China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Newbies Corner => Topic started by: mustfocus on August 13, 2010, 01:07:43 am
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I've been thinking about something lately (yes, the ole brain cells are firing up..albeit slowly)... We have a few members where their ladies have left China already. I'm just wondering what the boys have done to help them adapt to new surroundings. Arnold has been pretty generous with his exploits, but the rest of the folks haven't really gone in-depth with their descriptions. Anyone want to share some stories?
Just curious what others have experienced and will be expecting.
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On sunday my wife has been here 1 year. We live at the countryside in a little village ( 50 houses maybe). My wife prefers to stay at home and do gardening. The biggest challenge was going shopping and the language barrier. For those who haven't read my story, I need to tell that I took my wife with me to Denmark after had known her for 4 month.
Therefore there was and still is some language barrier. Today we can communicate in daily life. Communication is happening in English, little Chinese and a little Danish. When we need to discuss more difficult issues, we use Internet translation tools. Those work not perfect but in the long run, we understand each other. But misunderstandings can happen too. But we are both very patient when we have serious issues to discuss.
Shopping was a little challenge. There many products that are different then in China. Vegetables, fruit and all other basic food stuff is no problem. But many Chinese dishes need Chinese ingredients. I found a China shop in a city, 1 hour ride from here. And then four weeks ago an asian food shop opened in a city nearby. I love Chinese food and we do not eat western food. That is pretty easy for my wife and her son. They eat what they are used too. She is a damned good cook, which I have gotten confirmed by some of her friends ;-)
But my wife adopted backing cake, because she found out I like cakes (lucky me).
After 7 month here, my wife started in the language school in a nearby city. There she met 3 other Chinese ladies and they became quickly friends. We meet once in a while and have a good time together. My wife has no need to go a lot shopping or big parties. Much like me. It is a good match.
Well, there is not much happening here. Boring? Maybe, but we like it this way. I think it difficult to say what you can expect. You and your wife are individuals, like all of us. We react different on different issues. My wife and I are maybe soulmates. I can only conclude that we have the same opinion on many issues and we are happy together.
I don't if we have a special relationship or not. In one year we had one minor quarrel due to misunderstanding. But as I understand from other brothers, some of them have quarrels before they live together. Again, I think it is difficult to predict what to expect. Only one thing is for sure, both of you need patience because of language and cultural differences.
I could not tell much, but I hope it helps you anyway.
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That's a great update Hajo! We just don't hear enough about how the ladies in our lives adapt to a (normally) huge change in their lives. Thanks!
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Yes, find the local Asian supermarket before she arrives. :)
You can also look for a local 'chinese cultural society'. The local one for me has been a lot of help.
Don't expect she will know how to operate typical 'western' household appliances.....
microwave, vacumn cleaner, dishwasher, washing machine.....etc.
She'll probably also not like typical household cleaning products, either.
(the smell)
HIDE or get rid of any poison or toxic stuff that may look like household products to a child, or somebody who doesn't READ english.
;D
(I don't mention the above because I married a 'MAID", it's just part of married life...)
Slowly familiarise her with your bills, and expenses. She won't have any realistic ideas of western finances and the costs of as western lifestyle.
I think Canada has sources for free english lessons for immigrants, find those, and she'll also probably stumble on chinese friends via school.
DO NOT let her rely on translation software or a pocket translator forever. She will not progress well in really learning english using these. My wife used these to avoid reading english, although she speaks english OK, she still
can't read and write english very well.
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Mine's not here but I have been learning Cantonese-mainly to hear her giggle with glee whenever I start using new words- it was also a necessity as her mother and father sometimes answer the phone :o
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Well can't tell you what it will be like when we get to the US yet. Being married takes both people to learn about each other no matter what the culture.
And I must say living here in China with her is helping a lot. She already knows a lot about my habits, Likes and dislikes that kind of stuff.
And I also know hers. And I figure anything we can accomplish now is just one less thing after we get there. Anything to help lower her stress level.
We talk a lot about how it will be different for her there, And it seems to be helping her relax about it a little more. It almost seems like what I have been telling her lately are things that she will not need to do anymore. She certainly doesn't mind that. She will be tough on a few things she still washes all the clothes by hand, and we have a washer. She doesn't believe it gets the clothes clean. Things like this. She is a show me kind of girl and accepts things real well once I show it to her.
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She will be tough on a few things she still washes all the clothes by hand, and we have a washer. She doesn't believe it gets the clothes clean.
Had to laugh at this ;D This must be ingrained on all Chinese Ladies, as my Ping swears my neighbors will say "Crazy Chinese lady is hanging her clothes in the trees again". She states that not only are the clothes cleaner, but they last longer. I figure when it hits thirty below wind chills she'll embrace my washer and dryer. ;D
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She will be tough on a few things she still washes all the clothes by hand, and we have a washer. She doesn't believe it gets the clothes clean.
Had to laugh at this ;D This must be ingrained on all Chinese Ladies, as my Ping swears my neighbors will say "Crazy Chinese lady is hanging her clothes in the trees again". She states that not only are the clothes cleaner, but they last longer. I figure when it hits thirty below wind chills she'll embrace my washer and dryer. ;D
I have gotten her to use the washer a few times, I had her put in a load she had just washed by hand. And we ran them with no soap. then showed her the water as it drained.
So she still washes by hand but now will re-rinse them with the washer. but only the rinse to much electricity for a whole wash.
It doesn't get that cold at my place but she hates dirty close I mean just a drip and she has me change my shirt. My 2 little girls will break her of that. They are always dirty. Or she will break them of getting so dirty everyday. This is one I get to just watch let the 3 of them work it out.
Boy I hope that day comes pretty soon. I'm ready to go home.
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I've also been practicing..... putting the seat down ;D
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James, when I spent a month in China with Peggy I though I would show her how well I put the seat down. She has an old fashioned Chinese toilet. No lid!
Jimmy, I happen to agree with your wife with the washing machine. I looked at two different washing machines. The place where she lived in Shenzhen and where she lives now in Shaoguan. There isn't an agitator.
Peggy is telling me there are several things she wants to try when she comes to America. I am writing them down so that I will remember. I didn't write the sky diving down. :o It ain't happening. The biggest thing she wants to learn is how to drive a car. She also wants a new small car. At first she will get what my children got, an old cheap crown vic. After she has banged that up a few times and as mastered it then we will look for another car.
I imagine that most of the women have ideas on what they want and all we have to do is ask and begin a discussion with them about it.
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The biggest thing she wants to learn is how to drive a car. She also wants a new small car. At first she will get what my children got, an old cheap crown vic.
a crown vic ..... is NOT a small car ..... it is a small TANK .... LOL
:o
Haha this brought a smile on my face. ;D
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Hahaha .. about the Toilet seat . My Sweetheart always makes sure it's " UP " . I guess she doesn't want it " WET " when sitting down on it .
Shaun , one good thing is .. if Peggy never drove a Car .. your so much better off starting from scratch believe me . Qing drives now , being relaxed and not nervous and tense like the beginning . That is why you are practising patience now while waiting for her coming . ;)
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Mike, exactly. I will do what ever it takes to preserve my assets. :o Did I really intended to say that? :-X I'll never tell.
Arnold, I am still working on the patience thing. So is she. But she has better control that I do. ;D
OK I'll stop hijacking.
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Hahaha .. about the Toilet seat . My Sweetheart always makes sure it's " UP " . I guess she doesn't want it " WET " when sitting down on it .
TOILETS!!!! DO I HEAR TOILETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No,no,no I can't go down that route again ;D
Willy
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Being a Chinese driver is bad enough, but a woman Chinese driver.
Maybe I will start walking in the street. It may be safer than the sidewalk.
My wife saw a picture of the house has 2 cars in the drive way. She has already claimed the one she wants. I told her Ok Great she can have it.
After we get home I will explain why it doesn't have an engine or transmission. But for now she's happy.
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Something to chew on .
My Sweetheart took and passed her driving test on August the 3rd. and was told .. she should receive the License in about four to six week's . So waiting like good People , that time has now passed and some . No License in sight ? This made me take today off and go into the DMV , not to happy of course . I was thinking this would/shouldn't take too long and it not being necessary to stand in the famous long line of fun/waiting . But , as the Gov. has proven too often .. this does not happen in any of their Offices . As I told the Man , look .. I'm not going to stand in this long line .. first of all .. it's your mistake us not having the License yet and second I should not even be here and take a day off from my Work . You have to see the Manager " Sir " . Oh .. here she comes all three hundred pounds of her . What is the problem ? After explaining our demise , she " kindly " in a very rude way .. told us in a loud voice too . You have to pick a number and wait your turn or there is the Door . Not that I thought I would not have to stand in line , but had hoped I might not have to . This rude approach to a Customer was enough for me and I grabbed Qing and I told her let's go .. I'm not waiting here and give this " Bit** " the satisfaction of seeing us wait for some two hours , while she's smiling inside .
Out the Door and of to the next DMV not too far away from this one . To the front counter and one could see right away , these People are so much more friendly about the whole thing . What we were told , is to fill out a new form .. like we had lost our License and apply for a new one . Did that and back to the Person we go and now we were handed a number and told to wait for it to come up . After an hour and a half , we were informed after checking with records .. as to why it was late .
This is why I write this for our Member's who bring their Wife's/Fiance over and planning to teach them how to drive a Car . The reason it was late , was not do to the Mail . It is because she is an Immigrant and they do a back-ground check on her status and if all is "Kosher" her being here . This is funny , to think .. she can have a Credit Card ( which she has already ) , but can not have her License .. which she payed for and passed like any other applicant . " Yes " I do love our Government ! hahaha
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Arnold this is a good example of whom the government personnel work for. They are not civil servants. They are not civil nor are they a servant. They work for the government and we pay them. Makes sense to me.
Now if we could only find protection from our government.
Yes, Yes, I know. Don't get political.
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Arnold in New Mexico.Some of the DMV are ran by the city.And some are run by the state.I would find who runs your local DMV is it CA or by the city.If it was the city.I would raise hell with the city officials.
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Arnold in New Mexico.Some of the DMV are ran by the city.And some are run by the state.I would find who runs your local DMV is it CA or by the city.If it was the city.I would raise hell with the city officials.
I had prepared a Complaint already .. as I printed out Forms to do just that .. raise hell and some eyebrows .
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Trooper - Raise A Little Hell (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STiuregSvHg#)
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I don't know how the Complaint form will be received? but it's worth a try. I can remember twice putting a complaint in at government offices but I didn't wait or fill out any form I got the boss out of his office and let him know right there and then. One was the sheriff's dept and the other was Social Security. But that's another story.
I went down to the DMV recently. I call it that but they don't have a DMV here. One place you go for your license and there is another for your regi and title and they're miles apart. So I went to the one not far from here in the bad neighborhood. the waiting area is about 30 ft by 15 ft and was packed to the door. I said to myself "no way" so I went to another it was a few miles the other way but hey! I'll give it a try. It's in a better area and in a less populated area which might be to my advantage and I was right. 3-4 people in there with a dozen behind the counter. 15 minutes in and out. And no waiting for the mail got it right there.
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Arnold it used to be done on a local level with the Georgia State Patrol but it has changed to the DMV now. Since the change it has become extremely difficult to do anything. Like you said everything takes a long time.
Back in February I went in to change my address. No sooner that I sat down they called my number. I continued to sit. The man behind me ask me if I was I45. I said no. A minute later one of the ladies behind the counter said sir, are you having your address changed? I said yes. She said I45. I looked at my ticket and was surprised. I was I45. I went up to the counter and said Wow I have never been waited on this quickly. She smiled and said I know, something must be wrong. We both laughed.
I have complained before and have even called the main office of the DMV. Their response? They think it is better than it used to be. If you find a way to get through to them document it here. Maybe it will work here too.