China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: Brent on May 04, 2009, 06:07:57 pm
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Reason I ask is because I was really planning on holding off on talking to any girls for a while but I just got an admirer letter from a lady who seems very close to the ideal girl I was hoping to find. She's 27, speaks good English, well educated, attractive and shares a lot of similar interests with me. Even a bonus that she lives just outside of Shanghai which has always been one of the top places in China I've wanted to visit and would be the easiest for me to get to since they have direct flights from Toronto to Shanghai. I'm almost thinking I'd be nuts not to at least write her but I really can't go back and forth with EMF's for too long. Especially if I do end up saving for a trip to China next year I would need to stick to a tight budget and frankly I'm a bit pissed at the amount of cash I threw at EMF's for the first girl since it didn't work out.
Obviously I don't think it's the girl who will mind of course but the agency, So do any of you guys have any tips how to tactfully tell them early on that you're only interested in someone who's willing to communicate away from EMF's after the first week or two? :?
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Brent the reason i suggest that you stay with the Emf for the first 2 or 3 months or the first trip.Is that the translaters take some of the culture shock out of the letters.What I mean by that is that the translaters explain the letters to the lady.They also explain a little of are customs and culture.
I would wate untill you and the lady are both comfortable.Then I would suggest you go to a different medium.There is no set time for this to happen.Each person is different.And how comfortable the lady is and you are determens how this works out.If you move to fast this could blow up on you.If you move to slow.You have a expensive penpal.
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I don't know what to say to you Brent...glad to see you back with us again. I guess you could just come out and ask her. I also agree with what Maxx said.
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Brent , I see why not at least write to her , like every other week , after explaining to her , that you are saving to go to China in the near future . But no more than a year . Hopefully , that she would be the one I will visit then . Write long and caring letter's , that make the waiting time for the next not so bad . Buy 50 credit's , it's cheaper in the long run and it will last you for over a year , even with some extra ones in a while . Remember , this is the Woman that has caught your Eye , now don't let her get away . Any help you need along the way , you know where to ask .
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It depends on both the girl and the agency, along with the agency's policies. I was able to speak to one of my ladies directly after 3 EMFs, and someone here mentioned they went to direct communication after the first ( I think). Anyway, I do wish you the best luck, sometimes it's hit or miss, but this lady DID catch your eye... what would be worse to you - spending some money on EMFs and finding out she's not the one, or not spending any money on EMFs and losing the one without even knowing it? Keep in mind that if you were to be dating a woman locally, you would be spending money on food/drinks/entertainment etc., so 50 EMFs is really not a bad deal at all if you can swing it. Combine that with the fact that you are saving up and plan to go to China within a year's time - I don't know what girl would not be understanding about that. After all, you would be coming to see her anyway (potentially). Good luck!
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Brent,
I got off EMF's about 2 months into our letters but i figure only as a fluke. I learned that a friend of ours was able to send messages directly to the agency and saved a buck or two on the EMF's and do direct emai with translations happening in the middle.
I proposed this idea to her and the following email message said to write her to her personal email addy. I was confused at first and asked who I was supposed to pay for the service. She told me I was not to pay anything since she would be taking care of it.
After my visit and marrying my wonderful wife I suspect it was her family paying the bill since it was far cheaper but also just as important that her family see that she was able to fulfill her match-making.
I learned her mother paid her upfront fee of 10k rmb for the service and the 50k rmb fee to fulfill the contract. It appears to me that it was important to her family that she can live a fulfilling life with someone she loves.
Far as i can tell this isnt anything that's fly-by-night by any means and it's all flexible from many standpoints.
perhaps you can ask her if finding a personal translator who can intercept direct email and translate is possible? Just an idea but I've seen from my own relationship that nearly anything is possible.
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I got really lucky and was off EMF's after one letter. My lady is an English teacher at the University level. She also studies english speaking cultures so the culture shock will be less. Also she paid off her contract with the Agency already so was allowed direct contact with me. We also hit it off with one really long letter exchanged between us. She had her profile hidden at the agency and told me to block her after her first letter. My profile is also invisible and we are both only writing to each other. She is an amazing woman and I cannot believe my luck in meeting her. I plan to go visit her for the national holiday at the beginning of October! :D
Big Dave
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David , who say's it was all Luck ? Maybe you have something to do with it ?
Good to hear , and keep your Luck going .
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You know , that brings me to the point Qing and Myself arrived at one time . The Translator , actually told us to go use E-Mail to save Money . I did not think much of it then , but now looking back , it is strange for some reason ? Did my Wife pay off her contract right then and there ? I just feel , not asking that question of her , because if she does not bring it up , why should I ? It's over and done with .
Sameldrum , you make a great point there , thanks .
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Recently I sent an email to my lady asking about the fees and such. I haven't gotten a reply yet. Thinking that I contacted her as soon as her photo hit the page? :D I wonder if she paid it up that fast? Within a month I had her address and phone number. The email address came later (as I posted before) she didn't have one and didn't know she could without her own computer. Neither of us ever really talked money, as in how much you make? So waiting on this reply I wonder what the answer will be?
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I think that there are big differences. It depends much on the individual and the relationship you are in. I don't kow much about how much the ladies pay. My lady has been posted mid march and we started writing April 13th. I got the first private mail today and her QQ ID. But I also must say that we are very confident with each other.
So, I think she has paid what she had to upfront.
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One I use to talk with said they had two programs (at her agency). One was making payments and the other was full payment. She didn't give me an amount but she was upset that it was a large amount that she paid (in full). I think we went to email after the second EMF.
My lady now? I know she's not loaded ($$) so I really want to know what's going on there. She wouldn't spend a large amount, I know that. Unless maybe they told her the guy will pay?
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I'm really eager to find out about your girl's situation Vince, as my girl seems to be in a similar situation. I've got her cell phone number but she doesn't want me to call her (could be the agency not allowing it), she seems nearly desperate for me to come visit. Her letters are awesome and she answers every question I ask and asks a few real great questions which shows me she's interested and cares. I know her parents are not rich and her either, but not poor either.
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Vince take a look around when you arrive in shenyang.If it looks good to you and the lady is what you want.
Just dump the agency Dont worry about the fees.Don't let your lady pay them eather.The fees are just way to much.
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You know Guy's , that gives me the Idea , for us all , here in the Brotherhood pick a day and time and we all post on the Official Chnlove at the same time our dislike's of there treatment of the Lady's and taking advantage of us western Men over time and Hoodwing ( thanks Michael ) us . I think that would come across like a kick in the behind , to let them know ... there are being watched from the outside and from all over the World . Let me know if this sounds like a good Idea ? I myself would just love it .
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She sells makeup and sales are slow. I asked if it was a known name like Avon or Mary Kay but she said no just cheap makeup? She doesn't have A/C at her home she said it's to expensive to have. (Electric bill?) She probably can't afford a computer and this the reason she doesn't have one. And her cell is just a phone, no voicemail or texting so it's prob. just basic service. So how she does it I don't know but to pay the agency such a large amount? She never asked me for a penny or yuan whatever. She seems to want to make her own money to pay what is owed to the agency, didn't suggest I pay it and wants to work as soon as possible when she comes here.
It makes me real sad when I read stuff like this.
I really hope it works out for her.
Sometimes when I read posts like this it helps me get a sense of perspective.
Comparatively speaking, it's not really such a big deal if most of us western men get scammed. The money I spend here is pretty much just loose change for me. But for some of these women, they've spent what for them is just a fortune. Spending all that money in the hope of meeting a good man, and starting a good life, and then being ripped off by an agency, now that is a real tragedy.
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On the phone it was hard to understand what she was asking to what she was telling me. She hasn't learned the question form. So I think she asked if I pay for the letters? I said yes I pay for the letters to her and from her. Then she went on with the what she pays the agency which was hard to understand because she was translating it into US dollars. and she had the numbers right but I couldn't understand what payment when. She must have gotten my email about this which is why she brought it up on the phone. So the next day I got an email of the contract.
Through it all I have to say we were lucky in many ways. We met, we understand each other and we had no problems getting around the contacting outside the EMF and Chnlove. But like I said back on the Facebook trend. No freakin way she's paying them that much. They're not ripping off my lady.
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Thanks Vince , got it .
I was not thinking of them Posting any of them , I knew they wont , just to give them something to think about .
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Through it all I have to say we were lucky in many ways. We met, we understand each other and we had no problems getting around the contacting outside the EMF and Chnlove. But like I said back on the Facebook trend. No freakin way she's paying them that much. They're not ripping off my lady.
My only concern with not paying them is that would that bill then go to her parents? That would be a great way to lose face with her parents.
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From the website of my lady's agency, she must pay in full BEFORE I come to visit. If it doesn't work out she is refunded most of the money. I think the idea there is to not force the westerner to pay and to make sure the agency receives its payment.
Hi Nick L
How can they stop you going to China and meeting her? Unless that is all your contact has been by EMF. I have my lady's address, her telephone number, her work address and even her mothers address. And yes I have even said hello to her Mom on the phone.
Willy the Londoner
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My lady paid a large fee before the agency would allow her to correspond with gentlemen outside of the EMF service. The agency owned her email box. Whenever she mentioned this or anything about fees in her EMF's the agency edited that material out of her EMF's. She would try to tell the people she was writing to that she was not allowed to communicate outside of the EMF service until she paid off her contract but even that was edited out of her letters. Several people she was writng to got very frustrated because they thought she was avoiding communication outside of the EMF service. She is a University level English teacher and does not need the translator service at all. It was just the agency preventing her from communicating outside of EMF's until her contract was paid in full. She had a pay up front contract that she has paid in full and does not have to pay a successful marriage fee. We stopped using her agency for anything after our first exchanged letter. Also while having to use the EMF service the agency would still add to her letters to try and "help" the relationship along. She would notice that the man would respond with statements like "I love you too!" So she asked the translator about it. The translator was adding in the romantic lines to further the relationship. She was upset because she did not feel this way toward the people the letters were sent too. It was then she decided to pay off the contract as quickly as possible. I know this same practice was done by the translators for the first two women I wrote too before Anna. I could also tell when the translator stopped doing this and the ladies started writing their letters more independently. Some people might say this is a scam but it is not. The agency just feels they are helping move the relationship along. I actually think in some cases this probably does indeed help, especially if the woman is shy or not able to communicate very well. I know for some of us this has been frustrating. I personally would always prefer to know that the letter received is entirely the words of the woman I am writing too.
Big Dave
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I think that the agencies is more into the fact that if they could help more women to find Western men they will be able to get more money through the meeting and marriage fees..
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Getting off EMF's can be diffecult to convince her to do. Now that my wife and I are married, we rely on google translate, and yes I've tried others, and not all messages translate as you'd expect. Occasionally I spot-check translations just to see how bad they really are. Granted you can alter your sentences to mitigate the errors but this one was just tooo freakin funny not to post. I hope my wife reads it with a grain of salt but boy she'll be a bit confused. After reading it, ask yourself if you'd rather have a translator if you were in her shoes.
############################ Portion of original english email sent.
Today was surprisingly clear and warm. The work was calm and productive. Please read this message carefully. I did something important.
Today I go to the bank and sent money to your "Bank of China" account. The deposit will not complete until tomorrow (Thursday). I need you to somehow visit the bank and confirm the money was received. There is a fee for me to send it. The amount might be slightly less than I estimate. The fee is $30 usd. The amount may be $470 usd if they remove the fee from that amount, or the fee will be deducted from my account and the deposit will be $500 usd. You should be able to exchange this money for about 3000 yuan. Please give 2500 yuan to repay the mother, and keep 500 yuan for emergency. If you decide to give mother all the money, I will trust your decision.
################################# same portion after translation. HOLY SHIT!
Today is clear and surprisingly warm. This work is peaceful and productive. Please read the message. I do not have anything important.
Today, I go to the bank and send money to your "Bank of China" account. Deposits will not be completed until tomorrow (Thursday). I wonder if I need to visit your bank and confirm that the money received. There are charges, I see it. I may be slightly less than the amount estimated. Cost of $ 30. The amount of U.S. dollars 470 U.S. dollars may be, if they are deleted from the amount of fees or costs will be deducted from my account and deposits will reach 500 U.S. dollars. You should be able to exchange the money of about 30 million yuan. Please give the mother to repay 2500 yuan and 500 yuan to maintain the emergency situation. If you decided to let the mother of all the money, I will believe that your decision.
###################################
How confident would you be if your western man was sending you crap like this? LOL
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LOL.
The mother might now be expecting at least RMB 29,997,500 and commit it on something wild before your wife goes to the bank... :D
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oh my god Ed lol.
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oh my what did she say lol.
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She'll realize the error's. She hasn't replied yet. I'm waiting for her to get on QQ at the moment so I'll see if she read it yet. Thankfully since she's my wife she now seems to just float with the translation errors.
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Ed.....Do you fancy sending me some please.........lol :):s
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HAHAHA...Glad you did not have anything important to say...a few million isn't that important.
On a similar note, I used to spot check when we chatted on MSN. I can't remember what I sent...something like I really love you...it translated to...I really hate you. That seemed really messed, and fortunately, I had caught it.
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Would you believe she never brought up the email? She seems to put more value on the QQ video calls now. Email seems irrelevant to her now.
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Make sure you stick with the email too Edward... they don't like online chat for documentation purposes.
Big Dave
Would you believe she never brought up the email? She seems to put more value on the QQ video calls now. Email seems irrelevant to her now.
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I have not read all this thread, sorry I'm up to my eyeballs in alligators with immigration paperwork. My experience was that the "Agency Boss" decided which woman was ready to communicate outside EMF. After talking with wo de laopo, and some of the others I came to the conclusion that the guy was afraid that the poor English skills might cause the relationship to fall apart. My wife was given the green light to chat outside of EMF because her English was good enough. I think in some cases the "Boss" at the agency is worried that the relationship will not work and there will not be a success. With that said, the agency my wife used could have thrived on failures since they charge an annual fee. In some cases even though it is a business decision I think the agency is worried about failures. Maybe it is another case of cultural differences that are misunderstood by both sides.
Peace,
Tom
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i've been similar fortunate, as others have, in having connected with a
young lady who speaks very good English. Thus, we were able to
switch over from EMF to email in about a month. I didn't ask her
earlier since I wasn't counting the cost, and I wanted to size up her
comprehension skills...in response to my letters.
we write very little now, after 3 months, and it's easier for me to call
her on the phone and give her a wake up call or lengthier conversation
before she goes to sleep.
it's a pretty good balance: me with my English and Cantonese, and
she with her English and Cantonese (though her primary comfort is
Mandarin).
small steps...