Recent Posts

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The Campfire / Re: Where is everyone?
« Last post by Martin on March 24, 2025, 01:05:22 am »
Hi Martin
nice to see someone coming in from time to time. the good days when there was much activity i do miss them think many now have moved on and I hope leading good lives with their Chinese wife i sure hope so, it's a pity we shall never know how things have turned out for many, I do have a friend who was a member here unfortunately he died. 
As for me everything is good and my wife is doing well, I'm retired now we hope the future will be back in Chengdu. fingers crossed
regards Joe

Hi Joe...maybe we should all start coming back here, and get things rolling again.  It would be good to touch base with some of the guys.  All of you played a pretty important role in my life for quite some time.

Martin
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The Campfire / Re: Where is everyone?
« Last post by Martin on March 24, 2025, 01:02:57 am »
Hi all. Just thought I would drop a line here, to see if anyone was still out and about, and reading these messages?  It’s been a few years since I was here as well. Be great to hear from some of the old gang.


Mike the NY'er is now in Austin, Texas

My wife and I recently celebrated 14 years of marriage .... so that's good

Mike

Good to hear Mike the ex NY'er turned Texan.  14 years is wonderful news to read.  Ive been looking at some of the old posts, and boy, some of them are sure depressing.  So it's good to read some positive.
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Your trip to Asia / Southern Philippines
« Last post by Martin on March 23, 2025, 01:49:16 pm »
For anyone travelling to the Philippines, be aware that not all places are necessarily safe for travel.  There are some areas, particularly in the south of the country that you need to be aware. That doesn't mean you shouldn't go to the south.  Your lady friend will keep you safe, and let you know where you can and can not go.  There are areas in southern Mindanao, and western Mindanao that requires vigilance. Any areas of the Sulu Sea can get interesting. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't go there.  In fact, like I said earlier, your lady friend will keep you safe.  She will let you know if there are concerns in the area.  Don't listen to everyone.  Often, when I am at the airport, waiting to board my flight, I will make small talk with other passengers.  When they hear I am going to southern Mindanao, usually their first reaction is...aren't you scared to go there?  Many in Manila are scared to go, because they think that behind every coconut tree, is some guy with an AK47 ready to terrorize. that's just not the reality.

Are there bad people in the area?  Yes!  There is Abu Sayef, the NPA, MLF, and I'm sure other groups. When I am in my wife's home city, I have never felt unsafe or scared.  I had one time that we were turned around while driving in the mountains, and I was starting to get concerned that I could inadvertently drive somewhere I shouldn't be.  There was a time that we were going on a road trip (yes, I was driving), and I was showing my wife the shortest route to get to where we were headed.  She said that we could not go this direction, because it was not safe.  So we had to add a couple hours to the trip to avoid this area.  That's just the reality.

Make sure you check your governments web page for traveling abroad...check for warnings in the area you are going, and register with your government before going.  But don't let the warnings scare you off.  The area my wife is from has a warning from the Canadian Government to avoid non-essential travel.  Just use common sense.  She will keep you safe.  Trust her, and enjoy your time together.
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Philippine Women and Relationships / Mano Po and Respect
« Last post by Martin on March 23, 2025, 01:31:47 pm »
There is a tradition in the Philippines called Mano po.  This was not something I had ever heard of before travelling to the Philippine Islands.  basically, it is a way to show respect to someone that is deserving of respect.  For example, if you are traveling there to meet your girlfriend, and she takes you to visit her parents.  Mano po is what you would do when you meet them.  You also do this everytime you visit with them in the future.  This is something young children will do with you as well.  Children are taught to do this when they are still babies, so as they grow up, it's a natural thing for them to do.  When I travel to the Philippines, I would always do Mano Po to my wife's father.  Also, to her uncle.  If I'm not sure when to do it, I usually stand behind my wife when we arrive somewhere, and if she does Mano po to whoever is there, I also do it.  It doesn't matter that I am in my 50's. I still need to show respect to my elders.  I do not do this with my wife older brothers.  For starters, I am slightly older than them...and also, it isn't something you do with people who are more or less your equals.  So how to do this thing called Mano Po?  If you are the younger, you take the older persons hand, and touch the back of their hand to your forehead.  And if you are the older, you offer your hand, and they will touch the back of your hand to their forehead. 

Whenever nieces or nephews come over, the first thing they do is "bless"...mano po.  When my own children come home for school, or I come home from work, it's the same thing.  It's part of the culture.

Another part of respect is never calling someone older by their first name.  For example, I never ever ever called my father in law by his first name.  In fact, I didn't even know he had a different name than. what I was calling him for the longest time.  I was introduced to him, and was told that he is "Tatay"(pronounced ta-tie). So, that's what I always called him.  Tatay means father, or Dad.  My wife's children never called me by my name.  This would be extremely rude behaviour, and very disrespectful. From day 1, they have always called me Daddy.  It's not like the west, where a single mother wants her children to call you daddy, so you can pretend to be their father.  There, it is done so the children show you respect.

Even my wife's cousins don't call me by name only, because I am older than them.  Same goes for sister in laws.  To them, I am Kuya Martin, which translated, means Older Brother Martin.  It was a bit of a learning curve in the beginning, because I was used to everyone just calling me by my first name.  In the Philippines, this is a no no.

Other examples...I have never heard my wife refer to her oldest brother by name.  He is Manong, which means older...or oldest brother.

You could expect to be called Sir quite a bit.  Or Kuya (pronounced ku-ya), Tito (pronounced tee-toe)(uncle), Tatay (Father), or even Lolo (Grandfather if you are very old).

I have learned when talking to people close to my age to call them Kuya (older brother) or Ate (older sister, pronounced ah-tay).  Ot Tito (uncle)/ Tita (aunt).  One of my wife's uncles, I don't even know his name.  We just call him Uncle.

To my nieces and nephews, I am not called Uncle or Tito (pronounced Tee-toe). They call me Daddy Martin...not sure why...that's just what they call me.  Then there are the shortened versions of these names.  Tatay can be shortened to Tay (Pronounced Tie), or Ate can be shorted to Te (pronounced Tay).

Respect is very important in the Philippines. This is the easiest way to show respect to your olders, and the way the youngers wil show respect to you.

I have attached a short YouTube video on Mano Po so you can better understand, and see how it is done.

https://youtu.be/oYE4LSt9TRQ?si=5l18eR95bgJBcihB
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Dating in the Philippines / My Adventure
« Last post by Martin on March 23, 2025, 12:32:56 pm »
It's been a long time since I have been posting regularly on this site, but after a conversation with Robert S, it seems likeI should be posting here once again.  Years ago, I dated and married a girl in China.  Many of you will remember this...and I'm sure there are lots of posts here in the archives to attest to this.  For one reason or another, this relationship didn't work out.  I am not going to lay blame to either her or I.  There were difficulties right off the get go.  Cultural differences, language barrier (not to be underestimated), and some other issues, made it an extremely difficult situation.  It didn't work out. Sometime afterwards, I was talking to one of the members here...for those that remember him, this would be Ed.  His marriage had also fell apart, for different reasons. He had since met a girl in the Philippines. On one particular phone call, Ed had asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend's neighbour.  Not wanting to repeat the problems I had, I told him "no!".  I didn't want to go through the language and cultural barriers again.  I can meet a girl in Canada, or, just stay single. Another phone call, another day, he again asked me if I wanted to meet his girlfriend's neighbour.  Again, I said no.  The third phone call went the same way as well.  On the fourth phone call, I was feeling a little annoyed that he wasn't accepting my answer, and hatched a plan in my head to get him to stop asking me.  I told him that I would add this girl to my Facebook, with the understanding that it would be "friends only".  My plan, was to send a couple of emails back and forth, check out her pictures, then after a few months of no communication, I would quietly un-friend her.  That was the plan.  The reality was somewhat different.  Instead of unfriending her after a few months, I found myself on a plane 5 months later, headed to southern Philippines, heading to a city called Davao.  As luck would have it, Ed also went to the Philippines at the same time.  We met each other at the Manila Airport, and travelled the last leg of the journey together. 

Heading to the Philippines, I didn't know a whole lot of what I was headed for.  I hadn't done the research like I had done, before going to China.  I was fairly prepared heading to China for the first time.  This time around, not so much. Maybe I was tired from all the research I had done going to China.  Or maybe it was more, throwing caution to the wind, and letting the chips fall where they may.  But whatever the reason, I knew almost nothing about the Philippines.  I knew the capital city is Manila, and I knew that the former Presidents wife owned a lot of shoes.  That was my knowledge.  To be honest, I am kind of glad I hadn't done a lot of research into where I was going.  Everything was new to me.  I had no expectations.  What greeted me was amazing.  A tropical paradise, with friendly people...kind of an east meets west, where there are old traditions, but not stuck in the old ways mentality.  A modern approach to life.

So, I went there to see if this girl I had been chatting to on Skype was the same as the person she seemed to be online.  She spoke English (although there were times that I struggled with her accent when on Skype), she was beautiful, she was kind and thoughtful, and she seemed....real.  But online, and real life are two different things.  And I was about to find that out.  This girl I had been dating online...she was far more beautiful in person...why would she want to date a shlub like me?  Turns out she kind of liked me.  She was kind, honest, caring, loving, attentive, and fun to be with.  There was almost no language barrier. The odd time, she would struggle to find a word...but not very often.And culturally, there was no issues.  The Philippine people are very understanding that I came from a different country, and were happy to explain why they do things the way they do them.  While English isn't the first...or even second language there, enough people can speak even basic English, so that someone like me can get by. They use the same alphabet as us, so reading signs, menus, or anything was made easy.

That's not to say that everything was perfect all the time.  We have had ups and downs.  More...many more ups, than downs.  The biggest down that I struggled with in the beginning, was something called "Tampo". And if you are with a Filipina, you probably already know what tampo is. It's basically the silent treatment when she is upset.  This can go on for hours...and sometimes even days.  If you are new to this, it can feel pretty devastating. I was pretty sure the first time that I experienced this, that we were done. But once she gets past whatever was bothering her, it's done, and she returns to her regular loving self.

I could not see myself dating this girl forever.  It was inevitable that something had to change.  After about a year and a half of dating her, I had to make her my ex-girlfreind.  She just wasn't right for me as a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, she is an incredible woman.  Just not girlfriend material.  Fortunately for me, my exgirlfriend has been my wife for the past almost 13 years.  We are happily married, and live together in Canada, with two of her children.  They are both young adults now, and working on college and university respectively.  Adding this girl to my Facebook as a friend was the best thing I had ever done.

I have rambled on long enough.  I can write another post later with more details of my first trip.  If anyone has questions about anything, feel free to ask.  I can help people with visa questions (entry in to the Philippines tourist visa), how to get married on the Philippines (that is a process), or whatever you want to know.

Thanks for reading

Martin
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The Campfire / Re: Where is everyone?
« Last post by Robertt S on March 04, 2025, 01:38:19 pm »
Well after 15 years I have thrown in the towel. Wife has been back in China since 2023 and I decided a year later to move on with my life. ...

Hey Robert, sorry to hear this sad news,
these relationships are a struggle for sure.
Is really a miracle that mine is still going, but getting much better now.
I hope things work out for you in the future.

I still remember the times the four of us met for meals in Qingdao, over 15 years ago, those were fun days full of hope and dreams.

Best of luck!
Mike






Thanks Mike, it has been coming for a long time so it really wasn't too bad!
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The Campfire / Re: Where is everyone?
« Last post by mpo on March 02, 2025, 10:36:16 pm »
MPO,

Forgot to say something to you yesterday.  Glad to hear from you.  Texas huh.

Shaun

Hey Shaun,

I moved to Central Texas 8 years ago, and thinking to leave it this year .... to go where?, I do not know yet
as always, everything is up in the air, and impossible to predict :)
My wife wants me to Retire, but I am stubborn about it
I am a teacher now, for Math, Software Coding, and Robotics ... stuff I enjoy doing without all the stress of my old career.

--Mike


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The Campfire / Re: Where is everyone?
« Last post by mpo on March 02, 2025, 06:45:31 pm »
Well after 15 years I have thrown in the towel. Wife has been back in China since 2023 and I decided a year later to move on with my life. ...

Hey Robert, sorry to hear this sad news,
these relationships are a struggle for sure.
Is really a miracle that mine is still going, but getting much better now.
I hope things work out for you in the future.

I still remember the times the four of us met for meals in Qingdao, over 15 years ago, those were fun days full of hope and dreams.

Best of luck!
Mike

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The Campfire / Re: Where is everyone?
« Last post by shaun on February 27, 2025, 05:16:47 pm »
MPO,

Forgot to say something to you yesterday.  Glad to hear from you.  Texas huh.

Shaun
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The Campfire / Re: Where is everyone?
« Last post by shaun on February 24, 2025, 06:35:17 pm »
Robertt,

Just read your message.  I am sorry to hear about your issue.  It's hard when things go well let alone when they are difficult.

If you want to talk and you still have my phone number, give me a call.  I work Wednesday, Friday thru Sunday.  Any other time I'm available.

Shaun
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