Chinese Family Etiquette

[Paul Todd]

I've been talking to my lady on web cam for a few months now. Her Mother is well on side and approves of our marriage and her father passed away a good few years ago. So the other day her older brother who I have never seen shows up, a jolly red faced man,smiles,nods his head and goes away.My lady asks in a formal way "If I would come over and meet with him". I say that "I would be honoured to meet her older brother" Now I'm not sure how this family etiquette works,do I have to get his blessing now the father has passed away or is she just giving face to her elder brother? Any advice guy's?

[Ed W]

maybe someone else might correct me but as far as I understand, him being the elder male, he's now responsible for the family. I'm unclear how far that goes since I'll also be meeting with an elder brother, but both parents are still alive.

Perhaps, ask her?

[Arnold]

I know for a fact , that the older brother does take the place of a passed away father , and in turn you must be on his good side to be with your Lady , unless she 's been Married before , which case it does relax matter's . I have felt this myself , even with both Qing's Parent's still alive . He carries a lot of weight in the Family . But not to scare on off his Lady , ask like Vince say'd to be sure , because I'm sure it varies with Family's and between City's and Countryside's .

[Paul Todd]

Thanks for all the advice guy's
It seems there are five people involved in my relationship and that's not including me! The mother,two brothers,a sister and my lady. I've been under scrutiny from day one apparently, and a hot topic of conversation. They have all read my letter's and even viewed some web cam sessions she saved! It's all a bit embarrasing as we do get a bit "adolescent" on occasion. I even post in Chinese characters, so no translation problems for them! Boy I hope they didn't see those bits, man if I had that kind of ammunition on a guy I would be able to take the p**s out of him for years! but I suppose if a Chinese guy started talking to my sister on line I would certainly want to check him out. The good news is they all approve of the wedding,and have given us there blessing. Yippee!

[Arnold]

Paul , everyone here looking for a chinese Lady , must be approved by all her closest family member's . It's only to check and see if you are for real . Are we not doing the same with the Lady's , only our family's are not behind us , because of our western way's . We have long lost that family closeness in our society . Ones your Married you will be like a Son , Brother , to all of them . Yippee back to you .

[JimB]

On my second "date" with my lady the older brother was invited to dinner.  Once i met him and he approved of me things went a lot smoother.  She has since told me that older brother is the head of the family since her father passed.  And his blessing is needed but not mandatory.  Mama's blessing is still the most important. If she opposes your marriage you are probably done. If she says yes.  You are probably golden.

[Paul Todd]

Thanks guy's
Just got off the web cam with my lady. It was her younger sister's son's birthday 8 years old and everyone was there, having a party, hats,cake the works.They all came on one by one and greetings were exchanged,big smiles all round. Even the young lad had his turn, I sang happy birthday to him, and he seemed delighted by it. They all gave us their blessing's and wished us well. My lady was just beaming with happiness. What a sight. They were all so welcoming. I should explain here that I was orphaned at a young age and never really had a family after that, so it's all a bit overwhelming. Arnold, just like you said, I now have a family. I'm blissed out. Thanks for all your advice guy's.

[cHi]

Wow that's awesome Paul, congrats!  Best of luck to ya!

[David]

Paul that must have been fantastic!  I am very happy for you!  That is so wonderful that they were able to include you in the birthday celebration!

Big Dave