Author Topic: How was your Start of all this ...  (Read 7401 times)

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Vince G

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Re: How was your Start of all this ...
« Reply #15 on: October 18, 2011, 11:33:34 pm »
A buddy and I were talking about this just the other day. Now I've known him for something like 48 years. There are some things we agree upon and also disagree but we both said almost the same time (when talking about women and their attitudes) they are always looking for what they can get but now we will ask them "What do YOU bring to the table?"

Arnold

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Re: How was your Start of all this ...
« Reply #16 on: October 18, 2011, 11:37:26 pm »
but now we ask them .. "What do YOU bring to the table?"/quote]

Heck .. why NOT ?

Offline David E

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Re: How was your Start of all this ...
« Reply #17 on: October 19, 2011, 01:44:46 am »
Naah...its a package thing...

A Woman will trade a few "ideals" in exchange for other things...like financial security, nice home, devoted husband...etc.

A Chinese Women is happy to make the trade, a Western Woman, not so much.

But.......dont ever lose sight of the fact that to her you are a "package".......she has made a lot of compromise because of who you are and what you represent. Falter or fail on any of the significant components
of the package, and like any other Person or Woman she will need to go back and review her decision.

There are many stories about Chinese Women who left there home to be with a Foreign Man who told many lies about his circumstances/finances and lifestyle.
Under those circumstances, would'nt any Woman feel betrayed ??? True love conquers all just dont cut it when you begin with a fraud..........you cant eat true love...it takes money for that !!!!!

It is difficult to see how any Woman would leave home, culture, language, career, stability to be with a Man who offered love and a chance to have an improved life, and then ended up living in a Caravan , supported (barely) by his Welfare payments because he didn't have a job.

Offline lfputman3

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Re: How was your Start of all this ...
« Reply #18 on: October 19, 2011, 02:55:01 am »
David E is right, it's basic psychology, it's just that Chinese women are more willing to make exchanges or trade something potential for something solid. Honesty is typically the best thing in any relationship.

As for my story, a guy who had not been married prior. Well, my first Asian experience was in Korea, but then after my first trip to China I realized there are some rather enjoyable subtle differences between Korean and Chinese women. For starters, Koreans age overnight at 40. Sorry, but true. In my family there is already a disbelief of age with my parents, being in their 60's, retired and people think they are only in their early 50's. I remember coming home on leave in the military and going to watch my little brother at a wrestling tournament and people thinking for 'cousins' we really had a strong resemblance (six years between us) when people found out that I was one of two sons my parents had in the military they were in shock, they refused to believe my parents were that old and one lady asked my mom if she was 12 when she birthed my older brother (yes, mom was a little upset about that at first b/c of moral implications).

I do remember that day when I actually met my wife. I was actually dating someone else, in the same city, who I met through ChnLove. That relationship fell apart and I remember when I got this strange message on QQ and this lovely woman I met one morning, in her mama's shop was consoling me after a breakup and telling me that I shouldn't feel so poorly, because the woman who dumped me was a rotten (insert word).

Yuan and I quickly become friends and being that I already had more plane tickets to China, I went back to the same city and spent time with her. A week at first, then a month and we filed for marriage before I returned. By some measures in the west, it was fast. Having been in the military I'd seen guys under me and above me do much dumber and more foolish things which ended tragically worse.

I cannot begin to describe what my beautiful wife brings to the table (besides dumplings  ;D). She is a trained singer and one of our first dates was to a KTV bar, because she wanted to sing for me. In March my parents and some other family are traveling there with me, for Yuan and my 婚礼 (hunli, or wedding ceremony), where among other things, we get to make my dad drink tea and people get to see how happy the two of us are together.

Does it help that I am an accountant and have stable income flow, especially during tax season (which I'm cutting short for our 婚礼). Probably not, she likes the fact that I drive a Ford Taurus, because she is actually 5'7" and like me hates riding around in her mama's Kia (hamster wagon). She also understands that my dad, several of my uncles and both of my grandfather's retired from GM in the factories. So she comprehends, why I have a Ford and I know my grandfather will love her when he hears her opinion of Toyota.

She also loves dogs as pets, and is not a vegetarian, so you can nix that stereotype, b/c my wife and I are going out for pork chops. Do Chinese women take good care of you, watch what you eat and make sure you are healthy and taken care of.

Yes, Yes and Yes. I know I made the right decision, especially after the the head cases I've dated over the years before making the decision to get on that plane and go.

So get on the plane and go. The worst that can happen is you get dumped, but have great memories, because even though my first choice dumped me and rooked me for a LV shoulderbag, I have good memories from most of that trip.

Better to plunge in and drowned, than sit on the pier wondering.

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Offline Martin

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Re: How was your Start of all this ...
« Reply #19 on: October 19, 2011, 08:16:34 am »
Arnold...great topic!

Offline Pineau

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Re: How was your Start of all this ...
« Reply #20 on: October 20, 2011, 04:49:57 am »
Willy,
I want to disagree about the age thing. (just a little).  I agree, it must be true that women would like to have a husband nearer their own age and I don't blame them one bit (it's in their DNA). BUT..thats if everyone is  on a level playing field and that is if the men are well behaved, kind, considerate and can contribute to the support of the family. This is where many younger guys come up short.  Chinese men and some American men in the age between 30 and 50 are in her words " garbage" . They drink too much, they gamble too much, they spend all your money and they keep girlfriends on the side. This is Fiona's opinion and also the opinion of a few of here girlfriends. One of her girlfriends said she would rather remain single than put up with another husband like her last.  I assure you, these gals can turn the head of just about any man in their age group but would not take serious anyone younger that 45-50. 
Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
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Offline Philip

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Re: How was your Start of all this ...
« Reply #21 on: October 22, 2011, 06:14:18 am »
Ask an English woman what her priority is when looking for a partner, and she will probably say (disingenuously), “A sense of humour”. Well I needed my sense of humour to realize what they really wanted, and to see that I wasn’t it. What they wanted was a tall man, preferably with dark hair, no spare tyre around the waist, a six-pack, a high salary, a big house, a prestigious job, maybe 3 years or so older than them and not too much of a comedian. I failed miserably in all these departments: unfortunately, teaching is not really seen as a noble profession. Maybe the wages aren’t noble enough.
So, I felt like an ugly duckling, travelling hopefully to Changsha in 2009. Even though I was scammed when I got there, I was filled with an inexplicable illogical optimism that I would find my wife in that city. Blind faith, you might say. But seeing as I rarely experience such irrational bursts of optimism, I succumbed. I found my present wife, and all the disadvantages I thought I had proved to be either irrelevant or actually advantages. My wife does not care about my height or my hair, she quite likes my middle-age spread (“nice pillow”, she says), she likes my determination, my loyalty and my attention, and she is very proud that her husband is a teacher. She doesn’t want money for herself, she wants security for our family. She likes my age and experience.
So, she made me realize that I am, in fact a swan. I’m not bitter about English women. I just know that I was never what they wanted and never will be. I’m happy that I can laugh about it now. I knew my sense of humour would come in handy.

Offline Rhonald

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Re: How was your Start of all this ...
« Reply #22 on: October 22, 2011, 11:17:38 am »
I’m not bitter about English women. I just know that I was never what they wanted and never will be.

It's that bitter English tea that makes them so bitter.

I was happy that I got to meet the two of you and I can see that the both of you enjoy each others company. Tea for two .....Good quality Tea should be served in fine (no matter how steep  ::) the price ) China, and I must say that you will enjoy what life has brewed for you with your own porcelain dish.
« Last Edit: October 22, 2011, 11:19:38 am by Rhonald »
Life....It's all about finding the Chicks and Balances

Offline Jim

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Re: How was your Start of all this ...
« Reply #23 on: November 13, 2011, 01:18:39 am »
Willy is one hundred percent correct.  Do not fool yourself.  If you can give them a good life they will do everything in their power to make you happy.  If not, they will leave you in a New York minute.

Offline Kiwi303

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Re: How was your Start of all this ...
« Reply #24 on: November 13, 2011, 08:07:10 am »
Me? At University my first year classes were often filled with a goodly percentage of Chinese MBA students as the Waikato BMS (Like a B.Com on steroids) and MBA classes share the first few classes before diverging in scope. In several for team work tasks I was teamed up with Chinese girls. Nice young women, friendly, polite, intelligent, and very feminine...

Fast forward through a few years as salesman filled with dating failures. Plenty of short term but nothing long term.Match.com, FindSomeone.co.nz, NZDating.co.nz, I found Chnlove, joined, browsed, and left it in 2007 when I was still looking local as I lived in a city here.

Fast forward a few more years and I am on a farm, in the rural nowheresville, having been here for a few years since my mother sold her little block of seaside to a developer for a large sum and bought a big farm. Life has been busy helping scale up for a few years from a small block my mother could manage alone to a full size farm that took three labour units to run. Now my mother and sister can manage the place alone with the first few years done and systems in place, forward to 2010 and I'm feeling in a rut and ready for a change, Chnlove.com shows up in the adverts on some page I am on and I click on it from boredom.

Now I am in contact with a girl in Chongqing, my passport is at the visa office of the chinese embassy, and I have a job waiting for me to get there ASAP.

I never even thought of just a quick trip over, come back, get a spouse or fiancee visa and import my bride, instead I'm going there! And if things don't work out, well, there are plenty more girls there :D

Christmas in China awaits...

Offline daghoi

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Re: How was your Start of all this ...
« Reply #25 on: November 15, 2011, 03:36:15 pm »

The women fall in love and give you a life that you never experienced before BUT that love is tied in with the fact that we can make a difference to their life in a financial manner as well as giving them the love they desire.

Willy

Well said,, spot on :)