China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: yoshiii on July 31, 2009, 09:33:25 am
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Hello
I am using China Love to try and meet that special someone.
I have been reading a lot lately about how money is always involved when dealing with Chinese women and family.
I have worked for a Chinese company before in the states and there was always money being given back and forth between friends and family members of the boss of the company.
I have read somewhere on China Love(the actually site with the ladies profiles) that the family of the lady expects to receive 10% of your income each year.
Crazy.
I am sorry, I have never heard of this with Chinese culture. I know that money is a big part of their culture.
Also I notice that some of the women from Beijing and Goungzou are more likely to be looking for people with "money" than other places.
My friend from Hong Kong told me that many Hong Kong people and Shanghai people are very concerned about money.(to stereo type it.)
So why should I try to meet someone online when there is a big chance of running into a women who cares about money too much?
I have a good job, I am not rich but I am not poor and hurting. But I do not want to get into a relationship where I have to worry about spending money all of the time on some ones parents and family.
Not to start any trouble but I live and work in Japan right now and my experience with Japanese women is that like any women in the world, there are the money grabber types and big headed ones. But I don't have to deal with the money issue here like it appears that I will have to if I marry a Chinese women.
What is everyone's thoughts about this matter?
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Well, in my case my lady is from Beijing and I'm 99% sure that her family is well to do. Retired govt. people, the way she dresses, spends money and the high end quality of what she wears. She's traveled all over China and is thinking about buying a house in Shenzhen. Kind of freaking me out because I make a good salary yet can't give her the one's she's already accustomed to. Last one I almost married was a money grubber from Guangzhou. Just use your gut instinct and if stinks back off. I know what you mean about Japanese girls I lived there in 93-94.
China Shark Mike
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I have read somewhere on China Love that the family of the lady expects to receive 10% of your income each year.
Much of the posts over at Chnlove.com is misinformation. It's opinions and assumptions. There isn't a percentage given and it all depends on circumstances. In China, the children care for the parents when they are elderly. If the daughter leaves China most likely there is another child to take care of the parents. Usually a first born male. That's his job. Others may contribute? if they wish to. This is more then just money.
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I think the question really comes down to what the marriage and family means to you and your wife.
If you don't trust your wife with your money, then you have to wonder how you can trust her with anything else.
I've never thought much of prenupital agreements. You set up contracts to protect yourself against unscrupulous people. If you enter into a marriage with the thought that you need to protect yourself in this way, it's a pretty sad way to start off a marriage.
I was married before and money was never a problem for us. Everything I had belonged to my wife as much as it belonged to me. I was always happy to help out her friends and family. We talked things through together and worked out what we were both happy to give.
If I married again, I hope I would act in the same way again. Her family would be mine and my family would be hers. Helping out less fortunate members of the family is both a privilege and responsibility. If my wife wished to send money to her family, and we could afford it, then I think that's just fine.
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Bravo, Danny. The majority of the ones on here are not looking for riches, just a man to love them.
China Shark Mike
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Bravo, Danny. The majority of the ones on here are not looking for riches, just a man to love them.
China Shark Mike
Thanks Mike.
I really admire a woman who isn't impressed by throwing money about.
I'm organising my hotel at the moment, and I just went for a four star hotel, the Zhuhai Greenery, recommended by Maxx and others. I was a little embarassed going to this one because it's only 250 yuan a night.
I was really touched by her saying that it seemed a little expensive to her. Of course part of it is that she's just being polite. She doesn't want me to feel cheap staying at a basic hotel. But it was really kind of her to say, I thought. That's the amazing thing about these women, the care and consideration you get for your feelings.
If I talked about the price of a hotel room with a woman back home, most of them would be completely indifferent, they would think, so what, it's not my problem, stay where you like.
Taking care of money is the sort of thing that's really good to know about when you're seriously thinking about marrying someone. It's kind of dull - but it's real important you agree about things like that.
It's an easy thing to just blow money away at an expensive hotel, but what does that say about you?
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Hahahaha!! The day's of the free spending Danny is almost over, just you wait and see .... lol !!
David...
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Hahahaha!! The day's of the free spending Danny is almost over, just you wait and see .... lol !!
David...
It will be just be my luck she will be even tighter than me - what's the saying, be careful what you wish for, because you may get it . . . *laughs*
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Don't forget Danny. No tips. Not from taxi drivers or waiting staff. No one expects or will even accept them here and they take great pains to ensure you get every penny back in change.
Willy
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That's good to know, Willy. Sometimes you think people tell you not to give tips because they're being polite. So from now on, I'll keep every last cent.
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I know this has happened to at least a few of us. I left a tip at the restaurant on the table. i am walking down the street when a man comes rushing up to me and says i left this at the table. I say no it is a tip. He will not take it. both of us are embarrassed but if he had kept it he may have been fired. So be careful.
Also I took a lot of finger nail polish and lipstick with me for tips for the maids in the hotel. I gave them some each day. They really loved it. it only costs a few bucks here and it bought a lot of good will. anytime i asked for anything, it came almost immediately. The girls would show me the next day that they were wearing it.
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Bet the customs guy's were not game to ask you why you had so much nail polish and lipstick ,:blush::blush:
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I am absolute confident about having my wife handling our money. She knows the best way. Chinese woman are so much more carefully about the money. I also know that if I ask for something I also will get it because she loves me. Not that I need something special but we need to buy some things when she and her daughter come to Sweden. When I ask her about our financial status for the moment the only answer I get is that I should not be worried...
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Everytime I get a haircut I tip them. I'm sorry but if I'm getting a complete upper body massage, my ears cleaned and the whole nine yards for 20 rmbs {$3.00} they surely deserve something extra. It's crazy on what Chinese people think is to much to pay for something. Bought socks for 7 rmbs and was told they were expensive $1.00. Best most comfortable socks I ever wore.
China Shark Mike
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My wife has control of our money and I would like to say that now we actually have money in the savings account, she has never said no to something I told her I wanted but, she seems to be able to get it at a cheaper price then I can, some times I get things I need but didn't ask for, she just knows these things.
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I know EXACTLY what your saying here Michael......
AND, .... she has has been able to make me more money in the last year or so, than i made in the previouss 3 years!! (investments) Guess who now looks after my disposable money?? hahaha!!
David....
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Since I have met my Xu Le she always asks if I am working hard and paying attention to my body and gettig enough rest. She asks if I am doing right with my money and saving. She not concerned how much I make but if I can save. hen I agreed to send her money she said she would not spend it all she would save for our future together. Im not much of a saver. So with this girl in my life I know I will have a savings account with money in it.
About the parents I think and paying them i think it depends on how many children they have. My Xu Le is an only child. She has asked if we would be able to help her parents in the future do many things. I told her after we were married we would discuss it more in detail. She really would like for them to have a larger home for when we return to china to visit with he children. She would also like her mother to have a car. To pick us up in. I have seen how her family uses a car. Only to a dinner or meeting with friends they walk everywhere else.
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Since I have met my Xu Le she always asks if I am working hard and paying attention to my body and gettig enough rest. She asks if I am doing right with my money and saving. She not concerned how much I make but if I can save. hen I agreed to send her money she said she would not spend it all she would save for our future together. Im not much of a saver. So with this girl in my life I know I will have a savings account with money in it.
About the parents I think and paying them i think it depends on how many children they have. My Xu Le is an only child. She has asked if we would be able to help her parents in the future do many things. I told her after we were married we would discuss it more in detail. She really would like for them to have a larger home for when we return to china to visit with he children. She would also like her mother to have a car. To pick us up in. I have seen how her family uses a car. Only to a dinner or meeting with friends they walk everywhere else.
It just seems like this is so expensive. I mean I don't have money to throw around. I mean if I was pulling it in like that I wouldn't worry.
What I mean is that I dont have 5000 dollars just to plop out here and there for supporting her family back in China all of the time or this and that. I understand saving up for the wedding and all. I understand helping out things sometimes with her family, but I don't want to be looked at as a money machine plus take care of myself and a wife.
I guess I wonder are the people who are doing all of this are super well off guys such Doctors and Engineers and so on? Or is your average joe with a good job doing this too?
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I know this has happened to at least a few of us. I left a tip at the restaurant on the table. i am walking down the street when a man comes rushing up to me and says i left this at the table. I say no it is a tip. He will not take it. both of us are embarrassed but if he had kept it he may have been fired. So be careful.
Also I took a lot of finger nail polish and lipstick with me for tips for the maids in the hotel. I gave them some each day. They really loved it. it only costs a few bucks here and it bought a lot of good will. anytime i asked for anything, it came almost immediately. The girls would show me the next day that they were wearing it.
Now there's using your noodle. What a great idea for showing appreciation. I gotta remember this one.
Yoshiii, Dont get discouraged. When I began my finances were in the toilet. I could barely make bills and had a little left over to write my wife. If your upfront about your econimics she'll likely accept it just fine. When I told my wife I thought she'd either end it or accept it. Her response was so heartwarming that I knew she was the one. I looked up her response to my telling her my situation and here's what she wrote.
"Honey, if we get married, your problems are also mine. I think it is my obligation to help you and find the solution together with you. We will find some better solutions. My love, I believe you are sober and you can solve the problems. Please don't think it will become a burden on me. We will go through the difficulties together. Sometimes, it is also very happy to share the pressure with your love."
Keep your head up. They dont expect miracles.. Many just want to be loved.
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I dont have to foot the whole bill now. I am helping her with english school and everyday life. After she moves here to the United States she wants to work. She wants to work to support our family and hers she just asked if I would help. But this has not been discussed in detail. I am an average joe. I am a constuction laborer, that is about to find a couple part time jobs. You do what you gotta do. I have made promises I have to keep.
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Yoshiii.
No not at all, ...that sort of thing is all personal choices, if your not in a position to send money to help parents/family then you can't...simple as that!!
I dare say that most here are not sending money to help support families on anywhere near a regular basis, and certainly not at 5000 dollars a pop!!. ...haha!!
Number one tip about money, ....''Don't mention it''....
Oh, and never say yes out of hand, to any requests unless you mean it. Just concentrate on the wedding costs, if your at that point in your relationship, that is......
David.....
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Number one tip about money, ....''Don't mention it''....
That's a good piece of advice. Whenever it is mentioned nothing good ever comes of it.
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I am remembering an old movie called It's a Wonderful Life staring Jimmy Stewart. Jimmy is in a bar with his guardian angel, Clarence. Jimmy says to Clarence, "I worried about you little fella, do you have any money?" Clarence replies, "Oh no, we do not use money in heaven." Jimmy, "Well, it comes in pretty handy down here."
I do not bring up the issue of money. When Luaping asks, I tell her that the economy is very bad right now and people are not buying much in my store so my budget is very very tight. She is a business owner and understands that issue and it puts an end to the subject for now. I know we will have to talk about it at some point but until I meet her there in China I don't really want to talk about it.
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Well.
There are some who talk about money and who try to save the more they can.
And there are some who don't talk about it but like spending it as they wish, even if it's not their own money...
Should money be one of the main points to talk about, in a relationship? I hope not... but I think it's always "nice" to make things clear, when man sees he has to buy, buy, buy, buy and buy again so many things when he is with someone (like his lovely lady), and that he would have never bought all of that if he was alone...
Maybe is it some "part of dream" that many ladies say to themselves they can realize, because before meeting westerner men, they just could not (or maybe some could but not all, for sure)...
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Maybe is it some "part of dream" that many ladies say to themselves they can realize, because before meeting westerner men, they just could not (or maybe some could but not all, for sure)...
And good luck to them, I say. If the women we write to have some of their dreams come true, that can only be a good thing.
I only meant to say that it was a good idea not to bring it up as a topic of conversation. I am happy to talk about it if my woman wishes to talk about it. But I'm not going to raise it on my own initiative.
We have a saying here, if you want to remain friends, never talk about sex, religion or money. All in all, it's good advice.
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Man can add politic, too.
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Well Sophie knows about how bad my financies are, yet she cares NOT ajot about it. She is by no means rich or anything, but always goes out everyday and gets me something, the other day it was a Spoon type inplement, designed only for coffee. :o She takes great delight in doing things like this, of course I do what I can concerning buying her stuff. or helping to buy the shopping. She told me today that she 'Is really happy with the way things are between us. But NOT working is hurting me, it's NOT just the money side of things, it's the feeling of worth that you feel when you do work...
Today I mentioned to her, look baby, I will be out all day looking for work!!! She replied, "No baby, no need to work" she does not want me to feel any pressure. For years and years I have been unemployed, now that I want to work, she won't let me!!!...GO FIGURE.
Of course I'm thinking about what her family would say if I don't work, and stayed a layabout :(
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Rob , don't you have to go and talk to the school soon ? , maybe you should find in Sofies friends 2 or 3 that you can practise on , as every little bit helps , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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Of course I'm thinking about what her family would say if I don't work, and stayed a layabout :(
Thank goodness your a Scotsman and not a real Englishman!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D
Willy