China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: Chad on November 17, 2010, 05:52:57 pm
-
Hello.
It seems like I need some advice. Although I have noticed that usually when someone asked for member's advice they kind of already know what they need to do. But it's worth a shot to hear another opinion.
As some of you know I have been to China a couple of times over the last three years so it's not like I am a newbie but then again it's a learning process no matter how long you have been searching for that special someone.
I learned I think the most from the last trip, I learned that not telling someone the whole story is the same as telling a lie.
My problem is that I have been writing to a lady since the beginning of May this year. The letters in the beginning were very good and we were sharing a lot of information. I even told her about Ed's problem and she said that was OK. A big hurdle that one was and I have to believe or I want to believe that it was her that said she was OK with that and not just the translator keeping the letters flowing between us.
After the first couple of months I asked for her phone number and she gave it to me. I tried to call her a few times but could never get through. She said it was no big deal so I didn't worry about it. Then she asked when I was going to visit her I told her in two months and she said that wouldn't work so then I put it off for one more month and then I put it off for one more month. No matter when I said it did not work for her and still to this day we do not have a date in mind for me to go to China.
A couple of months ago I asked for her for her address and she was very adamant about me not needing her address. I explained that I might want to send her something. Her response was that I hadn't given her my address so why should she give me hers. So in the next letter I sent her my address. Her response was why did you send your address since I will never need it.
Then about the first of October I explained to her I was having doubts about our relationship and she of course was surprised and said well it's up to me if I wanted to keep writing or not.
So I stopped writing to her. Over the next three weeks she wrote me once a week a short letter asking how I was and that she missed writing to me. So of course I started writing to her again. She had said in a letter a long time ago that I could write to her personal email address and she would respond. I did that twice and she never even acknowledged that she received the emails even though I told her in a letter that I sent them.
So about two weeks ago she says she was going out of town on a business trip but that we could still write. The train ride was 22 hours and yet about 14 hours after I sent her a letter on the day she left she responded to my letter. This seems a little fishy to me. Whenever I wrote to her while she was gone she always wrote back. While she was away I asked her about calling her again. She said as soon as she gets back we can set up a time. So she gets back, of course she does not say she is back until I ask her. She was due back on a Thursday and on Sunday I asked if she was back and she said she was. But she says that she is tired and that “maybe” we can talk on the phone later.
I have received pictures from her and she went to the world expo a while ago and I have pictures from there with her in them as well. So I think at least in the beginning I was writing to a real person and now I am not sure.
So buy now you are asking what the problem is. My question is am I being played by the translator or do you think the lady is for real and just being very cautious and how do you think I should proceed?
On a side note she ends her letters by saying I hope to get your words soon. I was looking at another woman's picture from the same agency and in her write up it said I hope to hear from you soon. So that made me think is a translator going rogue.
Your advice and thoughts will be appreciated.
Chad
-
Gosh Chad. Your story sounds familar, very familar. I think you have been duped. If you have been writing through EMF at chnlove then I am about 99% sure you have been duped. You have been communicating since May and still no phone calls? come on ! she owes you her address and phone number by now. If the lady exists at all then the translator (and the agency) are playing you for EMF dollars.
My humble opinion of course. But I am biased against any dealings with chnlove.
Gerry
-
Chad sorry buddy you are being worked by the translator.No phone calls,No web chats.This all says to me.That you are being worked by the translator.
-
What exactly are you getting out of this "relationship"? You write letters...you can not phone, you can not visit. You write to her when she is "away" and she replies right away. You know the right answer here. Move on, and find a real lady that wants you as much as you want her. This is nuts how you are being played. Save your money, and stay away from this agency. Which agency is it?
-
Run and don't look back. Stop wasting your money. It's the translator writing. You said it, the train ride is 22 hours, yet you got a response much sooner. There are too many other clues as well. There are plenty of other wonderful women out there. Good luck and I hope you find the one for you!
-
Martin the agency is Liuzhou Kaimei Company Limited in Liuzhou, Guangxi. P620.
-
Mate, you are getting duped big time. Sorry for you to find out like this, but better now than a couple of months time. But you are right about one thing better to tell the truth even if it takes a lot of time to translate or express than a half truth or a lie.
Here are just a few of the reasons why I believe you are being duped, others may agree or have their own experiences with some or all or more examples:
1. you mentioned going to China to visit, Xia just about lept through the computer and dragged me to China there and then when I said I was going to come and visit. These girls want you to come and visit them. This is an important step in the relationship.
2. the train ride, may have taken 22 hours. Xia has gone on a long trip to go to Xian (her hometown) and I have tried to call on Skype but due to the train no reception but they have a rest stop some where and she called me straight away as it comes up on the phone as a miss call so to miss a call during a train trip is not unusual, maybe she went to an internet cafe during a layover to answer your letter? but I do not think so the translator again just the time difference between the US and China
3. attempted phone calls even if Xia does not know who is calling her mobile she always answers with way ((sp) hello for phone call) and then usually ni hao. then if I can not get through (bad line etc) she will hang up but they will answer the phone, very suspect to me and they all have mobiles not home phone lines and mobiles like we are used to but at least a mobile phone.
4. Even thought Xia admitted she was writing to a couple of guys at the same time I was the only one who said I wanted to visit her. Stupid idiots, but their loss is my gain. this maybe a reason for a lot of the avoidance in letters to you but I doubt it. same for anyone do not ever think you are the only one being written until you have met and cemented your relationship.
Move on buddy I know it sucks, but better find a REAL girl than a REALly bad translator and agency who are just using you to withdraw money.
-
Hi Chad
My usual comment to issues that you raise is...
Run Forest, Run !!!
7 months into a "relationship" and you never yet spoke on the phone, you never can get a committment for a personal meeting, you never got to the QQ stage ????
You are being taken for a ride my friend...almost certainly.
Many of us here have a lot of knowlege about how it all happens when you finally find a real, genuine and honest Chinese Lady...and it is nothing like the disinterest and (frankly) offensive way this Woman/Agency/Translator is treating you.
Dont throw more money at it, its not worth it...move on
David
-
Hi Chad
Gotta say buddy, I was 11 months into 'a
relationship' with a lady, same thing a you almost///
Duped I think buddy...sorry
-
set up a webcam from the agency and see if she shows up.If she makes an excuse you will definately know.Most agencies can do this through the translator just a suggestion if you dont want to move on. Ron
-
Robert James !!!!!!
You gotta start taking more care of YOURSELF.........you got us all worried there for a while.
When you have dealt with your health issues and are back on track...then is the time to go "Bride Hunting"... ;D ;D ;D
Best wishes mate....David
-
I appreciate everyone's opinion. That is what I was thinking all along but it is always good to get someone else's thoughts. The next thing is do you feel I should send one last emf and address it to the particular agency and tell them what I think has been going on or just drop it all together. As a side note I have emailed the lady on her personal email for the past four days asking her if she is really writing me but of course there is no reply.
-
Chad same here. Got their emails and sent a note.. about two weeks ago? still no answer from it. So I could only think it's a addr made by the agency. Esp. when they write they open their computer and found my letter (EMF) waiting for them??? Don't blame the women.
-
Chad, I sent one final EMF. Told them what I thought of them. Made me feel better but later I was thinking they just made another few bucks and probably sat around laughing about at me with the other professional swindlers. Your choice pal but I would just block her from replying and move on. If you dont block her I promise you, you will get one last response from them (its all about EMF dollars).
Gerry
-
Dear Chad I must confess that I do not know Chnlove or much about EMF's? -I'm guessing EMF's stands for electronic mail forwarding?? with some translation service included??
The site I used had (a 1 month 3 month 6 month or yearly fee) it included standard members (usually the Chinese ladies) and premium members (usually western men) it also had a chat box with translation abilities. As a premium member you could contact standard members and they could contact you. The site did try to discourage off site contact, but you have to see who is behind the letters.
As far as the repetitive conversations or letters (I deal with this too) in my case it is simply my girls lack of English and I understand this.
I do not know if any of this helped, but I wish you the best in your quest. James
-
I asked for some advice a while ago so I thought I would tell you my current status and what I did with the advice given by some of the guys. Yes I know I could regret not following the advice latter but we all do what we feel is right in our hearts.
I gave a lot of thought as to why I wasn’t happy with the way things were going with my lady friend and I think a lot of my problems were generated by me. My biggest problem was that I could not get a hold of her to actually talk to her. She gave me her phone number months ago and I tried to call her and couldn’t get through then I just stopped trying to call. Then there was the thoughts is she really writing to me or is it the translator. I re read a lot of the letters and I have to say they do sound like they are from a real person and the letters always follow the same thought process. Then even when she was out of town she wrote to me which seemed a little suspicious but who really knows.
After I asked for advice from you guys I put a lot of effort into calling her, something I really hadn’t done before. I figured if I got a hold of her maybe I would continue but if not I was through. For the first couple of days I could not get through. I got all kinds of messages from the phone, like due to fraudulent activates the phone call could not be put through, that was a scary one. Then there was no calls are being let into china. I went as far as writing chnlove customer care and didn’t expect much and that was what I got. Their answer was we cannot intervene in a relationship and more excuses. I wrote them back saying chnlove says they verify the phone number of each lady and all I was asking for was them to verify I had the correct number. I even said if it wasn’t the correct number I wasn’t asking for it I only wanted verification. That all took a few days. They were really no help at all.
In the mean time I wrote her and asked her to verify her number. Come to find out the number she gave me a long time ago was correct it was me not adding a number one in front of the number. Of course I felt like an idiot. Then I dialed the number correctly and she answered the phone. We have spoke on the phone three times in the last ten days. Her English is good which is great. Today we talked about ten minutes, it isn’t long but it’s a start.
I am using skype to text her every couple of days. She doesn’t text back since her phone isn’t set up for that. I know she could get the phone to do so if she pays extra or something but I am not pushing it at the moment. Plus I don’t have a cell phone anyway and I have to be at my computer to text her. I have a work cell phone but I don’t think they would like me texting or calling China.
I am planning to visit her in March. She said the first of the year is very busy for her at work plus with the Chinese New Year it will be a busy place. So March it is. I plan on cutting back the letters through chnlove and do more phone calls. Plus I looked at the plane ticket prices and they are a lot higher in December and January.
Even though I didn’t take the general advice from the guys it made me realize that I needed to do something. I do appreciate you guys taking the time to give me advice. I feel I did what was right for me. Even a short phone call is so much better that writing a letter and then getting one back from her.
Thanks
Chad
-
Chad , good Man ! I like a Man that doesn't give up right away and start yelling scam . You took matter in your Hands and might have saved a wonderful Relationship upcoming . Keep getting closer to each other until the March date arrives , where both of you can't wait to look at each other's Face from a distance of Inches . Now we all starting to wait for your Trip story .
-
Chad,
I have a pay-as-you-go phone through AT&T in the US. (I'm Canadian) The phone cost me $15 a couple years ago. (Got it at Best Buy in Detroit Michigan) I had no problem texting my lady in China the past 2 weeks. (from Sarasota Florida) The text messages were $0.20 each (I put $100 on the phone and it is good for a year or when the money runs out. We even talked on it several times too, but this was not cheap) I noticed the phones are still pretty cheap, no contract either. This might be an Idea for you to try if you want your own phone to text her with.
Dave C
-
Duped pal, I wudda blocked her by the 3rd letter from the refusal to give personal contact info.