China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Newbies Corner => Topic started by: Konig on September 28, 2010, 09:13:16 pm
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im new on chinlove and i wana asc some questions... i read many thinks abaut scamed ect and here i wana asc abaut advices
im speaking with one lady it is nice confersation ect i gived her some photos and she gived me photos... but this photos are maked far far away it is she and big bulding behaind her so idk if it is realy she
and i wana asc
how to reconize im scamed any advices ?
like how to know im speaking with some1 who only play with me and wana me spend all coins and go buy more coins ect i know it buisnes to make money like that... but really how to know i speaking with real woman and advices ?
and also question abaut age im 20 years old... i think more adult persons like 30-40 years old have much much easy to find a woman because this is last time to make family and both have their young days away and they more think abaut family now
and how it is when some1 is really young like me ?
i can even give some1 my profile and he can see me letters with her and see if im scammed or not i really dont wana by disepoint like i spend money write with some1 and at the end everythink was one big mess
also i saw in admires i have from ladys many leeters have common thinks use worlds like "hehe" or have similar questions or introduing
so i asc here for all advices for new guy :) what i shall be watch out ect how to know it is a real lady ect :)
i will be real pleased :)
Konig :)
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First of all welcome to our Forum .
Second , I see your only 20 yrs. old . Now , not that I want to throw a stone into your Search .. but do you know what your are really dealing with .
This venture is not for the ones worrying about a few dollars spend on this . As has been mentioned before , this Journey from the start to finish can
easily cost you between $10,000 to some $25,000 . Now this is very real . The Lady's ? That we are never 100% sure that they are not scaming you .
This is exactly why we are here .. to minimize this from happening to our Member's . So you did pick a great place for advice , but again .. it must be
within your means to even take it any further .
We are here to help , so ask anything .. but do take it seriously .. as we all do .
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Are you old enough to get married in China? What is the minimum age for a guy?
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21
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Are you old enough to get married in China? What is the minimum age for a guy?
Well , he most likely will be at 21 when the time for that comes .. but that doesn't means " Nothing " as of yet .
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Well at such a young age I would question the desire to go the Chnlove.com route. The web site claims to be set up for people serious in the quest to be married. I think it does cater to an older crowd just because of the past experiences we have had dealing with relationships.
Koing I am not stating that you are not serious but I think you are a little young to tread this pathway. I suggest a better alternative, since you are young, and I can guess probably not attached yet to any financial, or career, or child rearing obligations, that you consider maybe attending school in China. There are many schools that cater to students wishing to learn Mandarin in China. You would be set up to live at a sponsors home during your stay and attend class for part of the day. Usually weekends have planned outings. The price would be equivalent to staying at a nice hotel. And for this method you will have ample chances to meet single young girls. Heck chances are your home sponsor could have candidates. If I was young and had to do it again then this is how I would have found my Chinese girl.
And even if you do not find true Love.... at least you learned how to peel an orange .... I mean speak Mandarin ;D and oranges are better then sour grapes.
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Maby i tell abaut my sytuation allitle bit :)
i live in Poland in small city near capital
i have land "700m2" with one family house i live there alone... my parents live 1 kilometer away in blocks... they buy this house when comunism fall down in europe then prices was crazy abaut everything.. and no1 live there 23 years and my parents see im becoming more adult then they decide renovate this house and i live there and learn responsobility to take care of home and land im own
and im searius to find a girl/wife for me :) ...im not type of adventures like disco,drugs,alcochol meet many girls in my live ect
i wana find one woman who will be suport me in me whole live... i dont search for a girl who today love me and tomorow hats me
abaut money... i have saved 3000$ and my month salary in work is 438.52 USD maby it is funny for you guys but that is real salary in my country... poland just escape from comunism and it is very hard to get well pay job like in usa on western europe
but i speak with my friend they say to me "if there is chance you will find your love there then money is not big deal... money comes and go but love, memorys and expirience stays forever"... i will take my chance and try find woman here for me if i dont find anything then i will just simple quit :) and i will take precius expirience :) but if i find woman who will really love me then i will be determinated to do everything :)
question abaut "child rearing obligations" i have two sister one have kid and husband in 17 years old other have in 20 years old and they both live very well with them own familys so question abaut "child rearing obligations" is no matter of age but a person who take care of it... personaly i know a guy who is 55+old and he second marry with a very young girl who is 30 years old they have 5 years kid and he dont have any green idea how deal with kids he is more tyran for his own kid than a father
and Ronald what you meen "There are many schools that cater to students wishing to learn Mandarin in China" you maked me curius what you say here :)
Konig
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Your friend is correct in some ways. Many of the women will not care if you are not rich. Most of us here are not rich men, But at the same time most of us here are more than twice your age. So it is the experience we will gladly share with you. But as far as Money as Arnold mentioned it is not a cheap journey.
For starters Go find out what you will pay for a round trip ticket to China, And then you will need food and lodging and naturally you will want to take the lady out enjoy time together learn about each other. $3000 you will spend that during your first trip.
Believe me when I tell you none of us here want to talk you out of this adventure. Most of us wish we had met our wives many years before we did and will wish you the best.
We are all friends and try very hard to help keep each other and new friends like you out of trouble. So if some of the advice seems harsh it is not meant to be.
Only to help you, And sometimes some very harsh things can happen.
After you find the right woman and you fall in love want to be married. you need to travel a little more, Visa's come into play many things and this is when the money part is most important. Most governments will not care if you are a nice guy. they want what they want.
Please do yourself a favor and maybe study the whole adventure start to finish before you get in to deep.
Most of these women are not a scam. But they will steal your heart.
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I'm guessing English is not your native language. Can you translate polish to Chinese without using English? Your English is so poor, you are sure to have misunderstandings.
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If you are serious like you say you are. Just keep sending messages and learning to know the girl. And ask for more pictures so you will know that she is real too.
And after some time, if you really like her. And have gotten her to understand your situation in life. And she likes it. Then you should fly to China and see her, spend a week or weeks with her. And then you will see how you two really fit together.
You should spend some/a lot of time to study the Chinese/Asian cultures if you havn't so far. There are so many unbelieveable things to know and learn. But in my opinion all those things just make it even more interesting.
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http://www.mandarinhouse.cn/standard20.htm (http://www.mandarinhouse.cn/standard20.htm)
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Why not get a job in the UK and look for a Chinese lady here? There are tens of thousands of young Chinese students in the UK (and most other English speaking countries). They speak English, are well educated and much less likely to be scammers.
There are so many Chinese students where I work sometimes I think I'm back in Wuhan. I would seriously question why anyone under 30 would want to go down the chnlove route when it's easy to find Chinese women in Europe (or get a teaching job in China - also a good way to find a wife).
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Konig, as most of the other members tell you it is quite expensive. To be honest, your $3000 will not last long. I am originally from Germany and I know quite a bit about the situation in your country. I am not looking down on you. I am pretty sure you worked hard for your money.
But you will need to go to China twice at least. First time to meet the lady. If you guys agree to get married, you need to go again. I guess a trip from Poland to China is about the same price as from Denmark. That means, you need to calculate $900 for each trip. Then you have not paid for hotel, food or other things. You will need to pay for ticket for your future wife too. There will be a lot of other expenses too.
As some members state, we are mostly older guys with ladies above 30 years of age. I have met young Chinese girls, who are married to a western guy. I am sorry to say so, but they have married them to escape from their live in Chinese countryside. I do not say that they do not love their husbands. But it is clearly that they left China for a better way of live.
I am not saying that you can't offer them a good home, but many young Chinese girls are more and more western orientated. Many of the younger girls want a life like they have seen in TV. Many of the young girls believe Europeans and other westerners are living in wealth.
You can be lucky to find a girl that fits for you. But it might be a difficult task, nobody knows what happens tomorrow. If I were you, I would play with open cards and tell the girl how your situation is at home. There is no reason for you to spend money on expensive airline tickets and return to home with an broken heart.
I hope you understand what I am trying to say. I wish you good luck with your search for your life partner.
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Konig like the other brothers posted.This is Expensive.If you still have your mind set on doing this.Look at www.chinloveagency.com.It (http://www.chinloveagency.com.It) is owned by a couple of members here.And they charge by the month not by the letter.So that will save you some money.They can find you a less expensive hotel.And make it easier to get around China.
Good luck and don't let yourself get discouraged.
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Well him going to China and studying or even leaving the country for longer perioids might be hard? If he has a job and a home there.
Money talks... Can't do much without it. And 3000 is a lot over there and even at China. But rest of the world, its not that much. And like others wrote you will need a few visits to China at least. One to see her and get to know her better. And if everything went fine. Second to get married.
But in my opinion just keep writing and getting to know the girl if she seems nice. Get a webcam, get her to get one as well. If she feels like someone special. Go ahead. Plan everything carefully. But many have written that you need to see her in 6 months latest after you have started to write. And I think that is true as well. I've been writing with my girl for ~3 months and I still have few months to go until I can see her.
But since you are young you have quite a lot of ways to do this. You don't need to use internet dating sites. Or you can maybe even find someone similar to this from local dating sites. Or go to China and study. Or go to some other country and study there.
Being a student opens up a lot of ways to continue from there.
I might try studying still as well but I'm not the study type. So its not for me.
I'm still wondering how will things go when I go to China. I get a feeling that she wants to get out of China. But also to find her love at the same time. But I still want to visit China. For her and for the country itself. I can be a tourist at least if things don't go too well.
But please keep writing your opinions and maybe we can help some more. I feel quite a lot of negativity in this thread. But I guess its all to help you realize how things will really go. And what to expect.
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But please keep writing your opinions and maybe we can help some more. I feel quite a lot of negativity in this thread. But I guess its all to help you realize how things will really go. And what to expect.
Maybe I am wrong, but I don't feel any negativity at all. I see the guys here being realistic. Nobody is saying DON'T do this...they are trying to be helpful, with their own knowledge and experiences. A lack of money can make it difficult, but not impossible. There are options. Like has been already said, there is the option to go to school in China to learn to speak the language. This could also turn into employment if you are excellent at speaking Chinese. An example of a woman who went this route can be found here, at http://sheinchina.blogspot.com/ (http://sheinchina.blogspot.com/)
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Martin is exactly correct no one will tell you don't do this. But if you do, do it with eyes wide open. And have as much information in your brain as you can get your hands on.
Your native language is one I would bet not many Chinese will know. Sometimes very hard just to find people that speak English. The point I am trying to make for you is China is long way from home you certainly don't want to forget something and get stuck there.
Your age hey I can't knock it. I wish I could have met my wife when I was your age.
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I say there are too many foreigners getting to China now.
Hell I am sure I saw the second western face in Zhongshan yesterday and that is only three months after seeing the first this year.
Willy
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i do as say Hajo i play with "open cards" i say to her that it will be hard to get to china very often she answer me like this..
"I am not worry or fear anything that may happen to us in the future, the progress is very important, as long as our hearts are together and we hold hands tightly, I believe every barriers will broke finally, it does not matter that you could not fly to china very often, I could understand this, as long as I know your heart with me, I am happy everyday here. ^-^ I may miss you a lot, and get sick, hehe."
i also asc her for pictures and she give me her natural photos :)
Hajo also say they marry mens only to get out from china to search for beter future... well ever woman in the world looking first how much guy is "rich" and then they start to making searius relationship with him... i think true love dont exist anymore it is 21-century it is rare to find true love
but to be honest i will be happy if i can offer her beter live than in china..
i read your post guys and it is good to know what to expect there
so my actualy dream is get enougch money and plan with head trip to china and see if there is a sens make relationship with her :)
anyway if something will go wrong i will be as turist in china :) i never was there so i will be enjoy anyway :)
as i told if something will fail i will just simple quit and give a break :)
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Well Konig,
I will disagree - there is something called "TRUE LOVE" This thing called true love is not found, thus the misconception on how rare it is to find it. True Love is made and earned, never found. By understanding that it is a work in progress and not something discovered makes you understand that a bit of common sense is required to handle it. The ability to LOVE is not enough as one needs the ability to nurture it, and thus the need for common sense.
I see you do have the good sense to understand that even if the relationship might fail, that as a tourist to China, you will have an adventure worth remembering. Good luck Konig ........ aaah to be young once again with the world filled with possibilities. :D
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Konig,
Follow your heart and do what it feels. Yes sometimes things dont work out like planned.
But is it not better to follow that path than to be older and wondering "what if " .
Just be honest with your girl you are talking to so she knows everything about your situation
and if at a later date she has a opposite effect of were you are then you can walk away with
your head up. Knowing you tried and you were honest with her. Even if she thinks there is more
to your situation.
The members arent being negative just being honest with you about the expenses involved here.
You have opened the line of communication up with a lady so see were the road leads. Dont give her
as i said any false impressions of who you are or what you have. And from your last post it seems
you are doing this. Thats a good start.
I think with your english skills it would be hard for you to live here and work, but if you learn chinese
then you will have opened many doors for yourself here. So that door of work is not completely closed.
Be true to yourself and be true to her and if it doesnt work out then you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Nor would i give up on another lady if it doesnt work out.
Just curious as to what city she is from here in China and what type of lady is she and her family. You see
the home situation and how they are living does mean a lot when searching as to why they are there. There
are many chinese traditions and some are still used by many when they shouldnt be in regard to marriage.
Most of those traditions are for the first young marriage and not the second one after they have been deemed
to old for China. But yet many fall into it and do it after the relationship has gone for a lenth. So that is were
everything should be discussed before even meeting. And i will say that does not stop it from changing later.
But as we all know life is full of chances and this is a chance worth trying for and developing because when you
fnd the right one it is absolutely terrific. remember be honest and true to yourself
Best of luck in your journey because if you do find a lady without all the obstacles it can be very rewarding
because you will find a wonderful lady to share life with.
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im speaking with mhm "my lady" i exchange with her many letters like 20.. we speak like 3 weeks now.. she showed my her natural photos,photos of her brothers and sister and her best friend.. she told me abaut her childhood abaut her family... how she told me she is from simple farm family.. and she moved to city to work there and be independent from parents
we speak alot of topics.. she is also very open and dont afraid of private or intimate questions.. she asc me about how many kids i wanna have in future ect and about "virgin" i tell her yes im i never have any contact with woman.. she also told me she is a virgin and she says to me she will give "virgin" to a man who will spend all her live with her.. not just random seduction i will paste one think she says
"love first, sex first. I heard a lot of girls give their virgin to a man, but still broke up finally, if we respect ourselves, others will also respect us, right? the more easier someone get you, the more fast he will want leave you away. This is what my good friend told me. ^-^ so I cherish my virgin very much. "
im just suprise about that.. in america and europe womans like too sleep with all army of mens just for simple pleasure of sex and they dont care of this
i see in china "sex" thinks is very respectable and im very happy of this im also a man who dont like sleep with many girls just for fun i wanna have one woman who i will be love all my live i dont search for "adventures"
well sorry for "sexual" thinks i wrote here i wana share with you guys my feelings and know what you thinking of this
i speak with her honest and nothing hide from her we talk abaut many topics
you guys says many "girls" will steal my hearth.. and it is true im kind of interesting abaut this relationship
and i agree with you Ronald true love exist.. but i have something difrend in mind :)
and sorry for my english.. i dont write perfect grammar i make many mistackes in simple worlds ect
but in real talk i dont have problems with it.. i was in bulgaria and germany alone and i speak only english there and everything was fine
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hello everone :)
im back here again to share with you all my feelings :)
i speak with my lady till my first post here :)
we decided speak 1 time per week in weekends she understand me prety
well that posting to echoder cost alot and i collect money right now for ticked to china :)
we both talk about when i first time go to her and she see me she will start collect money go to my country also :)
well speaking is fine with her she also give me her phone number but i cant send sms to china from my country :/ i will try by skype
we exchange many photos of aurselfs and everything is looking now great :)
but i still keep you all advices what you all give me... i can be broken hearth ect but this is live and this also will be new expirience to me and i also will see first time china in my live :)
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Koing good luck.and yes try skype.Or maybe QQ most people in China have QQ so maybe you can see each other thiere.
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Good to hear from you Konig and good luck.
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Konig
I wish you the best. You may be younger than most on here, and it will be a challenge for you, but maybe that's what makes it worthwhile. I was 20 years old when I met my wife. She was chinese and the most beautiful lady I'd ever met. Marrying her was the best decision I ever made. Good luck to you! Alan
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Hello Konig
Don't worry about what you are hearing about how much money this adventure is going to cost. You just go for it once you are ready to go to China! I think people here should be commending you not trying to put you off. I know how hard Polish people work and focused they can be. I had about 15 Polish guys working for me in England and I was impressed by their work ethic. Don't worry about your English it is fine for someone who speaks it as a second language, I wonder how some would handle Polish as a second language. I'm well impressed with your ambition and wish you the best of luck! Your $3000 will get you to China and probably allow you to stay for around 3 - 4 weeks, in fact I would say you have perhaps one of the shortest flights of anyone I know who's coming here from the West. Poland is part of the EU now so your living standard will eventually increase and so will your prospects, you keep hold of your dream! Chinese parents will listen to someone from Europe who is not loaded with money but can offer their daughter a better life! And I'm sure your optimism will carry the day. Good luck.
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Kong a 20 year old Westerner sitting in MacDonalds for a few hours during the lunch period will get more than enough contact telephone numbers to last a long time.
I think that Chnlove.com is not the route you should be taking.
Come here for three weeks and I guarantee a man of your age will see what opportunities are truly available. And no ems from who knows who. You will have so many phone numbers and QQ, email addresses from people that you have seen and met.
The biggest problem is just where will she learn Polish in China if you intend to take her to live in Poland!
Willy
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Hello Konig,
Nice to read that you and your lady have good conversation. If SMS not work on skype, you can try http://www.talk2china.com/. (http://www.talk2china.com/.) I think they give you 4 SMS free to try. Then you can buy 500 or 1000. With it you can send SMS directly to China and your lady can send you back. She will only pay the Chinese price for SMS.
Do not apologize for your English. Nobody is perfect. As long as we answer your questions, we understand you.
Good luck for your future!