Having a baby with a Chinese wife - what to expect

[Irishman]

I read with huge fascination and I must admit a little trepidation the following - Maternity Practices in China vs the West

I knew some of this stuff from talking to a Chinese colleague in work but really didn't appreciate the lengths that it goes to.

Obviously this will vary from one person to another but it certainly does show the huge differences in practices in the east to the west after during and after childbirth, there are 9 articles in the "find more section" all expanding on the theme and well worth reading in my opinion for those of us planning on raising a new family with our future wives

Here's a excerpt:-

Chinese women believe the month after childbirth is a critical time for both the mother and the baby. A Chinese woman is encouraged to zuo yue zi (lay-in) for one month after childbirth, during which time she is cared for by an older woman (usually her mother or mother-in-law), who takes on all domestic tasks.


"I stayed in bed for a month after childbirth," said Mrs Zhang, 32, from Henan Province. "During that time, my mother-in-law advised me about what I should do. She would not let me take a shower, brush my teeth or wash my hair, and there were lots of things I could not eat or drink. Cold drinks and uncooked foods were forbidden, especially cold water and fruit. My mother-in-law encouraged me to eat a lot of fish soup and pig-trotter soup. She said it would help me to produce milk for breast-feeding. She said my eyes were very weak, and, as a result, I must not watch TV or read books. Also, I usually wear slippers around the house. During that month, I could only wear slipper boots, which did not hit the soles of my feet when I walked, as she said that would hurt my feet.”

Hope you find it interesting.

[mustfocus]

In Singapore, Malaysia and Hong Kong this is called the confinement period.  During the period there are a lot of customs to be observed related to the physical well being of the mother and the baby.  Customs vary from region to region, but things like:

1) Special diet... often lots of herbal concoctions
2) No bathing/showering...may sponge off or mother may just bear with it for the confinement period
3) No heavy physical exertions
4) Hiring a "confinement" maid

A lot of these are passed down from old times (many are obsolete in these modern days)...

It's interesting... just make sure your lady tells you what traditions people from her part of the country follow... mother-in-law always has lots of input into this.

[Paul Todd]

Thanks, yes I did find it very interesting. Looks like you have much to learn! Great site.
I remember when I first found out that Chinese parents often give their kids to the grand parents to raise and I didn't agree with that at all. Now seeing it in practice I think its fantastic. When the child is a baby the grandmother is the one with the child raising skills and as the infant grows up they take care of the grand parents. I have seen this in action and the kids involved grow strong and independent and as for the old folks,being around youngsters seems to keep them young too. They also have a lot of time to tell stories and pass down traditions to the next generation. Like so many Chinese things what you see on first inspection is often misleading.

[Willy The Londoner]

I have made it clear to my wife right from the start.

She has three kids and when these marry I told her that I will not be taking on the role of a parent at my age.

I may have falling in with Chinese life in most ways but one has to draw the line somewhere.  And I want peaceful retirement.

They tell me that there is a lot of pain in Childbirth but never met a man who felt any pain until after the birth!

Dont blame men for the womens pain - A woman should have left the fruit on the tree.

Willy

[ttwjr32]

i will probably be chastised for saying this , but for the most part this has to do with China's social policy
for the elders after they are older. THERE IS NONE or not much of one unless they held a higher post in the
gov't. so the kids start caring for them and in doing so they take care of the grandkids as the kids work and try
and support everyone. its a pretty widespread occurance here as for the most part from what i have read almost
3/4 of the elderly really dont have much of a retirement here other than what they have saved. statistics say that
almost 700,000 will have no retirement in their later years other than what they have saved. this is why this country
is driven by the almighty rmb. if they want to eat they have to save and also be helped out later in life. no social programs
set up by the govt to help all wage earners in later years.

its going to be very interesting here in the next ten years or so as these wages here keep going up which is just the start
of the effect which will occur in all avenues and i think will hurt the way of life here as they know it. i think it will create more
poor people because as the wages go up so does everything else and one of the appeals of living here is the cheapness of
it.
right now as it stands the housing has effected many to the point were they cant buy a house because they cant save that much
in such a short period of time and the payment is to high for many. speculators have been buying them up and the cheap housing has
been bought up by the corrupt officials and developers. so i guess we will have to see were it all leads

[Jimmy]

You know Ted you are so right.
It is the public programs in the USA that cause a lot of the problems.  Actually I should not say the programs but the abuse of the programs.
Back several years ago I lost my job, had a wife that was pregnant, and got sick all at once. With no insurance I had no idea what I was going to do. And to go on welfare was out of the question.
After talking with several people I respect very much, They made me realize that these programs really are wonderful thing for people that really need some help.
I got on it used it for about a year and was back in good shape again and stopped it.
To many people see it as free money instead of a helping hand from our government. Where as the people in China the fall back on what has worked for centuries.
Family members helping each other, Take care of Mom and Dad when they get old.
In the US it's more like where can we put them until they die so I don't have to worry about it. And make sure it's cheap so that there is plenty of money after they are gone.
The Experience and wisdom of the elderly is defiantly a wasted resource in the USA.
Sorry if I got off topic,

[ttwjr32]

no your right in the USA a majority look at their parents as a burden if thats the right word to use to
describe it? im tempted to have my kids get their inheritance only after they have lived in China for 1
or 2 years. let them see first hand its not about what you have but how you live. and here they will see
that first hand. a vast majority of the population is poor here and they are still happy enjoying what your
supposed to do ----   family,freinds, and what you have. not what you need to have. now that would be an
eye opener for them even if i was the one who caused the problem by giving them everything they wanted
and some that they didnt need.

just a thought that has been going thru my mind lately and with the passing of my mom its really made me
think about life and the joys you should have with the time you have.