China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => The Campfire => Topic started by: David E on March 17, 2012, 01:06:47 am
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I dont know quite whether to be happy or sad over the latest development in my life with my lovely Ming....
She had pretty good English by the time she got here and she is also busy with the English classes provided by our Government for new Migrants.
She has got Cert 1 and 2 and is close to completing Cert 3. Cert 4 is basically total fluency...so I am very proud of her.
She was approached at the school this week with a proposition....(no, not one of those propositions !!!!)
Here in Perth there are 3 special schools run by the Chinese Chun Wah Association. They focus on 2nd, 3rd and even 4th generations of Children born here of Chinese parentage.
Most of these kids are truly Aussie and have forgotten/dont use Chinese Language any more. Many parents are now worrying about this, especially considering Australia's stronger and stronger economic links with China. So they want their kids to formally "re-learn" Chinese.
Obviously, there are very few Westerners who could qualify to do this, basically it is the new migrants who have totally fluent idiomatic Chinese Language. But the problem is that most of the new migrants have little English, so how can they teach Chinese to kids that are only fluent in English !!!
Because Ming is now basically fluent in English (at least to the point where she can converse very adequately with any English speaker) and she has perfect Chinese because she has not had enough time to forget it !! she is an obvious target for the Chun Wah Association teaching Programme.
I am not sure I am happy with her working full-time yet (I am selfish enough to enjoy having her at home to look after me ;D ;D) but I am sure it would be good for her if she doesn't get too tired......................(BTW, $46 per hour has nothing to do with it !!!!!!!!!!!!!)
What do you all think...got any views about it ???
Cheers...David
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Wow, what an opportunity! You certainly have got a live wire there! Do you really have a say in her choice? I feel like I have been having an uphill battle with my lady to learn English. Wish she was half as smart as Ming. Good luck with stopping her David
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David that is brilliant news, i undersstand about wanting to be selfish, however do you not think that it would be good for ming's self esteem knowing she is contributing towards family income ( I know it's not needed :D :D) but she would feel a lot better maybe. and at the end of the say without trying to be an Ar..hole surely it is her decision. What does she want to do??
Pride: Not only will YOU feel proud of her for what she has accomplished, think of the 'FACE' her family will get back home, when she tells them 'how' important that 'little' job is...How proud will they be...They will dine on this for a long time.
She has done brilliantly since getting to Oz and not letting her take this job, could throw a spanner into the works...
Just my pennies worth !! ;D ;D
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David , I know how you feel from a work point of view , I would discuss it as a so many hours a week type of job , I know here in Melbourne the classes are held on mainly a Saturday and Sunday and 2 weeknights , our only disagreements in our household are Sujuans long work hours , but she finds her girls are like a jelly forever moving and altering hours because of classes , but then she has promised to cut down next year after she makes some more money ha ha , and at the same time she wants to expand her shops so we will see , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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My opinion David is this. My wife has no need to work but she is happier when doing so. It is more within their culture to be doing something other than being around the home all day. The money is unimportant but she is just following what she was brought up with.
Chinese friends of mine here has actually moved from Hong Kong into mainland China because their sons had very scant knowledge of Chinese language!
It may be a wrench for you but I think you are pushing close to my age. We are not going to be around for ever and maybe need to let them have a bit of independence. For the same reason she also needs to keep up her Chinese as she may one day wish to return there should the inevitable occur sooner rather than later!
Willy
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David I'm not really qualified to answer that question since Peggy is still in China. But I think Willy hit on the important factor. I think the real question should be, What would make her happy?
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My two cents... I have the same viewpoint as Willy. If she wants to do this and it makes her happy? let it happen.
These kids later on will be happy they learned it.
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What do you all think...got any views about it ???
Cheers...David
Aaahh.... little grasshopper, I see your dilemma. The more things change, the more you wish it to stay still. You are in the middle of that comfort zone enjoying new sinsations living your marriageable bliss. It is not wrong to be selfish so do not flounder in misery. Enjoy your time with her.
But also understand, is it not NOBLE to allow others to nourish themselves from that enriched knowledge your wife has in abundance. After all, I hear Mandarin is a good source of vitamin C hinese 8)
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David I can't see a problem with this.I think this is a good idea.Like the other members have pointed out.It is going to raise Ming's self worth.she will feel like she is contributing to the greater good of your little family.
This reminds me of Arnolds wife.Qinq doesn't need to work.Between her money and what money Arnold makes they have more then enough money to be comfortable.Qing works just to have something to do.And to stay conected to her people.For my wife to stay connected to her people.She watches Chinese TV.And we go eat Chinese whenever my wife wants to.It gives my wife a chance to speak Chinese.And to feel like she is still connected to China.It is the same for Robert's wife.She hangs out and talks to Chinese girls all day.She is contributing to the household income.And keeping connected to what she grew up with.
The time apart for you is going to suck.But as long as Ming isn't working to many hours.It will give you a chance to do somethings that you have ben putting off.
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David,
another way to look at this thing, is what would the ramifications be if you were resistant to Ming's good fortunes.
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Wise counsel Guys....thanks to all of you......again ;D
I have/had no intention of actually forbidding her to do this thing, I dont have that right, we always discuss things together and come to decisions we both can commit to.
My only concern was that she will get herself too tired and that is not what I want. But I am sure you all agree that "too tired" from working does not figure in a Chinese Woman's mind set !!!
Willy...I take your point, it is very likely I will depart this mortal coil long before Ming, so it is important that she has the means and opportunity for a good life in Aus when I am gone, or also has the flexibility to go back to China with enough money and skills (English) to have a decent life thereafter......that is clearly my responsibility to facilitate.....and one which I accept without question.
Cheers...David
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But also understand, is it not NOBLE to allow others to nourish themselves from that enriched knowledge your wife has in abundance. After all, I hear Mandarin is a good source of vitamin C hinese 8)
Did you mean something like this Rhon !!!!
To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them?
To die, to sleep, no more; and by a sleep to say we end
the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
to sleep: perchance to dream:
Aay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause:
With apologies to the Baird......
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But also understand, is it not NOBLE to allow others to nourish themselves from that enriched knowledge your wife has in abundance. After all, I hear Mandarin is a good source of vitamin C hinese 8)
Did you mean something like this Rhon !!!!
To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them?
To die, to sleep, no more; and by a sleep to say we end
the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
to sleep: perchance to dream:
Aay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause:
With apologies to the Baird......
With apologies to the Baird! I do not understand half of this. Maybe you mean Scottish Robbie ecause I don't understand more than half that he says to me either ;D ;D
Willy
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Tut Tut Willy !!!!!!!!!!
The BAIRD = William Shakespeare....otherwise known as WILLY Shakespeare...and here I was, thinking you were related to such a famous wordsmith..... ;D ;D ;D
I suppose the words simply ask..."is it better to endure all the good and Bad that comes along in life...or is it better to be dead !!! ????"
Dunno....I have not been dead yet...dont know if it is better or not :-\ :-\
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Did someone mention my name? ;D ;D
Ahhh dear old William I taught him well... ;D ;D
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Unreal David,seems a good thing to me,you may have to retrain your'self in the housekeeping department though ;D
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Well actually you and myself have now seen the same side of the Coin. It has flipped from the most wonderful times, to now we need to share our lovely Ladys/Wife with the rest of the World. I had my thought wrapped around this as soon as Qing started working. It was not too bad at first ( 2 day's/5 hours each a week ), but it had come to where I disliked it. Four to five day's and mostly at night, til 11pm to boot. The two classes are during my working hours, so no problem for "Me". My poor LaoPo though, has too much on her plate.. where I wanted to intervene and get her days cut.. so she can pay more attention to her schooling (GED).
Am I selfish for this? I don't think so, of course I want to be with her more hours of the day.. but also see her juggleing too much now. I don't like to see her this way and I'm sure David doesn't like it going that way either. one can let go, but control or get control of how many hours are going into this Schooling for your Ming. You definitely have a saying in that department.. I hope you do for your sake. haha
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Yes Arnold, it is a tricky situation all round.
I have no problems with Ming interacting with many new people, in fact I encourage and welcome this, it all helps with her integration and appreciation of her new life in Aus.
But by the time she has continued with her formal schooling towards Certificate 4 in English, taught Chinese Students for 12 hours each week, done both her homework for the Certificate and done her home preparation for the lessons...plus all the other chores she feels compelled to do...she is pretty well knackered (Aus translation = very tired !!)
I have managed to cope with the housework myself (I have hired a cleaning Lady ;D ;D !!!!) and I do my share of cooking (because I love to cook !!), but that still leaves her with one heck of a workload, whereas my original plan was for her to have an easy life...just her and me enjoying life, without any pressure.
I could stomp my foot and say "Stop" and in her Chinese way she would obey her LG...but I sure dont want to go down that track....
I guess we will just let things happen and I will carefully watch to see if she gets too stressed and tired. But I must give her support to have a go at this, because I know she gets immense pleasure (and face) by feeling her new self-worth in her new Country.
Watch this space !!!
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.......... because I know she gets immense pleasure (and face) by feeling her new self-worth in her new Country.
isn't that what it's all about? "Face".. now where did I hear that before? I think we by now have a feeling ( with our age :) ) for what is best for our LaoPo's and ourselves of course. It's like "Fishing"! Hook the "BIG" one, one can start to reel it in.. but also must let it go out to avoid the line to snap and come up with empty hands.
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Watch this space !!!
I keep watching, but nothing seems to be happening! How long should I keep watching?
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Don't look away Martin, you might miss it.
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David you are not going to change thousands of years of Chinese culture.
I know what you mean about how you wanted her to take things easy with you. But that is not the way it is going to happen. Only in the TV programmes do I see Chinese woman lazing around doing nothing and these are the ones that are always shown as getting their come uppence by the end. Doing nothing is not an option for them.
YouYuan has now taken over looking after the neice's baby full time. In the past couple of weeks I now see her less during the day and she is so tired at times. BUT she is happy and in my book that comes first. She is doing something she loves to do and I am sure she would do it whether she was paid or not.
Willy
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Thanks you blokes, this is valuable infomation for us who are still waiting for our wives to arrive.
I think it will save us a lot of "face" and embarrassment in future situations.
I was of the same opinion as David E, The only job i wanted my wife to have was to learn English and we would do some traveling and basically do what retired people do. Now I'll be prepared to go with the flow, what ever that is.
I know my wife is keen to do something but i did not want her to work full time so we'll have to see what happens
Cheers
Leeroy
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Clayton not being married to a chinese lady, but spent a few glorious weeks with one. I think 'their' full time work and 'our' full time work are different ;D ;D As you well know....Their workday starts as soon asd their eyes are open in the morning, and doesnt really end until the eyes are closed at night, whatever time bed time comes around ;D
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Martin
Keep watching...I could have a further riveting update in a few days.... ;D ;D ;D
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Martin
Keep watching...I could have a further riveting update in a few days.... ;D ;D ;D
Thats Great David. I am really into metal working. Never tried riveting but looking forward to an update.
Willy
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Willy...I take your point, it is very likely I will depart this mortal coil long before Ming, so it is important that she has the means and opportunity for a good life in Aus when I am gone, or also has the flexibility to go back to China with enough money and skills (English) to have a decent life thereafter......that is clearly my responsibility to facilitate.....and one which I accept without question.
I have a similar situation to you David..
My response has been to become an IELTS tutor, so her English ramps up to speed quickly,
and to import her 20 yo Son to NZ ( he arrives in 2 weeks) so she has family here, should I be
called upon to vacate the body on short notice :-)