is not the answer that makes the humor homogenised.
Anyone have any views on this.
Willy
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Willy
I dont think a split Forum adds much to the quality of the Broterhood......"us and them syndrome".
I hope that all of our collective experience can be shared by all of the readers...old and new.
And joking around, humour and irreverence is all part of the total exchange of information, after all, each of us is an individual personality with our own quirks etc.
Maybe the humour belongs, in the main , in our own threads, and not to completely clutter up somebody elses'
To make this into a rule will not be easy, and I hope that we can all get a bit more responsible as to when we send a thread off track.
As it is at the moment, we have one good post followed by umpteen one-liners that dont exactly contribute anything to the theme of the thread ???
I believe we just need to think a bit more carefully about what we post....especially in somebody elses' thread.
My 2 bob's worth
David
A Western husband is a meal ticket for life. We should not be putting up with any ?#%! from ladies who think they are princesses.
Brett
That is a particularly silly and offensive statement to make. How can you possibly be serious about ANY relationship when it is fixed firmly in your mind that any prospective Chinese/Asian partner for you, regards it as merely finding a meal ticket for life ??.
On behalf of my Darling Ming.....I totally refute your view on this and you should apologise to her for such an innuendo.
You shoot some pretty low blows......I'm tired of it
David A Evans
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Just a quick reply to David. I would still see the successful members giving the benefit if their advice to newbies and anyone who thinks they may need it. I am saying let it be closely moderated but have a another section where those giving advice can hang out and joke amongst themselves. Whilst awaiting the questions from those needing help. We have sections for experienced members, newbies but then maybe the camp fire is already set for that but the joke section is no good for jokey comments that are for the spur of the moment and the Shout box, when it is used, is just mainly for saying hello and goodnight!
I concur with you about Bretts comments. At times they are quite inflammatory and such comments are uncalled for.
Willy
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That said I'm also writing elsewhere now, and making decent money from my ramblings :icon_cool:. One good thing about this place is that it has taught me that writing about tough subjects really draws in the crowds.
Fires, earthquakes and other disasters also draw in the crowds. You can chose to be someone with a positive attitude and work towards a common goal or someone who takes the easy way out and starts fires with out any thought of the consequences. One more reason I have written little over the past year, is a lesson I learned when younger. "it is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt". needless to say there are many people (including myself at times) leave no doubt about being fools.
buzz
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In my everyday life I use humor. I go to the store I try to make them smile, on the phone or in writing. That is me and nobody is going to change it. My lady is exactly the same. It's the main reason why we get along. I have always defended that going off topic shouldn't make a difference. We are talking as friends do. It will go back to being on topic. It's nothing to worry about as far as I see it, others don't see it that way.
You can't change someone's personality and I will not be confined to serious dialog only.
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I don't see an issue with humour, but I do think that if we start to see the thread getting hijacked (ie: more than one or two messages off topic based on a joke or comment), why not split it? Quite often we (as a group) have to haul it back on topic. Whether it's eggs or squatting toilets or whatever, often the threads get really off topic and then when we have to look for something, we complain it's hard to find because the thread goes crazy.
One other thing I'd like to see, less woman bashing. When a relationship fails, it is VERY RARELY just one side's fault. To blame the lady without her having the ability to defend herself here is just wrong. Often we forget the expectations of the lady and think of the relationship is of our expectations... One comment I found interesting was Brett's comment on there are 9400+ profiles on chnlove so we shouldn't have to put up with crap. Yes there are...but how many men's profiles are there on chnlove. All we can hope from the ladies, and all they can really hope from us is honest communications between each other. Often the translators get in the way of that, but that doesn't mean we have to follow the same path as they do.
My point is (and I'm not the articulate one), when it fails, both sides are part to blame...you might want to air your grievences out here, but remember that for all the failings on the other side, there are always red flags that you should have noticed as well.
Another couple of cents...
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There may be 9400+ profiles but once you state specifications, requirements and first impressions, the realistic number is 5% ... 470. Of those, how many ladies will actually like you ... in return ??? So cut another 50% = 235 ladies to choose from.
'mustfocus' hit it on the dot ... sometimes, it's the guy's who's at fault and not the lady. Since the start of FaceBook in Nov '08 and then this Forum ... lots of jerks have passed this way.
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Maybe it is just me, but I think there are far too many forums on this site. Navigating through so many forums is a pain and discourages posting. I'd rather just have 4-5 forums dedicated to broader topics (e.g. how about just have one forum for marriage, and maybe sticky threads for info on each country? Would it be the end of the world if "Share Your Love Story and the "Campfire" were merged, among others?) than have 100 different forums for every minor thing that springs to mind.
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OK. I was going to be serious but I am sorry. There was one post that is begging for comment. Vince, go to your room!
I haven't seen this many different posts in a while. Maybe some of us post too much. Thinking we have something important to say. More often we do not but want to participate. The little jokes and picking on each other in fun are what give this site flavor. Look even Willy and his huevos came out. But honestly we are seeing Buzz which I can't remember when he commented last. Glad to see you back. seagull, and a few others.
Maybe the problem is really two fold. 1. we are basically rehashing old stuff and people are tired of commenting. 2. men get upset with what is going on in their personal life and it carries onto this site occasionally. Guy's this is at best an emotional roller coaster. We are up one minute and down the next. We're over joyed about this but depressed about something else. Until we get to a comfortable place with a woman permanently in our lives it is a roller coaster. There needs to be room for that and for speaking up when you are offended without being slammed.
Shaun
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Guy's this is at best an emotional roller coaster. We are up one minute and down the next. We're over joyed about this but depressed about something else. Until we get to a comfortable place with a woman permanently in our lives it is a roller coaster. There needs to be room for that and for speaking up when you are offended without being slammed.
Shaun
Shaun Great post - thanks for bringing us back down to earth - yes what a rollercoaster ride. :icon_arrow::icon_arrowd::icon_arrowl::icon_arrowu::icon_arrowd: and the ups and downs I am sure are not over for us quite yet.
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OK guy's, calm down, open a cold beer and relax.
The Campfire
Huddle round the fire and swap stories and jokes. Try to keep it clean!
Now since we are refering to the above thread, please read it carefully, I didn't put it there, but it sounds like fun to me. How did
we get it so serious all of a sudden ??
It appears that if we want to get serious, lets open a thread for "serious only" remarks and draw and quarter anyone who spoils it...:s
I for one love the campfire, I think its great, don't change it, and don't worry about the humor it makes people smile...:icon_cheesygrin: