Author Topic: Help Needed.  (Read 4291 times)

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Offline zfek

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Help Needed.
« on: March 27, 2012, 08:02:36 am »
Hi,

I currently in Anshan and I think I had been conned by Shengyang Olive agency. Do anyone have the address or contact number for the branch in Anshan? I believe they have one branch in Shengyang and another in Anshan.

To summarise, 2 days ago, i arrange to meet my girl in the hotel i stay. She came with her mom and everything went well for the first day. But I could not get through to my girl after that. I thinking of going directly to the agency to find out the truth. Currently, I'm alone and feel helpless. Any help is appreciated.

Regards,
Zfek

Offline RobertBfrom aust

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Re: Help Needed.
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2012, 09:28:03 am »
Zfek , see if someone on the front desk who speaks English can help you , there are a couple of guys here who know the agencie , but it is whether they see your post promptly , you have not said how old you are or how old she was and any other info , so you really need some information to be placed here so guys can help , nothing is impossible , but when a girl / lady brings her mother and not an agency person that is strange , what country are you from ? , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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Offline Neil

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Re: Help Needed.
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2012, 05:23:57 pm »
I'm only guessing, but if Mom didn't approve, I imagine that is the end of it.  It would be nice to get some kind of closure if that's the case, but you can't make someone feel something they don't.  Chemistry is chemistry. 

I really hope I'm wrong.  Could be something simple.  I wish I could be more helpful.
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Offline Martin

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Re: Help Needed.
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2012, 11:05:27 pm »
I am kind of leaning towards the same thing that Neil says.  If Mom doesn't approve...otherwise, i have no idea.

Offline Clayton

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Re: Help Needed.
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2012, 11:51:22 pm »
It seems to me that half the race with getting approval of a Chinese woman is getting past family,especially mum, and friends.
You make it with them and you're in like Flinn, so to speak.

Like Robert said, Talk with the people at the desk, make it known you are there looking for a wife and who knows what might happen.  It would be good to contact the agency though, they should be looking after you.
I tried to find a contact for the agency but i kept getting referred tom Chnlove, wish i could have been helpfull

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Offline Willy The Londoner

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Re: Help Needed.
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2012, 01:09:20 pm »
This relationship is probably over in my humble opinion and there is no use persuing this one.  This same scenerio happens time and again - first meetings are often a disaster but the women will rarely tell you that direct.

 Mothers hold a big sway in relationships.  Probably the mother was not too pleased that her daughter was taking up with a foreigner.  Regardless of what we think and dispite the fact that quite a few members here are married to Chinese woman I would hasten to suggest that the vast majority of our members wifes would have probably prefered to have married a Chinese Man should the opportunity arisen before our member came on the scene.

Believe it or not us foreigners are not Gods gift to Chinese women.  We are really second best in most cases.

The mother has weighed you up and used her major influence on her daughter.  When I ran the agency here I had one woman who was nearly 50 who had to leave because her  80 year old mother told her she could not stay on our site.

Do not under estimate the power that parents wield in China.

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Offline Martin

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Re: Help Needed.
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2012, 02:35:30 pm »

Believe it or not us foreigners are not Gods gift to Chinese women.  We are really second best in most cases.

Willy

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Offline David E

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Re: Help Needed.
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2012, 07:02:29 pm »
This relationship is probably over in my humble opinion and there is no use persuing this one.  This same scenerio happens time and again - first meetings are often a disaster but the women will rarely tell you that direct.

 Mothers hold a big sway in relationships.  Probably the mother was not too pleased that her daughter was taking up with a foreigner.  Regardless of what we think and dispite the fact that quite a few members here are married to Chinese woman I would hasten to suggest that the vast majority of our members wifes would have probably prefered to have married a Chinese Man should the opportunity arisen before our member came on the scene.

Believe it or not us foreigners are not Gods gift to Chinese women.  We are really second best in most cases.

The mother has weighed you up and used her major influence on her daughter.  When I ran the agency here I had one woman who was nearly 50 who had to leave because her  80 year old mother told her she could not stay on our site.

Do not under estimate the power that parents wield in China.

Willy

Willy....

As you said last week "I dont post much here that is serious"....can you at least put some sort of signal in your posts as to when your ARE being serious....because I think the above must be one of your frivolous posts ???

I would love you to spend an hour or so with Ming and say...10 of her classmates at the English School and discover what they all say about the wonderful life with a Chinese Man....treated like a slave, beaten regularly, betrayed, cheated and lied to. Useful only to provide a Son, and care for him until he is mature...meantime Father is off with his mistresses and whan he finds a good one...wife gets dumped.

Chinese Mothers accept this as normal and want it for their daughters...but modern Women dont !!!

However, it is true that Mother has a big influence...but not as big as you might imagine in this new World.

Offline Willy The Londoner

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Re: Help Needed.
« Reply #8 on: March 29, 2012, 12:02:26 am »
OK David serious point.

How many of those woman actually left their man rather than the man pushed them out of his life?   Your wife and her friends have all gone through the proces of marrying a foreigner or at least moved to a foreign country.  These are the backbone of the modern Chinese women.  They are different to those left behind in China that I am in contact with every day.  You are forming your views from a small select group not from the wider Chinese as a whole.

But I was talking to a young woman this week about a TV Dating type show.  I half-heartedly suggested that she go on it or join a chnlove agency - she replied that she was waiting for her mother to introduce a man to her as she would then know that he was approved by her mother.  She said to go to some agency would not be acceptable to her mothers traditional views.

But I do know that China is changing and major changes will come but not in my lifetime I suspect.

The younger woman openly tell me that they are going towards celebrating a western style Christmas more than a Chinese New Year which they say is maintained by the older generations only.   Every Year I am seeing more and more Christmas decorations and christmas cards appearing in the shops.

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Offline lfputman3

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Re: Help Needed.
« Reply #9 on: March 29, 2012, 12:32:32 am »
I would join the concensus about the status of your relationship. The sad part is, that the "mother" is question may not even be the lady's real mom, but a surrogate. I remember the first time I came to China, I was to meet a surrogate mom in Beijing, but the woman wouldn't allow that lady to meet me at the airport, didn't approve of the hotel and then went off on me that I was a stupid, disrespectful westerner, with no knowledge of Chinese history or culture. Ironically, I believe I know more Chinese musical instruments than that woman and I know I have read more Chinese literature than her, as I made references to a couple points in the Three Kingdoms Romance and she went off on a different tangent. More likely she was just looking to bash me.

When I did finally get to meet the lady I came to meet in Handan, it was another surrogate mother, this one liked me. That helped matters along, until I met the real parents, who had been talking with the charming Beijing 'mother'.

Ironically, the first Handan "mother" I met, was my wife's grandmother. I believe she had an idea at that point if things went the way of the dodo for my first trip. Which is fine, her sneaking around and conning the agency to violate privacy status got me married.

Best of luck and just get out and talk to people is the best thing. You never know when Cupid is gonna prod one of those women in your direction.

As for the younger generations. In the north, I know they are tending to argue with their parents more about relationships. They may or may not give to their parents will, but I definitely see more Christmas decorations in the winter than anything else. I think it depends on the individual family and in some cases, if mama really wants her daughter to suffer or to find happiness. In our case, mama is tickled pink knowing that if I raised a hand to my wife, my mother would kill me.

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Offline maxx

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Re: Help Needed.
« Reply #10 on: March 29, 2012, 02:40:38 am »
Hey I think it is my turn to jump in here.Willy is right to a point.If momma doesn't approve you are not marring that Chinese girl.In some cases yes the lady can change her momma's mind.But I wouldn't count on it.Do family and friends influence your ladies choices.Yes My sister in law has asked me what I thought of some of her boyfriends.I told her what I thought.She dumped the boyfriends the next day.

Are we a second choice for are wives did they just settle for whatever came along.No My wife was talking to 2 different Chinese guys.And a guy from Africa.I beat out 2 Chinese guy's because I showed up.And I treated my wife with love and respect.And I was willing to listen to what she had to say.

I have talked to other Chinese woman.Who are just begging to have a foreign boyfriend or husband.why are they so interested in foreign men? Because in most cases we treat are wives and girlfriends allot better.Then they would get treated by a Chinese boyfriend or husband.To a Chinese woman we are the ones who are exotic looking.We come in all shapes and sizes. With Different colored hair different colored eyes.We come from exotic places with different cultures and customs.It is as much as a adventure for them.As it is for us.

No not every Chinese woman thinks the same.My wife has a friend who is a doctor in Shenzhen.She would never marry a foreigner.Because momma doesn't approve.And foreigners just don't excite this woman.So there it is.

As far as China changing.Yes I can see it everytime We go to China.In my own personell opinion it is changing way to fast.And the generation that is growing up now in China.Is going to go down in history as the lost generation.They are trapped between old china.And new China.

For example Willy is now a Chinese boy.He wants to date a Chinese girl.In old China.Willy would have to have somebody introduce him to the girl.They would have a long courtship.Where he would have to be approved of by half of the community.In New China Willy just walks up and starts talking to the girl.And he will probably be all right.If the girl's mother or father doesn't find out about it for a couple of months.

Life skills are not taught in Chinese schools.They stick to the basics.Reading writing math.They think life skills should be left up to the parents.But what happens when the parent fails to teach the kid anything except how to work the plow behind the water buffalo.When that kid gets out of the village or the school.They have to start from ground zero.And learn all of life's rules.In old China you didn't need very many life skills to survive.In the new and approved China.If the person hasn't ben taught any life skills.You have a fresh victim.for this thing called life.

I know this post is dragging on I'm almost done.If you want to check some of my ideas and facts.Ask your wife or girlfriend why she choose you.She is Chinese she will probably give it to you good or bad.Who knows you mite learn something.Also check out the suicide statistics for China.I can't  remember the number right off the top of my head.But there are far more woman committing suicide then men.The reason there is more woman killing themselves.Then there are men.Has allot to do with the social makeup of China.And how a woman is treated in China.

Offline Willy The Londoner

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Re: Help Needed.
« Reply #11 on: March 29, 2012, 04:19:18 am »
My wife wants to know who is this new Chinese woman that her husband is talking with?

Willy
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