China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: Neil on October 26, 2011, 10:22:24 pm
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Here's a question for all you married men. Did your wife take your last name, and if so, how did you go about changing the name legally?
I never asked my wife to take my name. It's not really important. Or at least, it wasn't at the time. But now that I think about it, she's my wife and I'm sure she would love to take my last name. I imagine the interviewer will ask her why she didn't, and since we never even discussed it (yet), it won't be a good answer.
I'm actually surprised this question hasn't been asked before (that I noticed).
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Neil , all we did .. starting with the Marriage Office ( Registry ) in SH .. use my last name from than on . On all Papers , especially which had to do with the US Immigration . So all legal paper's here in the States list her as Qing ( first ) Dusch ( last ) Chu ( middle ) . Of course the DMV screwed it up and put it in the Files as Qing Chu-Dusch , making Chu the last name .. goofballs . This after I explained it to the Lady/Girl at the DMV for more than ten minutes and she still got it wrong ? Anyway , everything that is coming through the Mail has my Last name on it for her . She now has .. Green Card , License , Passport ( chinese ) , Joint Savings and Checking , her own Checking and one Department Store Card ( which she is NOT going to use .. she just use it for 10% OFF on a Buy ) . She would NEVER buy anything with a Credit Card !!! Am I lucky or what ?
Hope that helps some .
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Neil what we are going to do is when Yan gets here we will register her with my last name and retain her family name as her second name.
That way she gets to keep her family name as well as take mine.
This decision was made when we were discussing names, she was surprised when i told her we have three names, and when i asked her if she would like to take my name and keep her family name she was very happy to do so .
I think this is one of those things that have panned out really well.
Cheers
Leeroy
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We did same as Clayton.
All the documents (Bank Account, driving License, Tax file number, etc etc) Ming used "Ming Zhang Evans, so she gets to keep all her Chinese names and also adds my surname to it.
I checked with my Lawyer if there was any more legal/formal stuff we should do to legitimise this change to her name...but he said no, Common usage establishes the precedent at law for her "new" surname.
But interestingly, if she wants to adopt a new Christian name, she has to do it legally through Deed poll....maybe you guys who give your wife a Western Christian name might consider that unless you make a legal change through the due process, her new Christian name is not legal. But of course, it does not stop you using it, only that it cannot be used for legal documents etc.
BTW...we had a lot of fun devising a new signature for her...in English, that she could use when signing stuff in her new name...we thought it best not to use Chinese characters for her name !! ;D ;D
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Not sure what the deed poll process is in Australia - In the UK it is a simple process. I have changed hundreds of peoples names in mytime. No problem - all officially recognised by Inland Revenue, Drivers licences. Passports etc. I have a copy of the form I used somewhere. No need for lawyers who will charge you hundreds for what is a simple process.
Maybe I can start selling them again now I am settled here.
Willy
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We have also discussed this. And thought that at China, she will have her current name. And at Finland... My last name and her Finnish name that she has come up with.
Ofc we are not getting married yet. But I hope that we can do it next year haha... But we have discussed everything... And beyond that. During some sleepless nights on the phone.
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Did not change the name. My wife is retired medical doctor, is getting pension in china. Changing her name would alert the government to stop the earned benefit. Also, it is much easier to keep her passport. She will not become a citizen. Will get the extension to the green card when it is the proper time.
She just went back to china for a visit after we got her provisional green card. All went well. no visa fee, no problems getting back home. I could see a younger person wanting a name change, but for us, everyone knows we are married, and that is all that really matters.
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So Mike
When you are talking with friends you will always refer to her as Mrs .......... and not by her first name?
Please don't confuse this oldie!
Willy
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And Dear or Laopo to you, am I right?
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however, when talking to people casually, friends, and family ... will use my name.
Mike
Wont everybody get a bit confused when you introduce her...."Hi, I am Mike...and this is my lovely wife Mike" ??????? ;D ;D
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I used to work at a radio station...and ironically, we had 3 Mike's...as well as several Mic's.
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so watch out .... the MIKEs are going to organize and take over the World!
--- Mike :P
Better than a bunch of Rons getting together to try taking over the World........And in order to succeed we will decided that we just need more Rons for some brighter ideas. ::)
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Dear Neil-when me and Ping married at the registration office, there was a lot of hectic confusion going on, like any Chinese government office, that and the fact that my Cantonese needs improvement. After a lot of bickering between Ping and the lady behind the counter the name changed was granted. Imagine my surprise when everyone started referring to me as James Huang :o
Okay I'm just kidding -Actually we opted not to change her surname, as the house in Nanning is registered in her surname. That and the Chinese place great importance in their heritage. My heritage on the other hand is a little like a mutts.
I did hear-do not know if it is true- Some research would need to be done. The Chinese can change their name once(for free) at age 11-Otherwise after age 11 it is a rather pricey task, for it to be recognized by the Chinese government. Can anyone weigh in on this? Thanks James Huang Roberts
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so watch out .... the MIKEs are going to organize and take over the World!
--- Mike :P
Better than a bunch of Rons getting together to try taking over the World........And in order to succeed we will decided that we just need more Rons for some brighter ideas. ::)
I can think of a pair of Rons
Doronron Doronron - Now where have I heard that before.
Is it a movie, A TV Show or a song or is it something my friend, Ron's, girlfriend used to whisper to him in the dark in our youth.
Willy
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I'm wondering if my wife was to take my last name legally here in Canada, would it affect her name in China? Could she keep her original name in China?
We talked about it a bit last night, and now that I've thought about it, it would really mean a lot to me if she did take my name. Of course, being the sweetheart that she is, she would gladly do it. I think we'll wait until she comes to Canada before we start anything.
James, that was hilarious! I laughed out loud when I read that. Thanks for that. And thanks to everyone else, this is an interesting discussion.
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In talking here in the past few days, many women keep their Chinese name and their Chinese passport. If they give up the Chinese nationality for a foreign one they lose any pension right they have built up here. China does not allow dual nationality.
OK its nice for the men to have a beautiful Chinese wife named Mrs Whatever. But in the long run is it just self satisfaction in the mind of men? Is it really in the interest of the women?
We go into these things all lovey dovey but we know that breakups do happen, deaths do happen. So the question should be 'What happens to her if we part or I leave this earth if she has given up her Chinese birthright"
Willy
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Not exactly along the lines of what I was wondering, but if she does change her name, does it affect her name in China? I mean, I know it's a connected world, but is it that connected?
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Neil In China and when buying airplane tickets for international travel.My wife uses her family name.In America she uses my family name.My wife's passport has her family name.Any official business in China my wife uses her family name.My wife I.D. card her social security card.And any official business in America.My wife uses my family name.
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Vince
If you are married or in a legal de-facto relationship when you eventually depart this mortal coil, I imagine that your Will (no not Willy !!!) will mention that your wife is the beneficiary....does not matter then what she is called as long as she can provide proof of her marriage and domicile with you...should be easy.
That is what my Lawyer advises me anyway
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Just to make my thoughts clearer. If a wife changes her name and takes on a foreign passport then in the event she wants to return to China at any time she will need to obtain a visa and abide by all the restrictions upon it. Even risking a visa not being granted.
Willy
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When I married Jing she changed her name from Hu Jing to Jing Hu Pineau. So she actually kept her name and just added mine at the end. We did this on the marriage certificate and it made ting so smooth in applying for her green card and SSN, drivers license etc. And we didn't have the confusion of people asking if we were married or just living together. Also when Jason stated school we changed his name also. That made everyone in the household have the same family name avoided a lot of questions from his schoolmates and teachers. It was a clean break and I think it was the right decision.
When Fiona arrives in America we will do the same thing for her and her daughter. It just makes the future so much easier.
One thing that Willy mentioned is certainly true. Since she is an American now, when she visits China she needs to apply for a VISA same as me.
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Maybe keeping her own citizenship isn't a bad idea? But then again maybe she wants to stay? I'll let you know in 30 years or so?
I for one look forward to hearing the result in 30 years or so. ;D
Willy
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We'll Be Friends 'Til We're Old & Senile… Then We'll Be New Friends!
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Neil, I am going to take a stab at your question, although I have no first hand knowledge. But, if she legally takes on your name, then she will have to legally get a new passport with her new name on it. Also, he ID needs to be changed. She cant legally go by Mrs Pridgeon, and then try to keep all her old documents to use them when they are handy. Either she has to go all the way, or go the route that Maxx suggested, where, everyone knows her as Mrs Pridgeon, but legally, her name was never changed.
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Gina said it may even impact her retirement if she changed her name. But, I dont know if that truly is the case. Plus in China it is not normally the practice of wives to take their husbands name. At least that is what I have been told.
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Plus in China it is not normally the practice of wives to take their husbands name.
Very true Jim . Like Maxx said .. I'd keep chinese Matter's in your Wife's Family Name and after moving to whatever Country .. there do it with her taking your last Name . This way , she'll not loose anything that she has acquired so far in her Life there .. or just keep it the way it is and not change it at all . Weigh matter's and choose what's best for both of you . Qing wanted to carry my last Name and I wanted her to keep Qing instead of Cher , talked over and done with .
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Can I ask, why you men want your wives to change their name. It may be the practice in your country But for a good part of the world it is not so.
Why does she have to take your name? The people who matter know that you are married. Why does it matter if someone you have never met before and are hardly likely to meet again thinks your not married.
She can call her self what she likes in any country provided it is not for an illegal purpose .For her own sake she should keep her own name. Give it up officially and she loses any pension rights in China and much more.
WE know that at the moment you are in love etc etc and are together until your dying days. BUT how many others have thought that and have ended up with a split relationship. We can name them on here, but how many other members are no longer here because the relationship has floundered and they have gone away quietly and not told a sole.
So fellows think to the future.
Do not be selfish. The taking of your name officially is more to do with your ego and not her true wish i feel.
Willy
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Well, for some, it is important. My first wife, I never asked her to take my last name, but she did. And even though it really was not an important thing for me, I was really honoured when she did it. To me, it seemed like such a giving thing, to give up her last name in place of mine. I see nothing wrong with the idea, provided both agree with it.
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My take on the whole thing is that Xia will never change her Chinese name and to us it is a non issue. Like most girls on China Love she adopted an English name (Wendy) and that is what all my family call her and how she introduces herself to other people here in Australia and usually she will just say that she is my wife. My family are also aware that her surname is not the same as mine (Shi - which means Stone) and do not care one way or the other. She is my wife and that is all that matters.
Using her Chinese name also made it easy when she needed to get her first couple of Australian documents (Medicare, registering for the hospital to do natal and have the baby and to register for English classes etc.) as the only identification she had was her Chinese Passport. It also matches the name on her visa so there is no problems for any papers that we do. Although at times we do get some confused lookes as to why they call an Asian girl's name and a laowei comes with her. This usually only lasts the first visit somewhere, but seems to be all the time we go to the doctor as we go to an English speaking Chinese doctor so we can both better understand what is going on.
As Willy mentioned I think that a woman taking a mans name after marriage is an old fasion thing. Not for everyone and when I am trying to make it as easy as possible and not cause any problems for Xia to assimulate into the Australian way of life a non issue for us and others may do as they wish.
When the baby is born it will have my surname. If it is a boy it will be Jack, if a girl Laura, we will find out during the next ultra sound on monday 7th November.
So my name is Jason (NEVER) Wright, her name is Xia Shi - Wendy (ALWAYS) Wright, and the baby will be Jack or Laura Wright with a Chinese middle name dependent on whether boy or girl but will be Xia's mum or dads name. If you are confused do not worry for I am Wright.. ;)
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The thing I worry about is when the immigration interviewer asks her: Why didn't you take your husband's name? Don't you really love him? Isn't this a true marriage? Meanwhile, she hasn't got a clue what the hell he's talking about and she fails the interview. It is pretty common in the west for the woman to take the husband's last name. And really, what makes our customs any less important than Chinese customs?
If everything did go sideways some day, I think it's pretty easy to change her name back, if she really wanted to do that. Mind you, my ex-wife still has my last name. At least, until this spring. Apparently she's getting married.
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Willy in the U.S it is a custom.It also is the law.Or it used to be..I don't know if it still is.It is also a sign of respect.Between two married people.It also makes it allot easier to transfer title of say property,Assets,The family jewels.If your wife's last name is Lee.And yours is Londoner.And you kick the bucket.Your wife is going to have a hell of a time.Proving she is who she says she is.To some monkey in the government.
Do you want to cause your wife undo drama after you pass.Or cause your kids undo drama.Or make it where they can't get to your assets in a emergency.In China this may not be a big deal.In the states it is a big deal
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The woman never took the mans name in older times she was given it simply because a women when she married was owned by the man.
Does this not sping to mind when other people were 'owned' they were given the masters name.
Even in Biblical times, and still adhered to by some religious groups, that the man is the head and the women must do as they wish. It is only in recent history, like the past 100 years and less still in many cases that women came to be a person in their own right.
What Maxx says is correct it may make things easier when one dies. But that is only if they are still together at that point. According to US Statistics 41% of first marriages end in divorce, 60% of second marriages and 73% of thrid marraiges. In Canada it is nearly 50% for first marriages, 72% for second and 85% for third.
In Australia and UK it it harder to put a % as the number of couple just living together has increased considerably in recent 20 years. But Office of national statistics state that over 160,000 people divorce every year and just over 200,000 marry in the UK. The first two years of marriage have the highest rate and 70% of divorces are first divorces.
So although things are much easier when one partner dies it seems to be a statistical fact that most marriages will not last until that even occurs and even then the money or assets do not automatically go to the surviving partners without undue paperwork.
There is one solution that all married couples must undertake and that is MAKE A WILL TODAY. Tomorow may be too late. More men are guilty of dying inestate (I think that is the word when they die without making a willl) than adultery.
Make a will and it matters not married or unmarried, taken your name or not. Your will is clear in what your intentions are.
Willy
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I know a guy that took his wife's family name. A lot of the guys called him Mrs.