Letter to the Canadian Passport Office

[Martin]

Actual letter to the Canadian Passport office

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows

that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal

Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the

income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health

insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports

I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out

before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those

insufferable census forms that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is

Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that

ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!

SHIT!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you

an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my

house, then you ask me for my fuckin' address. What is going on? You have a

gang of Neanderthal assholes workin' there!

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up

Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy

beach.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan

on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do

something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not

want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and

get another fuckin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60!!!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to

assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??

Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us

running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off,

then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture

- you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!  (fuckin'

morons)

Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!

Signed - An Irate fucking Canadian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to

confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776

when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have served

in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances

up the yingyang.

I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years

and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know,

someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fucking CHINA !!!

[ttwjr32]

Martin,

whats the inside story to this. i would think that this type of letter
would serve no purpose other than get them pissed and bury your
paper work under the pile.  

Ted

[Bee964]

Ted,

Believe me when I say that pretty well every Canadian feels like this. There will never be a sensible immigration/citizenship process here. The whole system was supposed to be intigrated together to assure that there is no false applicants. I had suggested to our MP here that there be one document issued to cover everything, birth certificate, social security, passport... these documents all need to be renewed every 5 years now. Even include the provincial ones too, drivers licence, health card... This would only make things much simpler so it will never happen. Besides that it would cut down on the fees that they would charge as well as the costs to issue the document. Another reason it will never happen.

As for the letter, this is how we Canadians vent to our government officials when we have had enough. I think it is better than other ways of venting... :icon_cheesygrin:

Dave C

[maxx]

If a American did send a letter like this.The first thing that would happen is the paperwork would be lost or put at the bottom of the stack.And then comes the real fun.First the local police show up.and question you.Then the FBI shows up.And questions you and everybody you ever met for the last five years.Then if they don't take you to jail on some trumped up charge your put on a watch list for the next five to ten years.

Which means every time a government official comes to your city.The local police will have you followed.And make sure you don't cause a disturbance.Or just lock you up.Last time George Busch came to Farmington.They locked up all the sign wavers.And locked up the head honchos of the local American Indian movement.The FBI and secrete service finally Let these people go like 24 hours after Busch had left.

And we call this the land of the free.

[rockycoon]

I am wondering if the PM ever reads these things, and by the way, who elected this a** hole anyway?  Too bad you don't have
his home address and sent it to his wife...hahaha :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

Makes you wonder how much red tape his wife has to go through
just to have sex with him....:huh:

[Bee964]

There is no threat to any politician in the letter. Just calling them names is not a threat. Pointing out that their process is flawed and stupid does not imply a threat. We would have politicians campaining here and they are always getting called names by at least a couple people in the crowd. They can harass you for calling them names but they end up looking stupid for not being big enough to let a few names bounce off them.

Dave C

[Scottish_Rob]

Martin...Being from a little rough place in Scotland...I would say

Haha.....that is a very informitive letter you have there...hahaha

Nice writing skills...haha  Are you sure your NOT Scottish?

Do I detect that you may be a little aggrieved or upset at something?....:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

[Willy The Londoner]

Martin,

whats the inside story to this. i would think that this type of letter
would serve no purpose other than get them pissed and bury your
paper work under the pile.  

Ted

We will find out soon Ted - I sent one to Washingtom in your name!!!

Let us know what Obama says to you.:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

Willy

[David5o]

This letter is a joke that's been going round in cyber space for a few years now. It's been an Englishman,  An Aussie, An American and god knows how many other nationalities  hahaha!!!

In fact i've posted this letter, in the ''Just for Laughs'' thread, i think on that occassion it was the  Aussie version.....

David.....

[Martin]

Sorry guys...I didn't write it.  I thought you might all get a laugh from it.  Sorry David5o.  I didn't know you had already posted it.

[David5o]

Martin,

No problem, ...each time they change the nationality,  they change a little of the letter to suit the country there referring too, so it's always a little different in content....

David......

[David5o]

Here is one of the British versions ....haha!!!

Dear Minister,
 
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...
who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING AND WORKING IN PAKISTAN!!!!...

Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.



See what i mean, ...they all change bits and bobs to suit the country in question... lol!!!


David.....

[Martin]

That one is pretty funny too.