Scams/Pitfalls when starting up

[OakTom]

And is she prepared and ready to marry you on this first trip? are you sure?

Yes, I believe that she is. We have talked daily since Nov 22. We will know for certain when we meet of course.

[/quote]We have advised guys many times to meet on the first trip, even get engaged, and consider marriage on a second trip....
[/quote]

This is good advice, but I would send for her and marry her today if I could. Yeah, I've got it bad for her
And yes, I have plenty of experience in relationships. Just not one with a Chinese lady.

[/quote]It is up to you and her, but that is the advice we offer, because this process is not easy, and takes a lot of time and effort to work out, and if possible you really want to avoid trouble.
[/quote]

It is good advice and it may work out that way. I have researched the process and does not appear that daunting. Would you care to extrapolate on the difficulties? I always like to be prepared.

Thanks for all your help
Tom

[OakTom]

See on any of the other free to view sites seeing you know her age and possibly her area , other guys have in the past found their ladies on other sites as well and saved themselves many dollars by a little detective work , regards Sujuan and Robert .

I have searched so many other sites that it is not funny. I found her profile on CFF only, but cannot get a reply. I believe that her agency has removed her from other sites for this reason. I am stuck paying the dollars until Feb 22, when I can purchase her contact info from ChnLove.  I even sent my email on a note with some flowers. She did not receive my note. They are getting wise to that I guess and really like my money, haha.

[fivetrout]

Tom,
 I feel that a train wreck is coming...I hope not. Yes, I married on my first visit, but only after two years of daily contact via skype, texts, etc. You and she have not yet been tested with cultural differences.  Have you even video chatted with her? Do you have a lot of non photo-shopped pictures? Do her parents support this? Do you understand the agency part regarding monies?

With only 60 days of letters, many of which are likely not her own words...marriage talk is crazy! You are in love with a puppy of unknown character and traits.

Do you expect to marry at the beginning or the end of the two weeks? I'd suggest the end if you go through with this. However, if she sleeps with you at the beginning without marriage...humm!

Tom, make this a fact finder trip without pressures for both sides. As of now you are both strangers.


Chris

[JohnB]

damn, Chris!
"...if she sleeps with you at the beginning without marriage...humm!" 

I would have been a 36 yr old virgin! Maybe I could add 4 yrs & sell the movie rights.

[Pineau]

Tom.  Your first mistake was using Chnlove. If there is money to be made then you will find legitimate deals along with a rash of scam .  Don't get your hopes up. My first time out I used Chnlove and spent near a thousand on months of message exchanges. Only to find I fallen for the translator (who was a young man). The lady that I thought I was talking to, had no clue. And she was a beautiful photo-shopped lady that turned out to be as ugly as .....

Second time out ....same thing. So if you feel lucky go ahead but beware.

Years ago I was told by a friend who's was a Chinese man. Don't be trusting anybody, especially Chinese.  That sounds a bit racist but, coming from a Chinese man it tells you a lot.

[fivetrout]

JohnB...I agree, but the woman should at least tell him that to save face. At least, I was told that.

Gerry. It takes a big man to admit a love affair with a man! 

[Pineau]

It's funny now but at the time I was ready to strangle someone. 
Hmmmm he was kind of nice and flattering. Said all the right things. I wonder what he would look like in a dress and wig.

All joking aside I was livid and when i went to China I stayed a week in Shenyang hoping to meet up and extract a 1000
dollars of his skin.  I did meet up with the lady and spent the day discussing the methods used to extract cash from love sick men on the rebound.  They have no scruples what so ever. They got my 1000 and had her under contract to pay 50,000 Yuan if they delivered me to the altar.

[Willy The Londoner]

Hmmmm he was kind of nice and flattering. Said all the right things. I wonder what he would look like in a dress and wig.

Well Gerry at least you were not thinking of him without clothes. Ha Ha


As for Tom maybe she may only live and work in the larger city of Nanning and that Zhengzhou is where her name is registered on the housebook.  Often women discuss joining an agency or finding a match maker with family and friends, especially over New Year and will be persuaded to join when visiting home during that period. I understand that there is an upsurge in new female recruits to the agencies post Chinese New Year.

Willy

[Martin]

This is good advice, but I would send for her and marry her today if I could. Yeah, I've got it bad for her
And yes, I have plenty of experience in relationships. Just not one with a Chinese lady.

I would also warn against marrying on the first trip. You might be surprised to learn how much is the agency talking for her. I also have a lot of experience in relationships. I also got married on my first trip. After bringing her to Canada, we were together 3 months. That's it...marriage over. We were too different, and we didn't give ourselves enough time to get to know each other. Another former member, and good friend of mine, Ed, also married on his first trip...in fact, within hours of his plane landing in China. He too was certain that this was the one. He too is divorced now. In the end, the choice is yours, but be warned.

[OakTom]

Thank you all.
What you say makes good sense. I will cool my jets. In February we should be able to use skype and such. I will still wait until our meet to give marriage any serious consideration. I do have a few non-photo shop pics (one with a gift I sent), so at least I have a decent chance that I am at least talking to the person I think I am. April is still a little ways off. I had already planned to get multiple use Visa in case I felt rushed.
I have enough divorces under my belt already. I don't need or want another.
On the other hand, if it hits off the way I think it will, all bets are off Yes, even then I would certainly want to wait til at least the end of the visit to marry.
My lady has a friend that she will have translate if needed (non-agency). We are both learning the lingo. But I still plan to take an electronic pocket translator because I don't want to rely on any third party past the first day.
Marry or not, right girl or not, I plan to have a great vacation at the least.

Again thanks. You all have been invaluable with your experience in this.
I will keep posting as new developments come.

Tom

[Willy The Londoner]

When I met my then to be wife in 2009 her English was limited to being able to say the alphabet letters one by one. Her words in English were limited to about the same that Mike found at his first meeting.

The electronic calculator was a must but she was a fast learner and could use the translator to not only converse with each other but she also used it to listen to words and phrases in English that she inputted in Chinese.

When using these then always remember make sentences brief as the translator memory can get confused and this means both to and from her. Do not cut phrases down to local speak either as it will not understand what you mean. 

We then spent time together every day together for 4 months before we married and in that time everything, and I mean just about everything in the apartment had a stick on label with the items name in English and also in phonetic Chinese characters.

Now more than four years later we can have a chat together in a mixture of English and Chinese.  As I intend to stay in China for ever then it became even more important for me to learn Chinese and I have a Chinese language Teacher that comes to me every day so I speak more Chinese day by day both with my wife and her eldest daughter.

Willy